A/N: Hi, how are ya? This is Phoenix, gracing the world with yet another LOVELY fanfiction concerning JTHM. Soooo, you're one of my three readers? Hi! I hope you realize, that was a joke, and I (hopefully) have more than three readers. Even so... Hi there! What's your name? Wanna be friends? Sorry, I'm actually running on caffeine and System of A Down music right now, so, yeah.. Enjoy, yes? Ooh, my hands are shaking! I SEE A SQUIRREL!! IT MOCKS ME!! CONDSCENDING LI'L FURRY BASTARD!!

Happy Noodle Boy belongs to Johnny C., which technically means that he's actually Jhonen's little anorexic bitch. You understand, of course, that my name is neither Johnny nor Jhonen, so that plus common knowledge should be enough of a disclaimer.

One fine day, a man and his two daughters were taking a walk with their pet dog. Out of nowhere came our own Happy Noodle Boy carrying his little box-crate thingee. He sat it down, climbed on top, and cleared his thin, noodley throat.

"WHITE PINK RED! WHITE PINK RED! I EAT SPIDERMONKEYS FOR BREAKFAST! NARF! CURSE YOU SASHIMI! ORIENTAL FISH! AH, HAMSTER NIPPLES! THE FUZZY, NIPPLY HORROR! REPENT! REPENT OR THEY SHALL DESTROY ALL THE PEANUTS!!"

The older of the two daughters stared at him. "What's wrong with you?!" she demanded.

"SILENCE, INFIDEL!" commanded Noodle. "HAVE YOU NO KNOWLEDGE OF SWISS CHEESE?! I HAVE IMMENSE UNDERSTANDING OF PANTYHOSE FAR BEYOND THE REALM OF SALSA!! DARE QUESTION ME??! YOU SHALT BE CRUSHED BY THE WOOL SWEATER OF DOOM, YOU FONDLERS OF MOOSE!"

The younger sister tugged on her father's sleeve. "I don't like him, Daddy! He crazeh!"

The man took out a revolver. "I shoot!" he exclaimed. And that he did. Noodle fell to the ground, and the family left him there for dead. He stared up at the sky, and it started to rain.

"Fuck you, sky! How dare you spit on my head, you fluffy white hobknocker?! *gasp* ARE YOU IN LEAGUE WITH THE GARDEN GNOMES?!! CONSPIRACY!!"

Aaaand that's all, folks. Sorry for the length, but it's hard enough to write this without a laughing seizure. Hope you enjoy, but it is understood if you did not. This is either funny as shit, or not fit for a moose to spit upon, I can't decide, nor can my friends, relatives, and anyone else I subjected this to before it was published. (And you watchers of Invader Zim, yes, I did mean THOSE gnomes.)