Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of the charcters from it. I do however own the crazy mind that puts these concoctions (what you're about to read) together. I'm not making any money from this. It's all purely for fun. No Copyright Infringement Intended. I'm just a heathily addicted, loyal fan of the show!. =D


Right in the Family Jewels
by NCISFF Special Agent Starr

McGee was running a bit late due to the seemingly endless amount of motor vehicles surrounding him. Morning rush hour was obviously something he tried to avoid at all costs. But even though he had left his house only fifteen minutes later than he usually did, apparently everyone else had hit the snooze button one too many times as well.

Now, he wished he would've just gotten up when his alarm first sounded. The extra total of forty minutes of sleep he thought would help at the time, hadn't. All that accomplished was the need to kick his morning routine into overdrive, leaving him feeling hurried and anxious. And now that he was stuck in traffic, those feelings only got worse, except for the hurriedness, as they moved down the pavement at the speed of drowsy tortoises.

Pulling out his cell, he figured a heads up to the team was required. Roaming through his contacts, he found DiNozzo's name, and decided to send a text message, doubting the Senior Agent could hear him over the blaring car horns and the profane, impatient, yells of fellow drivers he could hear clearly through his rolled up window.

I'm stuck in traffic. Please, tell Boss I'll be there ASAP. Thanks

He figured he'd be polite. It wasn't Tonys fault after all. Then he thought about who he had sent the text to. Whether he was well-mannered to the man or not, didn't necessarily mean that Tony would return the sentiment, especially since it was Monday. There was nothing Anthony enjoyed more than starting off the week with harassment of his Probie.

To be sure the message would in fact be relayed to Gibbs, he sent it to a second recipient.

Stuck in traffic be there ASAP. Please tell Gibbs if Tony doesn't. Thanks Ziva.

Feeling more secure that someone had his back, he closed his phone and returned his attention to the road as the car behind him started honking like a maniac. Tim scooted his Porsche forward, closing the near three inches of space that had separated him from the Bug in front of him while he had been pushing buttons, so the woman behind him would stop.

----- x ----- x ----- x -----

Standing in the elevator, Tim hoped he wouldn't get too much of an earful from Gibbs. He was currently ten minutes past the time DiNozzo usually showed up, which he knew was pushing it. Hopefully, Jethro had had at least one cup of coffee this morning and would be less cranky with his tardiness.

With the ding sending the doors sliding open, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself from the hassle of getting here and then took another, to brace himself for whatever was waiting for him in the bullpen.

"Well, lookie who decided to grace us with his presence Officer David!" Tony teased as the younger agent appeared.

Ignoring that expected occurrence, Tim looked around the room to find Gibbs missing.

"Hello McGee, do not worry I informed Gibbs of your situation. He is up in MTAC with the Director. He did not seem to mind the valid excuse." Ziva assured him.

"Thank you, Ziva." He replied, this time audibly as he went to his desk.

There was a laugh from the desk beside him. "It's Gibbs! Of course he minds, Ziva! Why'd you send her a text anyway, Probie? You sent one to me."

"And did you tell him the message, Tony?" Tim retorted, knowing the likely answer.

"Do I look like a carrier pigeon, Probie?" DiNozzo smiled as McGee frowned at him for not passing along the news.

Ziva spoke up, "But he did get you a coffee."

Tim then noticed the cup sitting on his desk. He could smell the caffeine from there, the liquid begging to be consumed. He hadn't bothered to attempt to get his own. If he had he would've been even later.

"Thanks, Tony." McGee smiled at him, grateful.

"Don't get used to it," Tony covered the friendly act "I figured you'd need it, so you can stay awake through all the trouble you're in today."

"Oh, c'mon Tony! I was late. It's not like I make it a frequent happening either. Unlike some of us…" He gestured to the man he was talking to. "I'm sure Gibbs-"

"Oh, I'm not just talking about the Boss, McClueless. Someone else seems to have a particular issue with you today as well." DiNozzo smirked as he watched McGee's face turn confused.

Tim looked to Ziva to fill him in on whatever he was missing.

"Abby left a letter on your desk a few minutes before you arrived. Tony read it." She told him.

He would have taking this time to express his irritation toward his coworker for getting into his mail but his curiosity would take over for the moment as he searched for the letter.

'Why in the world would Abby write me a letter?' he questioned as he found the envelope, already open thanks to Tony, and pulled out the paper inside.

Dear Mr. Very Special Agent Timothy McGee,

We regret to inform you that you are no longer permitted to enter the laboratory of Abby Sciuto. There is a zero tolerance policy for blatant and rather nauseating flirting with fellow attendants of the lab, especial ones who destroy evidence. There have been employees who have filed complaints stating they have witnessed such behavior and feel that the necessary action should be enforced. Therefore, failure to comply with this restraining order will result in any body parts or anything that belongs to you that crosses the threshold of the doorway, will be subject to whatever punishment the owner sees fit. (And trust me, it won't be good!) If you have any questions or concerns please contact Burton "Bert" Hippopotamus "The Hippo" at the number on the inserted business card. Thank you, and have a great day.

Owner of the lab you can no longer step foot in and person who will start lopping parts of you if you try, Abigail "Abby" Sciuto.

"What the –" McGee started as he looked up from the letter just in time to see an object flying toward his head.

He caught it and then realized who had thrown it at him.

"What's this for Boss?" He questioned nervously, afraid maybe Gibbs wanted the item to konk him in the cranium instead of him intercepting it.

"It's your new alarm clock, McGee." Gibbs stated making his way to his desk to pull out his gear, "It doesn't have a snooze button."

Tim didn't have time to examine the clock or think about the letter from Abs as he watched Jethro head toward the elevator. Right now, he'd better follow suit before he got more, and probably worse, things flung in his direction.

----- x ------ x ----- x -----

They were back from the crime scene and of course Gibbs had instructed McGee to take the collection of bagged and tagged items down to Abby. Sometimes Tim thought his boss knew whenever he and Gibbs' favorite were having a little spat. That's why he'd torture him by sending him down here so they could attempt to find a resolution. Who was he kidding? Of course Gibbs knew! He knows everything!

As the ding sounded and the silver doors rolled aside, Tim wasn't really that nervous or hesitant about going into the lab. Sure, when he had first been ordered to come down, he had pleaded with Tony and Ziva to take his place, but both had declined his request. No doubt anxious to see what would happen to the Probie and/or what mutilations he returned with. And there was no way he was going to question an order from Gibbs.

But as he thought about it, she wouldn't really do anything to him. Abs had threatened him plenty of times before and all it really meant was they need to work out something. Now if he only had a clue what that something was…

"Not one step further, Special Agent McGee!" Abby said not turning around from her work station but knowing it was him.

Tim stopped, his foot midair, and realized he was about to violate his "restrictions". He retracted the foot and placed it beside the one that was still safely behind its limits.

"But I have evidence for you." He sang as if trying to tempt her into letting him in.

"Just set it on the floor, Special Agent McGee. I can handle it from there." She replied still not acknowledging his presence.

"Fine." He retorted and bent down to set the box on the ground.

As he was busy doing so he heard a snip and then noticed tiny, little, particles of something float down in the air.

Tim looked up to see Abby holding a pair of scissors and then the possibility of what might have just happened connected with him.

"Hey!" he said as Abby grabbed up the box, scissors still closed in hand.

She gave an innocent smirk. "You broke the rules, Special Agent McGee."

He glared at her as she walked away from him to set the container on the table. Putting a hand to the top of his head, he knew by the scarce debris he had seen she hadn't done any noticeable damage. But she had still cut his hair. Meaning she was serious about this.

"Abby…" he began. He'd better start getting to the root of the problem before he slipped up and she got scissor-happy again.

"Yes, Special Agent McGee?" Her back was to him again as she stood over at the table digging into her new tasks at hand.

Something wasn't right here, other than the obvious, which ironically wasn't so obvious to him. "Why do you keep calling me that?"

"Calling you what, Special Agent McGee?" she asked as though it were normal for her to do such a thing.

"Special Agent McGee" He clarified, even though he knew, she knew what he meant.

She gave a small laugh, "Well, that is who you are, is it not, Special Agent-"

"Abs, cut it out."

She chuckled a little harder, "I wouldn't have used those words particularly…" she glanced at him then to open and shut the blades still in her hand quickly, causing him to jump a little. "Oh, that's right! Would you prefer I called you Timothy?" she wondered in a mocking tone.

McGee thought about it for a second and then recognized who it was she was mocking. Instantly the events of Friday came flooding back to him.

"This has something to do with Jules and I, doesn't it?" he concluded out loud.

He watched as Abby straightened her posture and turned around. As she stomped her way toward him, he felt quite a bit more fearful than he had originally. He also noticed she carried the sharp object with her.

"What makes you think that, Timothy?" her eyes dark and dangerous.

"… I… um…" Yep, definitely feeling more frightened.

She crossed her arms over her chest, careful not to poke herself with her not-so-concealed weapon. "And did I hear you say "Jules and I"? So, you guys are a couple now? That's nice. Congratulations!" but her enthusiasm didn't match with her deadpan expression.

"No. No, we're not a couple… I just –" Tim defended himself.

"Really, I heard you waited for her so you could walk her out and then you two left together. Is that right or do I need to send a letter to Tony too?" Her eyes trained on him as she nonchalantly began twirling the utensil around her finger.

He should have known DiNozzo would have something to do with this. Why couldn't he ever just keep his big mouth shut? "Yes, we left together. But we didn't… ya know… like… sleep together or anything. "

The twirling abruptly halted and he found the sharp point of the tool pointed at him. "Who said anything about you two sleeping together? Although after that grope fest in here the other day, it wouldn't surprise me."

"Grope fest? Since when did pinky's grazing each other accidentally become a grope –"

"No need to explain yourself to me. You can pinky graze, grope, flirt, wait for, and leave with whoever you want. Just not in my lab. Hence what that notification was for this morning. "

"You can't keep me out of the lab forever!" he countered, trying a different route of conversation since that had seemingly gone nowhere.

Abby didn't need to speak. Her eyes said it all. Watch me!

"Abs, it's kind of part of my job. I don't think Gibbs will be too happy-"

"Bossman has other agents he can send down to me. Frankly, ones that can control their urges a lot better-"

McGee laughed out loud, "You think Tony… Tony DiNozzo… is better at controlling his "urges", which I didn't even have by the way, than I am?"

"This isn't about Tony! Besides, you're the one who flirted with her in my lab and then waited for her to leave and then left with her to… God knows where to do God knows what… that could have possible carried on to make you late this morning! At least Tony would have enough sense and decency not to do that in front of somebody he used to-" She stopped herself before she said too much.

But she said enough for Tim to figure out where her comment was headed.

"You really were feeling neglected, weren't you?" he said gently.

"No!" She denied quickly, her eyes drifting to the floor as she realized she had answered too fast for it to hold any truth. She started fiddling with the scissors now at rest after she had repeatedly pointed them at him for emphasis during her previous rant."I told you I felt nauseous."

That she did, and she might have, but he now knew that wasn't all she was feeling.

"Look Abs, I'm-"

"Don't be sorry. It's just that watching you act like that with her, then finding out you left with her, and then after what you said… It was just a hard kick in the family jewels."

She smiled slightly at the pun, her gaze still focused on the tile, and arms still crossed, only now, more in the effect of hugging herself then in anger.

"Um Abs… you don't have… jewels." That wasn't the only part that caught him off guard."And what do you mean "what I said"… about her being out of my league?"

"No, not that, even though I did mean what I said. She's not out of your league. No woman is. And if I even suspect you thinking that they are, I'll kick you in the –"

"Yeah, okay. Got it." He confirmed not needing her to finish. "But then what did I say?"

She looked at him and then turned away. Only to come back holding some sort of thick book.

"Do you know what the meaning of "neglected", McGee?" She opened to a certain page and thrust the book at him.

He searched the words of what appeared to be a dictionary. Absentmindedly, he noticed she had called him McGee without Special Agent or Timothy. Things must have been smoothing out.

Finding "neglect" in the section of N's, he scanned the definition. What saw mostly was the word "care" and then he caught two more that seemed to stick with it. Those were "lack" and "of".

Tim's eyes went wide, 'She doesn't think I care about her anymore?'

"Abby, I still care about you! I always will… a lot!" He said sincerely.

"I know. And I still care about you. But you know that since I called you down here to help me when I didn't really need it." She sighed, "Look, I know you're going to date other people, even if they might be stuck-up, bug-stomping, bitches. But could you at least not making a joke out of it, or-"

"Make it feel like I kicked you in the jewels?" He guessed.

"Yeah" A smile crept onto her face as she nodded.

Next thing he knew he was being pulled into a huge hug, which he gladly returned. Enjoying the moment he opened his eyes. Then it dawned on him where he was standing. At the same time he could sense that Abby had realized it to. He held his breath in fear of what she might do.

"Well, since we seem to have a theme going…" she said against his ear.

He felt her knee raise between his legs and let out a yelp, while clamping his lids shut. All that was left to do was wait for the pain. But it never came.

Abby started laughing as she pulled away from their tight coil around each other, "I would never do that… unless you really deserved it. And the only person that comes to mind right now of deserving a good ass kicking is Jules. I really didn't like her."

"Does this mean I'm allowed in the lab again?" he asked.

"If you answer one question correctly." She stated.

"Abs, Jules and I didn't have sex. And no, she didn't stay the weekend and that's why I'm late. I'm late because I was up writing. All I did was walk her out to her car and say goodnight. Truth is, I really don't like her that much… she was a little too cocky for me."

"Well, that's fine and dandy McGee. But that's not what I was going to ask."

"Oh," Tim said a bit embarrassed for rambling off, "What's the question then?"

"Do you think I could have scratched her eyes out?"

"You mean without the "breaking your fingers that you need to work with" stuff?"

"Yeah, without that"

"Absolutely!" He smiled at her.

"Oh, that's a great answer Timmy." She smiled and flung her arms around her favorite geek's neck.

"Guess this means I can rip up that restraining order…" He forced out as she squeezed him, smiling from ear to ear.

----- x ----- x ----- x -----


{Hi everybody! Miss me? Kidding! =D I got my new laptop. So I should be getting back into full writting mode soon as long as the muse cooperates with me. Let me know what you thought about this. Love and Abby-sized hugs! Ah, it's good to be back posting. =] }