Hello all!!Okay, so I'm basing this strictly off the movie (I've never seen the original series) so a lot of this is coming completely from my imagination. This takes place a few days after their very first mission together and I really wanted to write a story based on the crew's acceptance of Jim as their captain. But considering he's my favorite character, and especially if you've ever read any of my other stories, that means I'm going to beat the absolute crap out of him. This does deal with child abuse so do not read if that offends you!! I'm a sadist, I know, but a healthy dose of hurt/comfort fluff always makes my day lol. So just prepare yourself because alot of bad things are about to happen O.o If there's anything I need to change, please feel free to (politely) let me know and I'll be happy to fix any errors :D But no flames please, that's just mean..:(

I own nothing!!...McCoy is hot though O.o...

Jim closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the cold steel walls that lined the hallway. He could feel rivets and bolts digging into his shoulders but he ignored it and instead blinked slowly up to the ceiling. Below his feet, the engines trembled slightly as the ship limped its way through warp, back to Starfleet to lick its wounds. To say that their first mission hadn't gone exactly as planned was a bit of an understatement; hell, it was a flat out neon sign.

It should have been simple: transport the Earth's EGTO (Emissary of Galactic Trade and Organization) and to a conference and make sure everything ran smoothly for the three days it would take for them to hash out a bill or law or whatever it was they were doing. The conference was kind of a big deal; not a life or death kind of meeting but it was designed to review and reform the regulations on intergalactic trade and travel on this side of solar system. Security was tight and everything should have gone down without a hitch; however, an attack from the inside is something hardly anyone ever expects. One minute, the delegates were gathering to begin their meeting and the next, lights are out, windows are shattered and at least ten heavily armed men had the entire room in lockdown. The computer system had been tripped and rewired, locking the doors from the inside and preventing any outside help from entering the room with a new code sequence for the doors. The attack was well-organized, planned methodically, and it went off without a hitch.

Jim had been inside at the time, along with Spock and Sulu (because he knew hand-to-hand combat) and, between the three of them, taking down the gunmen wasn't much of an obstacle. But not before Earth's Emissary had been taken hostage and shot in the leg. That had been an error of judgment on their part, thinking the room was clear when one of the men had managed to press himself into a corner long enough to make his move. He'd grabbed the closest person to him, which just so happened to be the Emissary, and held a gun to his head, threatening to shoot at the slightest movement. Judging by the way the man moved and spoke, he was planning to shoot the emissary all along. Jim had a clear shot, at least one that could incapacitate the man long enough to subdue him and get Emissary safely back aboard the ship. However, his aim was just slightly off and the blast slammed harmlessly into the wall next to him. This was just enough to startle the man into dropping his gun and firing toward the floor. The Emissary's leg just happened to get in the way of the original target. By that time, the guards who had been standing outside managed to get past the rewired computer system and arrest the men responsible. The Emissary had been carried back aboard the ship and, in their rush to take off, the ship had clipped the sharp edge of the building and damaged one of the engines. Just perfect.

Jim let out a long sigh and closed his eyes again, squeezing the bridge of his nose wearily. So their first actual mission had been a complete failure…great. He had gotten cocky, overly confident in his abilities, and had ignored Spock's warnings that there could be another gunman lingering in the room even after the others had been disarmed. It was stupid, a reckless mistake…

The captain sighed again and pressed his back a little harder against the wall. Scotty was busy in the engine room, trying to keep everything together long enough for them to get back to Starfleet and make the necessary repairs. McCoy was elbow deep in the Emissary's surgery right now and Spock had been left in charge of the Bridge while Jim was gone.

He couldn't handle it right now; the looks on their faces, the unsure glances, the hesitant questionable replies. His crew didn't trust him, that much was obvious. He'd known that from the beginning, given his reputation and history with Starfleet, especially the trial right before everyone had responded to the distress call from Vulcan. And why should they? After all, Jim Kirk was nothing but a cocky, loud-mouthed kid, a playboy, a slacker. Trust wasn't something he was going to be gaining anytime soon.

Still, it was frustrating. He wanted so badly to prove to everyone that he could do this, that he could make something of himself and not just be the juvenile delinquent he'd been pegged for all his life. But when the opportunity finally came and he was given the position he never thought he'd achieve, he began to question it. The confidence he'd had while facing Nero was gone and what was left were uncertainties and hesitation. What if he failed? What if he wasn't able to live up to the expectations everyone associated with his father? What if he failed his crew? Jim shook his head at that, vowing he would never let that happen. The instant he'd taken that captain's chair he's made a solemn vow to himself that even at the cost of his own life, he would protect his ship and crew. They were his responsibility and he would be damned if that were to ever change.

The door slid open next to him and Jim was pulled from his reverie as McCoy appeared in the hallway at his side. The older man was covered in blood from wrist to elbow and fair amount had managed to stain the front of his surgical scrubs but he looked pleased with himself. "Emissary McNeil is going to be fine. The blast torn through a few ligaments so he may be on crutches for a while but he should make a full recovery.

Jim let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and allowed himself a weak smile. "Good…Glad to hear it…" His voice was tired, strained as if were struggling under the weight of the world at the moment.

The older man frowned and peeled the bloody gloves from his hands, tucking them in an open pocket. "What happened down there, Jim? It was supposed to be a simple meeting."

Jim let out a hollow laugh at the word 'simple' and shook his head. "Ah Bones, you know nothing is ever simple when I'm around…" He teased, the humor falling flat and lifeless.

"Don't I know it." The doctor mumbled, glancing back into the room to see one of the nurses wheeling Emissary McNeil into one corner of the sickbay.

"It was my fault…"

The words caught him off guard and Bones looked up. "What?"

"It was my fault that he got shot." Jim repeated, looking back to the room as well. "I thought everything was clear but it wasn't. That guy was going to kill him, Bones…" The words sounded desperate, pleading to be understood. "I thought I had a good shot but I missed and the guy ended up shooting McNeil anyway." Jim let out a long breath and scrubbed at his face with his hands, grumbling behind his fingers.

Bones frowned again and shook his head. "Well, if it's any consolation, I think you made the right choice." He picked at the hem of his sleeve, his fingers becoming tacky with the slowly drying blood. He looked back to Jim and his gaze softened a little. Jim could be read like an open book and now the page had been turned to guilt. He looked years older than he was as if stress of the mission had suddenly landed on his all at once. The kid had a horrible hero complex and was desperate to prove everyone wrong but sometimes it simply didn't work out the way he planned it to. "Jim, listen," Bones started again, placing a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You made a tough decision but it was the right one. Especially if that man was planning to shoot McNeil all along. I know it bothers you kid but trust me, this could have been worse. Much worse."

Jim was silent for a few seconds before nodding slowly. "You know the review board is going to have a field day with this, right?" He muttered after a minute, not taking his eyes off the floor.

It was Bones' turn to sigh and he patted the younger man on the shoulder encouragingly. "Don't worry, I'm sure they'll see it the same way." He hoped his voice held stronger conviction than he felt. The review board was still pretty wary of Jim after the Kobyashi Maru Test. Still, in a matter of actual life or death, perhaps they would see it from his point of view. "You just focus on getting us back to Starfleet." Bones continued, pushing Jim in the direction of the Bridge.

The younger man simply nodded and went on his way, leaving the doctor to let out a long, exasperated sigh in his wake.

Yay!! So was it okay? Horrible? Should I keep my day job?? Reviews are my crack so let me know!! :D