This is my second attempt at a Twilight story. If you want me to continue with it let me know, please, and definitely let me know what you think of the story so far. To the Jacob fans: I'm sorry! The kiss between Jacob and Bella in Eclipse just always bugged me because he just seemed so aggressive [with him seeming to get angry when she was trying to push him away, etc.] and didn't seem to care what she wanted. So...this idea came to mind.
Just a note, though...for the sake of this story...the conversation in Eclipse between Bella and Edward in the chapter, 'Compromise,' took place before the Bella/Jacob kiss, which is directly where this story picks up from. The first three paragraphs are completely Stephanie Meyer's from Eclipse, I just continued on from there.
This story is beta'd by Feenrai.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, though I do wish Edward was mine =b. Again: first three paragraphs are Stephanie Meyer's.
"Jacob's lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making escape impossible. I shoved against his chest with all of my strength, but he didn't even seem to notice. His mouth was soft, despite the anger, his lips molding to mine in a warm, unfamiliar way.
I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time, though, and it aggravated him. His lips forced mine open, and I could feel his hot breath in my mouth.
Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn't fight, didn't feel...just waited for him to stop." (Stephanie Meyer, Eclipse, Chapter 15)
But he never did. Some of the anger seemed to evaporate as I stood motionless, but his hands still continued to touch me. When I realized he wasn't going to stop, I began to struggle, trying to break free of his hold. But it was no use, he was too strong and too determined.
"Jake!" I yelled when his lips moved down to my neck, finally giving me a chance to breathe. But if he heard me, he ignored me. "Stop!" I tried again, this time attempting to shove against his chest. His hand behind my neck pulled me even closer, trapping me against him with not even an inch to move, while his other hand began to roam up my thigh.
I couldn't help it: I began to cry. Both angry tears for his refusal to stop, and real tears because I didn't want this. I wanted Edward. I wanted Edward to save me, but he couldn't...all because I had stupidly decided to go to La Push, the one place that Edward can't go due to the treaty.
Now I was stuck here, with no way of getting home, since Edward had brought me to the treaty line and Jacob had picked me up from there. Not that I could manage to escape Jacob's tight grip he had on me right now. I struggled and squirmed, but couldn't even manage to move an inch. I was trapped. This was going to happen: I had no way of escaping.
"No!" I cried, but to no avail.
I felt a whimper escape my lips as Jacob's came down on mine again with bruising force, his tongue forcing entry into my mouth. I could feel myself beginning to shut down again, anticipating what would soon happen. I was vaguely aware of the fact that he had somehow gotten his shirt off, and was now working on the buttons of mine. I tried to stop his hands, but it was no use.
I attempted one last time to push Jacob away with all my might and to struggle free of his hold. I knew it was useless and my struggling seemed to make him all the more determined and spark some of his previous anger. He pulled my arms away, holding them at my sides with too much force--to the point of it being painful, as his lips continued to assault mine.
I let my body go limp and that's when he decided to release my arms and began removing my jeans and underwear, after he trailed his hand over my backside. I couldn't bring myself to move or to scream. I couldn't bring myself to fight anymore. I felt numb. I think I felt the bare skin of his legs against mine, and I knew what would happen in a matter of seconds.
I was vaguely aware of him saying, "I love you, Bella," before feeling a pain between my legs due to something I never wished to experience this way. I squeezed my eyes shut as more hot tears streamed down my face. I didn't want it to be like this. I wanted my first time to be something special with Edward. He was supposed to be my first and my one and only. That was the last thought I could focus on before everything went black.
When my eyes fluttered open I recognized where I was instantly. I was in Jacob's car. I felt a wave of panic wash over me. I was in his car with him—alone--after he just…after he did that to me. I felt like I needed to get out of there…and fast.
That's when it hit me: the last time I was conscious I was naked. I looked down to find that Jacob must have put my clothes back on me. Half of the buttons on my shirt were not even in the right holes. I began to panic, and knew I would soon have a full out panic attack if I didn't get away from him.
"Hey, you're finally up, sleepy-head," he joked with a goofy grin on his face. It caused a sudden wave of nausea to wash through me. "That was great, wasn't it?" he asked with excitement. "I'm happy I got to be your first," he said, his eyes locking with mine before drifting over my body.
My breath caught in my throat as I fought for air, my heart pounding so violently in my chest that each beat seemed to cause physical pain. I was about to demand that he take me home when I realized that he was pulling up into Charlie's driveway.
I quickly flung the door open--before he had the car in park--and ignored every ache and pain in my body as I managed to start running towards the house. I barely heard Jacob as he yelled, "Bye Bells! We should do that again sometime!".
I managed to get in the house and upstairs without tripping once. Charlie was still at the station and Edward…oh God, Edward! That's why Jacob drove me home: so that Edward wouldn't be able to see what happened in his thoughts--so Edward wouldn't kill him on the spot.
My thoughts drifted to Edward, and where he must be right now. I realized that I was glad he wasn't here to see me like this right now. What would he say if he saw the mess I had become…the filthy, disgusting girl I am now?
That single thought, alone, caused me to want to take a shower. A very long, hot shower to scrub away any and all remnants of what had happened. I wanted to erase it from my mind--from my body. So I went to the bathroom and stripped down. I took a deep breath and then turned to look at myself in the mirror, to examine the damage.
I had a few bruises. I had multiple bruises on my thighs, along with a big bruise on each of my upper arms where Jacob had grabbed me. My lips looked a little swollen and red. My hair was a knotted mess, and my eyes were red and puffy. I was revolted with the sight in front of me. I couldn't hold it back as I leaned for the toilet, my stomach contents emptying into the bowl.
I stepped into the shower, immediately grabbing a cloth to begin scrubbing every surface of my body. As I did, my thoughts drifted back to Edward. I wanted him here with me, to take me in his arms and hold me. To feel the familiar and comforting coldness of his skin--I wanted it to erase the memory of Jacob's overly hot skin pressed against mine, pinning against him. The heat of the water began to remind me of Jacob's skin. It made me feel even dirtier…even more unclean. I immediately turned off the hot water in the shower, leaving only cold water running.
The coolness of the current water temperature reminded me of Edward. It brought me slight comfort. But then it hit me: I was scarred, and I couldn't be fixed. I was dirty now, and I was no longer untouched. Edward said he had wanted to protect my virtue. What would he say now that it was already destroyed--now that I was damaged? He couldn't possibly want me. He was Edward, my own personal Adonis. The scale between us was already out of balance with me being nothing more than a plain, average, clumsy girl. If he knew what had happened, he would never still want me…not now…not after this.
At that realization, I was overcome with uncontrollable sobs, making it difficult for me to even stand. Despite my attempt to furiously scrub the incident away, my skin already slightly raw, I felt dirty. I gave in, sinking to the floor of the tub, my legs curled up to my chest, as I clung to them for dear life.
I couldn't tell Edward, or I would lose him. He would no longer want me. I already lost him once, and I nearly went insane. I couldn't lose him again. Plus, him knowing this, knowing that I was...raped...it would kill him, he would find a way to blame himself. He would hate himself, and it would only cause him pain--all because of me.
How was I going to hide this from him? I wracked my brain trying to come up with a way to keep from losing Edward, to keep him from finding out. It dawned on me that Alice couldn't see the wolves in her visions. She wouldn't have been able to see what happened at Jacob's house. Alice would never know, which means that Edward would never know. As long as I managed to hide it from him, that is.
I was broken out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, causing me to jump and my heart to kick into overdrive.
So, what do you think? Please review and let me know if you want me to continue. I already have another few chapters written, because the idea popped into my head, and I became very anxious to actually write it all out. So, please let me know what you think, and if you would like me to continue.
I just want to point out that Bella knows Edward loves her, however, right now with what happened with Jacob her self-worth is just totally gone, and she doesn't think much of anything of herself. So...she's scared that since she now considers herself damaged and filthy and unfixable, that Edward may not want her. She's just not thinking clearly. I also want to point out that I didn't want to make the rape scene too descriptive, so I left it relatively vague.
As for what the next chapter will hold...find out who's knocking on the bathroom door. Did Jacob follow her in? Or did Charlie come home? Plus, start to find out how she deals with hiding the rape from Edward.
Please review! Depending on the response, I may put up another chapter tomorrow, already, if you want me to continue.