Sea Water

…I have two ugly, flabby sticks with a deformed patch of skin about halfway down. They have little flappers on the end, with even tinier sticks with weird clear stones on the ends. I think they're called feet. PaulxOC

Land or sea,

I've got the power if I just believe

'Cause I'm no ordinary girl,

I'm from the deep blue underworld

Land or sea,

The world's my oyster, I'm the pearl

No ordinary girl

Come along it just gets better

So much to do and just so little time

'Cause it all depends on whether

You want to live and learn of what's behind

'Cause I'm no ordinary girl

I'm from the deep blue underworld

--Theme Song of H2O: Just Add Water

I do not own Twilight, H2O: Just Add Water, or Aquamarine.

Sardines.

That is what I'm craving.

Oh, I love those tiny fish. Maybe some tuna would be good, too. I think I'll go out for dinner for awhile.

Oh God, did Abigail put sand in my bed instead of smoothed freshwater rocks again? Oh, when I tell Daddy about this, that incompetent snobby brat will be stormed from here to the Indian Ocean.

I can't wait to see it.

So I open my eyes, expecting to see my usual den of seaweed around to welcome me. Maybe my twin sister Selena complaining about her inheritance to Daddy again in the next room.

She's the younger one. Means I get the kingdom if Daddy passes away.

I love to rub that in her face.

So when I wake up, I see green dens of floating seaweed around me. Maybe little Toby yelling at Mother about his human food ("Eat it, Tobias, it's good for you") and Selena sulking in the corner. I breeze over, get the princess treatment from Daddy and the usual irritated glances from Mother, and all is well, right?

Wrong.

When I wake up, I see legions of sand around me. I see large sideways logs with green stuff on them reaching up to the surface. I inhale, and feel the uncomfortable feeling of weightlessness in my lungs.

Water is heavy, alright? When the sea folk breathe, they collect the oxygen particles from the water and the waste water goes out of our gills.

Gills. Right on the side of the neck, beneath the jaw.

But I can't help wondering what the logs are doing sideways.

I lift up my head. Oh--they're just trees. I've seen those in books before.

Trees?

Trees?

Oh no. No no no no no, NO!

I inhale again, praying to all the divine forces that I will feel the familiar feeling of weight in my lungs.

No such luck.

This is not happening. This is not happening. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

Dear gods, Daddy, you were supposed to stop me from ever beaching! SEALS beach! WHALES beach! The future heir of the sea folk kingdom DOES NOT!

Tara of the Sea Folk Royalty does not beach. If anyone, Selena does.

She probably put the currents up to this. She was always had a wicked look in her eyes when she failed those sea-manipulating tests of Daddy's. I bet she was planning this from the start.

Yeah. That's what it is.

So I swallow, remembering the studying Daddy put Selena and I up to. I'm obviously on land, so the land folk will the dominant race here. Land folk have beaches. Beaches have water. Sea water. Means all I have to do is jump in, and swim away. Maybe do that signature tail flick I always seem to do.

OH NO! My TAIL!

It's gone. Instead I have two ugly, flabby sticks with a deformed patch of skin about halfway down. They have little flappers on the end, with even tinier sticks with weird clear stones on the.

Legs…

FEET! I hate feet! Landlubbers have feet! Sea folk have tails!

Majestic, beautiful tails that swim through to water like I so wish to do right now.

Okay, okay. Tara, calm down. Remember Miriam.

Miriam Waters (two names is a land folk tradition of identification) was one of the sea folk, beached in a river (found by those pesky naiads, of all creatures) but they took the decency to make sure she ended up in a secluded place. She stayed with the land folk for a few years, then returned to the water. She kept her landlubber name, but passed down traditions and legends of the land folk.

"Tails come and go, dear Tara. In this case, tails come when you're wet, and go when you're dry. When you're on land, and get even so much as sprinkled with a drop of water, you have exactly ten seconds to dry yourself off before you grow a tail right there and then."

She then started muttering about seaweed and exactly how much she wanted to kill me, but I pretend I never heard that.

So if I walk into the water, I will grow back my tail.

Simple.

I walk into the water, and wobble dangerously on my newfound feet. I trip over a current and fall splat into the water.

I wait ten seconds.

I feel a kind of silky feeling. Like I'm getting dumped with water, while dry. Or getting dumped with cold water. Whatever works.

I flick my tail for a second happily (it's the classic green) and prepare to swim off, before I realize I'm stuck in this two-inch-thick water.

Damn.

I wiggle for a second, but only succeed in getting even further stuck in a makeshift hole in the sand.

I glance around for a second, hoping no one sees. Landlubbers don't know about us sea folk.

Wait--I see a pretty, brown-haired woman in her chair. She had on sunglasses, so I couldn't see if she was watching me or not. I freeze for a second.

To hell with it. Screw you, pretty brown-haired woman.

I wiggle forward, getting even more buried in sand, but moving forward all the same. I squirm more, succeeding in an awkward game of tug-a-war with the current and trying to get to sea.

Finally I make in into the deep parts. I swim across the surface for awhile, enjoying the view (Daddy never lets me up here) then dive, deeper, deeper, deeper.

Sea folk have natural eyesight in the dark. How else would we make out way across the deep blue sea? Night is as bright as day to us.

I see the gate of stones, leading to my future kingdom. I nod at the guard as I pass.

Slam!

I rear back in just in time to avoid getting my head cut off. The gate has slammed shut.

I turn to the guard.

"William? What is this?""Sorry, Tara. Queen's orders. You're banished."

Banished? My mother may not like me all that much, but she wouldn't banish me.

This is just like that dream I had once. I was banished from the kingdom, and had to live on land like a worthless landlubber. I told Selena about it and she just scoffed and called me a-Suddenly, I realize what's going on.

"William? What is this queen's name?" I ask carefully.

"Queen Selena, sweet."

DAMN IT!

I expected it, but it still sucks.

Damn you, Selena. Damn you to hell. I hope you step on some fire coral and get burned up.

She's staged a takeover! Stupid mermaid!

Now that I think of it, Daddy had some business with an unregistered kraken in the Atlantic Ocean. He said it might take awhile. Hurricanes in the area. Mother went with him--thank God.

Perfect timing for Selena.

I glance at my home miserably.

"So I'm banished?"

William nods. I swim away.

My hands darts out and catches a sardine. I swallow it, feeling morose.

No choice now.

Time for the landlubbers.

Glossary:

Sea Folk: Mermaids

Land Folk: Humans

Landlubbers: Insulting/degrading term for Humans

Mermaid/Merman: Insulting/degrading term for Sea Folk

Okay, this story is weird and more then a little bit silly. But this is a challenge for myself:

Think of a ridiculous concept and make it into a good fic.

So here it is: Sea Water. Tale of Tara.

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