I don't own Bleach or ANY of the fairy tales I have prodied here :P

Chapter 1: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra (Hansel and Gretel)

"Now kids, mummy is sick. So I want you to walk into that forest over there and never come ba—I mean, why don't you go take care of her?" Aizen said to his two children, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow.

"Why do you want us to walk in the forest and never come back?" Grimmjow said bluntly, not knowing the meaning of what Aizen really meant. He thought maybe his dad just wanted them to chop wood or something.

"…! Damn….he saw right through me…this kid is smarter than I thought…Oh, don't be silly, that was a…joke. Now go take care of mummy now, ok?" Aizen, obviously wrong, thought Grimmjow had seen through him, when in fact, he didn't mean anything like that at all.

"Come on, let's go Grimmjow." Ulquiorra dragged Grimmjow to their mother's room.

Meanwhile, Aizen was plotting his next plan, thinking desperately hard to get them into the forest and never come back. He never thought fooling kids was so hard. At least for him, anyway.

The next day, Aizen set to carry out his plan, and he did this in the form of a story.

"Today, I have something for you two to do. In the forest, deep, deep into the forest, there's a paedophi—wit—nice old ma—lady. She has a house there, and everything is made of candy. And if you can find her, she'll reward you with a feast! Can you two go to hi—her house for me?" Aizen explained, trying to maintain a grin on his face.

"Dad, what's a paedophile?" Ulquiorra asked plainly.

"Um…A nice old lady."

"Are there gonna be witches?" Grimmjow asked, excited.

"Yes…I mean no! No, yes! But a good one." Aizen tried to squirm his way out of this conversation.

"Now why don't you go and come back with things for daddy and mummy?" Aizen finally said, hoping this would dismiss them.

"Ok!!" Grimmjow and Ulquiorra replied in unison.


"I wonder where this paedophile is…" Grimmjow said while trudging through the thick bushes in the forest, still unaware of what the word really meant.

"Yeah…I hope this good witch will give us some good food. I think we're almost there though. I can smell something nice." Ulquiorra looked around, trying to see where this 'smell' came from.

"Oh look! There she is!" Grimmjow pointed to a big house made from gingerbread.

Outside the house, there stood a witch. She carried a huge lollipop on her back, and seemed to be taking care of plants. For what Aizen called an 'old lady', she seemed to be rather skinny and a bit too tall for one. But then again, nothing like this ever bothered Grimmjow or Ulquiorra.

"Look Ulquiorra, it's the paedophile!"

"Yeah!! We found the witch!"

She turned around. What in fact they thought was a 'she' turned out to be a 'he' with long black hair. Ulquiorra and Grimmjow felt a chill go up their spines, after seeing 'his' face.

"My, my. Little children. What are you here for?" He said.

"Are you the paedophile of the woods?" Grimmjow asked.


"What's you name?" Ulquiorra asked, trying to sound more polite.

"Why, my name's Nnoitora. Is that your brother over there little girl?" Nnoitora pointed to Grimmjow.

"We heard you have lots of candy here, can we have some?" Ulquiorra proceeded to try sounding more polite so 'she' would give them some.

"Hey paedophile, don't animals eat your house?" Grimmjow fired another irritating question at Nnoitora.

"I'M NOT A PAEDOPHILE AND NO, ANIMALS DO NOT EAT MY HOUSE. NOW DO YOU WANT TO COME INTO MY HOUSE AND EAT CANDY OR NOT?!" Nnoitora couldn't take it anymore and screamed at Grimmjow.

Inside the house, Nnoitora repeatedly fed Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, hoping to make them fatter so he could cook them.

"I thought only pirates had eye-patches." Grimmjow said rudely, over the dinner table, with food stuffed in his mouth.

"Now, if you speak with your mouth full of food I can't hear what you're saying." Nnoitora was trying to ignore Grimmjow's rude questions.

"Why don't you come with me? I have something to show you." Nnoitora tried to trick Grimmjow, so he could lock him into a cage, and then make Ulquiorra his slave.

"Really? But I don't feel like it. So I think me and Ulqui are gonna leave now." Grimmjow was taking tons of candy and ready to leave with Ulquiorra.

Angry at having his plans foiled, Nnoitora would stop them from leaving. After all, he usually didn't get many children stumbling across his house. Nnoitora had gotten lost in his thoughts. The anger building up in him was unbearable.

"Oh...you're not going anywhere." Nnoitora got up from his seat, ready to catch Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. But much to his surprise, no one was there. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra had already left while he was building up his anger. To make matters worse, they had even taken his gigantic lollipop of unbearable size and took some of his treasure.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Nnoitora screamed in agony at what had just happened.

Back at Grimmjow and Ulquiorra's home, they saw Aizen.

"Daddy!" Ulquiorra shouted, arms full of treasure.

"Welcome back kids, did you get rape—fed well? Wait…HOW THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE?!"

I guess kids are harder to trick than you thought.

a/n: How did you find it? please reveiw if possible~ This is not the end. I'm still gonna write more. The next will be 'Little Green Riding hood (Little red riding hood)'. I'm also open for suggestions, so if there's a fairy tale you want me to kill, then please put it in with your reveiw. I have a lot in mind, so you can just wait if you don't have any ideas. : DD