(A/N: Inspired by two different conversations here on ff dot net, particularly the one where I wondered what would happen if Haskill was summoned in the below circumstances, I thought I'd write this drabble. My favourite pairing, woo!

... I'm so gonna get flamed for this. Here, have some free brain bleach!

Rated for, ah, implications.

Oh, and Oblivion belongs to Bethesda.)

"Pray, tell. What is going on in my realm? You're starting to annoy me. And I hate being annoyed!"

"M-my Lord, Madgod. There are agents of Order to the northwest – "

"Order? Order?! This is infuriating! This is frustrating! This is frusfuriating! Haskill! Haskill! Where are you? Haskill! I do so hate it when he's not here!"

"My Lord, he doesn't appear to be here…"

"I need his advice! Now! His advice needs me! Haskill!"

"My Lord, perhaps you could summon him…?"

"Don't tell me what to do! I so hate being ordered! What a splendidly horrible idea! Oh, I'll summon him. Haskill! I – Oh, Haskill…"

"… Oh, by the Nine."

"Silence, Mazken! Oh, Haskill! You look splendid!"


"You've been a naughty boy, Haskill."


"If you were… frustrated… why not ask me to help, hmm? I'm not picky."

"M… My lord, you called me at a rather… inopportune… time."

"What, no dry humour? Oh, Haskill."

"My Lord, please don't – "

"Are you begging me, Haskill?"

"Madgod, I'd really rather not watch – "

"Shoo, Mazken, I don't want to deal with you! Shoo!"

"My Lord, I'll just – "

"No, Haskill, stay! I want to – "

"My Lord! D-don't touch that!"

"Are you stuttering, Haskill?"


"Haskill, let me –"

"Good lord, I don't want to see that!"

"Oh, I'm sure you don't, stupid Dark Seducer. Hmm, Haskill, maybe if I – "

"Oh, my Lord…"

"I like that. Haskill, do get rid of those awful garments."

"I thought you liked them, my Lord?"

"Only on the floor, dear Haskill. Only on the floor."

"M-Madgod, th-the Order!"

"Screw the Order. Hmm, Haskill, put your hands – ahhh."

"My Lord, I'm not the Order."