The Right Colour

Co-Written by Breech Loader and ShdOzzy

Breech: This is my first Team Fortress fic. I'm trying to not make one team any worse than the other, so they'll both have chances to be assholes.

Minor alterations include Medic being female, and in her early to mid-forties rather than mid-to-late 50s. On the whole though, she's still the same character who treats the Hippocratic Oath like a Hippocratic Suggestion. She's definitely no damsel in distress.

ShdOzzy: Accents are written out as you'd expect, we're trying to maintain the humorous tone, and there will be sex a little later on. Very soon, in fact. There's also quite a bit of violence in places, but then, this is Team Fortress, and it's war.

Chapter One: Take A Look At That Brain

It was another day of RED Team versus BLU Team. Another day of firing at the guy wearing the wrong colour. The only difference between this day and the last day, was that today it was raining heavily. The usually dusty ground was practically a swamp. For now at least, there was silence. Or more accurately, not silence. There was the sound of somebody shouting for a Medic. There usually was.

"Medic! Medic!!" The BLU scout shouted desperately, clutching his gut as he ran along the battlefield. He couldn't believe what had just happened. It had all occurred so damn fast it made even his head spin. Normally, he could outrun anything. A Heavy, a Sniper, a Medic, hell, he even got past the Engineer's pesky Sentry Guns once or twice, but a Spy... that was a different story. And what made it worse was that he should've seen it coming. Spending his childhood on the streets of Boston, he usually was able to tell friend from foe, even if said foe was in disguise. But that French fuck... he was something else. A stab to the side in broad daylight cloaked under the guise of a Heavy... embarrassing. Luckily, he was able to knock him out with his trusty Sandman before he could deliver a lethal blow, but the scout was still bleeding - and badly. If he didn't get medical attention soon, he was a dead man.

The RED Medic watched dispassionately as the BLU Scout ran, then staggered, then slumped against a wall. The Boston Boy had ventured too deep into RED territory, without a plan, and been injured by a sentry. She supposed she should take him out with a quick slash from the Bonesaw. It would be a simple matter, and another notch on the post. The team often assumed that just because she was the one with the medigun, she didn't have a good and sadistic side. But they were right about one thing. No matter how many RED dummkopfs she killed, the Hippocratic Oath was always waiting to spring back up at the most inconvenient of moments.

She approached Scout, syringe gun at the ready, "Djour Medic has been dead for some time now," she informed Scout. Her accent was much stronger than that of Spy, or even Heavy, and Scout had to actually listen to understand what she was saying. Not that it was comforting, "But our Spy has been keepink djou company. Djou Americans... can djou not even tell zer French accent from zer Cherman?"

Scout's eyes widened with fear as they locked on the RED Medic. He'd heard stories about her, how she was more efficient with a bonesaw than she was with a first aid kit. The way he'd heard Soldier ramble on about her, she almost seemed like a female Hannibal Lecter. Of course, that bucket-headed loon was hardly the most reliable source of information, but still, you never take your chances in war. Especially when you were face to face with the enemy, "S-s-stay back!" Scout shouted, drawing his pistol and pointing it at Medic, his aim shaky from his injury, "I ain't about to become some lab rat o' yours!"

Medic looked over the shaking Scout casually. If he was anything like their Scout - and let's face it, they had a lot in common - he was probably not only low on endurance, but also incredibly annoying. Certainly she'd heard from Sniper that as well as being tough to hit with a rifle, the Boston Boy really, really, really enjoyed beating the crap out of people. She was perfectly willing to believe that, owing to the many broken bones from a metal baseball bat she'd had to set. But now he wasn't in any condition to beat anything. She knocked the pistol out of his hands with relative ease, "I see mein reputation has preceded me," she told him, stepping forward and putting the bonesaw very close to his shoulder. She couldn't resist the temptation. Putting the fear of God into your enemy was one thing. It was infinitely more entertaining - and more productive - to put the fear of yourself into them.

Focused in horror at Medic's bonesaw, Scout tried his best to fight back. He attempted to whip out Sandman, but the bat easily fell out of his weak grip and was kicked aside. Slumping to the floor, all the Boston raised runner could do was watch helplessly as the Medic in her bloodstained white jacket hovered above him. "Come on lady! Don't to this to me!" Scout pleaded as Medic drew ever closer to him. "I've got a wife and two kids... well, I don't got a wife and kids, but I've got seven brothers! That's gotta count for something, right? Oh God, please don't kill me!"

Medic chuckled briefly, "Don't vorry," she said with a smirk, twanging the saw ominously, "Death is not zer fate I haff in mind for djou."

Scout gave this statement a brief analysis, "Kill me, please kill me," he begged again.

Medic laughed again. She had to admit it was tempting, but seeing the look in Scout's face, this close - well, he wasn't much more than a boy, really. Soldier called himself an American hero for shooting rockets at the BLU team, but up until you'd actually been up close and personal, you had no idea how hard it was to kill somebody. As always, the Oath nagged at the back of her mind. Some mother's son, some son's brother.

She sighed and grabbed Scout by the shirt, hauling him over her shoulder, "Hosensheisser," she muttered, then spoke louder in her thick German accent, "Djou kilt Engineer last veek," she informed Scout, "By all rights I should haff djour legs."

"H-hey, that wasn't anything personal," Scout tried to explain hastily, "Soldier wanted me to! Heavy needed a clear path, and he ain't as fast as me! The Sentry Guns would've chewed him up if I didn't! I didn't WANT to bonk the guy, but that's how it goes sometimes, y'know? Wouldn't be much of a war if we weren't killing each other."

"I am not dummkopf," Medic replied as she carried Scout towards their base, trying to stay hidden - the last thing she wanted was to be seen by the BLU squad with a member of their team. She carried Scout into the RED base, and checked around a corner, "Heavy und Pyro are alvays brinkink in zer bodies. Zhey are not zer only vuns."

Scout looked around in horror as things went from bad to worse. Normally, being in here could be quite the accomplishment, but in this state, he was probably better off as a corpse. He was completely at Medic's mercy, and who knew what kind of sick and twisted devices the mad doctor had in here? He was starting to think that bleeding out would've been a preferable fate, compared to the kind of torture he imagined suffering at his captor's hands. But then he noticed something, what Medic had said. And she looked like she was actually trying to AVOID her teammates. Why would she? Wouldn't having a captivated audience only encourage her heinous actions? What the hell is going on here? Scout thought, waiting for Medic's next move.

"Stay qviet," Medic ordered Scout, "Soldier vill haff mein head if I am caught wiz djou..." She was almost glad Engineer was dead now. Soldier didn't trust anybody else with the guarding of the information now he was dead, so despite the fact that he should be out on the battlefield, he was the one guarding it. Well, him and Medic. Not that he really trusted 'that crazy Nazi bitch' anyway, but then he didn't trust anybody who couldn't trace an American lineage back at least five generations, so that was probably okay.

Caught doing this? Scout repeated in his head. Just what is this bitch up to? If the street kid turned gunner didn't know any better, he would think that Medic was trying to SNEAK him in. But for what? Did she have a fate so cruel that her even her comrades wouldn't condone? But then, there were no BLUs around to hear even if he did shout out. So, he did as Medic told him and kept his mouth shut. Hopefully, his obedience would be rewarded.

Medic soon arrived at her med-bay, entering and locking the door firmly. While the Red team was used to it, to Scout, seeing it for the first time was like being carried into hell. Nearly every surface was spotlessly clean - there were spots on the floor, the walls, and he couldn't help but note, the ceiling - the goddamn CEILING, for godssakes - where the blood hadn't been scrubbed out. There were a lot of clean medical tools too, and his sharp eyes couldn't help but notice that they were chipped in places.

She slammed him onto a gantry, and looked down at him carefully. Then she smiled ominously, and snapped a red rubber glove to her wrist. It never failed to get a reaction, even from her own teammates, "Zer doktor is in," she said with a nasty smirk, looking down at Scout.

"Aw, fuck," Scout whimpered, his nerves jangling as he saw Medic put on her blood red gloves. He never was a fan of doctors or hospitals, but here, in an enemy base, in a med bay that looked like a mental asylum, at the mercy of a doctor well known for her sadistic nature... it was enough to scare the life out of him if he wasn't already clinging onto it in desperation. Scared out of his wits, he looked up at Medic with eyes like a deer in headlights.

Medic was pretty sure that Scout wasn't going to take off his muddy, bloodstained shirt voluntarily. Short of actually cutting his arms off - an admittedly tempting prospect - there was pretty much only one way to do it. She produced a scalpel and, holding Scout down with one heavy hand, sliced the BLU shirt open at the front, to bare his chest and the ugly stab wound in his side.

Scout drew in a breath to scream when Medic brought the scalpel toward him, but it became just a whimper of relief when he realized she was only cutting his shirt off. Against all the odds, it looked like the doctor was actually trying to help him. Unfortunately he could think of at least three other reasons she'd cut his shirt of off, and none of them was enticing. He'd make up his mind once his wound was actually treated. "Hey, you wanted my shirt off, all you had to do was ask," Scout commented as Medic observed his chest. "My heart's already struggling without you playing Stephen King."

"Would djou really haff taken off djour shirt for me?" Medic asked Scout with a dry smirk, "I know vat djou expected of me, and I am not offended. I vould expect it of any ov djour comrades. But zen, it vould be much harter to kill each ozzer, if ve believed das zer ozzer team was just normal people like us," she turned away and picked up the bonesaw again, "Now, let's take a look at das brain."

"WHAT?!" Scout screamed, sitting up sharply, and then gave a yell of pain.

"Just mein little joke," Medic chuckled, and picked up a cloth, putting a few drops of chloroform on it, but not enough to knock Scout totally out, "Zhis is chloroform. It vill help numb zer pain."

"Jesus Christ..." Scout sighed, relieved that Medic was joking, "The way you're going, I'm gonna die of a heart attack before blood loss." He looked back up at Medic, who was holding the chloroform under his nose, relaxing him and lessening the pain, "Y'know, I'm probably the biggest dumbass in the world for asking this, but why're you fixing me up? I don't see how the hell saving me's gonna help you."

"It von't," Medic admitted, washing the stab wound with stinging antiseptics, "But perhaps ve are not kvite zer monsters djou believe us to be. Perhaps zer Hippocratic Oath is remindink me again. Perhaps after I heal djou, Heavy vill interrogate djou until djour balls drop off. Perhaps zhat hurensohn Soldier has been particularly irritatink lately-"

"MEDIC!" a loud American voice shouted from outside the med-lab. It was, ironically, the voice of Soldier. Medic cursed to herself in German, "You're supposed to be backin' up Heavy! What're you doing in there, ya dumb Kraut?"

Medic tried to think of a good lie fast, "Stay out, Herr Soldier!" she insisted loudly, "I am... am havink some private time!" She really, really hoped that Soldier was at least smart enough to read a little deeply into it. She bundled up Scout's once blue, now muddy and bloody t-shirt and threw it in a corner.

Scout could tell what Medic was hinting at, and he couldn't help but be impressed at the lengths she was willing to go to defend him. He didn't know exactly why, but she seemed intent on seeing him live, and although he was a tad stressed by the arrival of the RED Team's Soldier, he couldn't help but feel some relief at well that he wasn't in the hands of a psychopath, but instead a genuine doctor. Even if she was slightly crazed. He only hoped her ruse would work on her meat-headed compatriot, because if he discovered the truth, they were both screwed.

There was a loud snort from outside the room, "Freak," Soldier muttered, before marching away again.

"Dummkopf," Medic muttered, before threading a needle with surgical thread, "Still, if he had come in, I guess zer vas always zer option of claiming you are Spy. At least for zer tree seconds it would take to knock him out zen convince him it vas all a dream..." She bent over Scout's injury, "To be honest, I am not entirely sure as to vy I am doink zis for djou eezer."

"Well, whatever your reasons, thanks," Scout replied with a weak smile, watching Medic ready her needle. "You're really saving my ass. I think I'd have been a goner if you hadn't showed up." Now that the illusion of a mad scientist had been removed, Scout couldn't help but notice Medic had certain qualities about her that made her seem... well, she wasn't beautiful, but there was a certain set to her stern features that could be called interestingly handsome. The way her glasses rested on the bridge of her nose, her subtle yet seemingly perfect curves, her long legs... without the fear of an imminent and painful death choking him, Medic was smokin' hot. Although, considering she still had an array of sharp objects as her disposal, he didn't dare mention it to her.

"Maybe I vill zink up a better reason later," Medic admitted, and pressed a hand on Scout's chest, holding him still as she began to stitch up the injury in his side. When they weren't firing rapidly in each other's general direction, it was easier to actually look at Scout properly. He was at least ten years younger than her, with a youthful, innocent face that belied how hard he could crack somebody over the back of the head with a bat. Pretty slimly built. Kind of attractive, in fact, although admitting it out loud probably wasn't a good idea, no matter how helpless he was right now, "Obviously zis is vun time only deal," she added as she worked, praying to a god she didn't believe in that she was telling the truth.

"You got it doc. No more stab wounds in RED territory for me," Scout joked, now at ease enough to do so. As Medic treated him, he couldn't help but notice that while bent over him, he had a nice view at her cleavage. But realizing that she could be looking at his face at any moment, Scout quickly darted his eyes elsewhere, lest his unlikely saviour catch him in the act and possibly change her mind.

Medic was too busy trying to ignore Scout's upper body to see him looking at her breasts. This was turning out to be even more of a bad idea than she'd originally anticipated. Soldier would kick her ass from here to Hildesheim if he caught her fixing up an enemy. And on top of that, she was actually admiring Scout's looks? She lifted her hand off his chest, glad for once of her absolute poker face, "I am unsure of how I vill get djou out of here," she told him, "Zer battle vill be over und zer base vill be crawlink soon. Zis vas a bad idea."

"Hey, no worries. I've been outrunning entire police forces before I got into this outfit," Scout answered Medic, thankful for an excuse to look into her brown eyes instead of at her body. "Besides, I think it's gonna be a while before you guys see your Spy again. Don't think anyone's gonna be expecting me to actually pose as the guy who slept with my mom, that son of a bitch..."

Medic smiled again, this time pausing for a moment, touching Scout's cheek with a gloved hand, and just barely managed to catch herself, turning it into an examination of his face as she gripped his chin firmly and hoped he hadn't noticed, "Now djou know he is in djour base," she sighed, straightening her tie, "Und djou are in our base. It is ein step avay from treachery. Certainly it is stupidity..."

Picking up a roll of bandage, she turned away from Scout and composed herself. They were deadly enemies, dammit! But right now, all she wanted was to be pressed against another hot body.

Scout stared at her, confused. He had indeed noticed how she had touched his cheek before she had tried to pass it off as a casual inspection. Was it possible that the doctor was attracted to him? No, it couldn't be... he tried to reason with himself. And yet, he couldn't deny that having some fun with Medic was an entertaining thought, but still, doing the deed in the heart of the RED base would be a completely idiotic act on both their parts. Then again, he had done dumber things... "So, you got any ideas?" Scout asked Medic, trying to brush his internal conflict aside for now. "Otherwise, we've got one hell of a cover-up plan on our hands here."

"I haff ein thought," Medic turned back to him, patting the rock-hard bun of hair on her head, "Djou are not goink to be runnink anyvere for at least tventy-four hours. Unless djou vant to break djour stitches. Das is only maken zer situation furzer complicated." She held up the bandages and moved forward again.

"Okay, so I aint runnin' anywhere for a bit," Scout stated the obvious as he watched Medic approach him with the bandages. "You got any other way to haul me outta here? Because if ya don't, I'd say we're stuck together.

"Djou vont be mein only patient eezer," Medic started to wrap the bandages briskly around Scout's torso, "I shall haff to find somevere to hide djou vile I am busy. Das place is unlikely to be here."

Scout had another nice view of Medic's cleavage again as she adorned his chest with the bandages. Hot damn, that's a nice set... he thought as he found himself admiring her breasts yet again. Dammit, Scout! Focus! his inner voice tried to snap him out of it. You're not gonna get out of this focusing on a piece of ass! Even if she is... pretty damn fine... No, dammit! Use your brain for five minutes! Trying not to let his thoughts shine through to Medic, Scout deterred himself from her assets yet again and focused on her face. "Well, wherever you're taking me, I hope it's not too drafty," Scout commented, trying to keep his mind on anything but sex. "I've been half naked in the cold before. It's a long story, but trust me when I say it aint too much fun."

Medic tied the knot over the injury, and paused, thinking. Where was she going to keep Scout until she could get rid of him safely? Too many people came in and out of the med-lab to keep him here. And she couldn't risk keeping him too deep in the base, or anywhere too close to weapons, "I zink zere may be somevere I can keep djou," she said finally, "Maybe ein comrade ov djours vill even find djou and take djou off mein hands."

"Really? Man, that would be great. Kinda like a 'two birds with one stone' thing," Scout replied, relieved to hear the good news. Maybe this debacle would be over quicker than he thought. Then, something occurred to him, "Er... where exactly would this magic hiding spot be at? I mean, my buddies would have a shitload of trouble getting into this place, let alone finding me in it."

"Get up," Medic told Scout, helping him off the table and supporting him around the waist with one arm, "It is best das I move djou zere vile mein comrades are still out..." she paused, "Djou are about zer same height und size as our Scout. I could get djou somezing of his to wear... if djou don't mind vearing red."

"Sure, why the hell not?" Scout gave his answer with a grin. "At this point, I'd say it's better to be red than to be dead. Anyone asks, I'll just say I got it off your Spy." He tried to hold as much as his own weight as he could, not wanting to lay too much pressure on Medic. Of course, Scout wasn't exactly the heaviest himself, so he supposed her being able to support him made sense. Something else he had only noticed at this moment was that for a woman who seemed cold and distant, she was exceptionally warm to the touch, as he could feel a comforting heat running down his side as he leaned on her. It was a good feeling, and he wondered if any of her own allies got to feel it when she aided them, and if so, he wondered if they appreciated it as much as he did right now.

"I vill brink it to djou later - it is not a good idea das djou go vanderink right now," Medic reminded herself that all of this complicated crap was happening because of the Hippocratic Oath and walked with Scout out of the Med-lab, locking the door behind her, "Schnell, raus, raus!" She took Scout to the back door, seriously contemplating dropping him right there and pretending none of this had ever happened. But it was a bit late for that now. Still, at least it wasn't raining anymore, she thought as she walked with him to the smaller warehouse next door to the large one.

"Heh. Looks cosy," Scout joked as he looked at the warehouse. "Almost reminds me of home." As he trudged over to the makeshift hiding place alongside Medic, there was an awkward silence between them. If there was one thing Scout hated aside from getting shot, stabbed, or blown up, it was awkward silences. So, he decided to break it by making a little light conversation. "So uh... the RED guys, you said they were normal, like us. Anyone you could get along with? Cuz I can hardly stand the people I work with."

"Hmmm..." Medic put Scout down on an empty crate, "Vell, I get alonk vell viz Heavy. Sniper is good company also. But Soldier und I... do not get alonk. Und Spy is simply unbearable."

"Heh. I feel you on that last part," Scout sympathized, having a grudge against Spy for obvious reasons. "Our Soldier's a pain in the ass too. Always rambling on and on about his days in World War II... which only happened in that little peanut he calls a brain. Hell, I don't even think he was in the US military. More like he's watched too many war movies. Heavy's alright... when he's not raiding the fridge. But Demoman... that guy is out of his fucking mind. Guy throws around bombs like they're frisbees! Nearly blew my damn leg off one time, he's so nuts with them. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised that's why he lost an eye!"

"Most likely, ja," Medic agreed, then stood, "I vould advise das djou conceal djourself upon any entry, including mein own. If it is me, I vill call for djou. I vill try to come back later tonight viz some food und clothing," she paused, looking down at Scout, unsure of what to say or do, "I must go now. Mein comrades vill be returning from zer battle soon, and I must be ready for zem..." another uncomfortable pause, "Djou should get some rest. Zer sooner djour recovery, zer sooner djou can return safely to djour own base."

"Sure thing doc," Scout agreed at he tried to make himself comfortable where Medic had laid him down. It wasn't the easiest place to rest in, but he had definitely been in worse. He looked back up at his rescuer, still amazed at how radically his view of her had changed, both mentally and physically. "Hey, uh... thanks again for doing this," he said to the doctor, feeling the need to break the silence once more. "If there's anything I could do for ya... y'know, to pay you back... cuz I do owe ya one..."

Medic just laughed, "Everyvun says zat," she replied. The enemy scout's comment, no matter how genuine, had simply been heard by her too many times to be taken seriously anymore. It made her feel a lot better, ironically. She'd just saved his life. He had the medical skills of a chainsaw. The idea of him being able to pay her back, if he even bothered to try, was ridiculous, "Auf Wiedersehen, Scout. At least for now."

"Yeah. See ya," Scout bade her a brief farewell, his cheeks a little rosy with embarrassment. As Medic left, he couldn't help but take a look at her well-rounded ass when she turned his back to him. I must be losing my damn mind... he thought. True, she had saved his life, but she was still a RED. The thought of her even considering doing anything that was on Scout's mind with a BLU was just absurd. And besides, now wasn't the time to think about that. Sure, he may be hidden, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. There was still a good chance one of the other REDs would find him, and like Medic said, the more he rested, the faster he'd be able to get the hell out of there. Trying to keep his head clear, Scout shut his eyes and tried to drift into a light sleep. He figured a few hours of shut-eye would be safe so long as he didn't doze off too deeply. Hopefully once he woke up, he'd be well rested and prepared to leave this whole ordeal behind him.

Breech: Okay, now Review? Please? It's not THAT bad, the gender bending, right?