On the walls of the day
In the shade of the sun
We wrote down
Another vision of us
We are the challengers of
"Be safe," you say
Whatever the mess you are, you're mine, okay?
If that is the custom
Challengers – The New Pornographers
I had never been looked at in the way Edward looked at me then, his eyes widening and his face becoming almost comical with awe as if he looked upon something infinitely precious. I inched my mouth closer to his, but I allowed him to close the final gap. I gave myself that kiss guilt free, the burn of his lips pressed hungrily against mine, the urgency of his hands on my face, the brilliance of the future which I could believe lay in front of me. He clung to me, and I to him, like our combined love could keep us in this moment.
He pulled away softly, smiling affectionately in a dull, silly way that made me grin too.
"This is impossible." He whispered, like he was telling me a secret.
"You think this is impossible. Imagine how it is coming from my eyes."
Edward rose an eyebrow.
"How is it coming from your eyes?"
"Edward." I told him patiently. "I'm not exactly what one would call eligible."
He looked at me like I was stupid.
"It's ok." I rested my hand against his forearm. "I know. I had no delusions which Mr Newton rudely shattered."
"You do not see your self clearly." He sounded simultaneously amused and irritated. "You are so beautiful and so good, and you are the only one who can't see it."
I couldn't deny the love in his eyes.
"All this time." I asked. "You've been waiting for me? I always knew you were a fool."
Edward raised a hand to my face and rearranged a curl, which had strayed out of its binds.
"I don't feel stupid at the moment."
He kissed me again, softly and timidly.
"This one won't, not to me. To have you here, in my arms tonight, this will keep me awake long after you have fallen into an impossible sleep."
I realised then that I had completed the horrible thing I had promised myself I would never do. I had tied myself irrevocably to Edward, with no thought for the pain I would inflict when my larger destiny caught up with me. I would be the instigator of two broken hearts, Edwards and my own. I tasted salt in our kiss, not knowing if it was his tears or my own.
"Edward…" I whispered.
"Please…" His voice was thick. "Just one night. Please."
I don't know what he was asking for that night, not really, but inside me I felt resolve. I couldn't promise him forever or a happily ever after at the end of the story, I couldn't even offer him the possibility. I could offer everything I did have though, every part of myself that wasn't tied up in vendettas and concession.
I guided his hands lower, so that they rested loosely on my buttocks. The action was subtle but I knew it made clear my intention for our stolen time.
Edward looked at me seriously.
"I want…" I swallowed. "I need to give this to you."
I saw what warred underneath Edward's green eyes; he was too decent a gentleman to be totally ok with what I was asking him and yet I could feel the hard evidence of his desire press against my thigh.
"I can't." He said, barely audible despite the fact we practically inhabited the same space. "You belong to someone else Bella. All of this, its just pretend."
"Prince Charmings are pretend Edward. This is reality."
I kissed him, his shirt cool against my heated skin and Edward kissed me back with barely contained urgency.
"I want you." I breathed as I felt his long, capable fingers brush the drawstrings of my dress. "This is my choice."
Edward's vivid lips quirked suddenly, and I saw a spark of mischief burn in his eyes. With gentle but deliberate procedure Edward pulled the silk of my dress off my flesh. His gaze did not waver as my party dress was replaced by white skin, but I heard a quiet hitching of breathe. His large hands roamed my body with an uncanny confidence that was both unnerving and arousing.
"Um, Edward?" I asked cautiously. He looked up with a start from where he had begun to undo the long strings of my underdress. My expensive and delicate gown lay crumpled and forgotten on the grown. "Have you… done this before?"
It honestly had not occurred to me before that moment, Edward was a consummate gentleman, but he was still a man, and the court was full of beautiful women. Oh god.
Luckily Edward interjected before I could think myself into a hole.
"Of course not." He sounded mildly offended. "Is that what you believe of me? That I only wish to sate my curiosity about what is between the milky thighs of Fork's princess?"
"No Edward, I never believed that."
"I have only ever wanted one women. With my body and with my mind."
His mouth rested on my throat and I shuddered deeply with desire.
My under clothes fell away, and I felt myself become naked under his hands. My flushed complexion darkened and I hazarded a glance at Edward. His usually vivid green eyes seemed to have glazed over and his mouth had fallen open to reveal the soft pink of his tongue as he stared at my body.
I giggled and he looked up at me ruefully.
"This isn't fair you know…" I said cheerfully.
Edward rose his eyebrows.
"Really… Because it's looking fair."
"Ha, Ha…" I pulled his up for another deep kiss. His fingers pressed into the flesh of my thighs, teasing another part of my body that begged to be explored. "You are wearing too many clothes."
I pulled his dress shirt over his head, and Edward began to work on pulling off his hose. I praised god that menswear was less fiddly then the female equivalent. I was done waiting. My fingers traced the curves of the muscles on Edward's chest, following the hard sculpture of muscle and bone until I felt the indents of his pelvis. I hesitated and Edward's breathe stopped. Slowly and tenderly Edward moved me so that I lay completely on the bed, the soft caress of his velvet blankets soft against my skin. He moved so he hovered above me, his erection full and proud as it pressed into my inner thigh. I pressed my palm against its head, experimenting with its long shaft and my fingers. Edward made a strange wheezing noise and jerked into my touch. It seemed odd how natural the transition seemed to be, between best friends and lovers. He was paralysing in his beauty and yet the friction of our skins seemed the most natural thing in the world. He was my other half, my soul mate.
His tongue dipped into my mouth and I felt his hands wander up my sides, until his own palm cupped my breast. A gasp escaped my throat as his callused hand brushed deliberately against the sensitive peaks of my breasts. My grip tightened on his throbbing arousal, and I began to stroke him with long deliberate strokes, enjoying the sounds of pleasure that came from Edward.
"Bella, love." He gasped, his chest heaving. "You need to stop that."
"Why?" I asked, disappointed, He looked at me haplessly. "Oh! Right."
I felt him position himself meaningfully, his penis placed against my weeping entrance. My body took me over and I ground against him. We both groaned loudly.
"Bella…" Edward asked soberly. "Are you sure about this?"
I pressed my thumb against his lip.
I couldn't give him forever but I could give him this. Our lovemaking would be proof of our love, that it existed, that it was powerful and that it was mine. This was my gift to Edward, the only one I could conceivably give.
I cried out as he thrust into me, breaking the barrier of my virginity. I tightened my legs around his hips as I felt his hesitation, urging him to continue despite the pain. Soon the impermanent ache between my legs turned to pleasure, and I began to respond, my neck arched as I rode waves of a kind of ecstasy I had never experienced before.
"I love you." I murmured, my hymn. "Iloveyou,Iloveyou,Iloveyou…"
Edward kissed away an escaped tear before burying his face in my neck, muffling a groan as his thrusts became deeper. His grip on me tightened.
I hung onto his neck, smiling as pressure built between my legs. One hand wandered up to his beautiful wild hair, and I guided his lips back to mine. With Edward inside me, as if we really were one essence, I could see the entire world in a way I had never seen it before, lit up for just one moment, blindingly, heartbreakingly beautiful.
Edward shifted my position, and laving the edge of my collarbone he sheathed himself in me, quickly and entirely. My body stiffened as ecstasy overcame me, and I spiralled, losing myself in that one static moment, in that warm, safe room.
I felt Edward wrap his arms around me as he too surrendered to the sensation of our sweat, and our tears, and my nails biting into his smooth, creamy shoulders.
"God Bella…" He managed before emptying himself inside me.
I smiled as he pulled away, not quite detangling himself as he moved beside me. I rested my head on his chest, still raising and falling unevenly with the adrenaline of his high. We lay in silent for along time, so long I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep.
know…" Edward said clearly, a shock in the comfortable silence of
"How to keep you."
I looked up to him, pressing a kiss against his jaw.
"I'm scared too Edward."
Edward buried his face in my hair.
"I promise you, I'll find a way, I promise…"
I said nothing, but held him closer. Allowing myself to be charmed by the moment, by our closeness and our nakedness. We lapsed back into silence again, and before long I felt Edward's breathing slow and I knew he was sleeping. Soon my breath began to lull, and I allowed drowsiness to take me too into slumber. Tomorrow could be dealt with when it came. For the first and last time, I fell asleep against the perfume of security and love; I got to fall asleep against Edward,
Lucky girl right?