Mindless Rambling From the Author: Okay, so I'm in the middle of cleaning up my writing style because after looking back at my old works I've realized how much they suck. Seriously, I needed professional help. In the meantime this little tidbit came to me quite suddenly and I just couldn't help myself. I'm sure we've all read the "What Guys Should Do For Their Girlfriends" off of someone's profile, or on google looking something up, or wherever the heck people hang out at online. So yeah. Please enjoy whilst I continue to work on writing something actually worthwhile! (works-in-progress can be found on my profile if anyone's interested)

Disclaimer: Naruto? I don't own Naruto. I do however happen to have rights to a Naru-chan! Wait…someone's claimed that too? Darn it!


What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

-When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

"Get back here bastard! I'll show you who's the girl in the relationship!"

*

-When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her.

"Dobe, I know what you're thinking. Don't you even dare. I'm not going to catch whatever cold you've managed to get this time and I'm not letting you get me sick because of your idiocracy!"

"Jerk! Is that even a word?"

"Of course it's a word you dumbass!"

*

-When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and don't let go.

"Ow, dangit, do you have to hold it so tight? You're cutting off my circulation you stupid jerk! I'm sorry I hit you, geez!"

*

-When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her.

"Why'd you do that?" Naruto asked dazed, his anger buzzed down to a low level.

Sasuke smirked at him.

"To make you shut up."

He wasn't surprised when the blonde immediately started to yell again.

*

-When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong.

Naruto sighed for the umpteenth time that evening.

"Dammit, Naruto! If something's wrong go talk to Sakura or something, just SHUT UP so I can finish this paper!"

*

-When she ignores you, Give her your attention.

"Sasuke… Sasuke… Sasuke… Sasuke…"

"WHAT?"

Naruto smiled.

"I just wanted you to know you have my full undivided attention!"

*

-When she pulls away, Pull her back.

"Gimme my ramen you bastard!"

*

-When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful.

"Naruto," Sakura began gently at the bed-ridden blonde, "I don't think telling Sasuke that he's cute when he's angry is the best thing to do in that situation."

*

-When you see her start crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

Sasuke just knew all the salty tears had ruined his shirt by now. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to care.

*

-When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

"And then he just HITS me!" Naruto wailed to his best friend. "I mean, I know he's a high-strung, stuck-up bastard and he tends to zone out when he takes his morning walks, but he didn't have to do it so hard!"

*

-When she's scared, protect her.

"Awww, does little Naru-chan need protection from the big, bad lightening storm?"

"Shuddup." Came the muffled reply from under the sheets.

*

-When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her.

Naruto was flipping through their old school yearbook when he came across a picture from senior trip. It had been a long bus ride home and Sasuke had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Naruto just couldn't resist stealing a kiss. He winced when he recalled how much pain Sasuke had put him through when the raven saw the photo in the yearbook that year.

*

-When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

"Sasuke? What's that look for?" Naruto asked, beginning to panic slightly.

Maybe he shouldn't have taken his shirt without permission.

Sasuke didn't say a word. His revenge was already in effect, and soon sweet, sweet victory would be his.

He let out a dark chuckle and Naruto lost all of the blood flow in his face.

*

-When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh.

"Nice score on the math test, dobe. One point lower and you could've been accepted into the Mental Health University."

Naruto growled.

"Oh yeah?" He said, his voice getting loud and confident. "At least I'd be qualified to even go to college!"

Two seconds passed.

"Wait…that came out wrong."

Across the lunch table, Sasuke started to chuckle.

*

-When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

"Sasuke? It's okay if you don't know whether Christian Bale or Heath Ledger's hotter in Dark Knight. It's a hard decision for some. I was only wondering."

*

-Tease her and let her tease you back.

"Oh hell no! I know what you're trying to do this time and it is NOT going to work!" Naruto yelled.

*

-When she look's at you with doubt, back yourself up.

Sasuke's brow lifted elegantly.

"It just so happened that I have an excellent memory, bastard! And that time I couldn't find the car keys that were in my back pocket the whole time doesn't count!"

*

-When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand.

Sasuke already knew that. It was telling the idiot about his own feelings that was so difficult.

*

-When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers.

"Oooooowwwww! Leggo already!"

"Why?" Sasuke asked snidely. "I though you wanted to hold my hand?"

"Alright, alright I get it!" Naruto said. "No more hand-holding in public! Now if you don't let go right now I'm not even gonna have a hand anymore!"

*

-When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

"You call that a push dobe? Ha! No wonder everyone thinks you're the girl!"

*

-When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

"HEY EVERYONE, GUESS WHAT? AS OF LAST NIGHT, SASUKE'S NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!"

A resounding, "DOBE!" could be heard across the school.

*

-When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does.

"It is so on! You'll never win a staring match against me, teme!"

Sasuke smirked.

"Hey, Naruto. How about if you win, I'll take you out to Ichiraku afterwards?"

Being as Sasuke wasn't much of a generous person, Naruto's eyes went extremely large before blinking stupidly.

*

-When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

"Sasukeeeeeee!" Naruto said knowingly. "You missed me while I was away didn't you?" He purred.

Sasuke grumbled and turned his head away. In Sasuke-language that pretty much translated to "Oh Naruto! Yes, I missed you so dearly and I love you so much! Let us never part from this day forth!" And that was good enough for him.

*

-When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

Sasuke rubbed a hand discreetly over his chest, but Naruto noticed anyway.

"Hey, your chest hurting or something?"

He didn't answer. And he couldn't help but remember how his pride still hadn't let him apologize for leaving all those years ago.

*

-When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers.

"No means NO, dammit!" Sasuke screeched at the stubborn idiot coming closer and closer.

*

-When she reposts this bulletin, she wants you to read it.

Sasuke smirked as he let his eyes trail over the title of the page.

"So dobe," he called out, "does this mean you're finally admitting you're the girl, then?"

"Teme!" Came the expected screech.

*

-Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.

"Naruto? You still there? Hello?"

The only answer he got was the quiet snoring coming from the other end of the phone.

*

-When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.

There was no way Naruto was ever going to admit to Sasuke the reason he'd hugged him that time was because of a life-and-death bet he'd made with Kiba. Which he won, of course, but he wasn't going to tell him that either.

*

-When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you.

"Idiot, of course I can tell your not okay! Your arm is bleeding and look ready to faint!"

"I do not faint!" Naruto yelled.

He looked up in thought.

"Maybe pass out in a manly way, though!"

*

-Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her. (Pretend it says PM and not AM)

"DOBE! Who the fuck calls to wish people a happy birthday in the middle of the god-dammed night??"

*

-Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

"If you call me one more time I'm calling the cops!"

Sasuke, Naruto decided, was not a morning person.

*

-Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

The problem was, Naruto really was the only thing that existed in his universe. And he couldn't help but think, how much brighter his sun was.

*

-Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

"Naruto?"

Sasuke turned his head wearily on his pillow to face a soundly sleeping blond at his bedside.

*

-Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

"FINE! We'll watch your stupid show!" Sasuke shouted, clenching his teeth after the tenth, "This is show stuuuupid. Can we change the channel?"

Naruto grinned.

"Finally, some real TV!"

Beside him, Sasuke plotted.

*

-Give her the world.

"Is this another one of you world domination schemes?" Naruto asked.

Catching sight Sasuke's glare, Naruto laughed nervously.

"Hey, it was a joke!"

He took a step back anyways, just in case.

*

-Let her wear your clothes.

"No way am I wearing that!" Naruto shouted pointing at the clothes Sasuke held out for him. "You have no sense of style, and I'd rather not go around dressed like an emo!"

"It's either this or go naked!" Sasuke growled.

"Although…" He said, his expression changing into something lecherous. "Then again, you do look rather stunning in your birthday suit."

Naruto turned five shades of red and snatched the clothes out of his boyfriend's hand and proceeding to the bathroom.

*

-When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

"But Sasukeeeeeeeee!" Naruto whined. "I'm bored!" He said tugging on the Uchiha's sleeve.

*

-Let her know she's important.

"Of course I need Sasuke!" Naruto said. "Who would buy me my ramen?"

*

-Don't talk about other girls around her.

"Naruto! Will you please shut up about Sakura?"

*

-Kiss her in the pouring rain.

"Dobe, why're you standing out here in the rain?" Sasuke said running up to the soaking blond.

"Cuz I know how irresistible I am when wet!" He said smiling.

Sasuke stared at him blankly for a total of 10 seconds before cupping his chin and titling it upwards for a kiss. (1)

*

-If she doesn't call you, call her first.

"Hey Sasuke, I was just calling to tell you that I was still mad at you and to not call me."

"Like I'd even call you in the first place, idiot! You're the one that screwed yesterday up!"

"ARGH! This is exactly why I told you not to call me because I knew you'd do this!"

"Whatever, I'm hanging up now!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Alright!"

"Goodbye!"

"Good riddance!"

Sasuke angrily ripped the phone away from his ear. He held it out for a moment, his blood pumping wildly through his veins as he stared down at it. He clenched his teeth.

What a moron.

Sighing, he put it back up to his ear, testing it.

Soft crying could be heard from the other end.

*

-When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

"Kick his ass yourself, Naruto, I'm busy."

"But Sasuke," Naruto sniffed, "it was Sai this time. He wouldn't stop grabbing my butt and calling me dickless while hitting on me."

Sasuke was out of his chair before you could say ramen; a murderous look promising unadulterated pain deep in his eyes.


If I gave you any plots bunnies feel free to write it all out and get it out of your system!

(1) As much as I wish it was my idea, it's not. It came from a picture by Neoyi off deviantart. She's an amazing Danny/Vlad artist and writer! You have to check out her works!