I Don't Understand You
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon... except from the ones in my games.
Pairing: ComaShipping (Shinji x Satoshi)
Content: Might have SPOILERS but I try not to. This is written as a 'if Satoshi loses to Shinji'. I originally was going to make this very much in Pokemon style without all of the ComaShipping, but then decided to make it Coma after all and... that kind of seriously threw my plot off and I really hate this now since it seems so butchered up. But I promised to have it up tonight and I'm too tired to look over it right now though. I might revise it later (hopefully). So, so, SO sorry if this is totally off. My brain just seemed to shut off after an hour. Well... enjoy! Or try to.
Satoshi cringed inwardly as Shinji gave him that all-knowing smirk that all but comforted him in the fact that Shinji had been right. Those lips curved upward in great amusement at his so-called rival's defeat at his own hands once more. His eyes shone with victory and dominance – the kind of victory and dominance that Satoshi suddenly felt he could never overcome. Even being the optimist that he was, he suddenly felt that he had reached the peak of his abilities and there was no way to climb over that top to go higher. Shinji had crushed him brutally and that went against everything that Satoshi had ever said about his way of training being superior to Shinji's in all ways. He had failed in proving so once more.
Satoshi offered a weak smile to his rival as if to congratulate him. "Con...gratulations. Shinji," he began saying, having to pause as he was still trying to grasp everything that had just gone down between them. "I guess I'll still..." he began but didn't get the chance to complete his sentence as Shinji interrupted him.
"I don't see what you're congratulating me on. On beating you? That's not something to throw a party over. Someone like you who can't do anything but beat other such trainers... You can never make it to the top." He paused here. Satoshi, thinking he was done, opened his mouth to retort, but before he was able to do anything of the sort, Shinji continued. "And I'm not going to insult your pokemon. Calling them useless weaklings won't do a thing, since after all, it's not their fault. It's the trainer's fault for being a useless weakling himself and not being able to do a single thing to help his poor pathetic pokemon grow stronger. You give them a lot of confidence – but that alone has never gotten anyone to the top. You're a failure of a trainer, Satoshi." He'd called him by his name. "I was wrong. You're not worthy of my attention. You're not even worthy of my insults. This whole rivalry has been a waste of my time and yours, as was this battle. Oh and by the way," Shinji continued, giving Satoshi the most sadistic looking smirk he'd probably ever made in his life, "if you thought that you could ever handle a single pokemon better than me, I hope this goes to prove that your little fantasy world is not reality. Hikozaru will always be less than the best. Even if it grows big and evolves, it'll still be inferior if in your hands."
What was he saying? What was he saying! How could he just calmly put him down like that with insults that much worse than his usual? In front of his friends too. And in front of Reiji. Satoshi's fists shook, though he held himself back. He shook not out of anger or rage, but from the oncoming emotional front that was threatening to pass by him and turn him into an emotional wreck in front of everyone right there and then – something that hadn't happened in a long, long time to him.
"Just hold on a minute Shinji! You have no right to talk like that! Just who do you think you are! Satoshi is a hundred times above your level and you can never in your lifetime measure up to him in anything!" Hikari had jumped to Satoshi's defense, making Shinji turn to look at her.
"Yeah!" Takeshi agreed, joining Hikari. "You don't have a right to talk like that to anyone, Shinji!" He'd thought Shinji had changed the last time they'd met, somewhat displaying some concern for how Hikozaru was doing. He'd just been checking on how Satoshi had been doing with the pokemon he'd thrown away the whole time.
"Stop!" It was Satoshi's turn, having not gotten the chance to respond to Shinji yet. His voice cracked as he held in his emotions, though he forced the words out, eyes closed. "Hikari, Takeshi. Stop." This surprised his two friends. Why was he telling them to stop when Shinji was full out insulting him?
It quieted down and Shinji's eyes turned back to Satoshi. He noticed something different. Satoshi wasn't retorting back careless like he usually did. Satoshi wasn't defending his own training methods. Satoshi wasn't attacking Shinji's own slave-driving training techniques. Satoshi was instead on the verge of breaking down in front of his friends and his rival and hanging on by a string.
A moment passed and the trainer from Masara Town spoke again, opening his eyes this time, trusting himself to look directly at his rival, his voice unusually calm for himself. "As I said, congratulations Shinji. You won. If that satisfies you in proving me wrong, then..." He paused, not sure where he was going with this for a moment. "I still don't approve of your methods, and can't say I ever will." His voice got quieter as he continued until it was too low for his friends to hear all the way from the sidelines. "If pushing me hopelessly into a corner like this is what makes you feel good, then congratulations. You've accomplished it."
Shinji stared at him in silence. Yes, it did feel amazing pushing Satoshi on like that. Forcing him to use his last and final strings in a hopeless attempt to defeat him was what drove his adrenaline to its peak. It sounded rather sadistic when put in that manner, but in reality, Shinji strove for Satoshi's competitive and persisting nature to drive him to those extremes, and to push forward to increase his own power. If Satoshi refused to continue being like that, without such competition his own drive would completely drown as well. His long unwavering stare suddenly broke as he noticed the slightly increased shaking of his opponent's body. He wanted to say something. But anything that came to his mind was not anything he'd ever say, especially not with an audience. He wished that it was just the two of them. No one else. Then he could freely say whatever he felt like saying right now. And he also felt that Satoshi felt the same way at the moment. He turned his eyes to the sidelines, where the three on-lookers sat, taking his precious time in coming up with an answer. He finally said something. "I'll see you later."
It wasn't a goodbye. It wasn't an 'I don't want to see you any time soon'. He just said, "I'll see you later," as he turned around and calmly walked away from the group, hoping Satoshi would at least catch his message.
Satoshi's eyes immediately looked up at Shinji's form. "Hey, Shinji! Wait!" And he ran after him, just like any other time, putting a satisfactory smirk on Shinji's face, unseen by anyone.
"Satoshi!" Hikari jumped up from her seat but Reiji surprisingly held her back. "What? Reiji?" Takeshi gave a similar questioning expression.
"Let them talk it out. Shinji might have said many unnecessary things to Satoshi but I'm sure there's more he wants to say that he can't say in front of an audience. The same goes for Satoshi. This is between the two of them. If they can't work that out, then perhaps neither of them has matured enough as a trainer. I believe in them enough to trust that they'll work this whole thing out, even if both of them deny it."
Takeshi and Hikari listened to him, although they weren't completely convinced, neither completely understanding why those two seemed to be so obsessed with each other all the time.
"Shinji, wait!" Satoshi caught up with him quickly, considering that Shinji was taking his usual unrushed pace. He didn't cease his walking though, and Satoshi slowed down to match him. Neither said anything for a while until Shinji suddenly stopped, forcing his rival to stop as well. Taking a moment before turning around and facing Satoshi with his indifferent look, he asked, "What?"
Satoshi hesitated at this. He didn't think that that would be the first thing to come out of the other's mouth. So he was expecting Satoshi to say something first. "I..." he began, but realized he wasn't sure of what he wanted to say to the other.
"Hn. You told me to wait but don't even know what for? Usele..." he'd started but Satoshi chose to cut him off on that word.
"Stop it! Useless, weak, pathetic, incapable... stop it!" He'd finally snapped, collapsing against his rival's body, hands on Shinji's shoulders to support himself as he shook. "All I want... all I want is for you to finally acknowledge me! To tell me I'm worth something! To say that maybe, perhaps, I'm actually right about something and maybe have a point, and am not completely and utterly useless as a pokemon trainer! I've tried to get your attention, but it's always a useless waste of your time. I tried to be friendly, but you pushed me down. I try to make some sense of what our rivalry stands for, but you always make that so complicated! I beat Jindai, but you completely ignore that. I can't read you at all! And..." By now, Satoshi was clinging to Shinji's sweater desperately, head lowered, unable to look his rival in the eyes. Finally he looked up, giving Shinji the opportunity to read into every possible emotion in his own eyes. "'I'll see you later'? What was that supposed to mean! First I'm a waste of your time and suddenly you expect to see me later? Can't you drop your complex exterior for one second so I could at least try to figure out what's going on in your head!" He halted there, eyes staring directly into his rival's. They were so close and Shinji wasn't moving so much as to push him away from his personal space. After a while, Satoshi could no longer stand it. "Stop that."
"What?" Shinji finally spoke – or asked, rather.
"Stop doing that!"
"Doing what?" Shinji had a point there. He was literally doing nothing now.
Shinji stared into his eyes for a moment, contemplating on this before answering."First you say to stop doing something and then you just go and contradict yourself. And I'm the one that makes no sense?"
Satoshi was still there, holding on to him and looking at him desperately. "That... that's not my point." He diverted his eyes. "I can never understand you. What do you want, Shinji? You say you have no interest in me, but then you go and act like you still do. I don't understand you." He got no answer and looked back up into Shinji's eyes, a lot of frustration in his own. "Do something already!"
"Do something, huh?"
"Yes!" Satoshi was really aggravated by now, and although Shinji failed to show it, he was highly enjoying this. His lips curved up slightly into a smirk, making Satoshi's frustrated expression die down a little back into its previous confused state. "...What?"
"Okay." And that was all the warning Satoshi got before Shinji's hands were around his waist, pulling him closer, and his lips were pressed firmly to his own in a persistent kiss. Satoshi's body froze over. That was the last thing he'd expected from Shinji. Once again, the Tobari City slave-driving pokemon trainer proved to be completely unpredictable. Realizing he wasn't getting any reaction out of Satoshi, Shinji pulled back, eyes glued onto the other trainer's. He was as calm as ever, and Satoshi was still utterly lost.
"What... what was that for?" Satoshi pulled his right hand away from Shinji's right shoulder and pressed it to his lips, while pushing the other back with his left hand, which still clung to the warm fabric of the trainer's sweater. A blush unconventionally covered his cheeks, and although he'd pushed Shinji away, he was still holding on.
"You told me to do something," Shinji pointed out rhetorically but seriously.
"Not... not..." Satoshi couldn't finish.
"Are you done?" Shinji finally asked.
"Are you done with what you wanted to say to me?"
"I...!" How could Shinji just casually brush that off like that? Satoshi didn't understand it. "I guess so."
"Okay. My turn to speak." This caught Satoshi's attention. Was he going to admit that his ways were wrong after all? "I do think your style of training is useless and I'd never want to change my ways to yours." Perhaps not. Satoshi's eyes narrowed and he was about to retort back at him, but Shinji didn't allow him to. "But. I enjoy your persistence and I enjoy watching you trying so hard to gain my acknowledgment, even though it's pretty obvious that you've already had it since day one." Again, he didn't let Satoshi interrupt him. "And if you choose now to decide to believe that you're a waste of my time and finally give up trying to defeat me, then despite everything I've been saying, I will lose any respect that I have for you." He stopped. Satoshi didn't answer. He simply stared at him in that clueless way that made Shinji annoyed. "Come on, I spelled it out for you, you useless idiot. Do I have to be more direct?"
"I..." Shinji waited patiently for Satoshi to give his answer. "I... I still don't understand you. Why did you kiss me? And don't change the subject this time!"
"Useless." Making sure they indeed were out of sight of the rest, Shinji suddenly grabbed Satoshi's wrists and pushed him against a nearby tree. "I'm saying that I like you." He was now dangerously close to Satoshi's face again, only this time Satoshi didn't have the option of pulling away. "Anyone else would've gotten it right away."
Satoshi's eyes were now involuntarily glazed in liquid again as he glared at his rival. "What kind of thing is that to say while pushing someone! What happened to 'I hate you, Satoshi; we're not friends'? Huh!" He saw that Shinji was about to respond but beat him to it. "And I know that you never directly said those exact words bummphhh!" Shinji's lips were on his own once more.
"Shut up already," the trainer said after pulling away. He knew this was a bad idea. He shouldn't have said anything. He should've left Satoshi to mourn over his loss. He noticed the other flinch, more than likely from the look of hate written all over his own eyes at that moment. "Just... shut up. You made me say it to you like that so don't give me a difficult time over it! And don't even think twice about repeating my words to anyone or I'll..."
Shinji stopped. Satoshi's face was hidden from his view now. "H-hey. Don't..." He stopped himself from speaking. Was Satoshi rejecting his confession? That possibility had never crossed his mind. He stared down at the Masara Town trainer in suspense. He released his hold on Satoshi's wrists.
"I... I didn't realize..." He glanced up at Shinji's face, letting the tears that finally chose to pour down make themselves visible. "You're right. I'm useless."
"What... what are you crying about?" Shinji pulled completely away and turned around as if to head off. "You should rejoice with happiness." He lowered his voice. "You're the one who won."
"Shinji...!" Shinji stopped moving, waiting for Satoshi to say something. He wasn't expecting the warm embrace that he suddenly received from behind. "I still don't really get you. But I like you too." He could hear the smile on Satoshi's face.
"Whatever. You're still a useless weakling," the Tobari City pokemon trainer said, despite the rare smile that made itself present on his face.
This response made Satoshi smile more. "And as far as anyone's concerned... You're just my most important rival."
"Stop being cheesy. Did you hear that from Reiji?" He noticed those two useless friends of Satoshi, having finally decided to find them, approaching behind them. "I'll see you later." He walked out of Satoshi's embrace and didn't stop this time.
"I'll win next time! You'll see who's superior!"
"So you two have worked it out after all?" Takeshi asked. Hikari stopped next to him with a smile at Satoshi's renewed confident exterior.
"Let's go! I have to train harder so I can beat him next time!" Satoshi had a fully determined look on his face now. 'To prove to Shinji that this wasn't a waste of his time.'