DISCLAIMER: Naruto is a series originally created by Kishimoto Masashi. This is a work of fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended.
I don't remember exactly when it happened.
All I can recall is that I was thirteen or fourteen and that it must've been an early summer because it was raining even more than usual - an unrelenting downpour that kept drumming on the roof of our small house near the border of Ame. I had gone to bed early, leaving Nagato and Konan to play shougi in the main room, but I couldn't get to sleep.
The tiny bedroom was damp, and everything smelled moldy, and the futon was flat and hard and uncomfortable. But just when I was about to curl up and wallow even deeper in my misery, I heard Nagato laugh.
It wasn't very often that he laughed, really, and it only ever happened when he was playing or sparring together with Konan - and especially when Konan was winning. The reason for why he always seemed to find his defeat funny eluded me, but it was mesmerizing, the way his mouth would curve and his rinnegan would glint in a very special way.
So there I was, lying on my lumpy futon, listening to that unique, throaty sound of his laughter, and I could clearly picture his face in front of me.
This time, however, the thought of him was getting me hard.
And that, if anything, was scary.
Something in me said that it wasn't right, that when I snaked my hand into my pants, I was doing something that could get me in a lot of trouble, but the sudden rush of pleasure was too intoxicating for me to care about anything else at that moment.
My fantasy became even more vivid when I realized that I knew what he felt like.
I knew the texture of his bright red hair, and I knew his scent by heart since we'd always been training and perspiring together. I had literally wrestled with him countless of times, so I knew the proportions of his lithe body, the way his muscles would flex against mine and how the grip of his fingers would feel like when he'd take a firm hold of me and roll us over. I knew how it felt with his weight on top of me.
And with all that information rushing through my head, I masturbated.
To be perfectly honest, I wasn't particularly concerned about getting caught - they never turned on the lights when they came to bed after me - and I was young and inexperienced, so I finished it fast, but when I came, his name escaped my lips, and it was damn loud, and for a few seconds I could've sworn they had heard me.
Well, of course they hadn't. And after that, I made sure they never would.
But since that night, everything was different.
I began to revere the moments when I was allowed to touch him, which was usually when we were sparring together. It felt outright dangerous at times, as his proximity alone could give me a hard-on, but whenever I felt my self-control begin to slip, I would cut the training session short, find my way to a more secluded corner of the forest and take care of myself while his scent was still lingering on my sweaty skin.
It was bitter, and it was sweet, and it was everything in between.
And even more so when I became acutely aware that Nagato and Konan were getting romantically involved.
They were extremely discreet about it at first, and for several months, I was sure that I was just being tricked by my own overflowing feelings of insecurity. However, a week after Konan had turned seventeen, my suspicions were forthrightly confirmed when I walked in on them when were in the bedroom, kissing.
I'll never forget the way he was then - all gentle and laid-back and compliant - as he was caressing Konan's face and tasting her slowly and lightly and perhaps somewhat teasingly, too. And there I was, frozen still at the doorway while my heart was pounding so hard that I was convinced they could actually hear it.
He must've felt my stare because he let go of her soon and turned to face me and softly called out my name. My feet carried me across the floor on reflex until I came to a halt right next to them, and I could barely register his words when he explained that they wanted to get engaged, that they had been lovers for quite a while already, that they belonged together.
I found myself nodding at his lengthy confession, but there was nothing I could've said to them in return, so when I started to pull away, mentally exhausted and eager to leave them alone, Nagato suddenly reached out to grab me by my shoulder.
"What's wrong?" he asked, frowning. "You're our closest friend - aren't you happy for us?"
My breath got caught in my throat, and I forced myself to smile, but my mind screamed at me to get away from that room and spar until every muscle in my body would hurt.
"I am happy for you," I said and attempted to smile again. "I - just - "
Was he angry? I couldn't tell.
"You have my blessings," I muttered hastily, shook myself free of his grip and walked away, out of that room, out of that house, out of everything.
He joined me at the training grounds a couple of hours later, yanking off his shirt and challenging me as soon as he had arrived. Even then his taijutsu - like everything else about him - was flawless, and like so many times before, I ended up lying on the ground with him on top of me, his breath hot puffs against my neck while his fingers were still digging into my arms with bruising force.
But instead of rolling off my aching body, he raised his head, his rinnegan so bright and intensive that I had to narrow my eyes before it, and just seconds later his lips came down to meet mine.
I was too overwhelmed to answer the kiss at first, but when he darted out his tongue to sweep at the seam of my mouth, I finally responded to him and let that slick muscle past my lips, and we were kissing fully this time, his hand grasping at my hair, his hips pressing down against mine.
"What - ?" was everything I managed to gasp out after he pulled back a bit to look at me again.
"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" he asked quietly, and I swallowed hard at those words before he continued. "I can feel your cock prodding at me even as we speak. But you must understand one thing: I can't love you back, Yahiko. I love Konan. She's everything to me. You are my best friend, but she's my lover, and I have no intention of changing that."
"So why kiss me now?" I croaked, confused, and he smiled.
"Because I have no intention of throwing you away either. You're important to me, to both of us. I don't want you to feel like a third wheel. I don't want you to leave us. If holding the three of us together requires me to embrace you like this every once and a while, I'm willing to do it."
I was shocked, to say at least. "But Konan, what if she finds out - "
"I've already talked to her about this, and she told me that she wasn't blind either - and that she wouldn't mind if I humored you every now and then to make sure you stay happy."
"Is that what you call it? That you're - humoring me?" I made a feeble effort to push him away from me, suddenly irritated by the whole situation, but he seized me by my wrists as his expression seemed to sober up again.
"No, unlike her, I wouldn't call it humoring, Yahiko. I'd call it - caring."
I was speechless, and he closed his eyes, his nose poking at mine, and then his lips were brushing at my mouth again. I was so hard, and all I wanted was to pull down my pants right there and then and beg him to take me any way he wanted, and yet deep down I knew it would be way too much to ask for, that he'd never take me in that warm, soft mouth of his, let alone fuck me.
But at least I could tell he was half-hard as well, and for a moment I indulged myself by imagining what it would feel like with him inside of me. However, when he realized that I'd began to grind my hips up against him, he sat up on his knees, staring down at my flushed form, still serious. And then, clearly out of an impulse, he reached out his hand and kneaded the bulge in my pants briefly before he stood up, collected his shirt from the ground and left.
Hours later, I plucked up the courage to limp back to the house - only to find him preparing the dinner with Konan as if nothing had happened.
For a while, it seemed like nothing had changed that much. As our organization began to gain more members, some of them homeless, we purchased a bigger house from the outskirts of Amegakure. Personally, I was relieved to have a room of my own at last because it meant that I didn't have to watch Nagato and Konan fall asleep cuddled up against each other every night anymore.
I had no idea where and when they had sex, and frankly, I wasn't that keen to find out either. All that mattered to me were those fleeting moments at the training grounds when Nagato would reward my patience by kissing me and by fondling my body lightly. Sometimes he even felt my erection through my pants so that I very nearly came right there in his arms, but usually he was quiet and restrained and didn't allow me to touch him in return. However, for me, the sensation of his body on top of mine was more than enough, and whenever I could tell that he was turned on as well, it was like a small victory to me.
I wanted to impress him. I worked hard for our cause, and as long as he was there, standing next to me, his quiet strength emanating from him, I was satisfied. I fought relentlessly to earn his respect until Konan finally approached me one night, telling me to stop taking unnecessary risks and doing her best to assure me that I didn't have to prove myself to him or to push myself too far just to keep him close because neither of them would never ever leave me.
But as the months rolled by, I knew there was still a part of me that wasn't convinced by her assurances, and one gray afternoon when Nagato began to kiss and touch me again after a particularly rough training session, I took a firm hold of him and pushed him to the ground.
"I want you to fuck me."
His eyes widened. "No."
"First of all, I don't want to hurt Konan's feelings by cheating on her, and you know it. And secondly - I don't feel like fucking you, period. You're good-looking, yes, but it wouldn't feel right."
I growled in frustration. "Then why don't you let me fuck you instead."
He raised an eyebrow, and I turned my gaze away, willing myself to get off of him. "Yeah, I know. I know."
He stayed on the ground, his eyes still on me as I was panting and brooding with my forehead against my knee, drained both by the training session and by my own emotions.
In a little while, he got up and walked away, not saying a word as he disappeared among the trees. But in the following morning, at breakfast, he unexpectedly leaned over to whisper in my ear.
"Come over to our room tonight after the house has settled down."
There was something off about his voice, but I could barely wait to see what would happen next, so just after eleven o'clock that night I was there, knocking at the frame of their door before sliding it open and stepping in a bit warily, not sure of what to expect.
Konan was sitting cross-legged on their large futon reading, but as soon as I entered the room, she put away her book and gestured me to join her. She looked genuinely delighted by my arrival, and when she ran her fingers through my hair and caressed my face, I was somewhat puzzled by her behavior and even frightened by her proximity. However, my fear was quickly forgotten when Nagato walked out of their bathroom, wearing a simple cotton yukata very similar to mine.
His smile made me feel more at ease right away, but when he sat down right next to me, my heart began to flutter again, and I felt slightly out of breath by the strange intimacy of the situation. And then he touched me, too, his fingers grazing at my mouth, and before I knew what was happening, he kissed me.
The startling gesture nearly made me panic, but then I felt Konan take my hand and squeeze it hard when Nagato pushed me down on the futon, nibbling at my lips and tugging at the belt of my yukata to get it open.
It suddenly dawned on me the abrupt assault was probably one of his weird ways of challenging me, and while kissing him back fiercely, I did my best to undress him as well. When Nagato finally pulled back, I glanced over at Konan who seemed flushed, her tongue darting in and out of her mouth to spread moisture on her luscious lips, and she looked more stunning than ever, and for a moment, I wished I had the courage to kiss her, too. Just as I was beginning to wonder if she was going to leave us alone, Nagato reached out and undid her yukata as well, and mere seconds later, they were both naked before me, their faces hovering above me when they began to explore my body freely.
I was confused; I was euphoric; I was enthralled. I didn't know what was expected from me, but they made their intentions clear soon enough when Nagato turned his attentions to Konan and I realized I was actually watching him go down on her, his agile tongue and skilled fingers teasing her shamelessly right in front of my eyes. However, my own senses were completely taken over by him and him alone - the way he moved, the rapidly changing expressions on his face, the little sounds of appreciation he made in the back of his throat when Konan arched and writhed before him.
But what fascinated me most was his cock - not as thick as mine but slightly longer, hard and dark and ready - and I found myself unable to keep my gaze away from it until I couldn't stand being passive any longer and reached out to touch it. He groaned yet kept on working on Konan who sounded like she was getting very close to her climax.
I pumped him slowly - a tad too slowly, perhaps, because he started bucking into my hand. He was smooth and slick with precome, and I wanted to taste him so badly, but his position made it impossible, and then I heard Konan let out a short cry as her hips began to jerk against her lover's mouth.
He sat up and wiped his lips with the back of his hand before leaning over to kiss me swiftly. He then moved forward, pushed Konan's knees up and entered her roughly, his hips rocking when he forced himself deeper and deeper, and Konan's broken whimpers made me shudder as I was helplessly watching them couple.
"Yahiko." Nagato's voice shook me out of my trance. "There's a bottle of lubricant on the floor."
I looked around, saw the item and picked it up when Nagato glanced at me over his shoulder and gave me a short nod.
"But I - "
My hands were shaking badly when I poured some of the substance on my fingers before sliding them into him one by one. His hips were still moving as he thrust into Konan languidly now, and I had to focus to make certain I was doing it right because I had no intention to hurt him. He grew impatient fast, though, reaching back to push away my probing hand and fingers and urging me to move on.
He tensed up visibly when I made my first effort to enter him. He was tight, and his body refused to open up before me, and it was probably quite painful, too, even though he never made a sound to complain. I saw Konan stroke his hair, and I could hear her whisper into his ear even though I couldn't make out the words, and soon he raised his head and told me to try again.
This time it worked, and I slid into him very carefully, holding my breath and shivering in anticipation. He was so hot, his body was clenching and pulsing around me, and I made a couple of tentative thrusts. I was surprised to hear Konan react to my movements with a moan because I made Nagato grind against her, but to my disappointment, he remained stubbornly silent, his face buried in the crook of Konan's shoulder.
I raked my fingers across the expanse of his back and moved again, not really concerned about his reactions any longer. What mattered to me was that I was finally inside of him and that every thrust I made seemed to coax his body to respond, and eventually, his own hips began to move as well. It was rather clumsy at first, but when I figured it would be easier for everyone if I just placed my hands on the futon for support and let him do most of the work between Konan and I, things began to escalate very fast.
He was making sounds again, soft hisses and low grunts, and I rested my forehead against his back so I could breathe in his scent while watching his muscles ripple beneath me. Konan was literally trashing now - or would have if she hadn't been so tightly pressed into the mattress by her lover - and I could feel her legs brush against my hips as well when she tried to pull Nagato even closer.
And then I knew that the moment she'd come, I would come, too, and just as the thought passed through my dazed mind, I could hear her breathe out Nagato's name and felt Nagato shudder beneath me. It was too much, and I let my body to take over, thrusting into him so hard that he let out a broken cry when I came almost violently inside of him.
However, even after I was done, Nagato didn't come right away. He had to keep on moving, and I did my best to keep moving with him because I was feeling raw but didn't want to pull out quite yet, and it was sheer agony yet simply amazing when he reached his climax with a deep growl maybe half a minute later. As the contractions in his body gradually subsided, I pressed my ear against his back and listened to those frantic heartbeats inside of his rapidly rising and falling chest.
He winced when I slipped out of him and laid down next to them, relaxed and pleasantly disoriented. His expression was unreadable, but then he leaned over and kissed me, his tongue working its way into my mouth and his fingers clenching in my hair.
"Do you want me to leave?" My voice came out sounding coarser than I'd intended, but Nagato shook his head.
"You can stay if you like. But we really need to take a shower at first, all of us."
I saw Konan nod in agreement, and we helped each other up from the futon. Their bathroom was the largest one in the house, so there was more than plenty of room for the three of us.
To my astonishment, Konan asked me to wash her, thus allowing me to touch her and even to explore her body while Nagato just smiled and watched us from the side. She was a gorgeous woman, and I could tell that she found me attractive, and I couldn't help wondering whether things would've been different if I hadn't fallen for Nagato first. However, no matter how lovely her full breasts felt in my hands or how thrilling it was to slip my finger inside of her, there was something missing, something important I couldn't quite grasp, and it led me to understand how Nagato had probably felt when he had touched me, too.
I was starting to get increasingly curious about what had motivated him to cross the invisible barrier between us by going all the way with me, but I decided not to let it bother me that night, especially after he later offered me to pleasure him with my mouth as well.
It was only in the following morning when I woke up in their bedroom alone that the haunting sense of hollowness inside of me returned, and it took me an entire week to perceive that something really had irrevocably changed between Nagato and I.
The first and the most striking implication was that he refused to continue touching and kissing me after our training sessions. It was as if the physical aspect of our relationship had been completely erased and forgotten, and the sole explanation he gave me was that he now wanted to get back to the way things used to be when we were younger. I knew he wasn't exactly telling the truth, but I felt it wiser not to push the issue, so I left it at that.
The second thing I noticed was that after our night together, his relationship with Konan began to cool down very quickly, and I never saw them cuddle or kiss anymore. Sometimes it seemed that even their friendship had mysteriously been replaced by cold professionalism, and the words engagement or marriage were never spoken or heard in our house again.
I felt both guilty and betrayed at the same time, but I refused to give in to those feelings and turned my focus to our organization instead.
We were officially recognized by Hanzou six months later, and frankly, I wasn't sure if that was necessarily a good thing because he was arrogant and liked to keep us busy and out of his way. But I wanted to believe that I was doing the right thing, that the decision to join forces with him would eventually turn everything for the better and provide a brighter future for all of us.
And more than anything, I wanted Nagato to trust me again.
To smile at me again.
To hold me again.
To kiss me again the way he'd kissed me that night…
…That day the rain was falling so hard.
The rain was falling, and there was no hesitation in my mind after Hanzou had dictated his terms.
The rain was falling, and there was no hesitation in my mind after I heard Konan scream at Nagato and tell him to forget about her.
The rain was falling, and there was no hesitation in my mind after I realized how beautiful he was in his fear and agitation.
A voice in my head whispered that perhaps he did want to do it after all, that perhaps he had been looking for an excuse to do it for quite some time already.
But when I took a hold of his wrist and the pain ripped through my chest, I could see the horror and disbelief in his eyes, and I knew I had been wrong.
Something had just awakened inside of him.
And the moment I fell forward and my body pressed against his for the very last time, I knew my love for him had not been in vain.