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O Romeo, Romeo!

December 2008

When he realized that I wasn't going to reply he said something I had not expected. At all.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

I stared at him incredulously.

"WHAT?!"

I gaped at Jasper with my jaw hanging open when I heard Charlie's car outside. Fuck. Perfect timing.

"I like you, babe - Really, I do, more than - Well. I like you a lot…would you be my girlfriend?"

My mouth stayed hanging open as I heard Charlie's car door slamming shut.

"So will you? Bella? Be my girlfriend?"

"Uh. NO! Get the hell out of here before Charlie comes in, Jasper!"

The dramatic fall of his face at my words didn't escape me, but I was in no position to actually explain my decision to him. Charlie was almost inside and I would be toast if he found Jasper in here.

I hurriedly grabbed his elbow, pushed him towards the kitchen door, and hissed, "Out! Now! Get the hell out! OUT!"

And before you could say "Gorgeous, Lousy Player", the kitchen door was shut, Jasper gone and me facing my dripping wet father,

"Hey…"

"Oh hello, sweetheart, how are you?"

"Fine, fine…I'm fine…so….um…I should go…sleep…uh…study…"

Charlie raised an eyebrow at my amazingly inarticulate sentence and I rolled my eyes and stormed up the stairs, still floating on my adrenaline high.

***

I aimlessly rolled the pen in my hand, trying to focus on something that wasn't related to Jasper. But so far, I had been shockingly unsuccessful. Fuck Jasper. He didn't come over yesterday, the bastard. He came EVERY fucking day! Just because I don't want to have a damned relationship with him, he thinks he can dump me like tomorrow's garbage?!

Good thing I didn't say yes…God knows what an ass he can be.

***

Damn. Not again! I need to stop checking my phone for texts. If he wanted to contact me, he would've made it happen. But obviously, he's too busy for that. Too busy doing his best to avoid me. Fucker. God, I wish he never stepped foot in Newton's shop! That he never needed a stupid airbed! Who needs an airbed anyway? Better yet, that he never came to Fork's high!

Huh!? And as I wait for a time machine to be invented so that I can fucking stop this from happening in the past…I really need to stop checking my cell. It's simply pathetic.

***

Three o'clock. Dammit Jasper! Where are you?!

***

Four o'clock….Maybe he'd come around late. Yes, that's it…he's just late.

***

At least now, I know he isn't late. Just a fucking 'No Show.' Its eight now; if he wanted to come…he'd have been here a long time back. Dammit!

***

So this is it. All those days were for nothing? Was our friendship for nothing? Don't I mean anything to him?

***

Well. I'd be damned if I let Jasper Whitlock dictate my life. If he wants nothing to do with me…I'm not going to go running after him. I'm not one of Kate's sluts! I don't run after assholes! I have a life. And Jasper is not a part of it anymore. Sorry Jasper.

***

I sighed as I got ready for school. The weekend was horrible. I spent every second of the day thinking about that good-for-nothing little motherfucker. No matter how hard I try to think he means nothing to me…I can't…because he does…these past weeks. He has been the only thing in my life worth mentioning…my life started revolving around him…and then he just…takes it all away…

What kind of disgusting little prick does that? I never asked him to jump into my life…I never asked him to become my life…and I definitely never asked him to take that all away!

***

I stood in the cafeteria line trying to be inconspicuous in looking for Jasper. He was nowhere to be found. I sighed as I looked down to the floor.

***

The day passed uneventfully and I heard through the gossip line that Jasper was taking the day off. Nobody knew why. I bit my lip and wiped beneath my wet eyes as I scurried off.

***

Once again, I sat on my bed staring at my cell phone wondering if I should just call him and ask him to put all this behind us. Could I do that?

No. I can't. I won't! I'm not the kind of girl that begs and pleads after guys. And I'm not about to change for this little fucker. If he wants to talk to me…he knows where to find me. If he wants to talk to me, he'll make it happen.

***

Maybe he just needs a little time to get over all this. Yeah. That's it. If I give him his space today…he'll come over tomorrow all nice and happy.

***

Maybe I can just call him…That might make him hurry up with his decision to forget it all! Or maybe that would just make it all worse.

***

URGH!! I can't even concentrate on homework. Jasper is fucking consuming my brain! How the hell does he do that?

***

Well. The homework thing obviously didn't work…maybe I can just read something…

***

I kept sliding my cell open and close as I tried reading the e-book open in front of me.

But it just wasn't working! Every time I reached the second paragraph, I couldn't remember what the first one had said. Finally, the frustration took over and I slammed the laptop shut and fell on my bed with my palms pressed hard against my eyes. I tried evening out my breath as the fact I had been trying to escape caught up with me. I miss Jasper.

***

Now that I had accepted that I was in fact missing Jasper, I started wondering if I had not been too hard on him….I mean, the guy, my best friend asked me to be his girlfriend. He had to care for me on some level, right? If I were just a damn bet, he wouldn't have skipped school. Obviously he feels something….and then…and then as soon as he asked me I shout "NO" at him and push him out of the house…that couldn't have felt too good to him, right?

***

Now I really miss him. And I'm starting to question why I ever said no to him. Sure…he probably can never be as serious as I can about relationships….and love…but how can I be sure about it if I don't give him a chance? He's become my best friend…he deserves that damned chance.

***

I decided that the next day I would talk to him, so here I am, in the school parking lot, waiting for the bell to ring. His car was already here, so I knew he would be, too. But I couldn't see him anywhere so I figure our little talk could wait until lunch break.

***

Okay. So. It's lunch break. And I'm right here. And Jasper is right there. So…what's the problem, right? I'll tell you. The problem is the five-foot-four-inch-tall, black-haired little minx, also known as Alice Brandon, hanging off Jasper's arm.

Boy. He sure moves on fast. Nice to know I meant so much to him.

***

So here I am lying in my bed at night dissecting every movement Jasper and Brandon made. Some crappy body language guidebook would tell me that they weren't into each other. I mean, they just didn't look as if they were flirting…their expressions were serious and they weren't laughing…It was mostly Jasper who talked, but Brandon opened her mouth now and then, too.

***

Wait! I know…he was just confused, probably heartbroken, about us…and he probably was just talking to her…I mean…he is allowed to have friends. When I'm his girlfriend, I'm not going to be a bitch about that. Uh-Wait -Rewind-Pause- 'Girlfriend'?!

Wow. My subconscious sure works fast…I didn't even know I was going to say yes to him already…hmm…maybe I would…he is awfully handsome…

***

Wow. Another school day. Where did the time go? It feels like it was just yesterday I kicked Jasper out of my house!

So…now, what's the plan? Do I wait for Jasper to come up to me…or do I go and talk to him…? Or text him…? Ugh. Let's just wait and watch where this goes.

***

Nowhere. Yeah. That's where things without a plan go. No-fucking-where. Every time I saw him, he had people around him, especially that skank, Brandon. And it was as if he was purposely ignoring me. He didn't even glance once in my direction. Believe me, I would have known. I was staring at him all the time. So. Once again, here I am…lying in my bed at night…missing that douche bag. I sighed and closed my eyes, willing sleep to find me.

***

A rattling sound woke me up and I looked around wildly, clutching my blanket tightly against my chest. The same noise sounded again and I stared in the general direction it seemed to be coming from.

The window!

I squinted my eyes and am positive that there were pebble-like things hitting its glass. Pebbles? Against a window? My brows furrowed in confusion as I tried to remember whether I had fallen asleep on a Romeo& Juliet set. Wait. Romeo…? Fucking hell! Jasper?!

I shot up from my bed and sure enough, standing underneath my window was a drenched Jasper. I bit my lip and melted to the floor right there and then. How sweet is this? Lothario turned into Romeo. Just for me!

I slowly opened the window, trying to be as quiet about it as possible. The storm outside was loud enough. Coupled with the damn window's squeak, Charlie would wake up for sure. I could go down the stairs…but that might wake him up, too. So this was my safest bet. Besides, isn't this how Romeo and Juliet did their thing? "O Romeo, Romeo"?

Thankfully, Jasper stopped his personal pebble-shower when he saw me. And once again, he managed to stop me in my tracks by shouting out loud enough that I could hear him above the storm.

"I LOVE YOU!"

My jaw unhinged and I stared at him, speechless, as he carried on,

"I don't know why you don't want us to be together but I love you, dammit! And I don't give a fuck about anything else. If you're playing hard to get then keep on playin' sweetheart, cause I ain't giving up on you. Ever!"

Now my jaw was no longer in danger of falling off, but my lip sure was in danger of being chewed off. I had only mentally prepared myself for being with him. I hadn't exactly given it a lot of thought. And to be completely honest…I'm not sure I'm at that point yet. Can't we just take one thing at a time? Jasper was still into his monologue, so I thought I'd just wait for him to be done. It's not as if I had much to say, anyway.

"Bella. You don't even have to say it back. I'm okay with that. Seriously, I am! You most probably don't love me at this point, anyway…and it's okay! It's perfectly okay! Just please give me the chance to make you feel that way! Please say that you'll be mine! I'm already yours…just say that you'll take me…please, just please…"

I tried to blink away my burry vision, but when that didn't work, I started nodding my head fiercely.

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