WE DON'T OWN TORCHWOOD OR DOCTOR WHO! BUT WE DO OWN THE CAVE, THE FOREST OF WRONG END OF THE STICKS, THE ICECREAM VAN, THE POINTLESS STAIRS AND THE STRANGE WORLD BEHIND THE DOOR! We also own the epicness of this fic.
A review was made to Of Wizards And Popcorn. There was a reply to this review, and many misunderstandings followed. And, thusly, the most epic partnership was born. And from this epic partnership came the most epic fic of our time. We (As in SchmEthan and IfEaRnOfIsH/Jinxy) Hope you enjoy our completely pointless and random little escapade. LONG LIVE THE HAMS!
Cheesy American Intro Voice: LIVE! From a cave where no one can hear you SCREAM, it's the HUB SHOW! And here come your hosts…SCHMETHAN AND JINXY, also known as IfEaRnOfIsH!
*SchmEthan appears from cave's tunnel, accompanied by scared clapping from audience*
SchmEthan: PRUNES! I'm SchmEthan, also known as Ethan, also known as OH NO!
Smart arse from audience: Aren't there meant to be two of you?
*SchmEthan pulls out cheese gun and shoots Mr Smart Arse*
SchmEthan: I have the second host right here, actaullies! *Pulls Pokeball from pocket* I CHOOSE YOU, JINXY!
*Girl jumps from Pokeball*
Audience: *Crickets chirp*
Jinxy: *Stamps foot* I SOUND LIKE A POKEMON! GEDDIT?!
Audience: *Crickets continue to chirp*
Jinxy: I SAID... *Pulls out scary looking brick* I. AM. A. POKEMON. GEDDIT?!
Audience: *Scared round of applause*
Jinxy: Thank YOU.
SchmEthan: Anyways, welcome to the HUB SHOW! LIVE, here, in the deepest darkest cave we could afford! We capture *Ahem* Invite the TORCHWOOD team and other Doctor Who characters into this lovely little lair so we can torture *Ahem* interview them!
Jinxy: MAJOR YAYS! TOUR TIME!
SchmEthan: Agreed. You can be the not-so-glamorous assistant!
Jinxy: WHY YOU LITTLE…
SchmEthan: *Cuts over Jinxy's major tantrum* HERE we have the ice cream van!
*Ice cream van jingles as Jinxy jumps on top*
SchmEthan: Here we hand out the ICECREAMS OF DOOM!
Jinxy: *Very unglamorous pose*
SchmEthan: No one knows what happens when a fictional character eats these ice creams…but we know it's something VERY BAD!
Jinxy: *Dark voice* Very bad…
SchmEthan: You know what? I think it's time for a totally unnecessary ORAGAMI DUCK WAR!
*Jinxy and SchmEthan battle for a few hours, and then realise there is a show to do*
SchmEthan: OK! Now THAT'S settled, we move onto the FLIGHT OF STAIRS!
*Random flight of stairs are revealed from behind a toaster*
Audience: *Crickets chirp*
Jinxy: NO! SEE! THERE IS NO POINT TO THESE STAIRS. *Runs up stairs and falls off top* AYYYEEEEEE!
SchmEthan: *As Jinxy falls with a splat* We just felt like that there was a need for stairs. Ya know? Stairs? And stuff?
Jinxy: *Picks self up* TAAA DAAAAA! PLUGHOLES!
Audience: *Give forced gasp*
Jinxy: And last…
SchmEthan: But not pineapples…
*Curtain pulls back to reveal secret door with huge question mark*
Audience: *Forced gasp of wonderment*
SchmEthan: THIS IS THE DOOR…TO ANOTHER WORLD.
Jinxy: Of COCONUTS.
SchmEthan: No. Not of coconuts. *Gives Jinxy fond pat on head while reaching for chloroform* Silly Jinxy.
Jinxy: *Epic scowl*
SchmEthan: *Smug* Behind this door lies a world which contains a mysterious monster…
Jinxy: WHO LIKES COCONUTS.
SchmEthan: No, Jinxy. No coconuts here. Radiators, maybe, but coconuts…no.
*Something growls and bangs on door*
SchmEthan and Jinxy: Oooh dear…
*SchmEthan and Jinxy try and shove the door closed as thing tries to break free*
SchmEthan: COULD WE GET SECURITY PLEASES?!
*A whole army of origami ducks charge out through tunnel and surround door*
SchmEthan: Do not fear, dear audience. For the ducks have it under control!
Jinxy: HURRAH FOR PAPER DUCKS! ^^
SchmEthan: TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE US INTERVIEW CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS!
Jinxy: And if any viewers out there would like to send in any whales *Ahem* questions, we ask that you PM us, rather than send your questions through reviews! TIS VERY BAD IF YOU SEND THROUGH REVIEWS! That is all!
Cheesy intro voice: Now a word from our sponsors…
SchmEthan: Who is that guy?
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