Night Before Christmas
Smashed, slashed and trashed by For-Chan!
Disclaimer: First off, I don't own DBZ I"ve asked Santa repeatedly but he just keeps ignoring me. I deserve them more! Also the Night Before Christmas, I don't own that and a little FYI neither does Clement C. Moore the guy they said wrote it, it was actually Major Henry Livingston Jr. or so I'm told.
Warnings: Woah baby! I totally trashed this Christmas classic, if you don't enjoy watching Christmas tradition torn to shreds you'd best steer clear, otherwise feel free to laugh alone with me!
Notes: Well I've had writers block for a while, as you can see this isn't the case since I went well beyond the actual bounds of the poem, but it makes it so much better ne? ^_^ And this was written specifically for the SSML so its filled with more than a few inside jokes.
Summary: A remake of The Night Before Christmas from Vegeta's POV


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the corporation
Not a creature was stirring, they were all on vacation

The stockings were hung by the chimney with tacks
In hopes that they'd soon be filled with knick knacks

The brats were entwined together all snug in their beds
With interesting hentai visions dancing through their heads

With Kakarrot in his birthday suit and I in mine
We'd just settled in bed for a nice 69

When out on the lawn some jerk made so much noise
That I jumped out of bed abandoning my toys

Away to the window I made a mad dash
Hoping to see who I could Final Flash

The lawn was all white under layers of snow
But not one set of footprints did I see down below

Then to my annoyance what should the sky feature
But a flying sleigh lead by nine running creatures

With a little old driver whose silhouette made me sick
Cause I knew for damn sure that it wasn't St. Nick

Faster than a bullet that menagerie they came (not that way you hentais!)
And then whistled and shouted they were each called by name:

"Now Mop! Now Neko! Now Rad and VP!
On Lara, and Mara, Lady, CG and CV!

To the top of the porch to the top of the wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

And like flighty birds that take wing and fly
When they met with an obstacle they mounted the sky (no no no! not like that!)

So up to the housetop those people they flew
With a sleigh full of who knows and that damned onna too!

And then in a minute I heard on the roof
The impatient pawing of foot, paw and hoof

So I ran for the stairs thinking that I had time
But damn that sick woman down the chimney she climbed

She was dressed all in fur except from thigh to heel
Covered in ashes she was no Alley McBeal

Evil grinning lips twisted up into a smile
And I groaned cause it looked like she'd stay for a while

Hentai thoughts circling her head like a haze
Curse the people who told me it was just a phase

A bundle of "toys" was flung on her back
And she looked like a demon opening her pack

Her eyes how they twinkled, those dimples so cute
Cheeks all rosy it made me want to puke

She had a pale face and a round little belly
I thought to myself she'd had one to many peanut butter and jelly

She was covered in ashes and smiling like a fiend
And I just had to laugh at how ludicrous this seemed

A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
Told me all I needed that there was something to dread

But she spoke not a word, though she bounced high on caffeine
Filling those stockings with all things obscene

Presents got quickly shoved under the tree
Before she started a noisy climb back up the chimney

She shuffled in the sleigh and cracked a whip
And then to my amusement I heard the sleigh slip

Down, down the rooftop the whole circus crashed
A pile of humans, dragon, saiyans, and even some cats

The whole house was up then and all running around
I think I even spotted Gohan in a pink nightgown

Out on the front lawn there was a flailing pile
On top sat that creature that was so vile

"For-Chan!" Kakarrot exclaimed all wrapped in a sheet
She grinned for a moment till she was kicked by stray feet

"What's going on?" Trunks demanded annoyed
Perhaps he'd been doing more than sleep with Kakarrot's boy

"Oh well we were just in the neighborhood"
She lied through her teeth though it did her no good

"I'll teach you this time you annoying yaoi brat"
I announced right before I got bit by a cat.

Cursing I fell back into the Goku
And then they were off that whole kami damned yaoi crew

Before I could catch them there was a squeal from inside
So I went to the living room to see who had died

But no death met my eyes when I looked into the room
Instead it seemed that Christmas was in full bloom

Presents were torn open and paper was flying
In the center of it all I saw Gohan holding a dildo and crying

With each treasure exposed my eyebrows they rose
Lube, and "toys" and silk panty hose!

Those slashers they brought us our most twisted desires
Lingerie and leather no assembly required.

And just for a moment I almost grinned
But Kakarrot grabbed a box and then me and we were off like the wind

To the bedroom we flew lickety split
On the bed I was thrown and secured with a click

Ki dampening handcuffs lined with fur
Then Kakarrot was on me with a grin and a purr

Hot fevered kisses flavored like wine
Hands caressing, hips pressing up in a grind

And all through the house similar scenes played
It seemed that those presents made the grade

And so to that onna and that whole slashy list
Thanks a lot but don't think I'm not pissed

If I ever do catch you you'd better run fast
Cause nothing will save you from my energy blast

So what's that line, Happy Christmas and good night?
There now I said it get out of my sight!


Wa ha ha ha! *cackles* Did you like it?!
Vegeta: What the hell was that?
It was the Night Before Christmas, didn't you like it?
Vegeta: If you ask me, it was a Nightmare if you ask me.
Well I didn't so there, besides, that is so cliché!
Vegeta: *glares* whatever, you were in it too long, me and Kakarrot needed more time with those handcuffs.
.... have you ever tried to do a lemon scene in rhyming couplets?
Vegeta: What the hell is a couplet?
Guess not. At any rate, Merry Christmas everybody!!