Short lil songfic to Ida Maria's 'Keep Me Warm'. Spoilers for X-Men Origins Takes places after Logan leaves Stryker's mutant death squad thing.

The cigarette smoke swirled and danced lazily in the air above his head. The nicotine helped steady his nerves and the half empty cup of coffee in front of him helped him stay conscious. It was late at night or early in the morning, he didn't really know. He did know that he didn't want to sleep; he didn't think he'd be able to get any rest anyway.

Pour myself a cup of coffee full of sober nights,
Cos nicotine and coffee are my friends in this fight

He didn't own a watch or a calendar but he knew it had been 25 days, 2 hours, 34 minutes, and 23 seconds, 24 seconds, 25 seconds; since Jimmy had walked away from their group, from him. His baby brother was out all alone in the world, he tried to tell himself that he didn't care but he knew it was a lie.

They had always been together, even before they knew they were brothers. Jimmy was always following him around, trying to prove that he was worthy enough to play with him.

And you, you keep me warm
You, you keep me warm
All your cigarettes and cup of coffee
It keeps me warm

At first he had gotten drunk and fought with Wade, if only to keep his mind off of the empty space in his heart. But getting drunk and fighting hadn't helped so he had turned to his only two real comforts left. He was mainlining caffeine like it was heroin and he had smoked so many cigarettes that if he didn't have his healing factor he would have gotten cancer by now.

He hid his hurt well but Bradley saw through his well placed mask. The younger mutant never said anything, probably because he was afraid too or didn't know what the appropriate thing to say was. Bradley did keep in coffee though and for that, he guessed, he was grateful.

Believe me I can play games cos I know all the rules,
Believe me I can pretend cos I've studied the masks

He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes as the smoke invaded his lungs and soul. For a moment he felt human and he imagined Jimmy coming into the kitchen and seeing him so open and alone. Jimmy would see how much he missed him and all would be forgiven. He opened his eyes and looked towards the door and saw only darkness.

But I don't wanna play any theatre for you,
I don't wanna stage a single piece for you

The lukewarm coffee was finished off quickly and he stood up to fill his chipped cup once more. It had been almost a week since he had slept but every time he lay down in his bed an overwhelming coldness would him and he would have to retreat to the safety of the kitchen.

He and Jimmy had shared a bed since they were kids and it hadn't changed despite how old they got or how many whores they brought home. Jimmy would curl up next to him and give him a kiss on the cheek which sometimes turned into more.

Oh, you, you keep me warm
You, you keep me warm
All your cigarettes and cup of coffee
It keeps me warm

His brother, his mate; he had managed to destroy everything he had in one moment. Because of that one moment that he could never take back, his bed would forever be cold.

Jimmy was gone but his coffee and his cigarettes would keep him warm.

No, I don't wanna stage any theatre for you,
I don't wanna play a single piece for you

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