Just had the sudden urge to write this! I hope you enjoy it... Please review and tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: For the last time, I DO NOT OWN THE PRINCESS DIARIES.
Cookie Snatching and Realisations
What is the big fuss over Josh Ritcher?
Honestly. He is just a six foot idiot with a girly haircut and a drinking problem.
Why is he so appealing to girls? Well, really, the question is: why is he so appealing to Mia?
Now, I hope you don't get the wrong idea here, unlike my charming (not) sister. I'm only asking because she's my little sister's best friend and comes over all the time. I do not like her in any way. I'm only looking out for her. You could even call it a best-friend's-older-brother duty. Exactly.
Well, it all started when Mia came to spend the night like she does every other week. We were in the living room watching TV and she started asking those really weird questions about who you'd procreate with. I'm telling you, that girl is one in a million.
We actually started getting into it quite a bit and then my dear sister asked the fatal question: "Who would you rather choose, Mia? Michael or Josh Ritcher?" –insert rolling of drums-
I have to admit that I was quite interested in what she had to say. Again, not in that way.
But then, just as it does every day in this stupid house, something just had to interrupt us. Not that I cared.
I found out the answer the next morning anyway. Mia had gone home and Lilly was sitting on the couch, reading a textbook on psychology that was bigger than her head. She was also stuffing her face with the chocolate chip cookies that I asked Maya to buy for me.
"Do you mind?" See? I'm very polite.
"What do you want, pig?" Oh the hypocrisy killed me.
"Those are MY cookies that you are vigorously shoving into your abnormally large mouth."
She glared in her usual attractive way (which makes her look like a cross between a donkey and a pig). "Ohhh. Your cookies are they? I thought even you would have grown out of the toddler stage."
Oh how I laughed. Well, I at least managed to snatch the packet from her. But not without escaping a few scratches. She is such a violent girl.
"Ugh. I hate you." She snarled at me, spraying spit. "No wonder Mia chose Josh Ritcher over you."
And then for some really weird unknown reason, I started acting like a complete idiot.
Lily looked at me really strangely which I found really offensive. If anyone deserves to be stared at strangely, it's HER not me. "Er, I hate you. I thought you knew that."
"N-no." I started sputtering like a spastic idiot. "SHE CHOSE JOSH RITCHER OVER ME?"
By this point, Lilly looked slightly scared. I can't say I blame her though.
"But WHY?" I continued my little rampage. "Why would she choose HIM over ME? WHY?"
Lilly shook me really hard and then whacked me on the head.
"Stop." She commanded me the way she does to Pavlov when he's eaten her videotapes. She looked at me in that annoying way when she's trying to psychoanalyse you. "What do you even car-"
And this is the point when SHE went psycho. Maybe it's a hereditary thing? Actually it would be quite ironic seeing as both our parents are therapists.
She started grinning like a drunken pig (which is actually an improvement) and started laughing like a mad woman (which she is).
"What?" I snapped at her.
It took her about three minutes to calm down. It was a very disgusting process actually. It may cost me a lot of therapy sessions. She was shrieking with laughter, her head tipping back and forth. And don't even ask me about the so-called sound she made. Let's just say that somewhere on the other side of the earth, a person might have stopped in the street to look for the source of the noise.
When she'd stopped, five years later, she started looking at me in that really annoying I-know-something-you-don't way.
"Stop looking at me like that." I snapped again. "What is it?"
"Oh, I think you know." She almost sang. I'm quite glad she didn't sing. It can't be any better than her laughter.
But anyway, she was really annoying me. I almost kicked her but then I remembered I wasn't seven-years-old anymore. And plus, she was wearing her combat boots and she also happens to be a violent kicker.
"You like her."
See? I told you she's completely mad. And I told her so too.
"You've finally lost it."
Lilly stuck her tongue out at me. "No. You're the one who's the disgusting perverted psycho. You like my best friend, who happens to be three years younger than you, by the way."
"I DO NOT LIKE HER." I almost shouted. I don't know why but I was feeling a bit hot. AND let's just say I liked Mia. HYPOTHETICALLY. It wouldn't be perverted!
"Denial. It's the first step." And with that, she snatched my cookies back and went into her room, slamming the door.
"WHAT?" I yelled after her. I don't know why. I normally have no interest in the rubbish she spouts. "WHAT STEP!"
She opened her door and poked her head out of the door. Grinning in a very nasty way, she said sweetly, "You'll find out. Maybe."
Oh I cannot wait until I go away to college.
Well, let's get back to the subject. I do not like Mia.
Who happened to choose Josh Ritcher over me. Not that it bothers me. Really.
Since it does not bother in the slightest way, I will think about more important things. Hmmm. World peace. Poverty. Developing nations.
She chose Josh Ritcher over me.
Okay, I'll admit that I'm slightly bothered. But you know, hardly. Just a tiny bit bothered that's all. It's probably because I think that no girl should even like Josh Ritcher. There's nothing that great about him unless you like an 18-year-old pretty-boy type alcoholic! Maybe I just think that Mia, of all people, should know better than to fall for those type of people. I mean, Mia is so great with her animal rights petitions and her Greenpeace obsessions. And the really cute way she bites her lip when she's worried about something.