Okay. Where do I begin...? First off, I am SO SO SO SO SO sorry for not updating. But so much happened during the last few months... Which brings my second news/comment/info/whatever: I GOT INTO MY UNI OF CHOICE! I'm so happy and thankful, especially because I was on the waiting list... and wasn't really sure if I could get in or not.

Well, I really mean it this time when I say that I will update soon. I have nothing much to do these days anyway. It's funny because I planned to do all sorts of stuff when I was done with the admissions process but now that the time has come, I can't be bothered and when I can be bothered the cold weather prevents me from doing it. Ah well. That is life.

Enough with my blabbering now. Enjoy the chapter.


AND you might not find this chapter that funny/up to its usual standards because it's a bit 'thoughtful'. Sorry about that. But this is Michael being quite deep :)


Well I thought I was a pretty average seventeen-year-old Buffy-loving computer geek. Nerd. Dork. (Pick your own word)

But no. Well, I am a seventeen-year-old Buffy-loving computer geek but apparently in love with a princess over a small European nation.

Let me explain to you how this happened.

"Dude. Oh my gosh. You will not believe this." Felix grabs my shoulders in some sort of frenzy as I arrive at our usual spot in the subway.

"You've finally become a normal human being?" I suggest dryly. Felix's surprises aren't usually particularly pleasant. Or interesting for that matter.

"Oh haha," He glares at me, "Au contraire, Mikey, you will find this piece of news EXTREMELY INTERESTING."

"I doubt it. And please don't speak French, Felix. You ruin the beauty of the language."

Felix stares at me for a few moments then crams what looks like this morning's post into his bag and zips it up. "Fine. You don't want to know? I won't tell you then."

He deliberately turns away and starts checking his phone messages. Oh shoot. Felix in a grumpy mood is like a five-year-old brat with a toothache. And an upset Felix is even worse. The last time he was upset (he vehemently denied that he was 'upset') he wouldn't talk to me for four days during which he kept throwing moody stares at me during English Literature.

"Alright, dude, I'm sorry," I sigh, rolling my eyes up to the skies. "Please tell me this big, juicy, er… gripping, sexy piece of news."


"Come on, man! I'm really sorry!"

"You don't mean it." He says, still facing away from me. "You treat me really badly, man."

Oh for goodness' sake!

"Look," I say tiredly, "I was only being sarcastic, alright? Now just tell me what you were gonna say."

"Well, that's it, Michael." He snaps, suddenly whipping around to face me. "These days, you're so freaking moody and sardonic about everything! And it's really putting me off."

Before I can respond, the subway doors open at our stop and Felix stalks off on his own.

"Hey, wait up!" I shout after him as I try to make my way through the rush-hour crowd.

It takes me ages and ages to get near the exit to our school. I don't know why but there are just so many people in the station today. I wonder if one of those freak shows in chemistry did really blow up the school like the incessantly threatened to do. When I finally step out of the subway exit, I'm knocked to the ground by a big guy with a camera.

"Whoa! You okay there, kid?" The guy pulls me up by the hand. "You'll have to excuse the whole lot of us. Big day, here today. Big day."

"Er, yeah. I figured," I reply somewhat awkwardly. I look over his shoulder to see what's going on. Something's definitely up at our school. There are people buzzing in every inch of the courtyard, most of them reporters. "What's going on?"

The big guy chuckles, swings his camera around his neck then digs into shoulder bag pulling out this morning's Post. "You're joking. You haven't heard yet? Here, read this, kiddo." He shoves the newspaper into my hands and disappears into the crowd.

Okay… So not your normal school morning.

I let this 'big news' wait until I get into the school as it will obviously take years for me to make it into the building with all the reporters. Amidst the shouts and frenzy of the press, I catch odd words like "Genovia" and "heir". Which honestly doesn't seem to have anything to do with my school.

After what seems about five years, I finally enter the school doors and start navigating my way towards my locker.

"-cannot believe it's her! I mean she's so…"

"Mia Thermopolis! So not a princ-"

Hang on. Mia Thermopolis? As in my Mia Thermopolis?

I abruptly stop in the middle of the hallway and whip open the folded newspaper.

"Amelia Renaldo- New York's Own Princess"

I stare blankly at the page, trying to take the words in. Trying to take the whole thing in. But it doesn't seem to make sense.

Mia. The Princess of Genovia.

I look up around me, making sure that this is real and catch Felix looking at me from the top of the stairs. I motion over at him and start towards him but he turns away and catches up with Andrew down the hallway.

Oh great. He's still in a strop. Just when the biggest bombshell EVER has dropped. Typical.


Er, yeah. You heard right. Read right. Whatever. I actually called out to my sister. Voluntarily. In public. But this is no time to be rational and proper. I need to make sense of this whole affair and she's the only one that I can really connect with (up to a point, anyway) at this time.

Lilly looks up, sees me and rolls her eyes. Then turns back to her locker, shoving books into it. Charming. Even when I try to be civil.

"Lilly. Did you know anything about this?" I say directly to the point.

There's silence, and for a moment I think that she's ignoring me.

But then she looks at me, expressionless. "Of course I knew, Michael. We told each other everything."

She slams shut her locker. Hmmm. Can't tell if she's angry or not as she slams things shut on a daily basis.

She turns to go off to class, her lips tightly pressed together. Her features remain emotionless but I can see her blinking back tears.

For the first time in my life, I feel a bit sorry for my little sister. It must kinda suck to find out from the newspapers that your best friend is the sole and illegitimate offspring of the impotent prince of a small European nation. (I know… Weird sentence).

It's so weird, yet strangely normal at my tutoring session with Mia during G&T. Although Mia is suddenly the talk of the school (having become an extremely rich heiress overnight), it's like nothing's happened. She's still cute, dorky, and funny Mia who happens to be crap at Algebra. Somehow, I'd expected her to have changed dramatically. Like… you know… Start acting all snobby and, well, princess-ey. And becoming betrothed to some poncy prince with a sword and never give me a second glance ever again.

But I can't help blurting out, "So. Princess of Genovia, huh? Were you ever going to share that little piece of info with the group, or were we all supposed to guess?"

She blushes red, replying that she'd never really wanted anyone to find out.

I feel a bit jerk-ish, being so blunt with her. I try to change the topic but my dear sister decided to poke her nose in. Obviously she'd recovered from earlier and was back to Normal Lilly Mode. That is- deranged, vicious, frizzy monster mode.

She starts having a go at Mia about the evils of Monarchy while poor Mia just stands there looking bewildered.

So naturally I start defending Mia, talking about her dad's work for Genovia.

Lily stares at me for a second and snarls, "Shut up." Then makes some snotty remark to Mia.

That's when our little debate escalates.

Me: Aw, Lilly, you're just jealous.

Lilly: I am not!

Me: Yes, you are. You're jealous because she got her hair cut without consulting you. You're jealous because you stopped talking to her and she went out and got a new friend. And you're jealous because all this time Mia's had this secret she didn't tell you.

Lilly: Michael, SHUT UP!

Oooh touched a nerve!

Lilly: (really angry now) Gosh, Michael, you sure are quick to come to Mia's defense all of a sudden. I wonder if maybe it ever occurred to you that your argument, while ostensibly based on logic, might have less intellectual than libidinous roots.

That's when I go bright red. And pray to God that Mia doesn't know the meaning of 'libidinous'. After Lilly stalks off, I quickly try to change the subject.

" So does this guy have to follow you around everywhere from now on?" I ask Mia, pointing at the big guy sitting at the next table.

"Yeah," She replies.

Wow. That's comforting to know, seeing as I'm trying to get off with her.

"So… er. Say you were going to the Cultural Diversity Dance…?" Uh oh. Treading on dangerous ground here…

"That hasn't exactly been an issue, considering that no one's asked me."

Ooohhhh. This is it, Mikey-boy. Time to swoop in and ask her! Sweep her off her feet!

But… I don't know how.

Come on, Michael. It's just a simple question. She's waiting for you to say something. Say it. Anything.

"Excuse me. I accidentally knocked over a bottle of rubber cement with my bow, and it's getting hard to breathe. Can I come out now?"


Okay, that wasn't me. Even I wouldn't say something that strange and random. That was stupid prat-boy Boris Pelowski, annoying violinist and also boyfriend of evil death-machine (a.k.a my sister) who incidentally ruined my moment with Mia just now.

I can't ask her out now, especially since Hill's poked her head out of the Teacher's Lounge, yelling at us to get back to work.

Too late now. Like always.

"Go on, say it."

"No. Please no. Anything else- I'll say it but not this!"

"Fine. You don't want me to forgive you? Well, that's fine. Goodbye."

"NO. I'll say it, I'll say it. Ughhh. This is ridiculous…"

"I'm waiting."

"I… love… Ugh. I love you, Felix. You are my bestest buddy in the whole world and I have always been jealous of your awesomeness. Please forgive me."

"I will think about it."

-Felix hangs up-