A/N: I actually got this idea while I was at work typing out answering machine messages. Um. Enjoy? I'm making up the dates by the way, so... don't be all "omg the 12th isn't a Sunday!!" Use your coping skills.
Akatsuki's Answering Machine
Sunday, August 12th
Pein: You have reached the answering machine for Akatsuki, please leave a message after the beep.
Hidan: Don't forget to leave your name and number, seriously!
Pein: If you are calling to request a mission to be completed, please, PLEASE ask for Hidan...
Hidan: Wait, what the--
Friday, November 21st
Kisame: If you are hearing this, we're not home! Leave your name, number and a brief message and we'll get back to you. Also, if you are calling about the hole in the wall, I didn't do it.
Itachi: Kisame... It's still recording...
Kisame: Yeah I know.
Itachi: Are you... expecting that call?
Kisame: Itachi-san, it's still recording...
Thursday, December 4th
Konan: Hello, we are not home at the moment but if you leave your name, number and a message we will be sure to return your call. Please remember to leave any relevant mission information as well as your case number to make sure your call is properly routed.
Konan: Oh right... Also, Orochimaru, PLEASE stop leaving messages for Sasori. He is not interested. Thanks and have a good day.