Akatsuki's Answering Machine – Chapter 6

Thursday, January 8th

Kisame: Yo, you reached Kisame's answering machine. Obviously I'm not here right now or you'd be hearing me say something else. Leave your name, number, complaint or pathetic excuse after the beep and I'll think about calling you back.

(beep)

Sasori: We found Itachi at the bar last night after that message left on Konan's machine. He's alright, but Kakuzu will undoubtedly be getting back to you about the damages... just letting you know.

End of message. Next message.

Itachi: Kisame, I apologize if Kakuzu calls you in a little while. I've only just woken up, and I intend to take responsibility for the situation. You may disregard any message you see from him.

End of message. Next message.

Kakuzu: Kisame, I'm sure you heard that your highly unpredictable partner has been found at the local bar. The one across the street, not the other one. Somehow I have a feeling you were responsible for this, and believe me, I'll make you pay!

End of message. Next message.

Hidan: Ha ha, Kisame's in trouble!

End of message. Next message.

Kakuzu: Kisame, please disregard my last message, as well as Hidan's message. You're not in trouble and you don't owe anything. Itachi has explained the issue. Thanks.

End of message. Next message.

Sakura: Hey, wanna go see a movie tonight? Call me!

End of messages.

Friday, October 30th

Hidan: Leave a message or fuck off!

(beep)

Deidara: Hidan, I really need to know what you're dressing up as for Halloween, un. Uh I need to go, my hand is trying to eat the phone.

End of message. Next message.

Kakuzu: Just because it's almost Halloween doesn't mean you need to make more ritual markings. If I see one more smear of blood on the common dining table, just remember that there are things far worse than death...

End of message. Next message.

Pein: Hidan, you need to stop leaving animal corpses tacked to the outside of the hideout. It makes us even more conspicuous than usual. Thanks. (that was an order by the way)

End of messages.

Sasori: I'm not here right now, leave your name, number and order reference number at the beep.

(beep)

Deidara: Geez, your answering machine is so boring, un. Think of something new once in a while! Um, so, what are you going to dress up as for Halloween? I need to know, because Kakuzu and Konan thought we should all do some kind of themed idea, like for everyone, un. So yeah, let me know.

End of message. Next message.

Konan: I think Deidara already called you about this, but just so you know, we're thinking of a theme for the whole base for Halloween. Yeah, I know, a bit last minute, but... well anyway, any ideas? Please let me know right away! I don't have any ideas for a theme!

End of messages.

Pein: You have reached the desk of Pein, leader of Akatsuki. This is not the number for Pizza Shinobi, Ichiraku Ramen or Kunoichi Corner. If you are calling in regards to Kunoichi Corner, please use the direct extension for Sasori. The new number for Pizza Shinobi is 867-5309. Please leave a message after the beep if in regards to Akatsuki business.

(beep)

Konan: Please help me think of a company theme this year for Halloween! The holiday is almost here, and it's Hidan's favorite. I must admit I enjoy dressing up in costume... So let me know, alright?

End of message. Next message.

Kisame: Pein-sama, I respect Konan as your partner, but this is just getting weird, you know? She keeps going on about Halloween and she's freaking out because nobody has returned her messages. I hid in the shower. I'm not coming out. I don't know if she's... you know... your girl or not, what with the things the others have been saying, but she's your partner. PLEASE try to control this little frenzy, would you? Thanks... SHIT! She's here! Help me leader-sa-- (click)

End of message. Next message.

Kakuzu: Please explain to me why YOUR partner attempted to restrain me and interrogated me about tomorrow... Between her and Hidan, this has been the shittiest holiday I've ever had.

End of message. Next message.

Hidan: Hey, Leader, your woman is outside my door trying to break in! What the fuck did I do? She keeps asking me about tomorrow but all I'm doing is the same fucking thing I do every year! I'll go out, sacrifice lots of heathens, do a special ritual, and come back and stab myself. What more does she fucking want?!

End of message. Next message.

Itachi: I want it GONE.

End of message. Next message.

Deidara: I think Konan has gone a bit crazy, un. Yeah, I know, I'm crazy too but... yeah. If you need me, I'll be hiding in the usual place, un.

End of messages.

Deidara: You have reached the answering machine of your favorite pyromaniac, leave a message at the sound of the (exploding noise) (beep)

Pein: I'm pretty sure you're the only person that managed to escape from Konan. She's been trying to find you for hours, but only I know where you are. I think I will be able to distract her, and I'm sure you can guess what I'm planning. I hope this works.

End of messages.

Saturday, October 31st

Pein: You have reached the office of Pein, leader of Akatsuki. Please leave your name, number, and a description of your need after the tone and we will return your call after the holiday.

(beep)

Kisame: Can... can I come out now? Whatever you did, thank you.

End of message. Next message.

Kakuzu: I'm pretty sure I know what you did, and although I'm disturbed by that, I still appreciate it. However, Hidan is still around somewhere...

End of message. Next message.

Hidan: Ugh! I know what you did, man, and I'm fucking shocked! But damn, it must have been good.

End of message. Next message.

Deidara: It's good that you took her to an anime convention, she needs to cosplay more, un. That should get it out of her system for a while.

End of messages.