What Will Not Be Said
Kurama wished he had died. A long time ago, with that mirror. He should have died then. It was then that Yusuke had saved him and then Kurama found himself so interested in the Spirit Detective. After all, there was no one like him.
No one at all, now. Not even him.
Hiei would try and shift, the crystals falling on his face. Yukina would murmur an apology and brush them off of him, trying to concentrate on her healing. Now that they had her, Kurama was not worried about Hiei. She would heal Hiei. Hiei was not close to death.
"Will you be all right on your own?" he asked her. She looked towards him, eyes filled with more forming crystals and shook her head.
"I'm not alone Kurama. Hiei is with me."
Kurama tried to smile at her, but she looked away. He was grateful for that.
It meant he did not have to try.
And he left.
Yusuke had never known when to stop. The Spirit Detective seemed to have a firm belief that he always had to stop at the end. The end is when he defeated the main baddie and made everything right. That was the one bad consequence of Genkai's revival. Yusuke believed there would always be a path to achieve every single thing he wanted to accomplish. And nothing would be really wrong.
"Where're you going?"
Shizuru's voice was deeper than normal. Probably from the crying. Her face did not show it, but Kurama had heard it from the other room. He did not fault her for it. She had been the one to tell Keiko, even though Kurama had tried to say he would take that task on himself. He had been ready to do so, to replace the fact he knew Kuwabara would have not let his sister take that task.
Wherever he was. Again Kurama would reach out to sense the Human. Again he would arrive with nothing. Had Kuwabara fallen too?
He, Jin, Chu, Yukina... they would have found a body. And there was nothing.
"Out," Kurama said, trying again at a smile. He was so good at false faces, why was a smile so hard to give off now? And he did not want to tell Shizuru where he was actually going. For once, he had no idea what any of the others would say if he did.
Except for Keiko. Kurama knew exactly what she would say.
"Can I come with?"
The question was surprising, but Kurama simply nodded. He had not thought the elder Kuwabara sibling as the type to want social interaction in grief. Certainly Yukina did, out of all of them, but no other.
In fact, Kurama was certain that was the reason Kuwabara was gone. Kuwabara had to show that he could deal with things for people. That man was not ashamed of his emotions, but he had matured into dealing with them. The hollow look he saw in Kuwabara's face was almost worse than the loss in Keiko's eyes.
Kurama felt terrible that he was glad he did not have to see Kuwabara look like that now.
Shizuru had grabbed her coat and the two of them headed outside into the rain. She did not seem to rethink her decision of following him out, even as her face slowly collected the water from their atmosphere.
Neither of them said a word for some time. Kurama did not want to and was quite glad to receive a similar vibe from Shizuru. But how long would this last? He needed to go, before it was too late. But he could not tell her... or, at least, he would not. There was no explaining what he was about to do.
It hurt him to think Yusuke was the only person he would do this for.
"You don't have to keep walking with me," Shizuru said, pulling out a cigarette. It would not light in the rain and Kurama, against his dislike of the habit, reached over to help her light it. She breathed in deeply, before exhaling. "Thanks."
"What do you mean? By your previous statement," he elaborated. Shizuru looked a bit amused. Considering the situation, Kurama almost would have been off-put by it. But it was Shizuru and the emotion suited her.
"You were ready to go to Spirit World, Kurama. Don't pretend to be surprised. Don't let me stop you."
"I don't–" he began, but Shizuru appeared to have no patience for that.
"Talk to Yusuke before it's too late. And then you can tell my brother that if he had not run away he could have done so too. 'Kay? Tell that idiot he has a lot of nerve for leaving us."
It was hard to speak, so he simply nodded. Shizuru gave him a smile and walked off without him.
Kurama walked once more.
He tried to think of the right words.
Koenma did not owe him, Kurama was simply giving back to those he had wronged so to stay out of prison.
"Can I see him? One more time."
He knew better than to expect an affirmative. He waited nevertheless. Because, just maybe, no matter what Koenma said, Yusuke always had his own agenda.
He turned. Only Yusuke could ever be dead and yet still look so very alive.
"This is it."
Ah. So Yusuke was not being given another chance. Koenma's hesitation made more sense now. Considering the condition of Yusuke's body, Kurama did not doubt that Yusuke would not be going back there. There were still so many other options though, reincarnation the one that Kurama was most familiar with, anything else to let Yusuke live again.
"That does not seem very fair."
"Most people don't get second chances. Let along thirds and fourths."
Kurama could not stop the wry smile which surfaced. "Very true. Yusuke."
There were too many things both wanted to say, Kurama knew that. Kurama also knew that most of them would simply be a waste of words. In Yusuke's short life he had not seemed to grasp that. Now, in death...
"For what?" Yusuke blinked, as if he had no idea what Kurama was talking about. Knowing Yusuke, he did not.
He would never receive the forgiveness he craved from the only person who could ever truly give it to him.
"Shizuru gives her regards."
"You mean she said I was an idiot for dying, right?"
Kurama laughed. "Actually, that sums up what she said rather well."
"Yukina's all right, right? And Hiei?"
"Hiei's injured, but Yukina's caring for him. He will be all right. In fact, he is likely to be conscious by the time I return."
Yusuke stayed quiet for a few moments, seeming to think deeply on something. "He apologized to me. He's never done that before."
"Your special that way, Yusuke. Many people would do things for you that they would never do for anything. Including Hiei."
"He didn't even stab me though. It wasn't him and he still apologized." Yusuke's face was twisted, something between anger and self-horror. "I can't believe that... I just..."
"Can't believe we doubted him?" Kurama laughed lightly, eyes downcast towards Yusuke's feet. They were just as transparent as the rest of him. Not actually see through, just obvious. It was almost as if he were ready to walk. Wherever Yusuke was going now was someplace where he was allowed to walk.
Of course, Yusuke would never be happy standing in one place. If he was given eternal rest, then it would have to include someplace to go. A further destination.
"It's Hiei," Yusuke shrugged in way of explanation. "We just should have known better."
Kurama was inclined to agree. "I think he'll forgive us."
"Forgive you," Yusuke snorted. "No one can forgive me when I die, I learned that the first two times."
"We never blamed you when you died against Sensui."
"Yes you did," Yusuke waved it off. "Just not as much as Kuwabara."
He said it.
Kurama opened his mouth to say the words, but nothing came. And the both of them simply stood there. Stood there for just a bit longer.
"You didn't have to say anything," Yusuke shook his head, with a smile on his face. "Tell Keiko I love her, but she can still be happy without me, right?"
Kurama nodded. "And Kuwabara...?"
Yusuke's smile faltered. "Tell him..."
Kurama wondered why he was trying to play the mediator between the two. There was nothing he could say, not with his voice using Yusuke's words, to comfort the other. And there was nothing Yusuke could say that Kuwabara did not already know about their friendship.
"I think he knows."
Their time was up. Kurama sensed it by the way Yusuke seemed to tense again. He was relaxed, but now there was somewhere else to go.
It was sad that despite how young he was he had already grown beyond the moral plane. Grown beyond the demonic world.
"I could live for thousands of more years and never forget you."
Yusuke looked somewhat embarrassed by that, shuffling his feet. "I would hope not! Just... be happy, okay? I want you to live those thousands of years, not forgetting me or other people, and just be happy with the friends you make on the way. For however long you have them."
"Wise words for someone who only lived for seventeen years."
"Hey, wise goes by experience, not time."
Kurama laughed again. Yusuke gave him a two fingered salute.
"I couldn't have asked for better friends."
Kurama cried for a few minutes after Yusuke had left.
But he was able to smile again.