A/N: Hello! Welcome to my first ever Ouran High School Host Club fanfic! It's a oneshot so there won't be a sequel or anything.

Now, I wasn't sure which two main characters I should put in the filters so I placed Haruhi because she's more of a main character than Kyouya who's just mentioned. That said, please let me know nicely if it you think should be Kyouya instead of Haruhi for some reason. Do not flame for that reason. Thank you! (Yes, this has happened to me before. It was horrible to be flamed for that reason, thankyouverymuch.)

I do recomend listening to the song Innocent by Our Lady Peace while reading the fic. I listened to it on repeat while writing it and even though the lyrics don't always match, the two go strangely well together to create the ambiance for this fic!

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. (If I did, I would have let the Twincest intact. I am not fond of HikaHaru at all!) And I don't own the lyrics of the song Innocent by Our Lady Peace either. (Man, I love that song though!)

With that I say, Have a nice read!

(PS: If you'd like to know in advance for some reason, there are eight parts in total.)


"I remember feeling low, I remember losing hope, I remember all the feelings..."


.I.

"I love this picture." She says. She picks up the frame from Tamaki's desk to look at it closer.

It's not the first time she sees it; she sees it every time she comes over. She's been coming over to his place a lot more since they started dating.

"Which one?" He walks over besides her.

"This one." She hands it to him. He looks at it.

"…It's a nice picture." He smiles but it's a sad smile. She notices. Of course she does.

"I'm sorry." She says.

"Don't be."

Haruhi knows her place. This isn't it. Her time is limited. She knows this. But she doesn't want to see it.

"I… need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

It's horrible to be someone's fake girlfriend.

At first you think it'll all be worth it. So what if it's not real? If it means being close to the one you love… It's worth it even if you know it's all an illusion, right?

But like all others before her who did the same thing with someone else, she forgot. Forgot it was an illusion. And for a moment, it really worked.

They were happy. Or so she'd like to think.

Haruhi is reminded every day that that's not entirely true.

Guess some reminders are harder to ignore than others.

.II.

"I love this picture." She says.

He puts his backpack on a chair and makes his way across the fancy room to her.

"Which one?" He asks before he can recognize which frame she's holding.

"This one." She hands him the frame.

He stares at it, then stares at the picture in it. The smiling faces and happy expressions, the background behind the two figures. Where were they? Who took the picture?

He can't remember, but he remembers the feeling. The feeling of happy. The feeling of being in that picture.

The feeling of being with that person.

"…It's a nice picture." He says. He smiles sadly. He knows she's going to see it right away, feel it in his voice, but he can't help it. He can't help the sadness he feels All. The. Time.

"I'm sorry." She says.

"Don't be." He feels sorry for making her feel sorry about this when it has nothing to do with her at all.

She leaves. "I… need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

Tamaki feels bad but it can't be helped. This is what has to be done. For his sake and the sake of the other person in the picture.

It's selfish. He knows that. He feels guilty about it every single day.

Love is so selfish, it almost makes him sick.

Instead it makes him feel sad. Sad and… he hates himself for everything.

For the selfishness of love.

.III.

There's only so much time one can spend in a bathroom at someone else's house without it leading to awkward questions afterwards. She's hung around the giant white bathtub and somehow surviving real palm trees for a minute too long.

Haruhi splashes her face with cold water before walking back into the room.

Tamaki still has the picture in his hands.

"I'm sorry." She says again.

"No." He says. "I'm the one that's sorry."

She's scared, for a second, that he's going to put an end to this right now. That he's going to tell her he can't continue living this lie. That he's going to show her the door and it's going to hurt.

But she knows better than that. She understands.

He never told her. She just figured it out. Figured out their agreement.

Still, she stays. Because she loves him. She'd do anything for him.

Even pretend. Even if it hurts.

.IV.

Tamaki misses him.

The other person in the picture.

They see each other everyday at school but… It's not the same. Of course it isn't.

How could it?

He hears Haruhi walking back in but he doesn't really register it. He's transfixed. Trapped in his own memories of happiness.

Happiness he no longer has.

"I'm sorry." She says again.

It hurts to hear her say that. It hurts so much… She can't begin to understand how much.

And she understands so much.

"No." He says. "I'm the one that's sorry."

It's his entire fault. If he wasn't like this… Or if Kyouya wasn't like this… If they were both normal, or if it was just a one-sided thing…

But it's never Kyouya's fault. He never blames him.

How could he?

After all, Kyouya is the one he loves.

How could he blame the person he loves most?

No. It's his own fault. All his fault.

No one else's.


"One day, you'll have to let it go."


.V.

She sits on the bed. "I wish the world wasn't so unfair." She says. She means it.

Why can't everyone be more accepting? Everything would be so much better that way…

Tamaki doesn't answer right away.

She continues. "Love is love. People should just acknowledge that and move on."

"Yeah…" He sighs. She sighs too.

She knows that he knows that she knows.

She knows it's not like he doesn't care that she knows, but he trusts her.

He'd trust her with anything.

And that's not just something she'd like to think.

.VI.

"I wish the world wasn't so unfair." She says. She waits for him to answer but he never does. "Love is love. People should just acknowledge that and move on."

He wishes more people were like Haruhi. He wishes his family would be that open. He wishes Kyouya's family could be like that too.

Even if it was Just. A little. Bit.

Tamaki tries to imagine a world where his wish is granted.

"Yeah…"

He sighs.

He can't.

.VII.

Finally, Tamaki puts the picture frame down. He pastes on a fake smile for Haruhi to stop worrying. She doesn't even have to look at it to know it's not real.

She can't take it. She really can't stand seeing such an expression on his face.

He is so pained… It makes her feel rotten inside, like she's standing between him and his happiness.

She gets up. She walks over to him, wraps her hands around his waist, and hugs him tightly. So hard it probably hurts. She feels like she's holding his pieces together.

She also feels like he's breaking anyway. Like he just keeps breaking in her arms.

"I'm sorry…" He says.

"Don't be." She answers.

.VIII.

He puts the picture down and it feels like he's letting go of Kyouya's hand like the last time he had to let go of his hand and it felt final.

And it was. It never happened again after that.

He hates that feeling. It makes him feel empty inside, like there's nothing to look forward to.

Only.

Blank.

Spaces.

Haruhi hugs him and he feels like someone's pulling on his thread and he's unravelling. He's not a ball of yarn, he's a blanket rolled in a ball. He's something that was made and then destroyed.

Tamaki doesn't run after his yarn. He doesn't try to gather up his pieces.

He trusts Haruhi with them, until he can claim them back.

There's nothing he can do. He feels helpless in her arms. Almost as helpless as anywhere else, but maybe a bit better somehow.

Freer? Free to break.

He almost cries. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to burden her further.

With the selfishness of their love.

"I'm sorry…" He says.

"Don't be."


"We are... we are all innocent..."


Reviews are greatly apreciated!! :D