My eyes are dry and my toes are cold.

Chihiro: … what?

Well… I got cold water in my eyes. That makes them dry and I hate the heater so I turned it off and now my toes are cold…

Arashi: what does have to do with anything?

I don't know…

Kisho: idiot. Disclaimer. If Naa owned Naruto, she wouldn't do fanfiction much less obsess over it more than the anime.

*It's getting hot in here*

The two lovers were taking a short nap together. After Gaara devoured several disgusting combinations of food, the redhead announced he was tired and Sai immediately took him to take a nap. He had left for a couple of minutes to speak with Tsunade about what to expect though the pregnant women in the streets were much more helpful and their husbands told of horror stories that they were subjected to by their smaller lovers. Sai found it humorous and outright ridiculous.

Gaara was nothing like that. He had not threatened Sai or switched moods in mid-sentence. There was no way that having a pregnant lover was that bad. A few blocks away, Temari was thinking the exact same thing.

If awards could be given for having the worst prediction of the future, Temari and Sai had earned the mega prize for that foolish thought.

*One Month Later*

Everything was going rather good with Sai and Gaara. The redhead and brunette were their usual blank selves though Gaara sometimes let go of his emotions and snarled angrily. Like at that man who smacked his ass… okay, so it was Sai who pulled back and punched him in the face. Then there was this time those group of butterflies surrounded them, Gaara had massacred each of them. Sai did not know why and he didn't ask Gaara.

Yes… all was going smooth and dandy… until this morning. The sun was shining down on Sai's face and the birds chirped happily in the air of the open window. A gentle wind tickled his pale skin and everything seemed generally peaceful.

That was when Sai opened his eyes. Instead of finding his redhead lover staring back at him with his large eyes just opening, there was nothing but the pink sheets Sakura had given him. Why she gave him pink sheets, he would never know. Anyway, Sai sat up on the bed and blinked several times.

There sat Gaara, head bowed slightly and shoulders shaking with either tears and suppressed laughter. Sand gently caressed Gaara from all points and seemed to be whispering in his ear. Sai slowly slipped from bed and walked over to Gaara.

"What's wrong?" he asked simply. He gently picked up Gaara, not paying attention to the sand, and carried him to the bed. Gaara curled into him and whimpered slightly.

"I became sick again… I had been hungry… so I ate some crackers and hot sauce with pickles," Gaara started. Sai looked at him funny. Gaara, even in his pregnancy, hated hot sauce. Sai had found that out when he had brought back some spicy fish and had added a spot of hot sauce that Sai personally liked. The redhead had stared at him for a very long time and he really hadn't known what to say so he just stared like he was doing now.

"Are you suggesting that I cannot have hot sauce if I want?" Gaara hissed, his eyes narrowing. His reaction the first time was to calmly knock the ball off the table side. It seemed Gaara was in more of a… mood than usual. Sai was quick to remedy the situation, assuring his redhead raccoon that he could have bits of butterflies if he so desired it. Gaara smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

Sai kissed Gaara softly, moving their lips gently and being careful as he lowered his lover to the bed. He left Gaara's mouth and trailed kisses to Gaara's sensitive neck. Gaara let out a moan and arched into him, causing Sai to run his hands down the pale body below him. Well… that had been his plan.

Until he was looking up at stars on his ceiling which was rather odd for it was daytime and he was sure that he didn't paint stars on his ceiling. He blinked several times and looked up into glaring eyes and a narrowed mouth.

"What the fuck?" Sai said the first thing that came to his mind as he sat up and shook his head. It had not really hurt but it was surprising and confusing so he had the right to have a lapse in judgment and cuss at a very violent, very sexy pregnant redhead. Gaara's expression didn't change though he folded his arms over his chest.

"I just told you that I was sick. Why the Hell would I want to have sex—can't we just cuddle or do you just want to fuck my body?" the redhead's eyes narrowed and sand curved dangerously behind him. Sai believed that this was the first time that he ever felt fear but he repressed it easily enough and kept his blank eyes with Gaara's and slowly shook his head.

"I love you," he answered calmly. And it was true. Sai loved Gaara and only him. He could survive if they never had sex again. Sure he would be disappointed but that was all. The redhead seemed to believe him for the sand fell and his body relaxed on the bed. Well… that was one murder attempt avoided.

*Two weeks later*

"Temari… wake up…" Temari moaned and stirred in bed as a sharp, thin finger stabbed into her shoulder. She was having a wonderful dream in which Hinata and herself were having beautiful sex on the beach.

"Temari…" The blond refused to allow a familiar but soft and annoying voice ruin her time with Hinata. So he rolled over and away from the poking finger. There was the sound of feet walking across the other side of the bed and the waves hitting the sand around their withering bodies.

"I mean it, wake up." The finger had found her and the soft voice was sounding off several alarms in Temari's head but she ignored it in favor of her dream and relaxation so she buried her head under her pillow. Hinata moaned and her smaller body overtook her by surprise and suddenly it was Temari who was begging for more.

"If you do not wake up, I will shave your hair and then show everyone your Sailor Moon collection."

Okay, Temari was up. She sat up, pulling the pillow from her head and looking over at the real Hinata who was frowning deeply at her and holding something on the end of her finger. Temari smiled sleepily and reached for Hinata only for the raven haired girl to pull back.

"What's wrong, Hinata?" Temari finally woke up completely and took in the dangerous, anime aura that hung behind Hinata's head. It was evil and it was honed directly at Temari. One false more and it was all over for the blond.

"What, may I ask is this?" the usually mild-mannered girl demanded. She moved her hand so that Temari could focus on the item she held. It was underwear… a lacy black thong to be specific. Temari furrowed her brow and opened her mouth only to have Hinata cut her off. "Don't try to tell me that it is mine for I do not wear such undergarments. So who have you had in OUR bed, Temari?"

Temari's mouth fell open. Was Hinata serious? Temari knew that Hinata was not comfortable with her baby bulge and she knew that Hinata's hormones and self-esteem was on a whole new level of low but that was no reason that Hinata should ever, ever suspect her of being unfaithful. She would rather cut off her own finger than break Hinata's heart in such a way.

"Hinata, I haven't had intercourse with any other person than you," Temari stated carefully and slowly. Hinata's eyes narrowed and every instinct in Temari's body was telling her to run as far and as fast as she could but her love for Hinata told her to stay… so she did. Even when Hinata switched to Byakugan mode and Temari had no way to defend herself.

"Don't you lie to me! I found this in our BED! Just tell me who it was Temari. Tell me. If you do not confess right now, I will leave you. I will leave here and go to Tsunade for an abortion for I would rather kill our babe than have him or her grow up in a home in which both parents do not love them and sleep around with other sluts. For that is showing me how much you do not love me. Sleeping around is one thing but now you are looking me in the eye and LYING!"

Tears were pouring down Hinata's face and Temari could feel her stomach get cold for she knew that Hinata never made threats without carrying them out. Then she would either kill or hurt Temari really bad for forcing her to kill their child. It was how Hinata would see it.

"Hinata…" Temari had to choose her words carefully. She hated being on lovey dovey but it was necessary at the moment. "I love you more than anything in this world. There is nothing that I put before you. I would never, ever, ever jeopardize our love for a one-night stand with some floozy." Temari pulled Hinata onto the bed and curled the girl into her so that she could rain kisses on the pale face. Hinata relaxed slowly but surely in her arms and Temari found that she could breath comfortably again.

"I'm sorry I overreacted like that… but… who panties are those. I know that you like lingerie but I've never seen you in a… thong," Hinata blushed pink as her anger disappeared and her natural shyness was back with a fierceness. Temari smirked after she thought for a minute. She knew whose it was but there was no way that Hinata would believe her so she settled for a shrug of the shoulder and looming overtop of her lover. It was time for her to worship Hinata's body and make sure that the young woman never, ever doubted their love again.

"Shit, shit, shit! I can't find it. It was meant to be a surprise for Kankuro!" TenTen flipped her bed over. She couldn't believe that she lost it!

"What was?" Kankuro stepped into the room and surveyed the damage. TenTen had destroyed her room without mercy and it looked as if five monsters had tore through the place. TenTen blushed a slight red and shook her head wildly.

"Nothing, nothing!" she lied. Kankuro raised a brow but walked away. Maybe TenTen had misplaced a weapon though she surely had enough of them. Who has buttons with tiny poison darts in them!

Meanwhile, in her room, TenTen fell onto her floor after twenty more minutes of looking. She had gone through all the trouble of buying it and she probably left it with the person who had accompanied her and it would just be embarrassing to go back to Temari or, worse, to the store in which she got it from.

"I just hope Hinata doesn't find it…" TenTen whispered.

*Somewhere else*

"So… that's why you and Sakura were beaten into the ground?" Neji raised a brow. He had sworn that Shikamaru was a genius. Yes, a lazy genius but a genius all the same. For him to do something so stupid was just asking for not only a beat down but a few missing limbs. Shikamaru scratched the tiny scar on his cheek and sighed.

"I didn't want any part but… Sakura is troublesome," Shikamaru said as if to explain it all. And it did… in an odd sort of way. It was Sakura's plan, it had to be for Shikamaru wasn't that naive into thinking that just because the Sand were their allies that they would just take any ole joke about death lightly. Especially when that joke involved a lover of Gaara's.

"I suppose I won't keep you from getting lucky then…" Neji mused. Shikamaru joked and coughed on his mouthful of drink as he glared at his lover with a blush.

"Troublesome," he muttered.

*Another place and a couple hours later*

"Lee, just take it off."

"But Sakura… I'm not sure that that—."

"We've been going out for awhile now. Besides, I'm sure you've seen things like this before. You're a ninja for God's sake. "

"But… but not ever ninja has gotten the pleasure of that."

"Then I am proud to be your first."

"Sakura, do not say such embarrassing things out loud."

"Oh come on. It's not that bad. It just means that you are innocent and good—just like I like you."

"That sounds a little sinister."

"Oh, I can be a little more—."

Shizune heard enough. She would not tolerate such behavior in her workplace. Even if it did sound kinda hot. She threw open the door and nearly screamed at Sakura only to really take in the scene.

Sakura was sitting with her shirt half above her navel, her back presented to Lee. He was sitting behind her, all of his cloths off and a slight blush on his face. His hands were poised to take off a bandage that Sakura had no way of reaching.

Oh… they had been talking about… taking off… and wounds… and… oh…

"Carry on," Shizune dashed out of the room, her face red with embarrassment. She could not believe that her mind was so far in the gutter to assume that Lee and Sakura would actually…

Later on, Shizune would wonder why the Hell Lee never seen a wound before.

*The End*

A short little chapter to make up for the days and weeks and months I haven't updated.

Hinata: that's what you want to use to make up for the weeks and months that you have forced us to be frozen.

… I thought the whole mood swing thing only happened to a couple of pregnant people. I mean, I had Gaara do it because… well… because he's Gaara.

Gaara: I hate you.

Love you too muffin cake.

Gaara: what?

Sasuke: when one has the disease called fangirl-ness then one hears only what they think is being said. I mean, we aren't even really here but since she has that horrible disease… well… she just doesn't know.

I can hear you, you bastard. I wonder if there are any guys that read yaoi. I mean, right now, is any one of the people reading this a guy?