Hey guys! I've been working on this new story for ages and ages, started it around the same time as Girl of my Dreams, so thought i'd put it up here for you guys to read.
This message is to those who are eagerly waiting the new chapter of Girl of my Dreams and are probably wondering why i've decided to post this new story:
Partly, cause i'm dying to know what you guys think of it. And also because I've just come down with the flu (No, not swine flu) so i can barely sit up for more then five minutes without collapsing with sheer exhaustion lol. While i keep attempting to write, thought you could read the first chapter of this one. =) Let me know if you want me to keep posting it.
Hope you all enjoy it!
Someday We'll Know.
"I know it sounds silly Edward, I just think maybe it would be the right thing to do. If you want".
"You're not being silly, Bella. I love you, you'll be coming to college and we'll be living together. You're right. I guess we should".
"We don't have to, it's just a suggestion--"
"Ssh, Bella I love you. I want to."
"So? Oh, right. Isabella Swan…Will you marry me?"
"Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too, Edward".
My eyes flew open and I breathed out steadily. My legs felt numb, and I gently moved them only to feel Edward's legs intertwined with mine and his arms tighten around me.
I smiled contently and rested back against his chest. My fingers on my left hand scraped the pillow, and I pulled back to see my engagement ring. I was getting married to the beautiful bronze-haired boy next to me, and I still couldn't believe he was for me. I wasn't good enough for him. I was plain Isabella Swan, and he…well he was nothing short of beautiful at newly twenty three years old. He was too good looking to call him hot, or cute. He was just breathtaking. Edward Cullen.
"Edward". I whispered softly, trying to get out of his grip. I had an early class today, as I was studying journalism. Edward was studying to be a doctor, and doing so well. I was so proud of him. He was in his third year, I was still in my first. He was two years older then me.
"Not yet, babe". He murmured against my hair.
I chuckled and tugged at his arms gently. "Yes, now. I'm going to be late."
He sighed and let me go. I turned around to see him pouting slightly and couldn't help but laugh. His hair was always a mess, but he still looked stunning. I loved him a great deal, too much for my own good.
I leaned down and kissed his cheek, his chin, and a light trail down his neck. "I love you," I whispered against his skin.
"Mmm. Me too". He mumbled tiredly and arched his neck slightly. I smiled and kissed his neck one more time before leaning up to kiss his forehead. "I'll make you breakfast and leave it on the table, okay?"
"Sure." He nodded, still not bothering to open his eyes.
I gently stroked the hair out of his face, unable to get over the fact that I loved this man with everything I ever had, or could offer. We had been together since I was sixteen and he was eighteen, yet we had been friends before that from school. Forks High School, where we both grew up. I had missed him terribly when he graduated and went to go to college in NYU but he insisted he still wanted to remain together regardless of the distance. It was a hard two years, but he came back whenever he could, holidays…weekends…to be with me. I trusted him with my life, and never worried about anything else only that he still wanted me.
This made our relationship stronger, and he was happy when I graduated and could join him at NYU. Carlisle and Esme Cullen, who were like family to me, were very wealthy and had already bought him an apartment. Edward insisted I live with him, and I was overjoyed. I accepted immediately, and as a true gentleman, Edward had come himself and taken me to live with him. Charlie, my father, even did the traditional thing and shook his hand with a stern; "Take care of my daughter, boy".
I couldn't help but smile at that. I was nineteen, and hopelessly in love. What more could a girl want, then to move in with the guy she loves?
When we had just begun to move in, the second night, Edward had taken me out to celebrate for a romantic night out. I decided to tell him my thoughts…thoughts I had been thinking about for a long time. Marriage. I came from very moral family, in which my father and mother brought me up to wait for marriage for sex, and especially before moving in with someone.
It was hard on Edward, I wasn't stupid. He told me he had loved me since were children, and that he would wait forever for that, and that it didn't matter as long as he had me.
At nineteen he probably thought I was naïve, but I wasn't. I could feel his arousal whenever we'd lie down and make out for hours, which would usually end up with him out of his shirt and me in my bra. I'd always have to be the one to stop, and I know it killed him.
He never once made me feel guilty, and that would only make it worse. I'd cry when I was alone, feeling like a horrible girlfriend. Alice Cullen, my best friend and Edward's little sister, would come over and comfort me, saying something very Alice-like;
"Don't worry Bella. He's jacking it off. Guys do it all the time".
"Alice!" I joked and hit her playfully.
Sure enough a pillow fight had emerged and it was all forgotten. Until it happened again. It was a vicious cycle, and that's when I knew I loved him, and wanted to give myself to him. Desperately. And I knew marriage was the right way.
He had seemed a little stunned, but that disappeared after a moment and he nodded in agreement. I immediately insisted no, not if he wasn't ready. He spent the whole dinner trying to convince me he was, and it was a wonderful idea. He told me how much he wanted me, and that marriage would only confirm what he already know; That we would always be together.
I had smiled at that and before I knew it he had gotten down and proposed.
My tears got the better of me and I squealed a very embarrassing "Yes!" and it was done. That weekend he had taken me ring shopping, and had picked out a beautiful one with two diamond stones. Like I said, he was very wealthy.
I insisted it was too much but he didn't listen to me and purchased it, sliding it on my third finger of my left hand and kissing my fingers. It was done. I smiled at him and told him I loved him, and from that moment it never left my hand.
So here we were two months later, and the wedding was in week.
My ring sparkled through the light that illuminated through our blinds, as I stroked his hair. I felt him drift off again, and got up gently so not to wake him again.
I often slept in Edward's shirts, they were ridiculously comfortable. I got up and ruffled my already messy waist-long hair, before heading out to the kitchen. I put the kettle on and tided up Edward's notes that he left on the table. Yesterday afternoon he had a test, so he'd spent all morning studying with papers everywhere. After he got back, he had gone straight to bed, so the kitchen was still in the state he left it. I worked quickly to tidy everything up for him.
My cell vibrated on the table, and I quickly picked it up as I reached for a mug.
I smiled. "Hey Aly. What's up?"
"Just wondering if tonight, you guys want to come over after class? Emmett and Jasper are coming over."
"Sure. Edward and I are going to buy our wedding rings later this afternoon, we have them on lay by. Then after we can probably drop in. Let me check it over with Edward though, ok? I'll message you back."
"No worries. Catch you later Bells."
"Bye". I hung up the phone and placed it back down. Alice was not only Edward's little sister, but my best friend. She lived on campus with her friend Rosalie Hale. Rose was nice and very, very beautiful, but we didn't connect as much as Alice and I, did. We were friends, though. Just not overly close.
Jasper Hale was Rosalie's sister and Alice's boyfriend, and Emmett McCarty was Jasper's best friend and Rosalie's boyfriend. Both Jasper and Emmett were also best friends of Edward. We were all a good bunch, and good friends. We hung out a lot after class.
When they were younger, Edward and Alice both received a gift from their parents for graduating. Edward never wanted anything, and therefore was given the apartment to live in. Alice however, asked for a Porsche, yellow to be exact. Therefore she couldn't have both, and was quite happy to live on campus. Unfortunately on campus boys and girls cant live together, so Emmett and Jasper lived together in a dorm, while Rose and Alice lived in another. They were so close that it didn't really matter, they were always in each other's dorms.
Edward and I lived only five minutes away, so it wasn't far.
I sat down on our table with my chamomile tea and toast, hurrying to finish so I wouldn't be late to class. As I was gulping down my second toast, I quickly made Edward's breakfast, frying bacon and eggs for him. It was his favorite, though he never admitted it; he'd always say anything was fine.
I quickly sipped the rest of my tea, washing the mug and my plate and putting it away to leave the kitchen tidy for him. I then placed his breakfast on the table and covered it so it wouldn't get cold. Satisfied, I wiped my hands on my tea towel and placed it out the back to dry.
I glanced at the clock on the microwave, and realized I only had half an hour to get ready. I quickly ran for the bathroom, taking with me my underwear and picking out any outfit. I wasn't fashion conscious like Alice was. I loved my jeans, and sneakers. I rarely wore heels, unless Alice forced me into them when we went out.
Showering quickly, I washed my hair and towel dried it. My hair was naturally wavy with a few little curls, so I didn't have to worry too much about styling it. Alice and Rose always said they wished they had my hair, but I only laughed and told them how crazy it was to manage at times. I often considered cutting it, but Edward told me he loved my hair long. So I left it. Anything that pleased him, I'd be willing to do.
I pulled on my jeans and sneakers, before picking out a cute white frilly top. I brushed my teeth quickly and sprayed a light perfume. It smelt like freesias, it was lovely. According to all my friends and Edward, it was 'my own smell' now. I didn't really like make up a great deal, but I always wore a little just to cover blemishes. I never needed blush considering I blushed like crazy naturally. I applied a little bit of mascara before stepping back and checking my reflection. Happy, I grabbed my ton of books for class and my keys, before popping back into the bedroom to see Edward still asleep.
I smiled and tip-toed over, brushing his hair gently back.
"I'm going now, ok? I love you."
"Mmmm". He moaned softly.
"Have a good day". I lightly kissed his lips and forehead. He looked so adorable asleep, I couldn't help but smile. I headed back out and closed the apartment with my keys, as he had his own.
"Have a good day". I felt her gentle lips against mine, and against my forehead before she left. The minute I heard the door lock, I sighed and turned over on back, rubbing my eyes.
I sighed and figured I might as well get up. So much shit to do, though my big exam was over and done with.
I managed to drag myself out of bed, smelling the aftermath of Bella's scent in my room. She thinks its her perfume, but she actually has a very distinct scent, one that I could pick up on straight away, especially on her pillow next to mine.
I smirked and headed into the kitchen. God love the girl, she had cooked me bacon and eggs again. I removed the cover and sat down.
"God yes". I moaned, filling my mouth with whatever was on the plate. Bella was an amazing cook, I never complained with whatever he made. In fact, I never had much of a complaint about her overall. Bella had been mine for three years, almost four. Falling in love with her when we were teenagers, I knew I had to have her to myself. We started dating when she was sixteen, I was eighteen. I loved her in a crazy, insane way and that was because she was the only girl in my life I'd ever had. Don't get me wrong, I had been a bit of a player before when she was just my friend. She never knew what I did out on weekends, when I'd go out and drink and hook up with many girls. I had sex with two, but never got in contact with them again. I never wanted a relationship with any of them anyway, and that's when I discovered the obvious reason, being that I only wanted to be with Bella. That's what I thought at least, many years ago.
My girl was proper, and moral, and I loved that about her, and hated it at the same time. When we were still in high school, it was fine. I loved her, I would wait. But when I went away for two years to college without her, it drove me insane. I'd return to her whenever I could, and we'd kiss and caress each other for hours on end, but she never wanted to go the full way. It would have been fine except when I went back to college I had girls on me all too often, more then willing to give me what Bella was not.
I had never been so tempted in my life. Bella had a petite figure, a small five foot four inches. She had always been attractive to me, yet I hadn't imagined anything more attractive untill I saw the women at college. Because that's what they were--women. Beautiful curves and those cleavages leading down to what must not be far off double D sized breasts. Nothing like what my Bella had.
Her body was simple, she had little curves and small breasts. She wasn't anything like these women who tempted the fuck out of me with their bodies.
Yet every time a girl would come onto me, making suggestive comments…I'd think about Bella and how much I knew she loved me, as I loved her. Although it'd be hard, I'd refuse. I never cheated on her, and I was damn proud of being strong enough to resist it. I didn't want to loose Bella, and that was enough.
Knowing Bella trusted me implicitly made me feel horrible when girls would brush up against me, dance with me at semester parties, move their bodies against me and I would be aroused. I hated I was weak, but I hadn't had actual sex in almost four years. The last time was a few weeks before I confessed my love to Bella. When I did that, I knew I was bringing myself into a relationship were I had to be ultimately and completely committed to her, and I gave up the lifestyle I was used to.
All the time I think to myself I never deserved Bella, and feel honestly lucky to have her in my life. So I would spoil her, let her know how much she meant to me.
I was happy when she finally graduated so she could move in. Naturally I had hoped that if we were living together she might want to take our physical relationship to the last level, but she refused. It was alright though, as I reminded myself I didn't care as long as she was happy. Her happiness was the most important thing.
So when I took her out one night, and she mentioned the concept of marriage, my mind shut down and I couldn't think. Marriage?
I couldn't help but think I was still a kid at twenty three, and almost felt the urge to laugh. Only I knew Bella was dead serious. I wanted at first to refuse, to tell her what difference would it make if we did? I didn't see a point. Then it occurred to me. What difference would it make if we didn't? We were living together regardless, we loved each other, nothing would change if we did or didn't. What would change would be that she would be finally willing sleep with me, and I wouldn't have to worry about…using my hand repeatedly to satisfy myself. I was a sick man.
Mrs Edward Cullen, I had thought to myself. Bella Cullen.
Besides, I had seen the happiness, the hope in her eyes when she had suggested it. The idea of marrying me made her happy, and I wanted nothing more then for her to be happy.
So I shut off my mind again and simply agreed. That was the night I bent down on one knee to ask her, and it became official.
I was nervous as fuck about it.
I finished my breakfast quickly, taking it to the sink. I glanced back at the table and saw Bella had tidied up my notes. I smiled slightly and took them from the desk and back to my room.
I placed them back in my folder and headed to the bathroom to shower. I walked in and sighed when I saw the sink covered with her lotions, creams and bottles. Her scent filled the room.
"God, Bella". I murmured, shaking my head. She had so much shit that she used on her face, I couldn't find anything of mine. The bathroom was pretty much all hers. She had even hung frilly curtains on the windows. It looked like a fuckin chicks' bathroom.
I sighed deeply again and moved aside all her stuff till I managed to find my shaver. I swear sometimes I feel like throwing everything in this bathroom that belonged to her in the trash.
Nothing is ever in it's place, the way it used to be when I was living here alone before she graduated. Damn women.
I lifted my shirt over my chest and tossed it to the side, ridding myself of my boxers before getting in and turning the water on. Sure enough all of Bella's girly gel washing soap was there, and her shampoo and conditioner. I can't use her soap, it was a feminine one.
I sighed and slammed my fist against the wall, before getting out still wet and searching for mine in the drawer. Thankful I found it, I got back in.
When I finished I went to put it up the top of the shower so I could grab it easier next time, but she had packed all her bottles up there. How much shit did girls use in the god damn shower?!
I'd had just about enough and moved three of her bottles of it, so I could put mine on. I shoved her bottles in the drawer and grabbed my towel. Drying my hair quickly, I headed back to the bedroom and got changed.
I didn't bother with a shirt for the moment, sitting back on the sofa to watch TV.
I suddenly heard a banging on my door, followed by a voice I knew all too well.
"Edward, man. Open the fuck up!"
"Jesus Christ". I murmured and got up, opening the door to see my best friend, Emmett. "What the fuck, man? What are you doing here so early?"
He chuckled. "Morning to you too, sunshine. Jazz and Rose are both in class, got to pick up Rose soon, and Alice--well, I don't know where the fuck she is. Probably shopping. I don't have class today so thought I'd drop by".
"Go and get fucked". I joked and sat back down on the couch.
"Like you can talk". He grinned and I rolled my eyes.
"Nah, in all seriousness. Man to man. Haven't you fucked her yet?"
I growled at him. I hate how he made it sound so careless, like if I did sleep with Bella it would be nothing but a meaningless 'fuck'.
"That would be a no". He joked. "Wow, you must really love the girl. Still pulling that no sex before marriage bullshit?"
I sighed and changed the channel. "Yeah, pretty much".
"Well you're engaged, now. Close enough, don't you think?"
I smirked. "Not for Bella. I think she's gonna go all out for our wedding night."
"Kinky". Emmett wiggled his eyebrows. "You might find she's a lioness in the bedroom. Lucky bastard."
"Hey, you're getting it from Rose. What do you have to complain about? Besides, Bella and I have done…other stuff." I said awkwardly.
Emmett choked back a laugh. "So you're not jacking it off all the time, then? Just most of the time, right?"
He laughed heartedly. "Ah Eddie. Getting married and off the market in a week. Who would have thought?"
I groaned at the thought. "I know. Don't remind me".
Emmett grew quiet, and when I looked up he was studying me closely. "You ok, man?"
I shrugged slightly.
"Wanna talk about it? You nervous or some shit?"
"Nah, not for the reason you think". I sighed, staring down at my hands. "I'm nervous because…."
I shook my head slightly. "Nothing. It's fine. I can't believe I'm even thinking this…Fuck, I love Bella". I ran my fingers through my hair.
Emmett watched me struggle with my internal demons, and crossed his arms. "You know I always wondered why you never seemed overly excited about getting married. Or at least not as excited as Bella is". He paused, watching me. "You don't want to marry her, do you?"
I couldn't feel any worse at that moment, because I should have replied with a; "Of course I want to marry her!" But I didn't. I sighed and looked at the floor.
"Then what the fuck are you doing?" Emmett blew. "Dump her, Edward. Jesus Christ. If you don't love her--"
"I do love her". I argued. "I just don't know if I'm ready for--I mean I just don't know if she's, you know, I mean marriage--"
"You don't know if she's the right girl. You have doubts, right?"
"But that's the point, I shouldn't have doubts! I've been with her for almost four years, and I had never thought about asking her to marry me in the future. Isn't that…weird?"
Emmett nodded. "That's a sign that you're not ready. Not just that, but if you've never envisioned yourself marrying her, you shouldn't." He grinned, in spite of himself. "Like I always think about asking Rose to marry me eventually. Don't know when it will be though. Definitely within the next year or so".
I sighed. "Not helping, Em."
"Sorry man. So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know what to do". I gritted my teeth and slammed my fist against the seat rest. "I feel like a fucking dick. I'll never deserve someone like Bella, and I know I'll never find anyone like her, if I search every inch of this god forsaken earth. So why the fuck am I unhappy about this?"
"Edward." Emmett said calmly, which is unusual for him. "Your like a brother to me, so I'm telling you this. You love Bella, I can tell. But you have to want to marry the girl, with every fiber in your being. You have to become a desperate fuck, you have to know your whipped, and you wanna spend every minute for the rest of your life with her. Otherwise…Don't do it."
"Emmett I can't hear this. I'm going out this afternoon with Bella to buy our rings, and…" I went to get up but he stopped me.
"It's not fair to her, Edward. Think about Bella. Maybe the two of you aren't meant to be together, yet she's too naïve to see it. If you can't see a future together, leave her. You'll only hurt her more if you marry her, and end up falling in love with someone else and leaving her in the long run. Leave her, and give her the chance to find the right man, and you, the right woman".
I stopped, closing my eyes. I knew what he said was right. I wasn't only going to hurt myself, I was going to hurt Bella.
But then I thought what it would be like if I did what my instincts said, and left her. Bella would be heartbroken. I knew that. Just from the things she does, I knew Bella was undeniably, irrevocably and desperately in love with me. I was the only man to ever come into her life like this, and the minute she told me she was in love with me too, she gave me her whole heart without the fear that I might break it. She trusted me implicitly, and I know she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
"Emmett;" I shook my head. "I can't. I can't do that to her. She loves me a great deal. She's so fragile and naïve at nineteen, I can't leave her--"
"--Exactly, you said it". He pointed out. "She's naïve. She thinks she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, how could either of you possibly be sure? Anyway don't worry about how fragile she is. Nothing would change. She could live with Rose and Alice on campus."
I sighed. "Em, I love her--"
"--Not as much as she loves you, obviously". He mused. "If you don't do what feels right, you'll regret it. Besides," He smirked; "Don't you have the hots for double D Denali?"
I couldn't help but laugh. "I said she was hot, alright? I haven't done anything, and I'm not chasing after her. She's out of my league, anyway. Do you know how gorgeous she is?"
"So I've heard". He smirked again. "She's got quite the male admirers on campus".
"See?" I pointed out with a dry smirk. "No chance, even if I was single".
"At least you'd get laid". He joked.
I rolled my eyes. "Fuck off, McCarty. I've got to get ready for class soon anyway".
He checked his watch. "Yeah, I gotta pick up Rose soon anyway. Catch ya".
He held out his fist I pressed mine to his. "See ya, dickhead."
I laughed under my breath as he headed out. "Don't forget what I said, or else you're going to be walking down the aisle in a week with no way out!" He called before he left. I waved him off and shook my head slightly.
I couldn't think about this. I was marrying Bella in a week, that's just how it has to be. Everything was organized, done. Ready. I wasn't going to do that to her. I wasn't going to let myself hurt her.
Class dragged on, and by three I was out for the day. Edward started at two, till late. I considered messaging him, but when I pulled out my phone I changed my mind. Usually he messaged me, but there was nothing. He was probably very busy.
"Hey, Bells". I heard a voice behind me.
I turned around to see Alice. I smiled and hugged her. "Hey! What are you doing here?"
"Our lecture was cancelled. Fun time!" She grinned. "Hey, listen, I wanted to go over the wedding details with you."
"Alice!" I laughed. "It's all done! Silly. What else is there to do?"
"So your Dad, and my parents are flying in early morning?"
"Has your dad got his tux?"
"Has Edward?" I asked her, and she laughed. "Yes, Bella. Edward and I went out with Jazz and Emmett to get them. It's all done. Edward looks gorgeous". She winked and I blushed.
"I'm sure. I'm going to look horribly plain next to him at the altar".
"Nonsense". Alice shook her head dismissively. "You'll look absolutely stunning, as always. Edward will die when he sees you in that dress".
"Alice," I said, blushing. "Do you think he'll um, like, you know--"
"The lingerie? Hell yes!" She exclaimed.
I blushed furiously. "Really?"
Alice laughed and wrapped her arm tightly around my shoulders. "Bella, Bella. Stop worrying about your wedding night. You'll please him, don't worry! It's making love. It will come naturally".
I nodded nervously. "Okay."
She grinned. "I can't wait till you're my sister-in-law. I mean you'll always be family, but just knowing it's official…Seriously, it's awesome".
"Yeah". I said dreamily. Mrs Edward Cullen. Wow. It still hadn't sunk in. I was the lucky girl that Edward Cullen has chosen to be his wife. I mean he would have refused if he didn't want to marry me, right?"
"Alice," I bit my lip self-consciously. "Do you think he really wants to marry me?"
"Bella!" She exclaimed, looking at me with genuine surprise. "Why would you even ask me that? I know he does. He loves you a great deal."
"I-I know, I just…maybe he feels pressured, I mean I don't want to pressure him at all, but maybe he feels pressured all the same…"
"Bella. Stop". Alice took both my arms. "Bella, Edward would not have agreed to marry you if he didn't want to. I know that much. Pressure or no pressure. Alright? So no more doubts!"
I nodded. "Sorry. S-sorry. I guess I'm just nervous".
"Understandable". She laughed. She pulled out her phone and seemed to have got a new message.
"Alright Bells, got to go. Got to meet Jasper. See you tonight." We hugged each other.
"See you". I smiled and waved, before heading off home.
So...what do you think, continue?