Chapter 42

Darkness. It was like being lost in my own mind and not being able to find the way out. Was this all there was to death? Nothing hurt but there is nothing desired as well. I am comfortable but I don't feel a rush of peace, there is no light leading me to me next stop, nothing. The only thing I truly feel is…loneliness. Why did I go back to that apartment? Why did I have to let the wedding get to me? If I wasn't such a stupid human I would still be with Edward and we would be getting married and everything would be perfect. Perfect was something I never thought I deserved. Edward was perfect and I didn't deserve him, but I loved him. Now, the feeling of sadness entered my dark prison. I looked around and tried to fix my eyes on any type of object, but there was no use. I sit, hoping that my eyes will eventually adjust and I will be able to find a way out.

Moments pass and I began to notice a slight hint of light starting to travel towards me. A small ball of flames appeared in front of me casting enough light to see that I was surrounded in more darkness, no walls, no end, just extending darkness. I slowly walked towards the light, it was attractive and I was drawn to it like a moth to light. It didn't seem to release any heat and it didn't hurt my eyes to stare at it. Something told me not to touch it but the other part told me to reach out to it. I was torn. The flame grew bigger and more inviting. I could not pull my eyes away from it. I stood up and reached out for it. One last moment of hesitation and I made contact with the flame.

The tips of my fingers tingled with and intense sensation. It felt warm but wonderful. I reached farther into the flames and was amazed that they did not burn my skin. I noticed a slight hint of scent flowing from it. It almost smelled like…Edward! Maybe this was the way back to him. I couldn't help but quickly move my other hand into the flames and reach farther inside. My other hand began to tingle and the sensation rush up through my arms and filtered into the rest of my body. The feeling was intense and almost erotic. My legs began to shake and my heart started to race. The pounding in my chest felt comfortable at first but then it grew stronger and more painful. I pulled my arms from the ball but the flames would not leave my arms. The wonderful sensation was leaving as the flames engulfed the rest of my body. Everything burned. I screamed for some relief. I was going to burn to death and the worst part was that I was alone.



"Edward!" Bella's voice escaped her lips. She is calling for me! My body tightened and my body full of intense pain for her. I reached and gentle touched her hand hoping not to cause any pain. She instantly pulled away and screamed in pain at my touch. If I had a heart, it would have broken into a million pieces. I did this to her.

"Alice, it's starting." I was surprised it had taken as long as it did. We laid in the meadow for hours before the venom started to work. Bella had been lying peacefully until moments ago where I could tell everything was starting.

"Everything is still black Edward but it should change once she has finished the transformation. She still had to make the choice to change before I could see what her future was going to be."

"Do you think there is anything we can do for her to keep her from going through this?" Her body arched as she screamed in more pain. I just wanted to take the pain from her and I reached for her again, but knew that my touch would just cause her more pain. It was hard to watch but there was nothing that would pull me away from her side. I had done this to her, and I needed to care for her now. I looked towards Alice as her eyes were frozen on something far in the distance.

"Alice, what is it?" A small smirk came across her face. Hopefully she was seeing Bella having a less painful couple of days.

"Oh, it's just James. He will not be bothering anyone anymore. The police took care of him." She laughed a little but I didn't see the justice in jail. He deserved much worse. Alice must have sensed my anger. She came and knelt next to me a placed a hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shrug it off but I also desired the comfort that my sister brought.

He went crazy when the cops got there. Spouting off about a creature in his apartment and voices he heard. He attacked one of them while they were out by the cop car. They shot him. He's dead.

I could not help but smile as she thought those words. While Bella's body dies, James deserved to die as well. He deserved to suffer more than anything, but death would suffice. I had wanted to be the one to do it, but would have never wanted to tell Bella that I took another life. I pictured what I would do to James but something inside told me that she would not have wanted it. Alice's voice pulled me out of my own vision.

"We need to leave here Edward. This will not be a safe place for her to change. We need to take her back to the house before someone hears her." Alice's words meant that this was going to get worse for Bella and there was nothing we could do to prevent the pain she was going to suffer.

"Edward, we need to hurry. Hunters are out." She was right; I could sense them coming close.

I said goodbye to the meadow and carried Bella in my arms back to the house. I had to be as gentle as possible and I could not pull my eyes from her tortured face. She was suffering and every move I made with her in my arms brought more pain to her body. Haven't I done enough to her! Now I am causing her more pain than she needed. I screamed in my head not knowing what else to do. It was a short run but Bella moaned and arched every step of the way. I leaned towards her ear hoping she could hear me.

"I am so sorry Bella. It will be over soon." With that, her body relaxed and she went back into a motionless state. I started to panic but we were only moments from the house so I kept running as fast as I could.

I could hear Rosalie's voice as we entered the house. I could not stand to listen to her annoying self-centered conversation. Alice has told me that Rosalie was a main reason Bella made it to her apartment. I know she could not predict this but she was still a motivating factor in Bella's current condition. I continued upstairs and gently laid her on my bed. I could not figure out why she all of a sudden stopped screaming, I could only hope she was different, and could avoid what the rest of us had gone through.


Help! Please God, someone help me! What is happening to me? Is this hell? What did I do to deserve hell? Edward!

"I am so sorry Bella. It will be over soon." Sweet relief rushed over my body as his words echoed in my head. Hearing his precious voice calmed the flames that still engulfed my body. Everything was still on fire but it didn't burn anymore. Those first feeling when I reached out and touched the flame started to return. It was no longer scary and painful, but welcomed and almost enjoyable. Edwards's voice could pull me through this. Keep talking to me Edward, keep talking…


"Why is she not screaming Edward?" I ran to the room panicked when I had heard the silence while running. Bella just stopped and her body went limp but there was no reason that should happen at this point. Her body was transforming but no one could escape the pain, or could they? Was Bella different?

"She just went limp in my arms Alice. Please tell me you can see her future. Maybe she is changing faster. Tell me what you see."

I focused all of my energy on Bella. I walked up and gently touched her arm. The vision came but nothing made sense. There were flames all over but no sign of Bella. She was still changing.

Carlisle and Esme entered the room. Quickly they were filled in on the events of the day. Carlisle was stumped as well by Bella's current relaxed state. As we stood around talking, Bella began to move. Edward rushed to her side and quietly held her hand. An eruption of screams came from her as she pulled away from Edwards touch. It was almost a relief but confusion filled the room again. Edward began to panic and walking around the room.

"Edward, she will be ok. If you need to step out, we will sit with her." Esme was gentle and kind. She only wanted the best for her children and seeing Edward in pain, caused her pain as well.

"I will be fine. I need to be here with her." More screams exploded from Bella's mouth. She tossed in the bed, gripping at the sheets and making incoherent sentences. "What happened to her earlier, Carlisle? Why was she so calm and now…" He couldn't even say the words. It was torture to watch Edward and listen to Bella's screams. Every sound broke Edward down more and more. Even knowing she would soon be free from this did not ease his pain. Carlisle just looked at Bella then back at Edward. He had no answers.

"We just need to wait it out Edward. Your eyes…you need to go feed quickly to get them to start returning and reduce the urges you will have. You will be of no help to her if you are not stable yourself. Go, son." Carlisle pleaded with Edward with his eyes, knowing how stubborn he was going to be. Carlisle was right, though. The human blood rushing through Edward's body was going to create a battle within him which would make him helpless when Bella needs a vegetarian guide to put her on the right path. Edward stared at Bella but he made no motion to go.

"Edward." Esme walked to her son and grabbed his hand. She pulled him into an embrace and whispered into his ear, though we all heard what was said. She is my daughter Edward, I will care for her. With that, Edward was gone.

A.N: Thank you for reading!!! I couldn't stop writing this chapter so I hope I did ok with it. Please Review!