~17 years ago

"You thrice goddess damned idiot!", Nabooru yelled at Gannondorf. Officially, King Gannondorf Dragmire did not have a viceroy. Then again, no Gerudo in their right mind had the stomach to take that type of tone with him. He witnessed the birth of none of his other daughters (claiming he learned midwifing in a single stroke).

Nabooru continued yelling as she chased the teenaged king. Despite he was rapidly walking away from her. Despite everyone watching. Despite the last time someone said something untoward to the king.

"I didn't say anything when you grew that stupid, no mustache, ear-to-ear beard. I didn't say anything when you started dressing in all black despite the entire territory being desert. Don't you think that if I'm saying something now, it might just be important? That I might just be right?"

Gannondorf spun on his heels so fast that Nabooru bounced against him. He "If you were that concerned, maybe you would have followed my orders! I told King Hyrule that he could count on Gerudo military support. I commanded you to organize it. And do I get combat units or back talk, I ask you?"

Nabooru entreated, "Because you insist on leading them into battle yourself! You're too important to risk like that. Don't you know what you mean to us?"

Then much more softly, so only the man she leaned against could hear. "Don't you know what you mean to me?"

Gannondorf, at fifteen winters now taller than Nabooru, rested his forehead on the crown of her head. "Do you think I don't know that?"

But then with a flourish, he turned back to his path toward his stallion. "That's exactly why I need to do this. King Hyrule coming to us shows that he wants the Goron out of Kakariko Village and he doesn't care how it's done. All he wants is humans on every border, instead of civilian refugees fleeing to the Lost Woods and being lost to him forever. Kakariko sits in the mountains, yes, but at the base of them. Imagine having a place with grass, rain...that cool breeze that sometimes come from across the canyon blowing around you."

"I have to do this. And besides, isn't this the type of moment you've trained me for? That all of you have trained me for?"

Nabooru scolded, "You're going to get yourself killed! You can't do this!"

The deadliness creaped back into Dragmire's voice. He stopped beside his horse. Didn't turn around, just tilted his head. "I can't?"

Nabooru stopped silent. Her jaw worked, but no words came forth.

King Dragmire threw his teen aged body on his mount. "I'm going to explain to Hyrule that all the military support they need is someone as powerful as me. Then I'm going to return here. Then we're going to have a talk about who commands who, concubine."

With that the only male Gerudo for the next eighty-five years sped off to do his part in this blooming war.

"Now, you've done it.", one of the women told Nabooru.

"Shut up.", was her reply.

Nabooru turned to the fastest runner present. "Run to the Temple of Spirit. Tell Koume and Katoke that their unit is on, Plan B is in effect. We'll move ahead of them, so they should move directly on Castle Town. If they're too late to meet us there, advance to Kakariko. Move!"

The same woman continued to lay into Nabooru. "And now that you've gone and ruined everything, you're hoping grandma witches can conjure up a saving grace. You dumb ergh!"

Nabooru clawed her fingers into the woman's hair and yanked her off her feet to kneel before her. "If you can't keep quiet, I'm going to snatch the color out of your hair and you'll be blonder than the virgin desert. If you understand, you'd better nod because I don't even want to her your 'yes madam'."

Nabooru pushed the woman to the ground and waved her arms in a pattern. Guards that moments ago seemed 'extra' now revealed that they were waiting for this sign. They moved back to entrances of the fortress and yelled inside. A plethora of pre-staged, armed women came streaming out. Horse hooves sounded in the distance.

Within moments, mounted Gerudo were in formation before Nabooru. A woman led up Nabooru's own horse, to which she took the reigns in haste. "Plan B, women! The stubborn fool went anyway and he's got a black stallion that rides like a Zora in open water. The witches will meet up with us on the ride. Let's move!"

And with that, half the Gerudo population sped out from their territory.

A surprisingly short time later, one of the Hyrule Defense Force spotted movement on the horizon and went to inform the king. King Hyrule sat on his mount, in lead of the HDF infantry. By his side, General Impa sat on her mount flanked by increasingly rare Sheikah.

"Thank you again, Impa.", King Hyrule told his companion. "With Sheikah making a show of guarding the crown, the HDF is free to focus on the task at hand."

"It is my privledge to serve, Your Majesty.", Impa replied. "Taking back the Sheikah village of Kakariko is another step in our long debt to that crown."

The guard came up. "Your Majesty! There's movement on the Gerudo front. A single rider."

"Thank you. Dismissed.", the king stated.

Impa frowned while it was still polite to do so. "I dislike this entreating theives to watch your flank. I appreciate Your Majesty's wisdom in re-unifying all the humans that have drifted so far apart since the Hero of Men. But I am simply calling a spade a spade. After all, why would a single rider be coming at the annointed hour? At best to tell us that the Gerudo can't be bothered to appear punctually At worst, to pull support at the worst possible moment-revealing the promise of support was only to move guards away from items the kleptomaniacs covet."

The single rider rode up to the two. The rider was on a lean, mean black stallion. His hair was fire red, his armor black as night, his gauntlets gleaming gold like a crown. He bore a sword entirely too large for his teen age frame.

King Hyrule shook himself. "I apologize. I thought only the Gerudo's king was male. What message have you brought from him."

"I am him.", Gannondorf spat. "I am King Gannondorf Dragmire of the Gerudo Territory. And we need not dally on pleasantries. I understand that we have a village to retake."

Impa made a large show of looking past him. Then leering to the right. Then she stared into the left. Finally, the Sheikah looked to the sky and held her gaze.

Hyrule interrupted, "er...Impa."

Impa apologized. "Please forgive me, Your Majesty. I was simply waiting for the skies to part and Gerudo units to rain down from the heavens. After all, King Dragmire seems to be in a great hurry to join battle with the Goron. Your Highness knows: the eat rocks for dinner, roll with a hundred thunders, wade through lava Gorons. Since he's in such a great hurry, and he so very obviously has no military accompniment, I was simply expecting the miracle of his forces to be conjured from thin air. Or the heavens. Whichever."

Hyrule took a breath and looked at the back of his horse' head, as Dragmire had stretched his royal politeness to the limit. Impa, and the other few Sheikah, made very poor efforts to hide their impending guffaws.

Gannondorf found nothing mirthful. "You wish to laugh? You hold no confidence? Fine! I need no army. I will free the village on my own valor. And you shall sing praises of this 'kleptomaniac'."

With that, the Gerudo youth raced off toward Kakariko.

King Hyrule grimaced. "Let's go tame the youth. Otherwise, the other Gerudo will blame us for...'allowing' their only male to be killed."

Impa's impending laughter turned inward then came out a satisfied smile. "If the Goron were to kill him, that would be the only male they have.

"We have two courses of action, Your Majesty.

"The first is that we hurry the HDF after him. We try to move soldiers that have all lost something to the Gerudo as fast as they can to save the Gerudo king. We arrive too late because he rides and they march. The Goron will still be on alert because we don't arrive too far after him for 'all clears' to make it through their chain of command. The end result is that we don't accomplish anything but expose tired troops to an entrenched enemy force."

"Or, the second. We let the fool be killed by the Goron. We allow the Goron to either believe the fool is the human counter-offensive, or (and hopefully they aren't stupid enough to believe that) that it was a false alarm. Teenage bravado. We get to face a relaxed enemy that has come down from alert. We get the Gerudo's gratitude at saving the king they would have to ransom back. Better yet, we get the end of the Gerudo Territory while only soiling Goron hands."

King Hyrule narrowed his eyes at Impa. Impa then warned, "You know, Her Majesty doesn't appreciate you gazing at me like that."

"Give orders to the men.", Hyrule commanded. "We want to arrive at Kakariko in a state of readiness. So we march immediately. But without any undue haste.

In Kakariko Village, a few Goron guards minded the gates. Otherwise, the streets had the occassional Goron milling about, marvelling that anyone would actually want to live here. The ground was way to soft and had this wierd, even softer, cover of green blades. As far as anyone could tell, there wasn't a rock in the village worth licking. Even now, the elders streamed out of one of the...can you believe it, wooden...houses arguing about these very merits.

"Darunia, we've been over this.", one of the elders. "Kakariko is on Death Mountain. Regardless of how many kings they bury or how much of this field turf they plant, Kakariko is physically ours. I don't want this place any more than you do. But if we allow the Kingdom to take this from us, they'll keep taking from us. It's what Hylians due-take. Like they took the reputation from the Gerudo or service from the Sheikah. We've already discussed and all of us have decided."

"All of us besides me.", Darunia countered. "The Hylian response/"

"Will be trivial.", another elder finished. "Our conditions for not having a unanimous decision still exist, Darunia. If a human attack does unseat us from our entrenched position within our own territory, then you'll deserve it. If you're confident you're right, you should content yourself with hopes of becoming the first sole elder in some time. So stop undercutting us."

And then a single black stallion carrying a fiery rider flew over the gate to Kakariko Village. The guards from the gate stumbled in and were met with the horse' hooves. Once they were stalled, the red haired boy turned the horse and threatened the Goron approaching from the street with the same hind leg kicks. The boy slid off the horse and swatted it. The horse bolted back out of the village, leaving King Gannondorf Dragmire.

The first Goron to reach Dragmire attempted to grab the boy. Spinning well beyond the speed of the lumbering giant, Gannondorf grabbed the rock-eater's right arm with his left sliding his grip down to the wrist and hit the elbow with the outside edge of his right hand. The Gerudo swung the hapless Goron in a wide arc, stumbling the others on that side of him. The boy slid his grip to the otherside of the Goron's wrist, and latched onto the elbow with his right. The Goron was pulled from a back fall into stumbling around Gannondorf the otherway, blocking off the other side. Left alone with his intended victim Gannondorf ducked under the arm of the Goron, braced the elbow with his right forearm, pulled the wrist to his chest and continued to pull with his whole weight. The thousand pound creature sailed over the boy's head but not before something of the Goron's arm gaveway.

Darunia turned to the other elders with a questioning eyebrow. A single elder gave the reply, "I'm getting the Megaton Hammer."

The Goron that had surrounded Gannondorf hesitated to approach, as they had been assured by their elders that humans simply weren't born with the strength to hurt them. The boy threw one hand forward and Koume's fire training paid off in a concentrated beam, heating the Goron. The giant seemed confused, as lava's temperature wasn't exactly an attack on a Goron. Then Dragmire threw the other hand forward and Katoke's ice training froze the Goron in place, confused expression and all. The boy was no longer surrounded as he rushed the spellbound Goron and more than ice shattered from its body.

"Back off him, I'll handle the human.", the elder with the Megaton Hammer announced. With and off hand gesture, a ball of glowing energy lept from Gannondorf's hand toward the Goron. The elder swung against the ball with the magic weapon and, miracles of miracles, the ball bounced off. The boy then unbelievably bounced the magic back with a flick of his cape, collapsing the elder when it hit and bringing forth the first scream of pain from a Goron most had ever heard.

Gannondorf never stopped moving. From his spin he continued to the wall of one of the buildings lining the street, jumped against it and behind one of the Goron from his first encounter. The boy reached over the Goron to grab his face and pulled the Goron to his back.

Dragmire ducked the swung punch to the back of his head. As the Goron fell past Gannodorf with the missed swing, the Gerudo latched on to the Goron's leg with both hands and let his grip slide down to the ankle. With the supernatural might of his newly forged golden gauntlets, the boy swung the ton of stone the Goron was in a wide circle around himself. The one Goron that couldn't run away, jump out of the path or simply fall fast enough was smacked with one of his own and went flying over a house. Gannondorf let go of his grip and sent the Goron careening into an elder. The two sped through a house.

Back in Hyrule Field, Impa and King Hyrule continued their army's liesurely pace. It allowed them to grind to a stop when they heard the roar.

They didn't need to turn to find out the source of the noise. Nabooru and a blur of other Gerudo galloped past, racing toward Kakariko Village. And that wasn't all:King Hyrule nearly fell from his steed when a few, led by two ancient crones, buzzed by him on broomstick.

The king and Impa looked at each other in concern. "Maybe we want to pick up the pace."

In the village, Gannondorf had fun. Then he found his shadow was growing rapidly. Gannondorf hurled himself to the cover of the steps leading to another part of the village. A boulder, the size of any building of Kakariko fell to dig a crater from the ground he had so recently occupied. Even as injured Goron limped and pedalled away from Gannondorf, this boulder unfurled towards him. A Goron capable of measuring his height in horses the way horses were measured in hands stood before him.

But not for long. The Goron bent down to pick the boy up. Gannondorf drew his sword and the giant's fingers landed on either side of the blade. With the blade caught in the gian's hand, Gannondorf grabbed the hilt and pulled as if activating a lever for a secret door. The back of the Goron's hand pressed against the ground, followed by its arm. The Goron watched in a mixture of confusion and horror as Dragmire leapt to his face and struck him with the full might of the golden gauntlets the boy wore. "I am King Gannondorf Dragmire of the Gerudo Territories!", he announced. "And I have felled Biggoron!"

"Pardon?", Darunia politely (considering the circumstances) intterupted. "That's Medigoron."

Gannondorf looked at him incredulously. "Impossible! He's humongous."

The remaining elder gestured behind himself with a thumb.

And then, what the teen had thought was part of the mountainside moved. A limb, whose size decried description, braced itself against the weakening ground. The limb turned out to be an arm, so that Biggoron could stand himself up to his true height. All said and done, the champion blocked out the sun and cast all of Kakariko in shade. Biggoron let out a low, questioning tone as he squinted to find the source of his name being called.

Gannondorf's face screwed up as if he just found out he was tricked.

Darunia shrugged in apology.

"Fine!", the Gerudo spit. Yelling, Gannondorf's magic lifted his body into the air. When he was at a height that Biggoron could see him clearly, the boy raised both arms above his head. A black yet bright glow gathered. As Biggoron puzzled over this sight, the magic grew even more concentrated. And Gannondorf unleashed a vertiable volley, a swarm of destruction that landed across Biggoron's eyes. The king's confident laughter could heard echoing.

The giant to end all giants swatted in front of his face after the fact. As if anticipating another barrage, Biggoron blindly stepped to the side. But he stumbled and fell.

Gannondorf alighted in front of the Darunia. The Gerudo grabbed the spikes that served as Darunia's beard and drew him close to ensure being heard correctly. "I am King. Gannondorf. Dragmire. Of the Gerudo Territories.", he stated. "And I have fell Biggoron."

"No arguements.", Darunia stated calmly.

"You are the last elder conscious.", Dragmire stated.

"No arguements.", Darunia repeated.

"I have defeated your armies in combat. You will surrender Kakariko Village to the allied human task force, here represented by me.", Dragmire commanded.

Darunia agreed readily enough. "Okay."

And then the Gerudo units made their appearance. Beams of fire and ice, bombs and arrows fell from the air. Mounted women thrust spears into Goron faces and knocked arrows into bows. A bevy of beauties, including Nabooru, nearly rolled off their horses to surround Gannondorf in a protective circle.

"Cease fire!", the boy yelled. "Cease fire!"

Goron leaning away in fear were met with confused, but still threatening, women. Gannondorf sneered at them. "I already won the battle. Without any of you here."

Nabooru turned to Darunia. "Yep. Sure did.", he told her.

Nabooru turned to Gannondorf. "Line them up.", he commanded. "Gather them in a circle. I don't really care. Just make sure the Goron are in one spot and all accounted for."

Nabooru nodded. Women took their spear points away from the faces of Goron all around the village and brooms floated to the ground. Gerudo gestured to the center of the village, and even helped some of the Goron that couldn't make it on their own.

Gannondorf walked back to the entrance of the village with Nabooru in tow. With nothing else to do, Darunia followed. The two eldest witches joined the group.

When they got to the entrance, they were met with a battlecry. A group of HDF stormed through the open gate and promptly stopped, dazed and confused by the sight that met them. The second wave ran directly into them. King Gannondorf simply told them, all of them men his senior, "Get your king. Tell him that I have declared the mission accomplished."

Most of the HDF stood rooted to the spot. One of them nodded and made his way back through the lines. Nabooru blinked as if having a brilliant thought or maybe had remembered something and ran to gather more girls.

Impa and King Hyrule entered in full mount. Only when they saw the Goron centrally gathered, surrounded by Gerudo and were met with a still King Dragmire and Elder Darunia did the two actually believe it. The two dismounted and approached.

"You should bow when the king approaches.", Impa told Gannondorf.

Gannondorf looked at Impa like the bitch done, must have, lost her damn mind. "The Re-unification War is over.", the boy told King Hyrule. "Kakariko Village is in human hands again."

King Hyrule smiled and offered a congradulatory handshake. "I'm sure the Sheikah who will be living here again will be glad of your service. I don't know what your ploy of 'not needing an army' was, but that was some force that raced past us on the way he/"

"Did you say 'Sheikah' living here?", Gannondorf cut him off, pausing in mid reach of shaking his counterpart's hand.

King Hyrule appeared as if he couldn't put it any planer. "Well, yes. It is a Sheikah Village after all."

"Don't worry, Your Highness.", Impa told King Hyrule. "With the Sheikah population being what it is, I should really open the village to Hylian immigrants. Just like before Goron occupation."

Gannondorf seemed to be reasoning with himself. "I defeat the entire Goron army with my abilities alone.", he began. "And this village won't have a single Gerudo resident?"

Nabooru could see something like this was going to happen. King Dragmire was fit to pop. Followed by the sexiest Gerudo she found amongst their military units, she threw herself at Gannondorf. "Mmm, that's my hero.", she said followed by a kiss. She glanced over her shoulder. "Who's the geezer?"

The fifteen year old shook his head as if to clear it. "Oh. uh, Nabooru meet King Hyrule of the Kingdom of Hyrule. Hyrule, my viceroy." Nabooru moved to shake Hyrule's hand.

He barely got out the words before a more than bountifully endowed Gerudo clutched him in a hug. "How can I ever thank you for your valor, My Liege." Then she turned to Impa. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you need something? I'm not sure what the protocol is on giving out autographs."

Another Gerudo followed. And one after that. They kept smothering the teen with physical affection until his violent urges simmered and lust overtook. But because there was only one Gannondorf and so many women, they could run interference between

Nabooru approached him again. She touched his arm and the bracelet she wore glinted its Hylian design in the evening sun. "My Liege, we have your stallion again. We should return to the fortress before dark."

Gannondorf nodded and mounted his horse. The rest of the Gerudo mounted or took to the air and left into the night.

Impa looked at King Hyrule's arm. "Your Majesty? Weren't you wearing a bracelet earlier?"

On the slow trot back through Hyrule field, Gannondorf complained to Nabooru. "We don't get even the smallest house in that village! How dare they! I ought to go back there and kill them all."

The boy nearly managed to turn his horse around to do just that, but Nabooru was too close on one side and another woman rode too close on the other for him to turn.

"My Liege.", Nabooru began. She caressed his face with her newly adorned arm. "It's not like we got nothing at all."

The woman on the other side of him agreed. "With all the coocoos I took, we'll be having pot pies for months."

Gerudo of all stripes rode up to him and then dropped back to let others ride to him. Each advertised their loot from Kakariko, having managed to pillage it to the bone faster than any other force could. Even the witches floating over head used the slow pace of travelling back to peruse books taken from the now empty Kakariko Village library.

"There is another thing to consider, My Liege.", Nabooru informed him. "None can argue your prowess. But how many of your harem have taught you those skills. They would be grateful if you could reward them with some additional intimacy. Maybe they'd be motivated to learn new skills so you could have a larger selection of instruction?"

Gannondorf's stoic glower shook itself off. "Fine! I'll let those traitors live. Today. But this isn't over, Nabooru.

"I won't forget what they kept from my people. I won't forget the feel of grass under our feet just because it was in battle, or because all we'll have is sand once again."