"We need to talk," said Bella Swan-Cullen to her incredibly perfect husband. She had just watched the fourth Harry Potter film and had jumped to an interesting conclusion.

"I'm sorry about the bed!" screeched Edward.

"What are you talking about?" inquired Bella.

"Well," began Edward, "I guess it doesn't matter anymore!"

"DID YOU BREAK ANOTHER BED, YOU FILTHY BLOODSUCKER?" exploded Sam, who was indulging in Edward's shirtless figure. He had just appeared out of thin air with our favorite over-protective father.

"You kids; you should behave," said Chief Charles Swan.

"Not everybody can afford to waste the necessities of life. All of us can't be rich and sparkly manpires!" Sam burst into tears.

"It be okay, Sammy Poodle," said Rosalie, "I love you like a fat kid loves cake!"

"I love you, too, you sexy rabbit you!" said Sam, "Woof! Woof! Woof!"

Rosalie and Sam disappeared into a closet.

"What about me?" whined Emmett.

"Get in here, you big teddy bear!" said Sam.

A while later, Rose, Sam, and Emmett exited the closet in the nude.