she is the only consistent company he keeps. and the climb is always the same. it's teasing and light and full of her laughter.
his hands first loop around her waist, settling until his fingers can graze the hip bone that punctures out. he slowly shifts them both so that their sides are touching and he knows she becomes aware of his body close to hers. she can't resist him, as much as he can't resist her. he leans down and nips at her shoulder, taking care to never bite down too hard. the first and last time he pinched the skin too hard, her eyes shone with unshed tears. he spent the night making up for it despite her forgiveness. today and every moment after the first, she giggles and teasingly bites him back. he scolds her and she never takes him seriously. only smiles and bites again. this is the beginning of the slow seduction they'd partake. he takes care to never rush this part. the way her eyes light up tells him that this is her favorite part and he'd like to spoil her with this if he can. sometimes it is not as long as others but he knows that she appreciates any length.
next, he lays her down. sometimes, he rests his head on her body. she'll envelop him in her arms. he enjoys the comfort of her supple skin against his. others, he'll have her rest on him. he always takes care to ensure her comfort and that he can always reach a place to bite or kiss if he so pleases. later, when he wants to make the next step, he tickles her. she's not ticklish through traditional means. she is ticklish in an intimate way that ensures no one else could easily find it. this is his way of seeing if she'd accept the next step. when his lips brush against his ear and he breathes into the hollow of her ear, she giggles and shudders. that's his favorite. her eyes hold mischief when they look at him.
they kiss, it always starts slow. he prods to see if she'd want more. sometimes, she becomes shy and he coaxes her out with more kisses. he'll hold her hand or her head and deepen them. when he feels her relax into his hold, he knows she's okay. he always seduces her slowly, teasing her by fingering the edge of her clothes or her intimate places. when she wriggles closer, he slips his hands under.
when he slips into her later, he always takes the time to ask if she's okay. when she smiles, he knows to continue. he always makes her come first because seeing her come off swells his pride. when they finish, he holds her because she likes it. she gives him a sleepy smile and they talk. they go silent and slip away into sleep.
it isn't the same with other girls. he doesn't slowly flirt and seduce. he just does. and somehow, it doesn't feel the same. the moans don't sound the same but they are still enjoyable. their mouths don't kiss the way he wants them to. and their lips don't go down the way he's told her. he just wants to take and take and maybe that's why it doesn't feel as right. he finds that they're not limber enough to handle what he wants. and when they finish, she doesn't curl into him. he feels lost. "i like listening to your heart beat" her voice whispers through his mind. he ignores it and reaches for this girl and curls onto her. when she doesnt object, he stays. still, their limbs don't fall into place. he doesn't want to move too much in case he jostles her and annoys this girl.
he wonders if the constant of him wanting her and her constant acceptance of his want and usage means he'd someday fall for her. he takes comfort in that she'd always be around but he also wonder if she would want more. he feels a little fearful but he can't tell if it's because she'd want more from him or because he wants her to want more.
but he remembers what she said to him: you made me promise not to like you. i'm going to keep that promise. and he knows she keeps it because it makes him more comfortable. he knows she'd make the friendship work however she can, for that, he continues to make the effort to be her friend the way he imagines she'd like.
maybe someday, when he can gather the courage, he'd like to retract his promise. for now, as he shifts through the night, he fights not to text her. he doesn't want to want her when he's had someone else. he doesn't have to tell her but he does this because he respects her. they never made agreements to this arrangement but he thinks it is unspoken that he doesn't go to when he's had another for the night. there are many unspoken things between them about this arrangement but he'd like to keep it so that she can't become hurt. he doesn't want to be an asshole because she's so genuine in her friendship, despite using each other's bodies. so he slips into sleep and mentally makes plans in his head for the next time he can be with her.
Author's notes: It's prose format, hence why there's not a lot of capitalization. I feel like in that kind of method, it captures the feelings better. You can interpret it any way you'd like. Enjoy!