Chapter One : A Golden Ticket Craze

Disclaimer : I don't own Pokemon. Nyah.

Hee-hee, I wanted to do a par-o-dy. How come when I searched there was only one chocolate factory-based story in the Pokemon fanfiction ? You guys are evil, ha-ha-ha.

^__^ Oh, well. I hope you guys enjoy.


Somewhere in a different dimension where time seemed to be slower than the ordinary world, there was an average-sized factory parked somewhere in a random cornfield that went by the name of Rowan. It was one of the largest candy-making factories in the world, yet nobody ever came in or out. Some say that the candy was made by robots. Others claimed that the workers were runaway children who lived solely on Jack Daniels because they were flunkies. Who cared, though ? The candy tasted like best-selling 80's techno music, so there was no reason to question Mr. Rowan's practices, although the ingenious candy-man was shrouded in shadows himself.

But for now, let's avert our gaze towards the beginning of the story. In an abandoned lab near the forests of Pallet Town lived a little boy by the name of Tracey Sketchit. He was not stronger or smarter than the other children. He wasn't even little - just a nineteen-year-old apprentice living with the frail Professor Oak, whom he dubbed as Grampa Sammy. And even though they were so poor that they could only afford mustard for food, they lived as a happy family. Well, as happy as a klutzy old man and an ignored boy with no screen-time could be.

It was a few years before the computer age when five golden tickets were randomly placed into five Rowan chocolate bars. On the first day of the golden ticket craze, Tracey rushed into the tiny room where his elder spent most of his days. " Grampa, " he started, flinging off his snowy sandals and trailing snow onto the floor at the same time, " I'm so glad that you are home ! "

Samuel gave a quizzical glance before smacking Tracey in the head with a rolled-up newspaper. " Yes, I'm home, " he stated testily. He thrusted the newspaper into Tracey's hands. " This newspaper started to make my calluses itch. Then my hands started to hurt. " The man shook his head in disgust. " Why aren't you looking for a Golden Ticket like the rest of the world ? "

Tracey shrugged. " My pencil broke. I've been looking in the streets for another one. "

SMACK !

" Tracey, that is a pathetic excuse. A pencil won't do you any good, because there are billions of pencils. And I'm not getting younger. My youth is spent. Another year, and I'll be fifty-five. I want to see you with a shimmering ticket made out of golden foil. "

" I'm a sketcher, though ! " Tracey protested. " All I need in life is a pad of paper and a pencil ! "

The professor groaned and buried his head in his hands. " A pencil. All you care about is a pencil. Tracey, my boy, what the hell is wrong with you ?! Child, you need to pursue your dreams ! "

" I am, though. "

" No, I don't mean spending hours as an anti-social freak sketching everything that you see while living in a cave ! " the Professor snapped, smacking Tracey again. " You have as much of a chance of winning a Golden Ticket as the rest of the world does, Tracey. Imagine meeting Mr. Rowan himself ! "

Tracey blanched as he thought of a creepy-looking man with a sock puppet. He shook his head, mortifed. " No ! I don't want to have any more encounters with puppets and button eyes ! It's too much, Grampa ! "

" What ? "

" NO MORE SOCK PUPPETS, DADDY ! NOOOO ! "

Samuel slapped a hand to his forehead. He slowly staggered out of bed and shoved the bawling sketcher into the doorway. " All wander and no work makes a very dull boy. Now, sandal-wearing or not, you go into the snow and make your dreams appear ! "

" B-Bu-But- "

" Nooo, my good boy, go and be important for once dagnabit ! "

" No, Gramp- "

-shove!-

Tracey fell facefirst into a giant pile of recently fallen snow. He attempted to run back inside, but fell back into the snow, as the door was locked. Grampa Sammy hadn't been so enthusiastic about anything in a long time, but Tracey was doubtful about Rowan and his contest. There were only five Golden Tickets in the world, and he was out in the snow, barefooted. How would he get through all of this commotion ?

Better yet, how would he survive without a pencil ?


On the second day of the Golden Ticket craze, Tracey was outside shoveling snow that landed the previous night. His feet were freezing, and the lint between his toes started to freeze solid, making it very uncomfortable to walk. His hands were also starting to itch from the chill. It was probably the coldest January that he had witnessed - five below zero, Fahrenheit.

Around lunchtime Tracey went inside to avoid hypothermia. Grampa Sammy was nestled up in a pile of blankets while watching the small television that they owned. When he saw Tracey venture in, the Professor beckoned the boy to come forth. " Tracey, my boy, drop the shovel and look at the screen. The first Golden Ticket has been found ! "

It was true. In a small house about five minutes away from Tracey's humble abode, Ash Ketchum was being interviewed with his divorced parents. Tracey knew Ash from traveling with him. A nice guy, although dense, but he knew better than to mix Ash with food. Everyone else, however, was unfortunate and didn't know this....


-*scene change ; Ketchum residence*-

" Hehe, well for the past couple of days, I've been on a chocolate binge. Normally, I wouldn't eat too much chocolate because it makes me constipated, but when I heard of this - " He held up the Golden Ticket within sticky fingers. " - I decided to go for the all-you-can-eat diet, y'know ? Last night, Pikachu and me were searching for nickels on the streets of Viridian, and- "

" You were what ?! " Delia interrupted, furrowing her eyebrows.

Ash sweatdropped, but made no response to his mother's outburst. " And I found enough money, and the next thing you know, I found a Golden Ticket, " he finished lamely.

A lot of the newscasters clapped their hands in awe. One of them placed a bony hand on Ash's shoulder and grinned, showing a snaggletooth and smeared lipstick. " Oh, you must be so proud of your boy's accomplishment, Mr. and Mrs. Ketchum ! " she said gaily while practically crushing Ash's shoulder with her grip.

" Ms. Ketchum, " Delia responded stiffly.

" Eh, he should be out following my footsteps instead of going after chocolate, " Giovanni murmured, " or at least searching for a girlfriend like most normal boys his age do. "

Ash's sweatdrop grew slightly larger. He chuckled nervously as Pikachu whimpered under his breath. " Okay, could we move on with the questions, please ? "

The newscaster nodded, reestablishing her monstrous grip. " Of course, Alfy. "

" Uh, my name's Ash, ma- "

" What did you say about my son ?! "

Silence. Delia slowly turned to her ex-husband with slitted eyes. " Are you implying that Ash isn't a normal boy ? " she inquired in a deadly undertone.

Prolonged silence. Giovanni cleared his throat several times before speaking. " Well, look at him ! " he retorted, sweatdropping. " All he does at home when he's not training is eat and act like a dumb-ass ! You can't possibly explain his simple-mindedness, Delia ! "

Pause. Giovanni was harshly thrown into a wall. He stumbled into the kitchen before falling over himself and swirlies replaced his eyes. Everyone else except for Delia sweatdropped. The newspaper tugged on her bun of hair. " Well, ladies and gentlemen....Ash Ketchum, everybody ! "

Delia placed on her motherly smile and giggled softly. " Yay ! "

Ash suddenly didn't look as enthusiastic as he did earlier. " Yeah....yay. "


Later that day, Tracey was fiddling with an old-fashioned PDA while Grampa Sammy was flicking through the TV channels when there was a knock on the door. He opened the door to reveal his friend and grandson of the Professor, Gary, along with Gary's girlfriend with the skimpy skirts, Dawn. " Hello, Gary and Dawn ! " he greeted, opening the door more.

" Hello, Tracey, you mangy son of a Buizel, " Gary greeted back, stepping inside of the lab.

Dawn stepped forward, also, giving Tracey a friendly hug. " Look at you, Tracey ! Why are you barefooted in the middle of January, you poor thing ! "

Tracey sighed, holding back the comment that he could see the edges of flowery underwear and instead gesturing for his guests to sit on the small couch. As they did, Grampa Sammy stumbled to where the children were seated and smiled before he tripped over a floor rug. " Hello, children, " he said rather shakily as he recovered from the fall.

" Hey, Gramps, " Gary replied.

" Hello, Professor ! " Dawn chimed in.

" Hello, children, " the Professor repeated, taking a seat next to Tracey. " Did you hear the latest news about the Golden Tickets ? "

No response. Tracey glanced warily at his elder. " What's the news, Grampa Sammy ? "

Samuel grinned. " The second Golden Ticket has been found ! "


(Viridian City.....)

" Well, you know, I don't have the time to eat a lot because I work a lot. I'm a gum-chewer, and I've been the Kantonian junior champion gum-chewer for the past couple of years, but when I heard of the Golden Ticket thing, I was like, ' Hey, if I nabbed a Golden Ticket, I could promote the glory of Team Rocket ', ya know ? Chocolate's gross, though, so when I found my prize, I gave the candy bar to those buffoons with the obsessive thoughts of Pikachu. Besides, it's bad for my amazing figure, and- "

" Doms, would you quit yappin' ? The TV folk are starting to sweat. "

Domino turned to Vicious. She glared at him and punched him in the arm. " Sashie, you're the one who's been in jail, and I'm the adorable girl with the blonde curls that's going to meet Mr. Rowan ! " she screeched. " The least you could do is stop acting like a frickin' ass in front of worldwide television ! "

Vicious grimaced. " I don't give a damn ! " he snapped back, kicking a cameraman to his knees. " I'll kill every friggin' cameraman to prove my point ! "

" You can't do that, you son of a bitch ! Giovanni placed you on probation ! "

Suddenly, the scene turned melodramatic, and Vicious was kneeling on the concrete next to the fallen cameraman. He sniffled. " I hate everyone. "

Several newscasters sweatdropped, including the woman who interviewed Ash earlier. Domino kicked Vicious in the back. " Get up, you sad sack of crap ! " she hissed. " We have to prepare for meeting with Mr. Rowan ! "

" NO ! "

" D- Don't tell me 'no' ! I'll fucking send you right back to the penthouse, bub ! "

" NOOO ! " Vicious repeated, quickly running towards the other side of the street.

" DAMN YOU, SASHIE ! "


While there were technical difficulties in Viridian City, Tracey sat alone near the fire. He wearily looked at the blazing elders. With two Golden Tickets already unleashed, how would he all of all people find one of the shimmering pieces of golden foil ?

And would he ever find another pencil suited to his needs ?

End


Cast o' Characters :

Tracey Sketchit - Charlie Bucket

Professor Oak - Grampa Joe

Ash Ketchum - Augustus Gloop

Delia Ketchum - Augustus's mother (...)

Giovanni - Augustus's dad (I don't think he was actually in the book, though. I know he wasn't in either movie. Meh.)

Gary Oak - ....Not in actual story

Dawn - ....Not in actual story

Domino - Violet Beaureguarde

Vicious - Violet's....caretaker(?)