"Stay Gone"

I had finally gotten used to him being gone, Cynthia had noticed. She said she now felt comfortable enough to approach me since I actually ventured out of my office during the day to check on the team's progress on a case, rather than just for necessity.

I've found peace of mind, I'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side, back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried

I spent the first month crying silently behind closed doors. I never showed what was going on with my broken heart to the rest of Gibbs's team, Abby or Ducky. The last two had seen right through me the first time I had to talk to them about a case and they knew immediately that something was wrong. Damn Abby's ability to read people and Ducky's psych training.

And I can finally say
[Chorus:]
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I wished he would just stay in Mexico. We were both better off that way, apparently.

I still love you and I will forever
We can't hide the truth
We know each other better
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
It ain't supposed to be that way

I still loved him – not that I would ever get the chance, or the courage, to tell him that. I always would. But the reasonable part of my brain would constantly have to remind the lovesick, broken hearted part that Paris was nearly fifteen years ago. We were stupid to think that we could work side-by-side as director and team leader like this.

After you fall in love with your old partner – even if they don't reciprocate – you can't exactly become their boss and expect it to go smoothly. It becomes a little awkward, especially when your feelings grow.

Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I wished he'd just stay gone but, in usual Jethro fashion, he came bursting through my office door and demanded to be temporarily reinstated.

Thank God I filed his unused leave time instead of his retirement forms.

Even though I wished that he would just stay away, I'm really glad he didn't.