Dislcaimer: Nope. Don't own anything from Twilight. Just Gabe. Enjoy the chapter c:

Chapter 19

Dating Hazards

Gabe's POV

Things have been going pretty smoothly ever since that day in the forest with Paul. The guys were all freaking out at first because they couldn't find us at the school, but got it when we showed up at Emily's house holding hands. My god the looks on their faces were priceless.

"OH DON'T TELL US YOU TWO DID IT OUT IN THE FOREST?" Was their initial response. We just looked at each other and laughed, thus making their suspicions get even worse. Jake fainted, then when he came to, he was rocking himself back and forth in the corner mumbling something along the lines of, "oh my god they totally did it ahaa." I think I should apologize or tell him that we didn't later before me and Billy have to send him to one of those nice padded rooms a loooooong way away from here.

It was around six in the evening one Friday when the gang came back from patrolling. Paul rushed in and sat next to me on the floor since I was coloring cute color pages with Claire, nuzzling the top of my head that made all the other guys 'eewwwww', while the girls 'aawww'd'. I laughed and stuffed a blue-violet crayon up his nose which made the guy hyperventilate.

We went through our usual routines of eating, spending time all together and all that happy whatnot. It wasn't until later when I was getting ready to go home since Jake left early due to "explosive bowel movements" when Paul went up to walk home with me. Walking out the door, we laughed and joked about all sorts of things, of course doing other things that those one guys do. We were about halfway home when he had he arm wrapped around my waist, looking down with a serious look on his face. Uh oh, what'd I do now?

"You know Gabe," he started. Man this MUST be good to start something like that. "We've been going out long enough, and, well, I was wondering…" I was wondering…? "If you would like to go on a date with me?" Oh. Well, that was unexpected. He must've noticed my eyebrows go up in surprise because he quickly added the whole, 'oh you don't have to I was just wondering' shit. I laughed and stopped him.

"Of course I'd like to go out with you, silly. When you thinking about going?"

"Oh I don't know." Well that's great to know. "No I'm kidding, how about tomorrow? I can take a day off from patrolling." Tomorrow, hmm?

"Sure! What'yre we gonna do?" Paul grinned. Oh man.

"THAT, my lady, is going to be a surprise." We stopped at the front of the house. Paul kissed me (on the lips oh yeah) and gave me one last hug. "See you tomorrow, Gabe." I opened the door and headed in, stopping to turn around to get one last look of that mighty tasty fiend.

"Damn," I muttered to myself as Paul's disappearing form jogged out of sight. "Nice ass."

Somewhere Around Four Tomorrow…

"SHIT WHAT THE HELL DO I WEAR." I ranted to myself, fumbling through my closet for the right outfit. I usually don't give a shit about what I wear, but this was my date. My FIRST date ever. And I was freaking out. Looking back at the alarm clock, I groaned at the time. Paul will be here to pick me up in an hour. Well, I already showered and everything so it's plenty of time to pick an outfit. But at this rate, I don't know…

"Ugh, get a hold of yourself, you stupid ass! MADELINE!" I heard something drop in my head, like someone dropping a cup.


"I need to find the right outfit to wear on my date with Paul." Now I heard tea sputtering out.


"You never asked."

Oh, well now that you put it that way. Hmm, do you know where he's taking you?

"Nope. Said it was a surprise."

Ohhh how romantic! Surprise him back by looking sexy! Madeline was talking really fast now. I never knew she would be this damned excited about ME going on a date. I mean, what the hell? …and you should TOTALLY put your hair up to compliment that dress! I didn't even realize she was still talking when I came back to.

"Crap, sorry Madeline, I zoned out. Can you repeat that? And a little slower so I can get it?"

You simple minded little—ah whatever. What I WAS saying was that you should wear your dress that you and the other girls got at the mall. Also, try wearing your hair up to get those emo bangs out of your face.

"…'Emo bangs'?"

Oh hush now. You know you need to get a hair cut or something. Hair that long can't be healthy! Now back to the dress issue: GO GET IT.

I did as she told me to since if she screamed one more time in my damned head I was gonna somehow reach in there and drag that bitch out.

ALRIGHT! NOW, I want you to start off…

Paul's POV

"Shiiitttttt almost there," I muttered darkly to myself. I was speeding to Gabe's house, probably going at least thirty miles over the speed limit. "I could already be there by now if I phased dammit." I was really anxious to see her obviously. There was still fifteen minutes left before I had to go pick her up, so that gave me enough time to worry about how I looked. Yeah, I'm worried about how I look don't you dare say something about it or I'll hunt you all down and make you suffer.

I wore something nice since I didn't wanna look like a trash whore on our date. Finding the nicest pair of jeans with the least holes in it, a dark grey shirt (I have a shit ton of them I realized), a black over shirt, and my boots that had at least five different kinds of spiders in them, I was off.

When I pulled up to Gabe's house, I hesitated of either to go inside or not but I didn't have to. That stunning angel walked outside within a minute of me pulling up. And did she ever look like an angel.

That white dress she bought at the Port Angeles' mall flowed ever so gracefully around her legs, which looked like she wore some kind of sheer stockings along with black sandals that had ribbons laced around her ankles. As she got closer, I noticed she had a white headband with a white rose on the side, black stud earrings, and that silver pendant she always wore but also a plain black choker. I've always wondered where she got that pendant, maybe her dad gave it to her.

But my god, she looked even more beautiful; how she was able to do that I'll never know. And damn did that ass look good.

Gabe's POV

When I heard Paul driving up, I did some quick touches to my eye shadow before dashing downstairs, grabbing my panda backpack AKA my purse/everything. Stopping at the door to compose myself without looking like a total fucktard, I calmly opened the door. I turned back to close the door, but when I looked back, I think I might have shat myself at how damned good looking Paul looked. I mean damn, how often do you get to see HIM of all people as dressed up like he is now?

Apparently he noticed my jaw drop because he was laughing as he walked up to me, hugging me and pecking a quick kiss on my cheek. Yup, I shat myself big time; good thing I brought some deodorant and underwear. He wrinkled his nose playfully.

"You shit yourself again?" I just nodded and laughed as I climbed inside his beat up car. He ran to the driver's seat and off to hell we went.

In Hell

"SHIT MAN YOU CAN AFFORD THIS?" Paul shot me a slightly annoyed look.

"I'm not poor, you know. Just 'cause my car's a piece of shit doesn't mean I eat shit." Well now that he puts it that way…

We were currently sitting inside a fancy ass restaurant somewhere in Port Angeles, and by fancy ass I mean fancier-than-yer-Grandma fancy. Yeah, I was in shock too. It was Italian food, my favorite besides that damned Asian stuff.

We sat along the middle of the restaurant, and let me say I never saw so many UGLY people in my life. I mean, I get being rich and getting plastic surgery, BUT STILL. And I didn't mean ugly like naturally born ugly but like the plastic gone wrong surgery. Some woman had boobs the size of fucking watermelons that looked like someone froze them in place on her chest. Not to mention the orange-"tan" skin.

Anyway, ugly people aside, we finished our meal when the waiter came by with the ticket. I caught a glance at it: SIXTY DOLLARS FOR TWO PEOPLE. Are these people out of their minds? Paul didn't seem to be offended by my dying noises on the other side of the booth and happily placed the money inside the check book. The snooty waiter looked daintily over at me, openly sneering upon me like I was some rat. I glared back at him. That seemed to do the trick, 'cause off on his merry way he went. We waited for him to come back with the change when I heard a bit of Orange Boobs' conversation with her man friend.

"And I was like, who on Earth would wear such a cheap looking dress? I mean, look at her! She must have gotten that rag at Goodwill." I glanced over at them and saw that they were talking about me; Titanic Tits giggling at my "peasant clothing" over her over priced piece of cotton. I smirked and Paul just kicked back, waiting for the show.

"At least I don't have my orange chest hanging out on my spaghetti sauce," I retorted back, snorting when the woman looked down to see that indeed her massive dongs were covered in spaghetti sauce. She scowled at me, not even bothering to move her chest.

"Anyone that deathly pale should be filed for 'mooning in public'!"

"And I'm not the one trying to start a fight with a fifteen year old in the middle of a restaurant. You're not sixteen anymore; those wrinkles confirm it."

"Oh really? Well, your momma was a—"





"Um, sir your change." The waiter nervously said, looking back and forth between me and Aunt Orange Sherbert, who was now frothing at the mouth.

Paul and I stood up and walked out silent restaurant, but right at the doors I turned around, plucked a piece of garlic bread off a random person's dish and flung it at the bitch. It hit her head, knocking the platinum blonde wig right off, and as she stood up, pieces of bubble wrap fell out underneath her dress, making her boobs shrink almost in half. The people in there erupted in laughter as she scurried for her wig. I bowed at the entrance, getting a standing novation from everyone, including the woman's man friend.

In a Damned Movie Theater

I snuggled close to Paul as we watched some random horror movie an hour later. He suggested a chick since he thought I'd might wanna watch something like that on our date, but he should know better than that. I laughed and walked right into the horror movie department. He laughed, too.

I was actually trying to enjoy the movie but some ignorant dick was talking very loudly a seat right in front of us, and let's just say I was starting to get a little pissy. It was an apocalyptic movie where everyone but one person became a mutant zombie. Come on! Anyway, we tried ignoring the douche at first, but he kept getting louder and louder, then started giving spoilers over the damned movie.

"LOL THAT ZOMBIE THAT'S TRYING TO KILL THE MAIN GUY IS HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Everyone glared at the bastard and he quieted down for a bit, but it wasn't long until another,

"HA HE'S GONNA KILL HER WITH THAT HOE AND TAKE HER HEAD OFF AND CRY IN MISERY!" I got tired of him ruining this B-rated movie, so I smirked when I tapped lightly on his shoulder.

"WHAT DO YOU WAN—" Big mouth started but he didn't get a chance to finish because I dumped my Coke soda all over his face, splashing into his beady eyes. "WHAT THE FUCK MY EYES OH YOU BITCH I'M GONNA—"

"You're going to do what exactly to my girlfriend?" Paul asked kindly, his eyes literally slicing daggers into the guy's face. He screamed and jumped out of his soaked seat that suspiciously smelled more than just soda. Everyone was silent as they stared at the guy run out of the movie theater, and then erupted in laughter, giving us yet another standing novation.

The movie was really good afterwards.

The God-forbidden Mall

I wanted to go to the mall just for shits and giggles and Paul didn't seem to mind. We walked around hand-in-hand the entire time, that is, until some crack whore was eying MY Paul with AIDS clearly written on her forehead. She sauntered over to us, shaking her hips as though she was a fucking hula dancer trying to scratch her ass on a spiked two-by-four.

"Hey babe, why don't you skip this bitch here for some fun with me?" She eyed me in disgust. Man, three assholes in one day? Really? I was getting fed up with all of this. Paul was about to make her leave when I politely stopped him, moving towards the hooker who was trying to snake her hands in Paul's pants.

"Why don't you go back to your street corner to your other customers? They're all wondering where you're at." The bitch spit at me. She actually SPIT at my face. Then laughed. Wrong move number over nine thousand. Grabbing her hand, I twisted her arm behind her back painfully, hearing a satisfying snap. She cursed out, trying to shake me off, but I was one step ahead of her. Taking her knee out, I made a fist and punched her nose, making blood gush out instantly.

I wasn't going to laugh at her like she laughed at me. Instead, I handed her over to the mall cop who rushed over to us with his hilarious baton.

"Here, keep her. Maybe you can teach her that it's rude to spit in other peoples' faces." The mall cop just huffed and dragged the woman out, and I swear he farted on her or something 'cause all I heard was a loud farting noise and the woman gagging. Paul took my hand again and steered me out of the mall.

"I think it's time to go home before you get Godzilla burning down Port Angeles." I complained; I've always wanted to meet the guy, er…thing!

LOL IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET THIS CHAPTER OUT. I had no idea how to make it lulzful enough for you guys, so sorry it took so long to get it out to you all. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Review it, fave, troll it I don't care c: Thanks!