Writer's note: So here's the conclusion and epilogue. Not very good, but it was hard to end it and since it is mostly a humor fic, I didn't want to drag it out with a lot of angst. Thanks for all the feedback on part one, more (good and bad) is welcome. I really enjoyed writing this and getting away from all the heavy angst the finale inspired.

I Capture the Castle, I Marry My Muse: Conclusion

It was finally W-Day (day of the wedding) and it seemed as though everyone was on edge.

Less than ten minutes till Castle and Beckett would exchange their own handwritten vows and become husband and wife…but Castle couldn't figure out why Beckett had been avoiding him the last couple of days any more than Beckett could figure out why Castle had been avoiding her.

"Is there any chance Dr. Phil is one of Castle's friends in attendance today?" Beckett sarcastically muttered to Lanie as she helped her retouch her make-up. (Alexis, the other bridesmaid, was already up front, ready to walk down the aisle).

Lanie sighed, completely exasperated. "I thought you were going to tell him you're pregnant before the wedding?"

"I've been waiting for the right time."

"Which, apparently, is the day the kid qualifies for social security."

"Lanie, puh-lease," whined Beckett. "I'm under enough stress right now and now thanks to being knocked up, I can't even drink at the reception! How am I supposed to get through this day?"

"Just keep smiling," said Lanie calmly as the music started to play and Alexis started walking down the aisle to her place. "And please, girl, tell me you left your gun at home."

"I had to. Damn thing wouldn't fit into my garter," grumbled Beckett.

Meanwhile, Castle stood at the altar, feeling a bit numb. He looked over at Bob, who mouthed 'are you okay?'

Castle merely shrugged with his deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. Bob quickly came to his side and whispered "So you didn't talk to her?"

Nothing but another wan shrug from Castle. Ryan and Esposito, who'd witnessed this, could only exchange puzzled glances.

Everyone turned to see the lovely bridesmaid (Alexis), maid of honor (Lanie), and finally, bride (Beckett) all walk down the aisle respectively and take their places at the altar.

Alexis, smiling, looked beautiful. Lanie, smiling a little warily, looked lovely (Castle could've sworn Ryan ogled, and Esposito elbowed him). Beckett, in a gorgeous white strapless gown with no train, looked absolutely radiant, if a little queasy.

Ten minutes later, it was time for the vows.

"Richard and Katherine have elected to write their own vows."

"Castle," croaked Beckett, who'd since looked nauseated and broken into a sweat to the concern of everyone around her "when I first met you, I thought you were an arrogant, pompous, overly hyper child who everyone indulged because you're the great, famous Richard Castle and apparently everyone from here to the Mississippi is a fan of yours." Beckett paused. "But now, I realize something." She nodded her head rapidly like a bobble-head doll, her eyes almost comically wide.

"That you're wrong?"

"No, that I'm absolutely right!," burst out Beckett in the same feverish tone. "You are everything I said, you, are, Castle," (Beckett started to gasp between syllables) "and furthermore, I can't help it, because no matter how much of an annoying, overgrown, pain in the ass man-child you are, I'm still in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

And with that, Beckett, half-gasping and half-crying, turned away and threw up.

"Are you all right?," Lanie hissed in a stage whisper while Alexis and Martha came to her side in concern.

"Um, honey, I know you're nervous because it's me you're marrying, but was that really necessary?," asked Castle.

Gasps arose from the guests sitting in the church pews as Beckett puked again.

Castle went over to her. "Okay, really, was it something I said?"

"It, is, NOT, something you said!" snapped Beckett. "It's something you did!"

The priest, a look of horror on his face, asked "Er, would you two like to stop the ceremony and talk about this in private?"

"No!" shouted the 'happy' bride and groom in perfect unison.

"What I did? You're the one who agreed to a promotion that'll take you out of the city for weeks at a time," retorted Castle.

Everyone exchanged horrified looks, including Captain Montgomery, who'd shot Esposito a what-did-you-do look. Esposito could only frantically shake his head in response. Bob clutched his temples, as though in pain.

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about, Castle."

"I have no idea what you're talking about!"

The priest, still shocked at the turn the ceremony was taking, leaned over to the groomsmen: "Are they always like this?"

"Yes," said Ryan resignedly.

"Pretty much," muttered Esposito.

"Just let them talk it out, sir," said Bob apologetically.

"Castle," Beckett was talking out of gritted teeth now. "I don't know what you're talking about. I did NOT get promoted, and I've heard nothing about it!"

"Er, yes you did, Beckett…I was going to tell you after the wedding, but you might make Lieutenant soon," Captain Montgomery said apologetically as he made his way out of his seat to the front. It was the bridal party's turn to look at him in shock. "Don't blame Beckett, Castle," said Montgomery quickly. "She really didn't know, about the promotion or about having to commute out of the city. I didn't want to tell either of you until after the wedding, you were already so stressed out."

Beckett almost keeled over in shock as Lanie brought her a chair and she sat down. "I had no idea..."

"The Commissioner wants to discuss it with you later on, Beckett," continued the Captain. "He'd like you to work outside the city if possible, but I'm sure he'd be willing to modify the terms however you want, given the circumstances." He paused. "I'm sure you can work it out somehow. You won't need to move."

Castle looked relieved.

However...

"Well, that still doesn't change the fact that you did this to me!," yelped Beckett at Castle, still sounding completely emotional.

"What are you talking about? I didn't get you promoted. That was all you, Detective gorgeous, infuriating, overachieving, tight-ass with a stick up her butt! If this were Dancing With Wolves, that would be your Indian name!"

"Do NOT flatter me right now, Castle, it won't do you any good, and I'm not talking about the damn promotion, I'm talking about the baby!"

"What baby?!"

"Your baby, you nincompoop! Our baby! I'm PREGNANT!"

Complete silence echoed through the church, followed by more gasps throughout the entire building.

Dazed, Castle finally spoke. "You're-you're what?"

"I'm pregnant," said Beckett softly.

More gasps. Then...

"You're pregnant?!" Alexis.

"How far along are you?!" Martha.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Alexis.

"This kid is going to need so much therapy," muttered Bob to Ryan.

"I think I'm gonna need some, too, just for being here," Ryan muttered back.

Everyone started talking at once, including the guests who were buzzing to each other.

"About five and a half weeks," yelled Beckett over the cacophony. "And it's too soon to know if it's a boy or girl, isn't that right, Lanie?"

Everyone looked at Lanie. "What?" she asked, annoyed. "Of course I knew about it, I'm a doctor!"

Completely overwhelmed, Castle reached forward and pulled Beckett into an embrace. "We're having a baby," he whispered delightedly in her ear.

For the first time in what seemed like days, Beckett smiled. "Yeah, we are."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't sure how," Beckett laughed softly in his ear. "With everything going on and then I didn't know what was going on with you-"

"I'm sorry, I was mad because I thought you took the promotion without talking to me first-"

"I would never do that, I love you, and besides I wouldn't leave you alone at home for that long anyway, you'd probably burn the place down-"

"Well, I would never leave you for that long either, who else would keep my bed warm-"

"Castle, we're in a church!!" Castle shot a sheepish look at the horrified priest.

Castle grabbed her, kissing her passionately while the guests hooted and clapped.

"Katie, I love you, but you've got puke breath…aah!" Castle pulled away from her, but Beckett grabbed his ear and kissed him again, smiling.

"Oh, shut up, Kitten."

"Seriously, please tell me you're to take a breath mint before the honeymoon?"

"I may not have my gun right now, but I can still get one from someone else, Ricky."

"I love you, Detective stick-up-her-butt."

"I love you, too, my pompous arrogant Kitten." More kissing, hugging, and a few tears.

The priest cleared his throat nervously. "So...is it safe to finish the ceremony now?"

Epilogue

Ryan and Lanie were slow-dancing at the reception. "It was a beautiful ceremony, wasn't it?"

"I'm guessing you don't know what beautiful means?"

"Oh, come on, once they were done yelling and calling each other names, it was nice."

"They were fighting during their wedding."

"It was romantic!"

"It was like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond meets Bridezilla."

"We should've brought popcorn," giggled Lanie.

"Cats and dogs, those two. Cats and dogs." Ryan snuck a bemused glance at the happy couple. He leaned in closer to Lanie. "By the way, am I crazy or has Martha been eyeing the Captain all night?"

"What?!"

"Castle had said something about keeping her away from the alcohol so she wouldn't sing, but I could've sworn she put a hand on Montgomery's a-"

Before Ryan could finish his sentence, Esposito and his wife danced over to them. "I think they're about to cut the cake."

"This should be good." They all headed over to the cake where Castle and Beckett stood.

"I'd like to make a toast to my new husband," said Beckett, radiant. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather threaten, tease, hug, kiss, love, or spend my life with more."

Everyone awwww-ed.

"I'd like to make a little toast to my lovely wife," said Castle, smiling (a little mischievously, Alexis noted worriedly).

Castle cleared his throat. "As some of you may know, before I started writing Nikki Heat, I, well, suffered from a bit of writer's block after I finished the Derek Storm series." He paused as the crowd of guests murmured to each other.

"Well," resumed Castle and the guests silenced. "I've figured out the best way to never get writer's block again," He took Beckett's hands in hers and kissed it, looked at her adoringly "is to marry your muse so she'll always be with you."

Beckett blushed. "I love you, but you are so going to get it," she whispered in his ear.

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Grabbing a handful of cut cake, she smashed it firmly into Castle's face.

Castle wiped the cake off his face. Instead of retaliating, he said: "Well, that reminds me, I got you another wedding present." He smirked devilishly.

"You did?"

"Yup." Castle grinned wickedly. One of the cater waiters brought out a cardboard box to Beckett. Castle, with an evil gleam in his eye, grinned at his new bride. "Go on, open it." The others, curious, gathered around as Beckett unwrapped the package and pulled out its contents.

Another bulletproof vest. With the words "Mrs. Caskett" on it.

Beckett calmly replaced the vest in its box and carefully tore out a chunk of cake as she slowly approached Castle, threateningly hovering the cake over her head. "Start running, Castle."

"Now, Katie, it's our wedding-"

"Start! Running!"