Author's note: I recently saw Igor, and thought, what the heck. Besides, I'm feeling a bit rusty and kind of down. I don't know. Anyway, ya go.

Disclaimer: Igor and all other thingies in reference to belongs to its respected people the Exodus Film and whatnot.


Once Upon a Time

In a Kingdom called Malaria, there lived a benefaction King who overthrew the king before him. Several days ago, in fact, the peaceful denizens of the kingdom thought the old king was a benefaction king as well, but as it turned out he had lied to his people. They didn't have to be evil to survive. He was the one who created the clouds the swathed their land in never ending darkness.

The new King had stopped the weather machine that caused Malaria to be covered in a thicket of clouds and become the hero of Malaria's darkest chapter. And all the farmers could farm again, and the gardeners garden. And everyone was happy.

Well, almost everyone.

All the evil scientists, who during the old King Malbert's reign had rent free castles in the wicked woods, were now obsolete. Old King Malbert. That was the old King's name, of course. He was a squat, up-to-no-good-looking man, who made you think 'Gosh, is that man a cockroach or a cowboy?' when you saw him. All the inventions intent for wickedness were left to rust or put to better use, such as flower pots or out houses. And the evil scientists who were obsolete went back to doing what their families did before the clouds. During the Cloudening many strange and unusual people came and opened shop but the clouds were gone and they changed their evil themed fairs to something that the new King preferred. Acting.

All of this made several people upset, one of which was freshly graduated evil scientist named Ivo, who had gone to the university for robotics and general evil arts and sciences. She had just received her castle in the woods the week before the old reign was old. Yes, for people like Ivo, this new way of life was awful. Almost evil, even.

She had just finished setting up her evil lab, finding the perfect outlet, and plugging in her small T.V when the Evil Scientist competition was interrupted by this- this upstart. She dreamed of having a big T.V, one that would make the King himself drool when that hunchy little Igor ruined everything. And Ivo in her frail frame was completely utterly crushed. What was more awful, the fact that they had sunlight again or that evil was no longer fashionable?

Maybe it won't be so bad, she thought, as she busily closed her blinds. The sunlight hurt her colourless skin. The sunlight hurt her poor red eyes. Darn him, that little hunchy back. The reality of the matter was that things did not get better. No one in Malaria with a single cent in their pocket wanted to pay for evil these days, and she had student loans to pay.

So, she sat there, in her old second-hand shop red chair that sat in an obsolete lab that had obsolete degrees on the wall and state-of-the-art obsolete equipment. She was wearing that same black dress that enveloped her whole being, so it looked as though her pale angular head was balanced on a black toothpick. Once well kept, it was covered in bits of things. Her thin white hair fell over her eyes, frazzled. They looked dead up at the ceiling, the T.V. was on. Just for background noise.

"Maybe I should kill myself?" She asked inquiringly to no one in particular, even though there was only one other person-thing in the room with her. A green fishy sort of man-dog, who her family had kept, bought as a pet when it was just a guppy. Instead of staying small and fish like he just kept growing until he was the size of a Doberman, who now lying in front in front of her on the mink skin carpet.

The green fishy man snorted, and flipped a page of the magazine he was reading lazily, "But your parents sent you squash today."

"I'm allergic to squash," Ivo replied. Which was rather ironic. For you see, after the sun was blocked by Malbert's clouds, the Squasholds changed their names to Strangleholds to fit with the 'need to be evil' thing. But now that the sun was back so were the squashes. It was a pity that Ivo was allergic to them. It was also a pity she was allergic to grass, rag weed, marigold, wheat, hay, barley, most pollens, dairy, bees, peanuts, nuts, all animal dandruff, other squash like plants, and most lentils. In fact, there were few things she wasn't allergic too, "Besides, what has squash to do with the present problem?"

"What's the problem again?" The fishy man asked, languidly flipping another page as he moved his tailfin from the up position to down. It made a thud against the old wooden floor.

"The problem!" She said, her voice starting to get loud. Ivo made a notable attempt to get out of the chair, but she failed miserable and suck back in deeper than before, "The problem is that- Is that, argh, why are you so stupid, anyway! Don't be so stupid! I should have replaced you with an igor when I had the chance."

Ivo thrusted herself up and out with disgust, stumbling over her fishy friend-pet, who was scratching himself in horrible places, "Igor! That awful Igor- thinks he can just act like a normal person and do things!

She brushed down her black dress as though it had insulted her by puffing out more then normal as she stalked across the room on her nimbly legs. Ivo gave her fishy friend a hard glare, "And I'll show them, that they can't just change the way things work- you know why Claud?"

Claud's murky eyes looked up and met hers for a moment, "Because you're an evil master mind and everyone in Malaria will tremble at your feet?" He said this dryly, as though he had heard it time and time again.

"That's right!" Ivo stormed out of the room, shaking her fist in the air as though angry at some unknown deity of bad fortune. Bad fortune and hunchbacks. From the other room, she continued her rating, about how people will cringe when her name was spoken, and children would weep when she came by. Her breath uneven, rigid, and raspy. But the fishy man had stopped listening. He, Claud, looked up at the T.V. The new King was on again. It was such a beautiful day outside.

He turned another page in the magazine.