I Wish to be Yours
Summary: Lavi is nervous attending his first prom with Allen [AU One-Sided LavixAllen]
Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man (c) Katsura Hoshino
Genre(s): Romance, some angst, uber fluff. Semi-songfic.
Warnings: Prom, teenage talk, fangirl squeals. Implied LenaleexKanda
Author's comments: Inspired by Saphira112's fic "May I Have This Dance?" & the 2009 prom.
weeeell, here, I'm like a reverse self-insert ._. As in, I'm inserting original characters into a real event that actually happened xDDD Don't worry, though I'm using this story to recount the real event (cuz I'm too lazy to blog it all and besides, it's partially the truth since most of prom was spent daydreaming about this anyway [how sad is that?? orz]), I've changed a few things so it's not too much of a reverse-self-inserting n.n; for example, the dance-off at the end never happened; my school's too hip-hop-techno(?) to request that kind of song ¦ D and also…I don't mention where I am present in this fic (wah, it IS self-insertingUu) but I'm sure you can figure it out. Here's a hint: I'm a fangirl XDDD
(laughs) Well, I edited this fic some twenty times but it's still not that very good. I gotta say this is among my least favorites but eh, the point is to tell a story anyhow (shrug) But I hope it's still enjoyable all the same. I hope you like~ :D
Lavi arrives earlier than he anticipated; he thought he would arrive exactly at 8:30 PM but he ends up arriving ten minutes earlier instead.
"Oh boy, I hope I'm not the only one…" he mutters.
The redhead is a little jittery upon his arrival. After taking a detour from a flight of stairs that quite obviously doesn't lead to a prom party (now why must there be a handicapped boy's birthday party with a prom about to rage in the floor above it??) and riding a broken elevator that closed its doors right in the face of the school counselor after Lavi realized that the 'open' button doesn't work, he sits; anxiously rubbing his hands together in the dim waiting parlor.
He takes in the sight of the principal chatting cheerfully with the director and the handful of fellow students wordlessly sitting on the other couches. He turns his gaze back to his hands. At least I'm not the only one, he muses. It's probably their first prom too…
In reality, he has little to be anxious about since the value of prom is far less cherished here than it is in other American institutions. Because Lavi's high school has so little students, instead of hosting the prom as a Seniors-only party, the student council invites all four grades to attend the festivity. After all, with only eighteen graduating students, it wouldn't be as eventful as when all ninety-some students could attend. Despite this advantage, it is Lavi's first time to attend this now-four-times-in-a-lifetime event since he never saw the worth of coming to the prom as a 9th or 10th grader. Now, as a Junior, he finds himself in a black collar wear and black pants; his hair casually let down without its usual bandana and a golden-buckled belt marking the length of his abdomen. He looks up from his thinking, and finds that other guests have come. He looks down at his watch.
"Woah, they actually came on time for once," he murmurs out loud.
When he looks up again, his one eye widens at the entering hoard of Freshmen girls. What a sight! His uncertainty immediately washes away and he can't help but be completely dazzled. What dresses! What curves! Look at that hair!!
"Strike!!" He chants, immediately rushing forward to check the details. Wow, who knew purple would fit her so well? Ohh, straight hair looks so good on her! She should really keep it! Sheesh, how do they walk in those heels? Okay, wow, excessive eye make-up much? But hey, her friend looks so incredibly cute. Man, they all look cute!! Little freshmen in their expensive dresses and eyes glittering with excitement and wonder, how could one not swoon over their flushed cheeks and their shy stances?
"Can't wait to see the pictures when they're up on Facebook," he coos, watching as the cluster of giggling girls come together for a quick group picture.
"Tch, you still go on that stupid website?" A growling figure asks.
Lavi spins around. "Yuchan!! Woaahh…" He says, mouth opening in an 'o' shape. "You look so cool!"
"Tch, whatever." The Japanese answers curtly, turning his face in the other direction. Lavi can't help but admire the way the suit loosely fit over the other boy's body. While Lavi went for a simple, black look, his close friend had gone for the default wear but that looked good. Yu Kanda probably didn't even realize himself how fine he looks in this all-too-ordinary formal wear; it was probably a hand-me-down that he didn't bother to take a look at before he donned it.
He really doesn't care about the prom, Lavi thinks amusedly. Unlike the redhead, Kanda probably came only under obligation and honor for his family. Lavi couldn't really understand it well but from what he has heard, the mothers of the Japanese parental community of the school rely on their enrolled children to earn a good reputation. The raven-haired boy really wasn't looking for the benefits that came with this event.
"Hey, guys!!" A shrill voice starts, the source bouncing over to the two boys. "Woo, you guys are so not turning heads with your outfits, areya?"
"Chomesuke!" Lavi cries happily, throwing his arms up in the air. "You came!"
"Well, ya know," she grins slyly, hopping from one foot to another. "I had to convince my mom big time but nothing gets past me!" She smirks, sticking her tongue out. "She let me go but you know what she made me do instead?" She pouts and pointedly flashes her leg to the boys. "She made me wear tights and I was like, 'Mom, like, no one wears tights with spring dresses!' and she's all, 'It's an American event, and your legs look fat without them' and I was like, 'what!'"
The two boys stare at her.
"…But I wore them anyway, see?"
"Okaay, Chomesuke; it still looks good." Lavi truthfully says, patting her shoulders. Her monochrome dress of simple design did go well with her otherwise complicated Japanese hairdo, after all. "Just careful you don't mess up your awesome-o hair, yeah?"
"Who says 'awesome-o' anymore, Lavi?" She laughs in return. "This prom is going to be so cool!"
And another Asian-accented voice. The three Juniors turn their attention towards a beauty of rippling turquoise waves and a pale complex swiftly gliding towards their direction. Lavi smiles, and opens his arms to greet the younger invitee. "Lenalee," he calls.
The Chinese girl stops before them, cheeks flushed and make-up accentuating her sparkling violet eyes. "You really did come! I'm so glad; you know how my brother reacts to me coming by myself to parties."
"Oh yeah, don't worry, we know," Chomesuke laughs. "Lenalee, you look a-dorable!!" Chomesuke croons, touching the folds of her dress. "It goes so well with you!"
"Thank you," she smiles. "You look really good too! You all do," she says, especially looking at Kanda in the eye.
The long-haired Junior mutters something inaudible and eyes the wall, Lavi smiling at the reaction. At least he has the chance to be with her, he thinks. Because really, the benefits, the only reason why he came in the first place to the prom is because…
Lavi stops and looks in the direction of the voice, lips slightly parted. Oh God…he really came.
"Lenalee, please don't run off like that again," the newcomer sighs in a joking way and offers a forgiving smile; unaware of the rapidly beating heart facing his direction. "I don't want your brother to be on my back for being seemingly irresponsible."
"Aw, Allen, you know I didn't mean it," the Asian girl laughs. "I'm just a bit excited about this; everybody's here after all! But sorry anyway, I won't leave you alone again, I promise."
Lavi doesn't heed to her words as he looks over Allen Walker. For the longest time, he'd been secretly harboring a crush for the white-haired boy with whom he'd been best friends with since seventh grade. And the real reason why he came now to this year's prom was not because of peer pressure, but to assist Allen in his first prom. He only has a year left with his secret lover and he wanted to spend whatever time left with the boy he swore to never confess to. It was all for his secret desire, his little high school love.
"Hey, Allen," he breathes, his ever-keen eye absorbs the shorter figure. He snaps back to reality and forces a huge grin though his heart is fluttering. "Hey, you look really-" Beautiful, adorable, incredible, amazing, cute "g-good. Y-Yeah, you look really good!!" He laughs, inwardly beating his head against a brick wall. God, God, God, did I really have to sound so stupid???
"Thanks Lavi," Allen smiles, gray eyes scaling Lavi from head to foot. "You don't look half-bad either."
"Nuh-uh, are you kidding me?" Lavi smirks mischievously, hiding his sweaty palms behind his head. A nervous habit. "I'm probably the only hottest guy present at the prom."
Allen chuckles, rolling his eyes, and glances away from the group. "So this is it, huh," the young Freshman comments, passively ignoring Lavi's pout. "This really is quite the event."
As he observes the other guests, Lavi eyes longingly at the British boy before him. How long has it been since he accepted the fact that he was utterly and completely gay for his young best friend? Four years? Four long years he thinks, observing his little friend exchange greetings with other people as they come around. He can smell Allen's cologne from where he stands and fleetingly worries that he had sprayed on enough for himself. He looks away, trying to alleviate the hummingbird wings that replaced his heart in that fraction of time. He finds his reflection on the mirrored wall opposite of him and gingerly smoothes his hair. Does he look okay? Did he overdo it? Or are his clothes too simple? He checks the time. Still another fifteen minutes before the doors open. He straightens up, chastising himself for being so nervous. He'd been with Allen for so long; one little change isn't going to be noticed by him. There's nothing he can do at this point but be the good close friend he came to be for the short white-haired boy. This is for him, not for what Lavi longs for them to be.
He watches Allen's reflected form, committing the smooth locks of snow-white hair and the thin suit topped with a red ribbon tied around his collar to memory. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady his heartbeat though he cannot, and doesn't try to, forget that Allen looks incredibly angelic in that formal wear. But it's a formal event, Lavi can't say that it's unfair for Allen to appear so breathtaking while he is denied the desire to wrap his arms around the younger's form and lay his chin over the warmth that is the crook of Allen's neck. He shakes his head, turning his head away from the mirror; he's here to have the most fun he can while Allen is here, he won't fantasize and lose precious time with the younger boy. If he messes up, who knows how their relationship would change for good?
"Allen," he starts, bringing Allen's attention from his conversation with Lenalee. "What do you think of the prom so far?" Great thinking, Lavi; the prom hasn't even STARTED, idiot!!
"Hmm," Allen hums, once again looking around, again unaware of Lavi's inner self-beating. "Everybody is looking so nice; I'm seeing them with different eyes now."
Lenalee nods. "I so agree! Have you guys seen Al and Charlotte? They look even cuter than usual! You saw them, right, Allen?" She asks, tugging at Allen's arm. "She's wearing high heels and everything so he was able to hold her hip as they came here," she happily says, cheeks turning rosy at the memory.
"Yes, I've seen them…" Allen murmurs, looking out for the mentioned couple.
Lavi follows his gaze and sees his fellow classmate and his younger girlfriend indeed portraying the "cute couple" they were called. The shy ninth grader and the tall eleventh grader are perfectly aligned together as they stand by their friends, chatting and occasionally meeting each other's eyes with a smile. Lavi begins to feel wary of the couple, though he was able to quench the usual twinge of jealousy this time. They look so perfect and so happy together… he thinks.
Suddenly, "Suuto kakko-sugiru!!!!!!"
He turns his head towards the squealing voices. "Sou, sou!! Suuto meccha moeruuu!! Kyaaa!!!!"
Allen gives an amused chuckle. "There they go again," he says. "Squealing about something or another…"
Lavi gave a twitch for a smile and raises his eyebrow at the animated girls. Suuto…as in, suits? Lavi ponders. Do suit fetishes exist?
"Che," Kanda mutters.
"Well," Chomesuke pipes in, interrupting their watching. "This night is gonna be interesting, eh?"
Allen smiles and looks at Lavi expectantly. "I don't expect any less than that, actually. Do you, Lavi?"
To this, Lavi smiles back. "It's prom after all; full of high school teenagers," he answers. "Of course it will be eventful."
The rest of the night is spent with great enjoyment. The seniors came in with their limo and the night started with some appetizers (of which Allen kept the waiters busy with). After a welcome speech, everyone was served delicious but stuffing ravioli and meat; nearly all offered back to Allen halfway through. Lavi joked that Allen was like a pet dog children feed their leftovers or unwanted food to and Allen indicted Lavi for being jealous of his appetite. Later, cava was brought out to toast the Seniors and introduce the dessert. Allen gagged at the taste and had hastily poured his drink into Kanda's cup when he thought he wasn't looking. The Japanese had exploded in anger and violently dumped the drink back to his cup, which caused it to tip and spill over the table. When Lavi began to whoop and clap, the boys simultaneously knocked Lavi's chair over and sent him sprawling to the ground; the whole time Lenalee taking pictures and the ground shaking with Chomesuke's laughter. Yes, it was quite the eventful evening.
After numerous spontaneous cheering and loud eruptions of laughter from the Seniors' table, a music video with photos of each individual Senior was presented on a projector. The room was filled with 'aww's at the baby pictures and laughter at the funny ones. Then, when 'Oscar awards' were handed out to each individual Senior for some personality trait, they were given a chance to speak into the microphone for the high school body. A flustered Lou Fa who received the Oscar for the "Big Heart" award kept bowing and thanking the audience, and gave a special thank you to Allen "for being so nice". The heavily blushing girl had her shoulders patted over by her friend, Shifu while another friend, Rikei ("The Logical Thinker"), thanked Lenalee for being present; everybody groaning at his topic choice for his spotlight moment. The invited Mr. Bak especially not pleased at all.
Finally, with a last speech from the school counselor, the dancing part of the night was about to begin.
It is simply a small stage-like dance floor with lights dimmed down with a few tables dotting the corners for some people to stand by. As the hired DJs play house and hip hop music, Lavi and Allen stand in a corner, humming along to the music. Allen doesn't realize this, but as Lavi hums along, he is discreetly shifting closer to the oblivious freshman.
"Allen? Won't you dance?" He asks, contemplating on a mental image of narrow hips swaying to the fast tempo.
"This isn't my type of music," Allen replies, shrugging. "Isn't this your type though, Lavi?"
The redhead shrugs. "I don't really feel like dancing, actually."
Allen looks over at Lavi. "Are you feeling all right? You're not as energetic as usual." He approaches the redhead and inspects him up and down. "You didn't get too hurt because of Kanda, right?"
"Allen, don't only put the blame on Kanda 'cause you also knocked my chair over, you know." Lavi challenges him, amusedly raising an eyebrow.
Allen pouts. "That was because you were being ridiculous."
"I wasn't!" Lavi cries in defense. "It's the norm to applaud when something goes wrong!"
"If that were the case, my hands would be raw from clapping every time I'm with you." Allen rolls his eyes.
Lavi opens his mouth to say something back when suddenly, a familiar set of guitar chords fill the air; accompanied by some cheering and some groaning from the body of students.
Lavi immediately recognizes the tune. "Oh, I love this song!" He begins to chant along with Jason Mraz's recorded strumming and Allen laughs.
"I thought you'd complain for how extraneously played this song is," he says, smiling at Lavi's air guitar.
Lavi chuckles. "I would but…I dunno, I kinda like it."
And so he strums, deliberately inching closer to Allen until he is directly overshadowing the smiling boy. He continues his play and starts to sing, directly to the shorter boy below him.
"Well you done done me and you bet I felt it.
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted…"
As he sings, Lavi's hands lower from their imaginary plucking, unconsciously finding their way to Allen's hips. Neither of them realizes this, as Lavi's not-so-mellifluous voice and their mutual gaze hypnotize the two boys.
"Before the cool done run out,
I'll be giving it my bestest.
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention.
I reckon it's again my turn," Lavi taps his forehead onto Allen's and continues their playful rocking as Allen's smile broadens. "To win some or learn some."
"I," a playful push.
"Won't," a chuckle from Allen.
"Hesitate," Joy erupts in Lavi's chest.
"No more," and he wishes…he wishes…"No more.
It cannot wait,
And suddenly, Lavi realizes his position. His hands are on Allen's hips and they're swaying to the music like branches on a willow tree. But he's not "yours". He's not…He's not…
The music continues. And Lavi steadily gazes down at Allen. Time seems to stop as Lavi sees Allen smiling, Allen laughing, Allen calling his name, Allen blushing, Allen throwing a fit, Allen daydreaming, and he wants to have it all. He wants to be with those smiles and happy moments, and inexplicably, he simply wishes for more.
Allen looks at him worriedly, but the older boy softens his vision and continues to hold the younger boy's hips. He suddenly knows what to do, and it doesn't come to him as a surprise. It's the right thing at the right time and at the right place and with the right person.
He slowly inches his visage forward; the only beat he hears the slow rhythm of his heart as he approaches the face he had come to love so much in the past four years.
Look into your heart and you'll find…
Love he means. 'Love' he cries as he bores his vision into Allen's fluttering eyelids. 'Love' he silently murmurs as their lips touch in a fraction of a millimeter.
Once, and it's unsure and hesitant.
Twice, and it's scary, tender, alluring…
And, not understanding how or why, their lips meet and they are kissing. It is nothing like they imagined, hands rooted to the spot and their hips still slightly rocking, deaf to the world and blind to everything, they kiss. In the darkness where everyone is singing along with the music, they share a moment stolen from infinity; never ending, never ending…
So I won't hesitate…
When they part with a soft 'chup', they are hesitant to open their eyes. But the music slowly comes back to them and they face one another.
It cannot wait…
"Is this real?" Allen whispers.
Lavi gulps and slowly nods, pursing his lips but never breaking his gaze. "I've…I've loved you since…a long time."
Allen, cheeks coloring, looks down; sliding his palms down Lavi's warm chest and acknowledging Lavi's hammering heartbeat. Lavi anxiously tightens his hold around Allen's hips, feeling Allen's pulse vibrate against his hot palms.
They stay like this, neither knowing what to do, what this means. Does Allen accept his confession? Should he tell Lavi how he feels? How do you break this lingering silence? Should I say, "I love you"?
A million things run through their minds as they numbly listen to the tune playing in the background.
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer…
Lavi slowly begins to hear a soft singing and looks down at Allen's blushing form.
"I guess what I'mma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do," Allen looks up. He's singing. "Our name is our virtue."
"I won't hesitate no more, no more," Allen sings. "It cannot wait, I'm sure."
And Lavi replies.
"Well, open up your mind and see like me,
Open up your plans and damn you're free."
"It cannot wait," Allen sings back.
"Look into your heart and you'll find love,"
"Love, love, love…"
And so they sing. The song speaks for themselves. "Time is short." "This is our fate." They sing, beseech, promise to never "hesitate" again. They sing until the very end, their private duet speaking the words they could never say before, and they understand. Understand wholeheartedly the arms that encircled the other, the soft murmurs of Lavi stroking Allen's hair, and Allen's smile brushing his neck. They hold each other tenderly, feeling safe. Warm. Protected. Their hearts soar over the sky and they feel…