I'm going to write this fic with an idea I actually had as a screen play. I've been told by several people that they'd like to see it, but I'm all backward about it. But, this is my idea, and now I'm going to turn it into a fan fic, with my favorite characters in the world, of course.



I have been in love with my best friend, Edward Cullen, for as long as I can possibly remember. We've been through a whole lot together. When he and his family moved here back in junior high, my mother had died in a car wreck, leaving my world crushed. I quit dancing, hanging out with my regular crowd, and practically shut out my big brother, Emmett and dad, Charlie. I turned into the socially repressed girl. I was rebellious and didn't give a damn about anybody else in the world.

That is, until Edward. He shows up with his family and turns my world apart. We had a whole lot in common. He was an outcast in his own right. His head was always stuck into some video game or computer something or another. He never wore anything in fashion and had those black Buddy Holly glasses. His bronze hair was about down to his chin and he had a nervous stutter. Yeah, he didn't have a whole lot of friends. His brother Jasper was a year ahead of us, with my brother Emmett. They hung out with the cool group of people. The group I had once belonged to.

We stayed close through school. We were each others' rocks. Best buds. The Dos Amigos. But, unfortunately, that was all. He had his eye on Lauren Mallory from day one. Stupid blond bitch. She makes me want to scratch her fucking eyes out.

I hate her for more reasons than just the fact that he is head over heels bat shit crazy about her. He brought her flowers to school for Valentine's day once, because he over heard my brother's then girlfriend, now wife, Rosalie mention that girls liked that sort of thing. She laughed in his face and told him how much of of a loser he was in front of half of the school's population during lunch. It took a whole lot of guts for him to initiate any kind of contact with her, and she threw it in his face. Needless to say, she went home with a black eye for her date with Mike Newton.

Then, there was the time I got caught smokin' it up under the bleachers during a football game my senior year. My father, being chief of police, was none too thrilled about my little pot smoking fetish, and he grounded me for awhile. Bitch didn't deter me, though. I still smoke. It calms my nerves and shit.

After high school, Edward and I went to NYU together. He majored in some computer engineering video game bullshit, and I went to my passion, writing. Turns out, I have a knack for that shit. We decided to stick around New York after we graduated. Edward is still the biggest nerd of life, and I'm a big stoner, but hey, I'm a stoner with two books on the market. Eat that!

Unfortunately, today would be the day my world comes crashing around me.

"Hey Bella. Not out buying a new bong?" Edward laughed as he walked into the kitchen to grab a soda.

I flipped him the bird. "What, not busy beatin' it to an old cover of Sports Illustrated?"

He blushed. It's so adorable, but I won't tell him that shit. He doesn't need to know.

"Actually, I have to test a game out today. Since I'm able to do that from home, I am here all day." He grinned. His crooked grin is so sexy.

"Whatev. Did you not check the messages from last night? It's blinking." I told him as I walked to the machine.

"Nope. I went to bed early unlike some people I know." He rolled his eyes. He got the double middle finger this time.

"Don't be a doucher. Not my fault you can't get laid. I tried to hook you up." I explained.

He scoffed. "Really? Jessica Stanley is NOT my idea of an attractive woman. I'd do you before I'd ever lay a finger on her."

I felt my heart stop when he said he'd rather do me. "Well then, come on." I walked toward my bedroom.

He started choking on his pop. "What?"

I laughed. "You said you'd rather do me. So, I'll make it easy on you. Hurry, up I don't have all day."

If his face went any redder, it would be purple. I couldn't fight my laughter.

"That's fucked up, Bells. Don't give me a heart attack like that." He sputtered through his choking.

"Oh, lighten up V-boy. Seriously, though, you should just give up on the dream of Lauren Mallory and just settle for some equally unattractive female willing to give you some ass." I told him as I pressed the button on the answering machine.

"This is Bella and Edward, you know what to do."

"Hey guys. It's Jazz. I just wanted to let you know that the wedding has been moved up to next week. Alice has to go away on business for a couple of months, and we had to. I'm sorry if it's short notice. Anyway, Bella, don't forget, please don't dress in black. It's not a funeral. And Edward, brother of mine, cut your hair. You're the best man. Love you guys."

I sighed as I flopped back onto the couch. Edward had a shit eating grin on his face.

"What the fuck you smilin' about a-hole?" I asked.

"Lauren will be there." He grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Fuckward? Give up already! She's probably a bigger bitch now than she was back in high school. If you remember correctly, she called you a loser in front of everyone. She was not playing hard to get."

His face scrunched up. "Bella, have you ever wanted someone so bad that you would do anything just to have them?"

I shook my head, although I knew exactly what he was talking about. Him. But, I couldn't tell him. He's never thought of me as anything less than a sister. Sure, we were each other's first kiss, but that was because we were totally smashed and had shit else better to do. Otherwise, he's never done anything with a girl. Never. It's kind of endearing, really.

"Well, that person for me in Lauren. Can't you have that gay friend of yours make me look half way decent? I mean, he could probably help you, too. No offense, but you need to look more like a classy girl instead of a hippie." He told me.

I scoffed. "Fuck you, ass. I look original. So what, I don't like to do shit with my hair or wear makeup. Yeah, you need a shit load of help, but at least I am good with who I am."

"That's not what I mean, Bella. Don't you just want... more?"

"Fine. I'll call David. I'll have him over here in a little while to do some maintenance. At least some landscaping. God knows you need it."

He hugged me. "Can you do me one more thing?"

I sighed. "What."

"Can you teach me how to you, you know, talk to girls?"

I laughed in his face. "You talk to me all of the time."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "You're not like a girl. You're Bella. You're practically one of the guys. I mean, you used to mow guys over in backyard football."

I felt my eyes start to well up. Fuck. I'm not crying in front of him. I am Bella Swan. I do not cry.

"Bella. I'm so-" He started, but got cut off.

"No. Kiss my ass. I realize I'm not some frilly ditzy bitch of a girl, but I'm still a girl. I have a vag. I have tits. They're pretty amazing. You should know, you've felt them on accident a couple of times. I'll show you fuckers what I look like. Asshole. Fuck you."

I slammed my bedroom door and called David.

"Hey bitch." He answered.

I sniffled. "Hey Davey."

"Oh hell no, why are you cryin' mama?"

I blew out a big breath. "Edward."

"I'll kill him. You're too good for him. Why do you keep holding out for him?"

"I don't know. I really don't. I'm so stupid. He said I'm not a regular girl."

He chuckled. "Well, honey, no offense, but you're manlier than I am."

I giggled. "No offense, but that's not hard to do."

"Ouch. You're feisty today."

"Yeah, Bitchward brings that out in me. So, I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of course, baby girl."

I ran my hands through my hair. "I need you to make Edward and myself over. His brother moved the wedding up to next week. Alice is going to be out of town for business for the next couple of months, so we're leaving Friday."

He squealed. "Oh hell yes. I've been wanting to get my hands on his hair for years!"

I laughed. "Yeah, well, don't take too much off, okay? I want him to still look like him."

"Of course! I have something in mind for you, too. I can see it now!"

I yawned. "Alright, fruity pebbles, I'm going to go. See you tonight."

"You got it, chica."

I hung up.


I feel so bad about hurting Bella. She's my best friend in the world. Has been since junior high. I had the biggest crush on her when we first started hanging out. Her beautiful brown eyes, her long brown hair. The way she'd blush when she was embarrassed. She always took up for me, and for that, I was grateful.

Then, Lauren Mallory caught my eye. She was everything that Bella wasn't, as bad as that sounds. She was tall, blond, and sexy. I'm not sure what rested between her ears, but I could over look that.

If David agrees to make me over, she'll see someone other than the scrawny Edward that she knew in high school. I've been working out since college and I have bulked considerably. I have contacts that I can now put to good use, and I have a killer job. I make more than enough to pay for me and Bella if she would let me.

Bella. I wish she'd find someone. She's such a beautiful woman. She was my first kiss. I accidentally felt her tits one time when we were wrestling around and that embarrassed me to no end.

Speak of her. "David will be here in about thirty minutes. I suggest you take a shower. Hope you don't mind the gay guy grabbing all up on your junk."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll do whatever it takes to get Lauren to notice me."

Her face went red with anger. "What the fuck, Cullen? Get it through your head that she's not good enough for you. Damn it. You have got to let her go. She's probably ugly and fat and has thirty kids, living in a trailer park, and watches reruns of Jerry Springer every night before she sells her ass."

"Don't talk about her like that." I warned.

"Or what? You'll do what, exactly?"

I smirked and jumped up and tackled her onto the couch, tickling her ribs mercilessly. "Take it back."

She laughed out loud. "Never!"

I laughed at her. "Do it, Isabella, or I'll make you pee your pants."

"It's your couch!" She squealed as I got to an especially ticklish place.

I shrugged. I kept tickling her and I was smiling inside, remembering in fact that Bella was a girl.

A knock on the door brought it to an end. "You're lucky. This isn't over." I warned as I got up to answer the door. There stood David.

"Hey bitches." He waved as he walked in. What can I say about David? He pretty much looks like Carson Kresley.

"Okay. I'll take on Eduardo, here, and then I'll do you, Izzy." He told us.

"You'd like to do me, sweetheart." Bella retorted.

"If only you were a little more butch, maybe." He chuckled. She flipped him the bird.


David took Edward back to his room, loaded down with bags and bags of clothes and hair supplies. I had to admit, I was a little antsy to see the new Edward. I mean, I love him no matter what he looks like, but it's going to be hard to imagine him looking anything less than geektastic.

My breath caught when I saw the Adonis before my eyes. There's no fucking way that is my Edward.

"Bells, say something." He said, fidgeting with the hem of his tight gray t-shirt.

I had to look like a fucking slow person, because all I could do was gawk and drool.

"See? She's the most blunt person in the world, and she isn't saying anything." He whined to David.

David chuckled. "Oh no, stud. She must really like it. When have you ever seen Miss Thang speechless, hmm?"

Edward did some fucking sexy ass smirk and licked his lips. "You really like it Bella?"

I nodded. He grinned.

"Do...do you think Lauren will like my new look?"

I saw red. That cunt. I hate her face.

"Eh. Who knows. Anything will have to be a step up from Mike Newton." I told him.

David giggled and grabbed me up by the arm. "Let's go, child. I'm so looking forward to this! This is so exciting!"

I shuddered and remembered that I hate playing Bella Barbie. But, if I wanted to get Edward's attention, I knew that it was needed.


I have to admit, David knows his stuff. Who knew I could look like this? I never really thought to cut my hair and wear my contacts. Hell, the clothes he picked out weren't really anything extraordinary. The look on Bella's face was priceless. At first, I thought she didn't like it or something. But, then she proved me wrong when she wouldn't stop eye-fucking me.

I can't wait to see what David does to her. Poor Bella. She needs someone in her life. I mean, it'll only be fair once I finally have Lauren. Maybe she can snag up Tyler Crowley. He seemed like a decent guy back in high school. Or that Jacob Black guy. I mean, he is like a couple of years younger than us, and he was kind of scrawny back then, but I'm sure that he had to grow some time.

I waited and tested my video game while David did some work on Bella. I heard her yell some obscenities to David. It's hard to tell what he was doing to her. Her hair always looks like a haystack, but I liked it. She was so natural. So... just there. She just existed to exist, and not make anybody else happy. She was her own person and she lived by her own rules. If only things were that simple for me. She told me that I had to create my own fate in life. Well, now I'm going to do just that. I'm going after Lauren and hopefully she'll want to pursue something with me this time.

I was broken out of my thoughts when the door to Bella's room popped open. David stepped out first.

"Presenting the new and improved Bella Swan." He waved his arm to the side, but Bella didn't show up. He cleared his throat and said it again.

When she didn't step out he rolled his eyes and walked back in. "I'm not going out there in this shit. I look like a girl!"

I chuckled, because only Bella would complain about looking girly. "Bitch, if you don't go out there and show Candy Man how hot your ass looks in those jeans, I'm going to kick it right the hell off your body, you got it?"

He walked back out. "As I was saying, the new Bella."

What I saw, I was not prepared for. At all. Who the hell was this and where did my Bella go?

She was wearing dark low rise skinny jeans, a purple peasant top, a black pair of, what I would later find out were Jimmy Choo heels, and her hair was in spirally waves down her back. Her eye makeup was smoky and dark and her lips looked sinful with some clear lip gloss. Then, I realized I'd been eye-fucking her. I'm going to hell.

"Say something you douche." She blushed. She never blushes. What the hell?

"Y-you look amazing." I breathed out. A breath I didn't realize I was holding on to.

She blushed even more red. "Thanks, I guess. You don't look like shit, either, Wardo."

I grinned. Bella never compliments me. Ever! If she can, maybe Lauren will!

"So, since you both look like sex on legs, your first task is to hit the club with me, and see how you interact with the human population." David said, filing his nails by the door.

Bella rolled her eyes. "I have no problem getting ass. It's the big V-dog over there that can't get pussy."

I felt myself blush. It wasn't that I couldn't get laid. I just wanted to hold out for the right girl. Is that so bad?

"Bella. First of all, you need to land someone who is going to want to call you the next day. And, secondly, you need to quit cussing like a fucking sailor. You're a lady. Ladies don't do that shit." David seethed.

"Fine. I'll stop cussing for a moment. But, why do I need training? I'll just have you with me, anyway. You'll give me the thumbs up or down or whatever in the hell you people do." She countered.

He giggled. "We people? By WE are you referring to gay? Gay or straight, honey, we all need a little guidance and we can also do the guiding. So, yes, I'll help you. But, remember, I won't be going back to Washington with you. You two are on your own. So, I suggest you learn what you can."

We both nodded and headed out to the club. I couldn't help but stare at Bella's ass as we went down the stairs. It was just calling to my eyes, telling them to stare like it would disappear tomorrow if I didn't keep them glued there. Apparently she felt my gaze.

"Edward, if you don't unglue your eyes from my ass this minute, I'll gouge then out."

"Sorry. It's just that, well, I've never seen your ass. You've always worn baggy pants and skirts. It's different." I told her, shrugging.

I saw her ears turn red and I smirked.

"Wipe that fucking smirk off your face." She laughed. Damn, this is going to be a long night.


What do you guys think? Like it? Hate it? Originally, my characters were David and Macy for the lead and they originally were from Ohio. But, I figured I could twist this around just a tad and make it into a Twilight story. Review me! The more reviews I get, the faster I tend to update!