Precious Little Kitten

a Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction

by Masamune Reforged

Disclaimer: FMA and the characters do not belong to me. I make no profit or claim any gain from this fanfic.

Warnings: evilAlphonse (serious OOC), dark, insanity, language, dialogue fic

Characters: Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang

Synopsis: Alphonse gets a new pet.

A/N - This is absolutely inspired by Sleep Tight and Got Milk? two Gundam Wing dialogue fics by the excellent CozzyBob.


"Good evening, Colonel Mustang."

"Who's--? A-Alphonse?"

"I'm sorry if I startled you, Colonel."

"N-not at all... I was just... it's allright..."

"Do you always sing when you're in the shower?"

"I... sometimes... Alphonse, what are you doing here?"

"I have a present for you."

"A present?"

"That's right. I wanted to give you a present."

"I see..."

"Would you like to see what it is? It's very nice."

"Honestly, Alphonse, I'd like to get dressed first..."

"W-wait! Please... Could you just try it on first?"

"Excuse me?"

"Please? I just want you to try it on first."

"Alphonse, this is highly inappropriate. I'd expect this from your brother, but..."

"Colonel, you're hurting my feelings. Now, please try it on."

"I think you're a little out of line here. You do realize this is -- Alph-- what are you--"

"Hold still, please."

"Alphonse! Don't make me--"

"Your gloves are in your bedroom, Roy. Please don't squirm so."

"What are-- AGH!!! OW! Wha-- What is this!?"

"It's a collar."

"A collar?!"

"That's right. I made it myself. See, it even has a nice little bell. Ding-ding! Hehe, you look very cute in it."

"Alphonse... OW! Take it off..."

"I'm afraid I can't."

"God, it's tight... What do you mean you can't?"

"I told you. It's a special collar I made just for you. It won't come off unless I transmute it. Besides, it's against the law for kitties to scamper around without a collar on!

"Alphonse, I-- What?"

"Amestris Domestic Animal Code. The lady at the shelter told me all about it."

"Domestic animal... Is this some kind of joke!?!"

"It's the law. Look! It has your name and address on it so if you get lost--"

"Stop playing around, Alphonse! Get this thing off of me!"

"Roy... please don't fight it..."

"I'll do what I want! This is my apartment! I should have you--ACK! AHH!!! GAH!!!"

"I told you, kitties shouldn't hiss at their daddies. Besides, I think it looks adorable on you. Hmm, what is it? I know it hurts, but that's because you were yelling. Promise not to shout now?"

"... ack... Al... What--so tight..."

"It's a very special collar. Training is really important in raising a nice, well behaved kitty. I designed it with that in mind."

"Training? You... AH... Alphonse... I can't.... breathe..."

"That's because you're being a naughty kitty! The collar responds when kitty is being bad!"

"Alphonse... you..."

"And of course, that includes when daddy is upset... Don't make daddy upset. I put a lot of work into this present for you."

"Why you... ACH..."

"The least you could do is thank me..."

"You... ACH... ACK!... ... ah... gah... I... th- thank you..."

"That's much better! And, you know what I like too? I like when kitty nuzzles up against daddy's leg."

"You... you're out of your min-- GAH!"

"No, I'm out of my body. And at this rate you're going to go without dinner."

"I... please... it hurts... it hurts so much..."

"Bad kitties get punished. Good kitties get lots and lots of daddy's love."

"Al... Alphonse..."

"You're a good kitty, aren't you? You'll be a good kitty for daddy, won't you?"

"Y-Yes! I... I'm a good kitty. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just don't..."

"Aww! Daddy doesn't like hurting his cute little baby. Now if you calm down.... There, isn't that so much better? Now, come here! Come snuggle up close to daddy!"

"... I... ha... I'm coming, I'm coming. Just-- AH!"

"Aw, is kitty trying to do a trick? Trying to walk around on your hind feetsies is very cute, but what if kitty falls and hurts herself?"

"Crawl? You want me..."

"No, no, silly! That's how cats walk, of course!"


"I want to snuggle. Come over now."

"Ah... yes, yes, okay..."

"That's a good kitty. Now come and curl up on daddy's lap. Aw, are you shivering? Is daddy's body cold? I'll get a blanket for you if you're good! Yes, that's right. I'll take very good care of you, my precious little kitten."


"Kitty should call daddy 'daddy'."

"D...daddy... Oh my god. Oh my god. This can't be happening. This is some kind of fucking nightm-- ACH!"

"Oh... Is kitty saying big, nasty, human words? That's not a good kitty at all."

"ACH! AH!"

"And flailing around on daddy's lap. What is wrong with you today? Now, now, stop that. Are you thinking about using alchemy? You know kitties can't do alchemy! The collar knows too. Why, if kitties tried to even think about alchemy, their fuzzy little brainsies would get all boggled! ..."

"Gah! Ah! Ah... Haa..."

"There. That's better. Have you worn yourself out? You're such an energetic little cutie!"

"D... daddy.... please..."

"Yes? What is it, my princess?"

"I... I have to... use the toilet..."

"Oh? Does kitty have to do her little business? Well, let's go. Can't have you making a mess all over the sofa."

"Th-thank you... Ah... um?"

"Yes, what is it, babykins?"

"Um, Alph... da-daddy, the... the toilet is..."

"Aw! Kitty is being such a silly little girl! You know kitties can't use people things! Why, a kitty could fall right in and get all soaking wet!"

"But, I..."

"Come on, your kitty box is right over here."

"Here? But this is my...? Oh my god! My- my BEDROOM!"

-end 'Collar'

Part 1 of

Precious Little Kitten

Next: 'Litter Box'

Notes: Dialogue fic. Haven't tried for one of these in a while... As I said both the theme (evil!character) and style (dialogue fic) are things I only got motivated to do after reading Cozzybob's excellent fics. So, um, yeah, got to give credit where credit is due. I hope you enjoyed it... even if you surely think I'm out of my mind

unbeated, briefly edited

Feedback is much appreciated.