How Far Can Idiocy Go?

by: Sorrowful Princess


Genre: Humour/Romance

Pairing: NatsumeXMikan


Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and I do not have as much geniosity as Higuchi Tachibana has. But I'll do my best to satisfy the readers.


-x- Idiocy is a virtue -x-


When the couple was finally out of their sight, their senses activated yet again and they exploded like a volcano all at the same time. The fan girls began screaming like a complete ass, whilst Ruka was the little poor one to be screamed out.

"Ruka-kun! Why didn't you stop your best friend?!" one asked, annoyed.

"You're such an inconsiderate friend!" another one said.

"Oh, God, how could this be?! Our beloved Natsume-sama is gonna be eaten by a perverted, pig-tailed freak!"

Most of the fan girls just cried out and wailed, since they also have a crush with Ruka, and they couldn't possibly blame him like the others did.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!! I can't take this! I'll kill myself!"

"This is too much! I thought he'll reject her!"

"His virginity! It's so sad it'll be taken away from him but not by me!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!" the fan girls all cried in unison.

Ruka felt sick with all the noise. But he, himself, just can't process what's happening around him this very moment. Well, his crush and his best friend are going to make love any minute by now, so how do you expect him to react? He was freaked out, yes. But he was more freaked out with the fact that his best friend willingly accepted Mikan's offer.

And he was more and more freaked out when a fan girl grabbed him by the collar and tried to kiss him.

"If I can't have Natsume-sama, I'll have you instead! I won't let that Mikan have her way on you when she's done with him!" the girl who tried to kiss Ruka screamed right before she pulled Ruka's collar.

"Yeah! Who knows who her next victim would be?! We better make reservations or else we'll...!"

And with that statement, all of the desperate fan girls made a go with Ruka. They flung themselves on him and tried to hug him, kiss him... some even tried to undress him!

It was a total chaos. Ruka was practically being molested and harassed by these fan girls, and he couldn't do anything about it! They're just so many!

The animal-boy turned green, then purple.

'Oh no, this is not happening to me!' he though to himself desperately.

How could these people be so bold?!

All of a sudden, a huge, brown bear made its way to the cafeteria, breaking the door in the process. The fan girls turned white as a sheet of paper when they saw it approaching them with its awfully sharp claws gleaming. It let out a loud, frightening growl which caused the fan girls to tremble with fear. Instantly, they let go of Ruka, and the bear scooped him up and placed him gently on the back his neck. Ruka gave him a silent look of gratitude. He was saved.

Yeah, he was saved. But he doesn't look like he was saved. His uniform was pretty torn out, and his neck and cheeks were tainted with the bright, red color of lipstick. He was full of freaking kiss marks. And if his friend bear haven't saved him, he would have been successfully raped by these perverted fan girls.

And he would have been raped inside the school's goddamn cafeteria. Great.

God, this is turning crazy. And it's just because of one little question the brunette unthinkably asked.

Ruka is still freaked out, and he has no plan to be freaked out more than he already was. So, giving the fan girls one last disgusted and annoyed look, he patted the bear and they walked off, leaving everything behind.

When Ruka was nowhere in sight, the fan girls felt lost. They don't have someone to harass now, furthermore they don't have anyone to blame. Wait, someone to blame?

They have someone to blame.

Slowly, they turned around and glared at a raven-haired girl who was currently taping everything in her video camera. Her eyes were in the shape of dollars.

Grumbling, the fan girls lunged at her while screaming: "This is your fault, Imai! You should have stopped your idiot best friend!"







The ice princess fired her Baka cannon on each and every one of the fan girls. Every girl lay on the floor, defeated and toasted.

"Mark my words, idiots: No one attempts to go against my will, because if someone does..." then her eyes suddenly gleamed devilishly. "that someone won't be found alive the next time the sun shines."

The fan girls shuddered and before they knew it, Hotaru Imai was already out of their sights as well.



And the most suitable adjective to describe her?



-x- Natsume -x-


Polka and I managed to get out 'safely' from that chaotic cafeteria where those disgusting fan girls reside. Unfortunately, I left Ruka to deal with them by himself, but I'm confident he'll be able to pull things through. That's Ruka Nogi for you. That's my best friend.

Suddenly, I heard a loud, hideous growl coming from the cafeteria we had just escaped from. What's that?

Then I smiled inwardly. Ruka probably asked for some help from his pets.

The idiot seemed to hear it, too, because she asked me: "What's that noise?"

I shrugged. "Probably some hungry, mad animal." I said nonchalantly.

She nodded with understanding. "Ah, I see," she said.

We're now on my favorite spot: the sakura tree. And I am glad that I am able to escape. We sat down for a while in silence. But then again, polka isn't the one to be silent.

"Ne, Natsume, let's make love already!" she whined, and I paled. Here she goes again.

"I think we should start now, while the sun's way up high. It'll be fun!" Then she stood up and grabbed my hand. "C'mon! We must get started!" she said, and I turned even more pallid.

I grumbled.

"Let go, idiot. Who says we're going to make love?"

She twitched her eye brows. "You said! You, yourself, agreed to make love with me, right? It'll be so much fun, you know! It will be---"

"Stop it, idiot! You're making me think of improper things! Don't taint my mind with your - argh!"

She grew confused. "Think of improper things?" she asked innocently. Ugh, I can't take this.

I guess there's no other choice. I have to make her realize what making love really is. Whether she likes it or not. Slowly, I stood up and snaked my arms around her waist. I lowered my face to her level and stared at her intimately. Then I moved my face closer and closer onto hers.

I felt her stiffen.

"Na -" she started, and then exploded. "NATSUME! What the hell do you think you're doing?!!!" she screamed, shoving my face away from hers by her hand. I didn't let her go, though. Instead, I tightened my hold on her.

"L-Let go of me, Natsume!" she screamed. "I said we'll make love! I didn't say you can go and molest me! You pervert! Stop harassing me!" she wailed, panting.

I smirked inwardly at her words. Me molesting her? Ha!

I gave her a rather seductive smile. "But darling," I said huskily. "We are making love. And I would like to lead the both of us to paradise." I said, and I swear, I saw her sweat dropped. Her lips turned white, and I could have laughed at her reaction if it wasn't for the fact that I was here to explain to her, and not make fun of her.

But I can't help it. She's just so funny.

I gave a low muffled laugh.

"W-Why are you laughing?" she stammered. "I bet you're imagining perverted things again, you jerk! I said let go of me!" she shouted.

"Darling," I started and I saw her scowl. Probably because I called her darling. "we are just getting started. This is the first step to make love. I thought you are willing to do it? And to think you were the one who asked for it."

A vein popped on polka's head and she clenched her fists. "Why, you! Don't you dare call me darling! And what do you mean by first step? Stop spouting non - "

"Idiot," I said, letting go of her and sounding suddenly serious. "What do you think making love is? Playing around?" I asked. It was a rhetorical question, but then again, I wasn't surprised to receive an answer from her. She's an idiot, after all.

So she nodded.

God, I knew it. She thought we'll just play around. I bet there were even howalons in her vision of making love, too. Ridiculous. I'd like to keep her innocence, but I'd hate it if she asks some random person to do it with her. Who knows what runs in her puny brain? She might even create a banner saying everyone can make love with her.

I was silent for a while, and this made the idiot suspicious.

"Hey, what are you thinking?" she asked.

"I'm thinking how much of an idiot you are." I answered nonchalantly.

"Say what?! You meanie, Natsu -"

"Where did you get that hideous idea?" I interrupted her.

"What idea?"

"Duh. The idea of making love, what else?"

With that, she beamed. "From a magazine! I've read it from an article -" I cut her off again.

"Were there any information about how it is done?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" she asked.

I grumbled. "Just answer the goddamn question, dammit."

She got annoyed, but then searched her brain for an answer. "Hmm... as far as I can remember, there weren't any. There weren't any images to show it, too. But it's okay! It said there that making love is the ultimate way to show -"

I cut her off yet again. "Listen here, idiot." I said, grunting. "Making love isn't the way you think it is. And I couldn't believe you actually got the nerve to ask me to do it with you despite the fact that you don't even fully understand it! Never mention it again to anyone, and don't you dare go off running to ask someone else to do it with you, even to that shadow freak or to Imai."

As I expected, the idiot didn't get what I said. Instead, she grew annoyed and agitated.

"You jerk," she snarled. "Who do you think you are? You think you can order me around? Ha! As if, Natsume. As if! Why should I listen to you? If I want to make love with Hotaru and with Tsubasa-senpai, I will make love!" she said stubbornly.

So, she really was planning to make love with that shadow freak, huh?


I glared at her. "I said you are not allowed to. Don't make me say it for the third time, idiot." I said irritably.

To my dismay, Polka stuck out her tongue at me. "Bleh! I will make love! I will make love! I will make love! I will make love! I will make love! I WILL MAKE LO -"

And before I could even get to think, I pulled her towards me and claimed her lips with mine. My left hand made its way on the small of her back, while the other rested on her cheeks, caressing it. Her eyes were wide, and I felt her stop breathing. What's odd is the fact that, though I kissed her without her permission, she didn't resist, nor pushed me away. She was perfectly still.

The kiss lasted for a moment, and when I let her go, she was completely dumbfounded, whereas I am completely shocked.

What the hell did I just do? I freaking kissed her! Why did I?! WHY DID I?!!!

As I contemplated with my thoughts, I felt the blood rushing through my cheeks. Polka's cheeks were red, so I bet mine isn't any better.

Fuck. I'm such an idiot. Why did I kiss her?

Now she'll probably act awkward when I'm around. Damn.

Silence hovered; neither of the two of us knows what to say. She has the right to be mad at me, but the screaming I've been expecting didn't come. Why? What is she thinking right now?

I saw her touch her lips, it was as if she couldn't believe it.

Well I, myself, couldn't believe it. I didn't really know what got into me. All I remember was that I felt an odd emotion wash through me the moment she said she'll make love with the freak, Andou.

I'm not jealous, of course I'm not.

Maybe I was just irritated because she was so noisy. Yeah, that must be it.

I fixed my face, trying to make it look as nonchalant as possible.

"You're so noisy, so I thought I might as well help you shut your mouth." I said, and with that, the explosion I've been waiting for finally arrived.

She clenched her fists as her face showed countless streaks of different emotion. "YOU JERK! HOW COULD YOU?!!"

I shrugged.

"You pervert! You stole my kiss again!" she whined childishly, and then she went on with her little drama about how she can't be married anymore because I violated her. Blah. Blah. Yeah, right.

I wanted to cover my ears, but even if I do, it won't help much. Polka's voice was just too loud. It was as if she had swallowed a microphone when she was just a child. Incredible.

"It's just a kiss. Don't get so worked up." I said.

"...can't believe this! I can't be a deserving wife anymore! WaAaaAaahhh!" she went on wailing.

I sighed.

"Shut up, will you?!" I asked, showing my annoyance.

"YOU shut up!"

I grunted. "If you can't even withstand a kiss, how could you possibly make love?"

"... I can't - wait, what?" she said suddenly.

Shit, I shouldn't have told her that. Now she'll keep on pestering me about what I mean about that.

"I said nothing." I denied, looking away from her.

She didn't buy it, of course. "You said something! What do you mean by that?"

"I said nothing!" I denied harder.

"Natsume! Say it!"


"Say it!"


"Explain it!"

Fuck, I guess she isn't planning to give up on the subject, huh? Fine, I'll explain it to her.

"Don't regret this." I growled, glaring at her. Then I took a deep breath. So... how should I explain this? Should I tell her HOW making love is taken into action?

"Listen carefully, idiot. I'll only say this once. Make sure you'll cram this on that puny brain of yours." I inhaled. Then exhaled loudly. Here I go...

"Making love is something extreme. You only do it with the one you love, and you can't do it with a person who has the same gender as you."

"Eh?! Why?!" Polka whined. "But I'd like to do it with Hotaru no matter what!"

A vein popped on my head. "Shut up, idiot! Listen to this first and decide whether you would still like to do it with her or not!"

Polka pouted but then zippered her mouth.

I went on, "You will only do it when you're in the right age. Basically, it must be done after marriage and -"

"But I want to do it with Tsubasa-senpai tomorrow!" Polka complained yet again and I instantly got infuriated with the mention of the shadow-freak's name.

"I said shut up and listen!" I hissed.

Now comes the hard part. I should explain to her how it is being done.

"Okay so, making love is, well, done by... the man and the girl k-kiss each other a-and..." Fuck, this is so embarrassing. I don't wanna explain things like this! I gritted my teeth. "T-They d-do not make l-love u-under the s-sun... I-It should be in b-bed and - uh, well, t-they're..." Crap, why am I fucking stuttering? I felt my face heat up. I drew a deep breath and tried to go on. "T-They're... n-naked and t-the g-girl m-m-might get p-pregnant... and ... - Shit! Why do I have to be the one to explain this thing to you?! You're making me say embarrassing things and - and - FUCK!" I ended up screaming, exasperated.

Polka didn't seem moved, though. "They do it naked? And the girl might get pregnant?" she asked innocently. She still didn't get it?!

I flung my hands to the air. "Seriously! People like you!"

She cocked her head to the side. "People like me what?"

I clutched my hair like a crazy ass. I can't believe this! I'm going insane! How could she be so... so dense?! I already told her making love is being done while naked, and she still isn't bothered by it?!

God! Show some goddamn mercy!




She's such an idiot! Ugh!

I can't stand this!


Suddenly, the bell rang. Break time's finally over.

"Oh! We should get back to class now!" she said.

I grumbled, still exasperated. "You go back. I don't feel like going there and wasting my time."

"Mou, Natsume! Let's go!"


She sighed. "Fine! I'll leave you here if that's what you want!" then she turned around, stomped her feet and started to walk off towards the classroom.

Before she fully vanished on my sight, though, she turned around and shouted: "Natsume! Continue your explanation later, okay? And oh! Let's make love tomorrow instead, but I'd like to do it with my clothes on, alright? Ja!" and then she continued on skipping happily like a rabbit as if I hadn't revealed any hideous information to her.

I felt like dying at that very moment. She still wanted to make love?! And with clothes on?!!

Holy, almighty, fuck!


Seriously, she's such an idiot! Probably the greatest idiot of the millennium!

I stared at where I last saw her, thinking of how I am supposed to deal with her from now on. Being the idiot she is, she'll most probably keep on pestering me about making love.

I shook my head. Really, she's crazy.

But why is it that I didn't feel frustrated the whole time? It rather felt... fun.

She never fails to surprise me, and to make me feel various kinds of emotion which I never thought I had. She always say the unexpected, and turns serious matters into some kind of joke I never fail to enjoy.

She always makes me feel happy, though in a very odd and unusual way.

She's an idiot. But then again, her eternal and limitless idiocy is one of the many things I love about her.

I smiled to myself.

I love her.

I love her.

I loooooove her!

Wait - did I just say I love her??

My heart pounded.

Oh. My. Lord.


-x- The End -x-


A/N: Waah! -Cries- It's finished! I enjoyed writing this very short story.. so I hope you enjoyed reading! Review please! I wanna know what you feel about it! And your reactions! Write whatever you want, and I'll read them gratefully!

By the way, readers, I'd like to thank those who reviewed on the previous chapters! Thank you for liking it!

I hope my little story was able to make up your days... and I hope I was able to put smiles across your faces! It was my first attempt to write a short story and well, thank you guys for embracing it!

I love you all!

So I guess that's about it? And oh! Please be friends with me! I love friends!



PS: I have already written a sequel for this story. Yep, a sequel! It's entitled, "How Far Can Idiocy Go? Part II". Please read it! Just check out my profile and you'll find it.. Ja ne!