Kaoru sighed as he watched Hikaru and Haruhi talk from across the room. Next to him, his legs swinging as usual, Bun-Bun in one arm and a fork with cake in the other hand, Hunny sat (or bounced) in his seat. Mori stood by his cousin, as usual, watching him carefully.

"Is Kao-chan ok?" Hunny asked between chomping on the cake.

"Fine." Kaoru replied absently. Then he looked at Hunny. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Cause Kao-chan sighed five times in the last ten minutes." Hunny said.

"Don't worry about me, Hunny-senpai." Kaoru said, smiling at the smaller senior. He stood up and walked to the door. "I'll be leaving now. Goodbye, everyone!" He called over his shoulder. Kyouya had cancelled the Club---Tamaki refused to open it because he failed to come up with an extradordinary idea. The only reason the whole Club was there was...well, lack of anything better to do. Kaoru waited for the usual goodbyes and walked out of the door.

He paused for a few minutes on the other side, waiting. With a sigh, Kaoru realized that Hikaru was not going to come home with him. And, like a good younger brother, he denied taking the limo home, stating that the driver wait for Hikaru and that he would walk.


Hikaru was talking to Haruhi, and jeez she looked so cute when something didn't go her way and she pouted like that---it was a good hour and a half before Hikaru even realized Kaoru was gone.

"Where'd Kaoru go?" He asked. He expected 'Bathroom.' from Mori or 'Kao-chan went to get cakes!' from Hunny.

"Kaoru left." Hikaru paled, but looked over in Kyouya's direction. "Actually, Kaoru went home about an hour and a half ago."

"Yikes. I'd better get going, then." Hikaru said, grabbing his things. "Bye, senpais! See you tomorrow, Haruhi!"

"Our sons are making a mess of things, aren't they, Okaa-san?" Tamaki asked, leaning his head on Kyouya's shoulder. Kyouya shrugged, pushing up his glasses.

"I suppose so, Otou-san." He blushed lightly when Tamaki leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"They'll figure it out, right?" Tamaki asked softly. "If an idiot like me could figure it out, then surely they can do it, hm? Two smart boys like them?"

"It's likely, Otou-san." Kyouya said. "And when they do, things will get better." Tamaki beamed.


Kaoru Hiitachin was not lost. Hiitachins didn't get lost, dammit. Kaoru sighed---that was much easier to believe when Hikaru was with him, joking about different things. Like the first time they got lost.

Flashback

Six-year-old Kaoru grabbed onto the back of Hikaru's shirt.

"Hikaru, wait for me." Hikaru turned to his brother.

"Of course, Kaoru." He said, smiling softly at his brother. "We'll always be together, right?"

"Right." Kaoru said, nodding once as if to prove it. Hikaru grinned while Kaoru looked around. "Hikaru, are we lost?"

"Nope." Kaoru looked at his brother.

"Then where are we?" Hikaru grinned.

"I dunno." Kaoru raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. "We aren't lost, though."

"If we don't know where we are, doesn't that mean we're lost?" Kaoru pointed out.

"Nope." Hikaru repeated, grabbing his brother's hand. "We're not lost because we have each other. As long as we have each other, no matter what, we won't be lost. Ever." Kaoru smiled, squeezing his brother's hand and giggling when his brother squeezed back. "Besides, someone is going to miss us at some point and then people will be looking everywhere for us!" They both giggled and continued walking together.

End flashback

Kaoru smiled fondly at the memory. They had gotten lost in their own backyard. Before that time, they had never been out in it and they went missing for three and a half hours. Kaoru's smile faded as he realized that he was lost---both literally and figuratively. Literally, because he had no clue how to get home and there was no one he could ask for help from. Figuratively because Hikaru wasn't there for him, with him, anymore. Or, rather, it wasn't as strong as before. Kaoru could tell, despite Hikaru's attempts to deny it, that he fell in love with Haruhi.

Kaoru had fallen in love with Hikaru.

This wasn't a shocking new revelation. This was just a recap of what Kaoru already knew. Stopping on the bridge, he looked over it at the beautiful lake it passed over. He took a deep breath before he continued to walk on. The way he saw it, he had two options.

1) He could fight Haruhi for Hikaru. Fight for the attention he believed was his right, but was actually realizing what a privilage it was. Fight for Hikaru's love---his true love, not the brotherly kind.

Or...

2) He could push Hikaru at Haruhi more. It would make Hikaru happy, to have stolen Haruhi from Tono. And isn't that what love was about---seeing the one you loved happy even while you were miserable?


Hikaru paced their shared room nervously. Where was Kaoru? He was never the type to do this, never the type to disappear. Hikaru didn't mind the car ride alone, he figured his brother would be at the house. He would walk into the room, apologize for ignoring Kaoru (for the nth time). Kaoru would brush it off and forgive him, teasing him about Haruhi. Hikaru would play along and laugh with his brother.

But Kaoru wasn't home when Hikaru got there. And Hikaru felt lost for the first time in his life.

Twenty more minutes. Hikaru promised himself. Twenty more minutes, then I'm coming to find you myself. Hikaru noticed a black notebook from the desk drawer. He frowned and picked it up. Huh? What's this?


Kaoru sighed, disappointed but ultimately pleased with his decision. He turned around, then sweatdropped when he realized he'd been walking in circles around his front yard. Shaking his head sheepishly, Kaoru walked up and into the house, opening the door silently.

"I'm home." He called out softly. Instantly, the maids came.

"Kaoru-sama, Hikaru-sama is in the room." Nodding at the maids, Kaoru went up the stairs and into his shared room.

"Hikaru? I'm home." He said, walking towards the bed. "By the way, I've got something to tell you."

"It wouldn't, by any chance, have to do with this, would it?" Hikaru said suddenly, placing the notebook in front of Kaoru's eyes. The latter's eyes widened. "That's right. This is your notebook. Filled with secrets." Kaoru looked up into Hikaru's eyes and winced---Hikaru looked so betrayed and hurt. "We promised, didn't we? That there wouldn't be any secrets between us?"

"We also promised to be together forever. They're just stupid promises that we made as kids, Hikaru, to keep ourselves from growing up, from getting used to the real world." Kaoru snapped, ignoring the way his brother winced and looked at Kaoru as if the latter had slapped him. Kaoru took his notebook from his brother's hands. "No, that's not what I was going to say." Hikaru looked at Kaoru with a defeated look that Kaoru had to look away from. "I was going to say...that you and Haruhi should go on another date." Hikaru's eyes widened---whatever he expected, it was not that.

"But---"

"And I also think it's best if we had seperate rooms...like Mom and Dad insisted." Kaoru made sure not to look at his brother's face, but couldn't help it. He turned his head slightly and felt guilty at the pure sadness on his brother's face.

"All right." Hikaru said. "Fine. We'll do it as outouto-chan wants." He walked to the doorway. "You can have this room." And then he left. Kaoru looked down at the black notebook and opened it to the first page.

The first entry read: My name is Kaoru Hiitachin, and my brother and I are ten years old. We promised not to keep anything from each other, but this is a secret not even Hikaru can hear. I get the feeling that if Hikaru heard this secret, he would hate me. I don't want Hikaru to hate me, so I'll tell you instead, ok, Notebook-san? My secret is, I love Hikaru. More than brothers, I love Hikaru like Mommy loves Daddy. Kaoru shut the notebook and sighed, falling onto the bed---his bed---ungracefully.

"It's for your own good, Hikaru."


Hikaru punched the pillow angrily. He couldn't sleep, and it was becuase his brother had the stupid idea that he was hated. Hikaru wasn't even sure where Kaoru had gotten the idea that he, Hikaru, could ever hate him. After trying to get to sleep, Hikaru gave up and stomped over the the room Kaoru was in. He pushed the door open and slid into bed next to Kaoru, who turned wide-eyed to stare at Hikaru.

"Let me talk first." Hikaru insisted. Kaoru shut his mouth. "First of all, I don't know where you got the idea that I would hate you, but it's a stupid idea. The most stupidest idea I've ever heard, and Tono can come up with some pretty outrageous things." Kaoru smiled. "Second, if you had let me finish, you would have known that the only reason I talk to Haruhi so much is because you keep pulling away from me. Who else am I supposed to talk to?"

"But when I tease you about it---"

'You don't want to believe otherwise." Hikaru whispered. "I love only you, Kaoru, and you should know this by now." Hikaru placed his lips softly against his twin's and smiled when Kaoru wrapped his arms around Hikaru's neck, pulling him as close as possible. He pulled away and rested his chin on the top of Kaoru's head, pushing his head against his shoulder. Kaoru complied by wrapping his arms around Hikaru's waist.

"Good night." They whispered to each other simultaneously. "I love you."


I had to rewrite this thing because it didn't save. tell me whatcha think!