NOTES: This is for Charlien. She's a very sweet, very talented writer. She's got a HeiEd story or a few, rather. I thought it would be nice to dedicate this to her since she's such an amazing person and friend. She listens to me when I need it. I feel bad since I haven't had much time to review her story, but I still love it death. Love you, Charliennn~! Also, shameless plug, go read her stories, THEY ARE AMAZING.
It's a short story, but I think I make my point... hopefully. :D
Summary: Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners... now and at the hour of our death. Amen. [HeiEd] [YAOI] [M]
I've never been very religious.
Meaning, I've never really had a religion at all. But if I had to choose one, I think I'd go with Catholicism. It just seems... beautiful to me. The virgin Mary, an innocent, but powerful woman... a mother figure that prays for the soul and guides you through life... That seems like someone I could follow.
I also deem that religion fit because of that beautiful song, "Ave Maria." When I hear it, it reminds me of many different things. My past, my sickness, my present... and meeting you. Yes, you. With your crazy stories, your silken golden locks... those amber eyes that send my soul dancing into wind. Your conviction... Your solid, concrete conviction with a determined look on your face.
You're brilliant, did you know that? I couldn't have asked for a better friend. A better lover. You've given me something nobody else could ever give me. You gave me life. For so many years I was wallowing in my self-pity, already knowing full well I wouldn't live a whole, healthy life through. But then I met you... At first, you thought I was your brother. Your beautiful little brother who you'd give anything for, even your own life. But, with a faltering look, you dismissed it in your mind entirely. You're just like that, you know?
For you... you seemed to have lost your hope. When you think of something, you are so sure it's the truth that you have a hard time accepting the real truth. I thought you were a liar, a great storyteller set out to entertain anyone who would listen. But then I realized, with that determined look on your face, that you weren't lying at all.
And I told you that I believed you. And you smiled at me, your first, true smile.
After that, all I wanted was for you to smile at me like that again. You got me into some trouble, Edward, there's no doubt. Otherwise...
Days passed after I saw that real, true smile and it was like you had finally started to trust me. I doubt you ever really put full trust in me... that's just how you are. So you told me everything. We became friends... Our days were filled with laughter and discussion, late night arguments and early breakfasts.
We studied rockets together, talked about anything and everything, and, for some reason, I actually believed I might be helping you get over the loss of your little brother. But I still heard your nightmares, heard you toss and turn, moaning in torment.
Still, I tried. I wanted to see you happy. If that was my purpose in life, I would be content. Finally, one night, you openly cried in front of me for the first time and I took you in my arms, shushing you and holding you. I don't know how long we sat there, how long you cried, but I remember the smile you gave me in the morning when you woke. 'Thank you,' you seemed to be saying to me and I loved you from then on.
I don't know exactly how such a friendship evolved into love, but I'm very glad that it did. All those nights we danced in the rain, the days we sat together and watched the clouds... they made my heart soar. I felt like I didn't have a care in the world. I felt like if I died at any moment, I would have died happily, as long as you were near me.
And then we began to touch each other.
First it was tentative and strange. We both were inexperienced, having never had time to actually get into a solid relationship with anyone. We were both virgins, but we weren't innocence... we knew that and laughed as we kissed. It was breathtaking touching you, feeling you... To have your body beneath mine. I caressed your taut, sun kissed skin as delicately as possible, afraid I might break our fragile existence. I kissed your soft thigh, then kissed your scarred one just as softly, making you gasp.
You made the most delicious sounds when I did that... The way you arched your back off the bed, grasped the bed sheets, throwing your golden head from side to side in anguish. You would call my name softly at times, then cry out in sheer pleasure. And you would always make sure you didn't hit me with your leg. You were always restrained in that respect.
And then there were the times when you wanted to just pleasure me. You would carefully push me onto my back, and grab my hand, suckling my fingers and work them into yourself, sighing softly. Then you would push yourself onto me, gently, slowly, throwing your head back. And you would move. Your whole body would rock on mine and I could feel every muscle tense and untense, every heart beat, every breath. Your eyes would be closed as you moved, until you reached that point, searching for release. Your movement would become erratic and your eyes would glaze over as you practically bounced on top of me. At that point I would move too and it seemed the dark moved with us. And we reached that sweet bliss together, taking each other's breaths and everything would fall away but us. There was no room, no body. It was us, just us.
I would caress your hair after that, holding your body closely, as if I wished to meld into you. We would sleep peacefully, not thinking about anything but our togetherness. "I love you." I would whisper for the first time and that's the second time I ever saw you cry.
"I love you so much, Alfons." you replied and I couldn't have been happier.
Then it all changed. You became deeper and deeper involved in things I wasn't supposed to be part of. They wanted you, needed you, after all and I was something that could've been disposed of at any time. It broke my heart, being away from you. I think I became bitter at you because I knew I wouldn't be alive much longer and you were carelessly wasting time on something only you believed in. But, deep in my heart, I believed you too. I just didn't want you to leave me all alone again. I'd always been alone.
And I wanted to leave so you didn't get to break my heart first. And you saw the blood stained on my hand and those damned golden eyes widened in horror. I didn't want you to know. It hurt so much to leave that night. I just wanted it to all go away and to hold you again.
The time came... I knew I had to give you away.
"We're real Edward; we're not just part of your dreams like you thought. I care, and I make mistakes. I may not live much longer, but I'll still be here. Just don't forget me."
Please, please don't. Don't forget those late nights of feathery whispers, touches as soft as angels' wings. Don't forget letting your spirit soar as you let down all your inhibitions. Don't forget the blanket of safety and the thrill of danger, a doubled-edged dagger ready to rip my heart apart. Remember the way we were, the way I was... healthy, strong. Remember my kisses and my words of maturity. Don't forget the lessons you've learned with me... please don't forget that I existed. Don't let your brother's face replace mine completely.
But remember to live and love. Use what I've given you.
And here I am, watching you go as the life bleeds out of me. I here that song, "Ave Maria." Isn't that silly? To hear such a song as I'm dying. Perhaps I should ask forgiveness before it's too late, but I don't think there is anything I've done wrong. All I've ever done was love you.
Slowly the pain is fading... and everything feels cold. It doesn't hurt, dying. It isn't scary... I can't feel the bullet, I can't hear anything but music... Sweet, soft music. And I can see your face, the morning sun shining on it. I can touch your hand, your face. I can caress your hair like I always do.
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.