Title: London Bridges Falling Down

Series: Saiyuki

Rating: T

Pairing: 58

Word Count: 938

Warnings: Introspective angst

Summary: The rest of the conversation from v.6

AN: Because we were talking about what these few pages really meant to all 58 fangirls and shippers…

"How'd I end up in your 'we'?" Glancing down at Hakkai I had to pause, he was trying so hard to be cheerful but…

"Forties, huh? You think droopy-eye really will be bald by then?" It always gives me a start when he really cuts loose with one of those real smiles of his and right now is no different.

Pushing off the bridge a drape an arm around his shoulders and drag him back towards the inn. It's funny, a few years ago he wouldn't even touch me and now he's leaning against me as we walk. His head's still down, hair falling into his eyes and somehow I know they're closed, because it still hurts to think about the past and all the dead we've left behind us.

Moving my hand I place it on his head, fingers sliding through silky strands and gently rubbing the pad of my thumb over the nape of his neck in what I hope is a soothing gesture. He shudders slightly and takes a ragged breath and the pressure of his body against mine as we walk gets a little heavier, a little warmer. I don't know what the future holds. I was never that great at planning shit out and I definitely never thought I'd be hanging with a bunch of guys, but it's Hakkai. If there was ever anyone who'd put up with my shit and make me take the trash out on time and do all that domestic crap and still make me want to come home at night, it's him.

The thought brings me up short, my sudden stop pulling Hakkai off balance and as I hold him up flush against me in the middle of a God damn street I start laughing, because I just realized he's more family to me than my own blood at this point; him and that sorry excuse for a priest and his pet. He's looking at me like I've lost it, actually a lot of people are, time for a change of scenery…

There's an alley between the plaza and the inn so I duck in there dragging Hakkai behind me. I don't know why my hearts in my throat, but I gotta say something; snap him out of this funk. Spinning I pin him against a wall and drop my head against his, foreheads touching, breaths mingling and shut my eyes, 'cause I don't want to know if I'm about to screw this up or not.

"'Kai…man, you gotta stop thinking about some things. I'm not going anywhere and neither are those two idiots. This may be the single most fucked up thing I've ever said but, we're your family, okay? And we're pretty damn indestructible at that, so just…chill, okay?" I can feel his shallow breath puffing out against my closed eyelids and it's comforting, knowing he's that close.


"I don't really know what you want, 'Kai; I'm not even sure I can help you get it, or give it to you, but I'm here. I'm here."

And that's the truth, I'm not sure even Hakkai knows what he wants, but if it's in my power, if I can help at all, I'll be there for him, because there's no one else I can see staying with me until I'm thirty, let alone forty. If we make it out of this thing alive, I'm not sure what will happen to us. I just know he's wormed his way into my heart and I can't picture him not being in my life.

"I know, Gojyo. I know." His hands clutching at the fabric of my shirt gives me an odd thrill and a sense of despair. Were we always this messed up, or only since we found each other and started this fucked up field trip to hell?

His breath is hot through the collar of my shirt and I realize it doesn't mater and I don't care. We'll face this life together, best friends or something more, neither one of us can see that far ahead just yet, but we'll be together. That much I do know.

It's a good two or three minutes before we push off from the alley wall, rounding the corner I hear Goku before I see them and for a heartbeat I squeeze Hakkai's shoulder just a bit tighter, just as a reminder. I pull away a bit, but not enough to remove my arm. There's bickering and comments about my perverted tendencies and how we shouldn't fight in the street, raised hands trying to placate and ear splitting shots of gunfire over the din. Normalcy in a bullet.

Walking back to the inn it seems like the bridge is just so far away now, but it's not, it's just behind the fake smiles and the extra bit of effort to stand just a little too close to each other and not actually say what we're thinking, because we're not sure if we're ready for that yet. So we go on, we joke, we laugh, we slam doors in freaky western priest's faces and above all, we touch, and stay together, because this screwed up little family is all we have. Even if we're not sure if it's all we need or want.

But that's okay for now. We're okay for now and that's all that matters.

We're family after all.