A/N: This is just a short, fun fic. Totally AU and OC moments, but it's just for chuckles. That being said, enjoy the fic.
"Would you turn off that damn music!" John yelled, trying to be heard.
Bobby frowned, turning down his newest Back Street boys' CD so they could speak to each other without yelling. "I honestly don't see how you guys dislike my boys! They're the best thing to grace my world!"
"Hey! What about meh? Ah'm the best thing ta grace ya world!" Rogue protested loudly from the back seat, leaning over and punching Bobby hard in the arm.
Bobby flinched. "Oh, uh, yeah. Of course. I meant the second best thing."
John shook his head at Bobby. "Your 'boys' are lame ass homos."
Remy chuckled. "Dat's why Bobby likes 'em."
Bobby turned in his driver's seat to glare at Remy, his face red with embarressment. Quick, gotta think of a comeback… "Shut up!"
Remy curled his arm around Rogue's midsection and pulled her closer to him, despite her death glare and struggles. "Y' jus' watch de road, homme. Remy'll take care o' y' fille."
"Let go of her!"
"Let go of meh!" Rogue struggled to push away from Remy, but Remy didn't let go. Instead, he yanked her closer and wound his hand to through her hair to the back of her head. Without hesitating, he brought their heads closer together and locked his lips with hers. Rogue struggled for another few seconds before ceasing her wild flailing and kissed him back. She pulled away before she could hurt him too much; her eyes came away replicas of Remy's.
"He is a better kisser dan y'." Rogue admitted, unconsciously speaking with Remy's thick accent. Her eyes were glazed over and she was smiling softly, obviously lost with the sensation of Remy kissing her.
"THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!" Bobby jerked back, attempting to strike Remy while keeping his other hand on the wheel. Remy easily evaded.
"Oh, y' hush. Everyone knows dat y' kiss Kitty all de time." Remy replied easily.
"WHAT?!" The car jerked as Rogue jumped over the seat, crashing into Bobby as she began pummeling him.
"Rogue! I'm trying to drive!" Rogue head-butted him as Bobby slammed on the breaks, throwing Rogue forward against the windshield.
"Now this is my kind of show!" John leaned back against his seat, enjoying the scene. When Rogue tilted, her shirt dipped just far enough outward so that he could…
A terrible crunching noise was heard outside the car. "Who de hell gave Bobby his license?" Remy questioned from the back, opening the door. Rogue was blocking the windshield; they couldn't see what Bobby had hit.
"Nobody did." John absently commented, opening his door too.
Bobby and Rogue weren't following the other's conversation. "Y' cheatin', son of a bitch! Ah hate y'!" Remy's accent mixed with Rogue's in her anger. She looked ready to pounce on him again.
"What?!" Bobby desperately tried to turn the conversation around. "What about you! You just kissed Remy!"
"He kissed meh! Dere's a big difference!" Rogue made to grab at Bobby, but he slipped out of the car before she could do so.
Outside, rather than inspecting what they had hit and the damage, Remy and John were inspecting the backside of Rogue through the windshield. "She must do some kind of exercise further than the Danger Room…look at that ass."
Remy chuckled. "I dunno, homme. She got all de right curves, but her butt is kinda big. Better dat way, o' course, very nice view we got."
Bobby fell out of the car, horrified at his best friends' speculations. "Hey! Stop that!"
Remy came around to his side of the car, still grinning. "What?" Remy asked innocently. "Remy not doin' nothin'."
Bobby made to help Rogue out of the windshield and out of the car, but she just pushed him away. "REMY! Help meh, y' stupid Cajun!"
Remy also pushed Bobby out of the way. "My pleasure, cherie." Bobby, offended that his girlfriend was asking for Remy, took Remy's old position in front of the car, watching Remy help Rogue out.
"Can you believe that?" He complained, glaring at Remy harshly.
"Seriously." John agreed. "She's a ten. She's got the perfect ass!"
"I know! The stupid-Wait, what?" Bobby turned and followed John's eyes, seeing that he was closely watching Rogue. "Bastard!" Bobby jumped on him.
Remy extended a hand courteously and helped Rogue out of the car. His arm flew around her shoulders as soon as she was out and he hugged her close to his side. Rogue let him, she was too angry at Bobby to care about his feelings. Let him watch and suffer, the cheater. After a minute, his hand significantly dropped and he pinched her butt. "Hey, Cajun! Watch it! Y' don't get de whole package! Don't push y' luck." Remy's arm returned to her shoulder.
"Okay, too fast. Remy understands. Sorry, chere." Remy guided her to the front of the car where John and Bobby were wrestling on the gravel. Her red on black eyes moved over to the animal carcass of what they had hit. A dead deer lay besides the two wrestling boys, eyes gently closed, motionless.
Rogue gasped and dropped to her knees, staring at the animal in horror. "Bobby, y' killed it!"
Bobby temporarily stopped punching John to glance over his shoulder at her. "Huh?"
He was punched in the face and toppled sideways. John pushed him entirely off him and moved to the other side of Rogue, staring at her, but pretending to share her sympathy for the dead animal. "Yeah, jeez Bobby. How could you? It's just an innocent little animal, a baby deer, in fact. You disgust me."
Rogue nodded, not noticing that he wasn't really concerned about the deer. She looked up and her glare locked on Bobby. "How could y' do such a thing?"
Bobby's jaw dropped. "ME?! Wasn't it you who jumped on top of me and impended my vision?!"
But Bobby was outnumbered. "Dat not cool, homme. Y' should be ashamed o' y'self."
Rogue wiped at her eyes, where tears had started to form. "We need ta give it a proper burial."
"Y' right, cherie." Remy agreed tenderly. Then, more forcefully, "Bobby, put de carcass in de trunk." He pulled Rogue to her feet and into a warm hug.
"What? Why me?"
"'Cause you hit it, jackass!" John spat at him, as if disgusted. He stood and wrapped his arms around the back of Rogue, hugging her from behind while Remy hugged her from in front.
Rogue sniffed, her head buried in Remy's chest. She could feel the heat radiating from his body. It actually felt good to be so near him. Remy had never been afraid of her mutation. He challenged it, actually. "Ah don't know what Ah'd do without y' two."
Bobby stared; slack jawed with jealousy obviously coloring his eyes as his two best guy friends led his girlfriend back to the car. They all sat in the back seat, putting Rogue between them. Rogue had never let him get that close. Granted, he was a little afraid of her mutation, but still.
Rogue turned to him and her eyes locked on his momentarily. Bobby hated seeing Remy's eyes on Rogue, hearing his accent on her only made it that much worse. Rogue's gaze faltered and fell away from his as Remy started tickling her. Pretty soon, she was buried under the two forms of the older men. Bobby's jaw tightened.
He stared down at the carcass for a few minutes before trying to lift it up. He fell right back down under the weight of the thing. He'd never been too strong during gym class. Bobby iced a pathway under the deer for it to follow and eventually led it up to the trunk. He pushed the deer in and closed the trunk. The car wasn't damaged too badly, just a little dent. Resentfully, he climbed into the driver's seat and glared back at Remy, who he blamed for starting the whole thing.
"Green be Remy's favorite color too! He loves y' eye color, chere."
"Really? Aww Remy, that's so nice of y'! Bobby never compliments meh."
"Dat's jus' 'cause he's gay, Roguey." Remy explained simply. "Y' better off without him."
"Ah thought gay guys noticed that kinda stuff."
John shook his head. "Not when you're gay like Bobby. He's a special kind of gay, an uber gay that makes it all the worse. He doesn't even have those respectful complimenting skills that other gays have. He's like, a Back Street Boy gay."
Bobby gritted his teeth. "I'm right here, guys."
John barely gave him a glance. "We know." He turned back to Rogue, "So, Rogue-" Bobby didn't want to hear any more. He turned up the music so high that it hurt his ears and he made sure the base pulsated the whole car before returning home. The drive home was a noisy one, filled with yelling. Bobby ignored it.
When they got home, everyone piled out of the car. Rogue was holding her hands to her ears, glaring at Bobby again. "Thanks fohr makin' us all go deaf, Bobby! Now, take that dead deer ta the back so y' can bury it for good!" Bobby couldn't exactly make out everything she said, his ears were ringing too much. He caught 'Us' 'Bobby' 'dead' 'bury' and 'for good'. His heart sunk.
"Rogue no, come on! I'm sorry! I'll stop kissing Kitty, I promise!" Rogue turned and stalked off. Remy gave him a pointed look at the trunk, then beyond the mansion. He proceeded to follow Rogue, as did John. Bobby didn't completely understand.
"Does he want me to take the deer inside?" Bobby didn't know what else he could have meant. He puzzled at Remy's lack of sense, but then popped open the trunk and began forming an ice-pathway to the front door of the mansion and inside.
Rogue burst through the door and made her way to the kitchen. On the way, she passed the common entertainment room and was held up. One of the little kids, Cannonball, intercepted her and stepped in her path. "What do ya want?" She barked, irritated.
Cannonball looked down shyly before smiling and glancing back at Rogue. "Is Mystique really your mommy?"
Rogue's incredulous stare lifted from Cannonball to the television above him. X-Men Evolution was playing. "How many tahmes do Ah gotta tell ya?! That stuff is all made up! Ah'm not a goth, ah'm not internally scarred, ah do not lihke Scott, ah would never lihke anyone they put meh together with in that show, mah hair is not short, red, or ugly, Ah do not have an attitude problem, and mah accent is not that evident!"
John shook his head. "I don't know, you're accent is pretty evident Rogue."
Remy came up behind her, lightly putting his hand on her shoulder. "Y' accent is cute."
Rogue turned, touched by his kind words and sweet gesture. Bobby never told her that her accent was cute. "Aww, thank ya, sugah." Remy gave her a quick peck on the lips, which she returned.
Cannonball's jaw dropped. "Oh my God, guys it's true! Remy and Rogue do get together!" There were a series of gasps from near the television. "I knew they based those shows on actual facts!" Cannonball raced away before Rogue could respond, presumably to inform the whole mansion about his recent discovery.
"The little brats." Rogue mumbled. Remy grinned.
"What?" Flash was in front of her now. Rogue was past irritated.
"Uhm." He was hesitant of her bad mood. He had just seen Rogue go crazy and lose control of her powers on X-Men Evolution and was afraid of it happening. "Why is Bobby dragging a dead deer in here?"
Rogue spun around to see Bobby hauling in the deer by one of its front legs. "Phew, this thing really stinks!" He commented absently, not noticing the incredulous stares of everyone around him.
"That's a skunk, retard." John was the first one to zap out of the trance.
"Bobby, what the hell do ya think ya doin'?"
"Remy told me to bring the deer inside."
"No he didn't!" Remy protested, Rogue joined his chorus.
"No he didn't! And even if he did, ya shouldn't be stupid enough ta listen! If Ah knew how dumb ya were durin' our relationship, Ah would have broke it off years ago!"
Bobby dropped the deer's leg and came up to Rogue, taking her hands in his. "Hey, Rogue, I'm sorry about that. Can't you just forgive me?"
Rogue ripped her hands out of his grasp. "No!" She turned. "Remy, John, escort meh ta mah room." Remy took one side and John took the other, both grinning stupidly back at Bobby. Flash's eyes widened.
"The process has already begun!" He raced off.