"Bye uncle gadget" said penny, "See you next summer!" Penny was now 18 and going off to college. This was fortunate for penny as Gadget had stopped the inspection business years ago. Without a job in which to use his mechanical prowess he had become incredibly lazy. He spent all his time playing online poker and ripping it to skin mags. He provided no income leaving Penny's job at the Woody's bar and strip club as their only means of income (she got a job their because the owner saw something special in her. Himself, to be exact) Going to college would finally get her away from Gadget, and that maybe he would get his act together.
Gadget had been dreading this day. He knew Penny wouldn't live with him forever, he knew she would go to college. All those growth anti-growth pills and idiot sorbets he'd been feeding her hadn't stopped her from growing up, much to his chagrin. And now she was leaving. But he didn't show that he wasn't sad, no. He had the face of a man, a man who had to personally kill, clean up, and bury his own children, which; knowing gadget, was something he might do. As she left on the bus he and brain stood in their lawn. "Wowzers," said Gadget. Brain knew this was rough for him; gadget had never had any true friends save him and penny. He patted Gadgets shoulder, just to let him know someone cared. "There goes an ass that just won't quit" lamented gadget. Brain never did like Gadget; he'd always thought he was dick.
With no money saved up and his meal ticket gone, Gadget had to find a new way to earn money. In time of confusion gadget would got to the one place were knew were people were always serious and sanity was the mainstream, the internet. His favorite virtual hangout was .com were he and posse of fellow full time poker players ruled the fucking school (they didn't really rule the school, they were all losing in others poker rooms, so eventually they found each other. Since none of them were any good, they played with each other, knowing their was a chance that they might win.)
All the usual gang was their, attempting their best at having a tough online persona. They mostly talked about how big their dicks were and how often they beat their wives and or girlfriends, suffice to say; they were to epitome of the basement dweller. They were in the middle of a set when gadget chimed in to Hurd Surf, their online poker room. His screen name was RustyDick69, a name that he was particularly proud of. The other members of this cesspool of sadness were Sex_Muscle, Spursfanforever49, FiStYcUfFs, FullMetalDildo, and CorporalCapeman. After a few bum hands RustyDick69 told his friends of his plight. They told him to keep on keeping' on, to keep on truckin', and various other statements of inspiration containing words that end with an apostrophe.
Eventually Sex_Muscle thought up an idea to cheer RustyDick69 up. The group would have a real poker match party at RustyDick69's house. They would bet real money and eat pretzel's and zinger's and wing-dings. Everyone would have a great time and RustyDick69 would forget at his problem and finally have some fun. Most of the group was opposed to this as all had an excuse as to why they couldn't come. SpursFanForever49 said he had to feed his parakeet RuPaul (aka jerking off). FiStYcUfFs said he had to water his patagonias (aka jerking off, also; not a flower). Corporal Capeman said he would be too busy jerking off (not true, as he was very chaffed from too much jerking off). Eventually with the promise of Toblerones and Nesquik, it was decided the event would happen on Saturday at 8 o'clock sharp.
Gadget was waiting attentively for his guest to arrive. He had never personally met any of them in his life. The only information he had about them he got from their MySpace accounts, which of course were built on thrones made from lies. He was extremely surprised to find out that they were all people he knew. SpursFanForever49 was actually Chief Quimby, gadgets old boss. FiStYcUfFs was Dr. Claw and FullMetalDildo was M.A.D. Cat, his old mortal enemies. Sex_Muscle was Brain, who lived in his own house. CorporalCapeman was in fact Corporal Capeman, gadgets old sidekick. At first everyone felt a little bit awkward, what with most of them having a deep seated hate for each other. Eventually after a few dirty jokes involving bears everyone started to warm up to each other. The cards were dealt, the poker faces were donned, the game, she was afoot.
They might of sucked hard on the internet, but in real life, with real cards, on a real table, they sucked harder than a presidential intern. None of them had a straight poker face, and most of them had the habit of wiggin' out and screamin' like a horny baboon whenever they got a good hand. This was fine when they were by themselves, but when playing with others it usually informed others of your current set. Everyone was losing money and almost all hands ended with a fold. Tensions were rising and people were getting ready to leave, wishing they had never left their humble abodes. That's when Brain got an idea.
"Why don't we up the anti" said brain. The others were bored and willing to try anything to spice up this dullard of a game. "Let's turn this into a game of strip poker." The others looked at each other sheepishly. They had never been naked in front of another person before save gadget who commonly dropped his trousers in public to get his jollies. Eventually they all agreed believing that it would take e long time for any one person to get completely naked and that most would probably get tired and leave before the game was through.
Within five minutes everyone in the room was ass naked. It had surprised them all how much worse they were with the promise that someone (in this case everyone) would end up naked and humiliated. Brain had also failed to take into account that everyone in this room was a man. Everyone was feeling awkward, as they were now members of a traditional German Sausage Fest. People were about to leave with excuses that "Their animals were getting cold" or "My biscuits are mixing with my gravy" When something terrible happened.
Everyone in the room got unanimous boners. They were trying to hide there shame, some covering it with their hands, others shoving it between their legs. Gadget retracted his into his body like a rhinoceros. As they were shuffling to get their clothes back on Quimby tripped over Gadgets foot, releasing his dick from between is legs and landing it right in M.A.D. Cats butt hole.
M.A.D. Cat let loose a horrible scream. Quimby was trying to get his dick out of M.A.D. Cats Chocolate Starfish, but it was too tight. Quimby was pulling and twisting and trying his hardest too dislodge it, but it was stuck tight. He yelled at Gadget to find some butter or margarine or some other substance that would work as effective lube. Gadget hurried to the kitchen, leaving everyone else to keep watch of the special patients.
The others were trying to keep a straight face for as long as they could, but the sight of a mustached mans with his dick shoved up a cats poop shoot was more than they could bear. It started with a chuckle, which lead to a laugh, which turned into a full blown guffaw. They were laughing their asses off. Quimby and M.A.D. cat felt even worse, so in a fit of revenge Quimby coaxed M.A.D. Cats rubbery beat stick into Corporal Capeman's Coal Shaft. Corporal Capeman whinnied like a seahorse, releasing a bit of spooge onto his shoes. In retaliation Capeman stuffed his spicy pepperoni log into Brain's dirt pipe. Brain wigged out and in a fit of Rage shoved his Ruby Quarterstaff into Dr. Claw's Claw hole. Without realizing it they had formed a perfect man train (save that one of the members was a cat and another was a dog.)
Gadget returned into the room with a tub of lard to find his guest performing an unnatural version of the Chattanooga choo choo. Surprised by this he accidentally through Lard all over everyone. This lube made it easier for everyone to pul out, but by this time everyone had begun to like the sex. People were oozing and goozing inside each other, causing multiple orgamss to be had by all. Gadget didn't know what to think so, he did a monkey dance of to the side for a while. Eventually he decided to join in the fray. "Go go gadget Tentacle rape!" Instantly a myriad of robotic worms came forth from sonic special place. They began to furious fuck everyone of his house guests in all of their orifices. Unfortunately Gadget was a robot and didn't understand simple human emotions, like pain. His trouser trombones were ripping the others apart. They were screaming and begging for Gadget to stop, even though they thought it felt really good.
After a few days Gadget realized that his fuck buddy's were dead. Even more he realized he was shit naked with his multiple dicks shoved into the various holes of three dead men and two dead animals. Even more the whole room was covered in blood, semen, shit, oil, and lard. It was then that penny entered the house. "Uncle Gadget, I forgot my tampons" she said before screaming at the sight of true terror. Seeing Brain dead was more than she could bear, so in retaliation she pulled out her tazer and shot gadget square in the nards. What she didn't realize was that the whole house was covered in various mixes of liquid and pseudo liquid solid. Immediately she was shocked with a high amount of voltage, so much that the her own and the corpse's skins melted off like the Germans in Indiana Jones. Gadget was charged to the point that most of his transformers blew. In his last moments alive he looked at the trouble he had caused. In his last breath he said to the world
He then shit his pants a sprayed man butter all over the place.