The glowing sphere was leaving. The nanites, those horrible killing "things", were soon disappearing. Helen and Jacob looked at their savior, Klaatu, with looks of gratitude.
"W-Wait, Klaatu!" Helen called out, reaching her hand out to the alien as if trying to grab him.
Klaatu sighed in frustration and whipped his head around. "WHAT?!" He shouted angrily, putting his hands on his hips in a very feminine fashion.
"I-I…love you!" Helen cried as she ran up to Klaatu in slow motion and embraced him in a hug.
"AAAWWW!!!!" Said an invisible audience.
"BBBLLLLLAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Jacob shouted, throwing his arms in the air and doing the tango with Paris Hilton.
Klaatu groaned and pushed Helen off of him. She fell to the ground dramatically and hit her cheek against the grassy earth. OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!11
"LOL, I mean, OW! Klaatu! That hur-!"
"SHUT UP, BITCH!" Klaatu slapped Helen across the face. "There is only one true love for me, and that's….GORT!"
GORT suddenly came back to life.
"I love you, GORT!" Klaatu shouted as he ran up to GORT and tightly hugged one of his gigantic-ass legs.
"YAAAAAYYY!!!" GORT cheered as he flew into space with Klaatu still hugging his leg. The nanites were bored, so they decided to leave, too.
"This is stupid," Jacob said as Klaatu and GORT disappeared into the sky.
"No, you're stupid!" Helen replied back, then slapped Jacob across the face.
"What the hell?! What's your problem, muthafuckah?!" Jacob cried as he punched Helen in the stomach.
"Er….shut up…er…bitch….and, um….bend over!" Helen tried attempting what Klaatu had told her countless times to get her to obey, but she just wasn't as bad-ass as him, so she could never say it right.
"What? Why would I bend over? YOU'RE A WOMAN!" Jacob punched Helen in the gut again and she fell to the ground.
"MAKE ME A SANDWICH!" Helen yelled as she held her stomach in pain.
"YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!" Klaatu shouted from "above".
Helen looked into the sky and waved at nothing.
"Goodbye, Dracula." Helen whispered. Tears formed in her eyes and were streaming down her cheeks.
She then grabbed Jacob and threw him off a cliff, where a hungry gingerbread man kidnapped him and gave him to Willy Wonka.
"HE'S MINE NOW, BITCH! NEH HEH HEH HEH!" Cried Willy Wonka, pointing to an Oompa Loompa who just gave birth.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!