Cursing, slash implied, sexual references, drug references, drug usage, violence, references to God—and jokes made about God—and bad plot lines[^_^]. If you don't like any of these things, then don't read. Don't message me saying that I went too far, because it will just piss me off and I will ignore you.
I own nothing.
P R O L O G U E
[How Scream For Me Came To Be: A Brief History]
AND SO IT IS WRITTEN...
...that in the beginning God created heaven and earth...and then he got bored so all of this stuff happened:
[1ST DAY] God said, 'Let there be light,' but that wasn't as big a deal as the creation of Michael Myers, who would later become the Last Flowerchild's whore...
[2D DAY] Oceans and all that good, life-giving shit was made, but that paled in comparison to the birth of Jason Voorhees.
[3D DAY] There was ground and the sky, but more importantly there was Freddy Krueger.
[4TH DAY] The sun, moon, and stars became visible, but no one really cared, because Ghostface was made.
[5TH DAY] Blah, blah, blah, fish and birds happened, but all that stuff is boring. More importantly, God invented the internet, because everything else was starting to bore him again...
[6TH DAY] Animals and men and women were created because God wanted something besides the whole universe to watch...so then he invented Youtube and video cameras.
[7TH DAY] Everything else was made and miracles happened and all that good shit, but then God decided that he wanted something good to read, so he made . Then there came the Last Flowerchild, and she brought to all the people weed and drugs, because—she doesn't need a reason.
And then the greatest inventions in the world happened: fanfiction and, with the help of the video camera, horror movies.
Episode 1—The Cube
:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [PART I] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::
"Just give me the motherfucking pizza!" Freddy Krueger yelled as Pinhead snatched a slice of pepperoni pizza from his clawed hand.
"No! It's mine now!"
"I had it first! It's mine!"
"What about me?" Ghostface asked hopefully.
"Shut the fuck up, you stupid Fuckface!" Freddy screamed angrily as he attempted to yank the pizza from Pinhead's hand.
On the other side of the room Jason Voorhees turned the volume up on the TV. Next to him Michael Myers pouted moodily. The rest of Pinhead's remaining crew—the Chatterer and Butterball—sat on the floor, their ugly, misshapen faces expressionless. Michael and Jason exchanged glances, both knowing that this was the fifth fight that Freddy and Pinhead had gotten into this week. Although silent killers never talk, they usually write notes to each other. So, finding themselves pieces of scrap paper, they began to write.
The only problem with this was that, oddly enough, Michael Myers was not a good speller...or thinker...
Jason:You think that they'll ever stop fighting?
Michael: I doubt it. Freddy is just so pissy that he can't get along with anyone.
Jason: Yeah, well, you're not the easiest guy to get along with, you know.
Michael: I am to! I'm gr8t!
He rolled his eyes and let out a scoff. Yeah, you're a real gem, always having to have your shampoo separate from ours, spelling 'great' with the number 8, and eating that gross raw fish stuff...
It's sushi! Michael wrote, beginning to become defensive. It tahstes good and uou guys don't even give it a chance.
Jason: Yeah, I'll be telling you that when you die of food poisoning...and by the way, did you just spell the word 'you' U-O-U?
Michael shrugged and glanced back at the paper; he nodded and wrote, Yeah, so?
Seriously? You really don't see a problem with that? That isn't even close to Y-O-U!
No it's not, Michael wrote, because you can't be close to a word. Duh.
Jason narrowed his eyes and scratched down on the paper, What the fuck are you even talking about?
They continued going back and forth—they had been known to do it for hours, but now something stopped them; the sound of submission. Pinhead finally grew silent and stopped shouting obscene things at Freddy.
"Fine, Krueger! You want the pizza? Take it!" he said, letting go of the slice. He tried his best to look defeated, but a grin was forming at the corners of his pierced mouth.
The rest of the slashers stared, absolutely flabbergasted, as Freddy devoured the pepperoni pizza slice, his burnt and blackened teeth glistened. Once he had finished, he turned to the other killers with a broad smile.
"There, you see? I win. I always win."
"But what about me?" Ghostface whined, "I was the one who ordered the pizza!"
Pinhead's smile faded. "Hey, Ghostface, do you think that it would be too much trouble to shut the fuck up?"
:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [PART III] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::
The rest of the night passed without much incident. The morning, however, was nowhere near as peaceful. Freddy awoke to the sound of shattering glass.
"Wazzat? Goztfaz? Ya bok da batroom mi'rr gain?"
"No, Kruger. Ghostface isn't here."
"What 'bout that queer, Michael?"
"Gone to, I'm afraid."
Freddy rose to his feet. Things were not right. "What about Leatherface?"
Pinhead narrowed his black eyes. "Leatherface is still living in Texas. You know that, Krueger."
"Yeah. I know." Freddy said as he grabbed the milk out of the refrigerator.
Pinhead rolled his eyed disdainfully. "What the fuck are you talking about?"
He shrugged passively. Pinhead sighed, "Hey, listen. It's almost the Chatterer's turn in the bathroom. You'd better go use it quick."
"Crap." Freddy said as he shoved the milk carton into Pinhead's hands and raced to the bathroom.
Once he locked the door and turned around, he was greeted with the sight of millions of broken mirror pieces."Shit!" Freddy yelled loudly, "Pinnnnnheadddd! Someone broke the mirror!" as he bent down to gather the broken pieces, something caught his eye. A cube of made of what looked like bronze with hundreds of little engravings on it. Freddy recognized it instantly. "Pinhead!You left your god damn cube in here! You better get your sorry ass in here, cause I'm not picking that shit up!"
But his complaints were turned into screams as chains shot out of the little cube and dug into his skin. They twisted and tore, tearing chunks of his burnt skin. After the pain, there came a blinding flash of light, and before Freddy could do anything else, he was sucked into the cube.
:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [PART III] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::
Once Freddy opened his eyes again all he saw were brick walls stained red with blood. The floor was also made of stone and ice cold. Without thought, he cursed. Where were everyone else? Were they trapped in this hell too? A shadow flashed in the corner of his eye. Freddy decided that it was best to go on alone.
Pretty soon he had gotten a hell of a headache; no matter how far he walked, the echoing sounds of chains could be heard, and occasionally a horrible scream. All he could think to do was to sit down on the floor. It was hopeless. There was nothing here other than stone walls and shadows, or at least that's what he thought before an annoying, nasally voice spoke.
"Pssst... Kruger? You okay?" Ghostface whispered as he approached him cautiously.
Freddy cursed. Really? Out of ever single fucking person in the world, it had to be Ghostface, that stupid, pansy-assed motherfucker...
"Yeah, I'm here, Fuckface. What's up with you? Find Jason or..." he frowned in thought and finally came up with, "...or the other one whose name I can never remember."
Ghostface nodded and plopped down next to him, along with Michael and Jason. Michael passed him a piece of paper that read, You think that there is a way outta here?
Jason: I doubt it. Krueger pissed Pinhead off so bad last night, I don't think he'll ever let us out of here.
"Wow, don't be overly optimistic or anything. There has to be a way outta here. I still wanna make a fool of Pinhead one last time before I send his sorry ass packing." Freddy said, distractedly snipping at the hem of his pants with his metal claws.
Ghostface snickered. "Yeah, I think someone finally pulled one over one you, Krueger. I think we'll be in here for a long time."
Freddy glared over at him and said, "Please, you stupid motherfucker. Nobody ever pulls one over on me. Never. The only thing that I'm confused about is how Pinhead trapped the rest of you here. I thought you were smarter than that, Myers."
Jason stifled a laugh and wrote: Michael can't even spell 'smart'.
Yes I can! He scribbled back. S-M-E-H-A-E-A-R-T-A-H.
Ghostface repeated to himself, "Sme-heart-ah? Jason, you're saying that Myers isn't sme-heart-ah? Cause I couldn't believe that." and he started laughing insanely. The only person who wasn't laughing was Freddy; he was too busy thinking of a way out.
Michael rolled his eyes and wrote with some air of smugness, I know that I'm smart. Try not to be jelly-yas. Anyways, like I was saying, it was early, I had to do my business in the bathroom, it was almost the Pinhead's turn, so I let my guard down just for a second.
Jason: That's what happened to me, too.
Once Ghostface had managed to get himself under control, he said, "Same for all of us."
At this point Freddy began laughing. The others stared at him, all seeming to be quite confused. When he finally pulled himself together the said, "Well, looks like I finally pulled one over on Pinhead." he dug in his pants pocket and brought out the cube. "I just realized that I had this! All we have to do is solve this bitch, then we're home free!"
Although Ghostface wore a mask, Freddy could tell that he had a skeptical look on his face. "That's a great plan in theory, but not only does it not make any sense what so ever, but-"
"Bitch!" Freddy exclaimed. "How does that not make sense?"
"Well, first of all, someone from the outside has to solve the cube to open it. Second, how is it that we're trapped in the cube, but the cube is still in your pocket?
"I...uh..." he took a second to think about it then shrugged and replied, "Well why are you still alive, you stipid dick-face? Stop poking holes in my wonderfully thought out plan and-"
Jason: Do you even have a the slightest idea on how to solve it?
Kruger nodded delightedly. "Before they sent me to this hell hole to live with you idiots, I memorized all of the Hellraiser movies-even bought myself a fake cube to solve."
Jason: So you memorized all of Pinhead's movies?
He nodded enthusiastically.
He made a gurgling sound which, they all supposed was intended to be a scoff or chuckle and wrote on a slip of paper,You are fucking nuts!
"Ahh," Freddy said, smiling, "but that's where you're wrong, Voorhees! I'm a genius! I-"
"That's not an exaggeration at all." Ghostface muttered.
"—I knew that you would have a problem with me, Voorhees, after our last little encounter. I knew that you would want revenge after I-"
Michael: But didn't Jason beat you?
"-whooped your ass, so I studied your movies to know how I could kill you, and then Micheal's, Ghostface's, and Pinhead's."
Michael: It was smart, really. I never thought to do that. Now if he wants too he could kill us all. Hmm...that's not very comforting...
Freddy nodded and stared smugly down at the cube he held in his burned hands. His smile faded into something like panic. The other slashers watched him intently as he twisted a section of the cube once, twice. Finally, though, his anger and confusion got the best of him, and he flung the cube against the wall. It clattered to the ground.
"That isn't the same cube...it's different!" he exclaimed in a panic. "It's got different pieces!"
Ghostface sighed in dismay. "Now we're never going to get outta here, you fucking retard!"
Jason rose to his feet and retrieved the cube. He cocked his head to one side as he observed it. Michael followed suit and then they exchanged glances. Michael snatched the cube; twisted it once, then twice. He passed it on to Jason. Meanwhile Ghostface and Freddy were yelling at the tops of their lungs, about how much they hated each other and listing the ways in which they wanted to kill the other one. Freddy smacked Ghostface in the face with his clawed hand. The slasher flew back against the wall, gripping his torn mask. He withdrew a knife from his theatrical black sleeve and shoved it deep into Freddy's chest.
The slasher removed the knife and yelled angrily, "Ghostface, you sorry motherfucker! I'll fucking murder you, bitch!"
Michael sighed, patted Jason on the shoulder, and went over to the other two slashers. As he tried to brake up the fight, Jason snapped the cube back into the correct place and held it up in the air victoriously. Freddy gasped and snatched the cube from him and cradled it in his crusty hands.
"How the hell? What the fuck did you do, you stupid motherfucker?" he cried happily. Ghostface rushed over and studied the cube himself, running his black, gloved fingers over it carefully. Michael cleared his throat.
It wasn't just Jason, y'know. I helped to.
Jason: Not really, Myers. If anything you just fucked it up more.
Ghostface laughed in his annoyingly high-pitched voice. "It doesn't matter who did it! We're as good as home now!" he said, spreading his arms wide, as if waiting to embrace the small, one-room apartment that they all shared.
But nothing happened. The slashers just stood there for about a minute before the looks of delight melted from their beaten and ugly faces. Michael scratched his head and took the cube back from Freddy's hands. Jason put his hands on his hips, looking as if he were deep in thought.
What do you think went wrong? He wrote. We solved it, right? Shouldn't we be home now?
Freddy gawked at the solved cube with and astonished look on his burnt face. "I-I...my plan! It was foolproof! It was my plan! It was perfect!"
Ghostface's astonishment changed into anger. He took the cube from Micheal's dirt-crusted hands and flung it against the wall, yelling, "Stupid motherfucker! Now we're totally fucked! What the hell are we supposed to do now?"
Michael went over, picked the cube up again, and ran his fingers over it tenderly. Jason furiously punched the wall, chipping it, and slumped down on the floor, pouting. It was then that Freddy let out a gasp and said, "H-hey Ghostface? You still got your cell phone?"
The masked slasher turned to him, breathing hard. "Yeah, so? It's probably all fucked up by now."
Freddy held out his hand. "Give it to me." Over by the wall, Michael couldn't help but chuckle.
Give it to me...he scribbled on a slip of paper that he passed on to Jason. Get it? Huh? What Freddy just said?
Jason rolled his eyes and wrote back: Shut the fuck up, Michael! Dumb bitch...
Freddy ignore them and snatched the cell phone. "Whaddre you doin'?" Ghostface asked, peering over the other slasher's shoulder and watching.
"Makin' a call..." Freddy muttered, punching in numbers. The phone rang...and rang...and rang...and rang...
Finally Pinhead's voice came on the other line, sounding desperate. "What-what? Hello? Hello?"
Freddy smiled and growled into the phone, "Hey Pinhead, is this you, you sorry motherfucker?"
"Freddy? Is that you?"
"Yeah, no shit Sherlock, now listen here, you dildo-licking motherfucker. We got your cube and-"
"I knew I'd lost it!" and his voice faded a little as Pinhead yelled, "See, Chatterer? I told you that I hadn't left it in my other pair of leather pants!" and then he came back to the phone and said, "Give it back. Now!"
"Now hold on there, dipshit. You gotta get us out first, and we'll sure as hell give you your cube. Just let us out."
Pinhead sighed. "Fine, Krueger! You can have your way...for now."
With a bright flash and more pinching pain from chains digging into skin, Freddy and the others were back in the small, one-room apartment that they had come to call home. Pinhead loomed above him, glaring down hatefully at him. Expectantly he held out his pale hand and beckoned. Slowly Freddy held out the puzzle box, but snatched it back mockingly.
Freddy shook his head and smiled. "Na-uh, Pinass," he said mockingly.
"What? But you promised! We made a deal!" Pinhead pleaded, his black eyes glittering in the morning sunlight. "I have to have my cube! It's my thing!" Behind him Butterball and the Chatterer stood, both looking rather bored with their master.
No one in the room really understood the attachment—and almost sick obsession—that Pinhead had with that stupid puzzle box. He slept with it at night, he hugged it to him, he kept it in the crotch of his leather pants...he bathed with it...anyways, only Freddy knew. Why? Because the first night that Freddy had slept in the stupid apartment with Pinhead and the others, he had noticed just how close the slasher had held that stupid cube.
Of course, no one had really picked up on this, only Freddy. And no one much cared, which is why Ghostface laughed and slapped Freddy on the back, saying gleefully, "Nice going Krueger! Guess you're smarter than we thought!"
"Don't touch me, Fuckface," he said, turning his attention back to Pinhead, "Now, I'm giving you thirteen seconds to tell me why I shouldn't send your sorry asses back into this fucking cube."
The Chatterer just stood there chattering and Butterball made an angry grunting sound and stared at Pinhead, who was beginning to sweat a little. "Well...umm...we-"
"To late!" Freddy exclaimed as he threw the box up in the air
The puzzle box hovered there for a second then chains sprung out of it and dug into Pinhead's pale skin. He let out an agonized yell as the hooks on the chains peeled flesh from muscle. He was sucked back into the cube, screaming and writhing. The Chatterer went quietly, but Butterball twisted and fought in a desperate attempt to get away. Once the cube fell from the air it clattered to the ground. Freddy snatched it up and pressed his grizzled ear close to it; he laughed wickedly.
The deep, demonic voice of Pinhead could be heard echoing from within the confines up the cube. "I fucking swear, Krueger, when I get outta here you will be fucking sorry!"
Freddy's smile faded as he lowered the cube from his ear and carefully placed it under a couch cushion. Ghostface gazed at him for a little while before sighing and letting his shoulders slump. Michael and Jason both exchanged tired looks and went to sit down at the old kitchen table.
Well, Michael wrote, guess that's over.
Jason: Yeah, but I'm pretty hungry.
Ghostface went over to where Freddy stood by the couch and bowed his head. "So...guess that's that, huh?"
Freddy nodded tiredly. "Yep. Three down, only you three dildos to go."
The slasher glanced at him alarmingly and hissed in his nasally voice, "What's that supposed to mean?"
He shrugged and turned to Michael and Jason, who were trying in vain to cook breakfast. "I mean that there's no way in hell that I'm living like this...forever?" he mumbled. The last word came out as a question, but Freddy quickly began shaking his head in denial. "Nope, no fucking way. Soon you're all gonna pay, but until then I only need to know one thing—who's turn is it in the bathroom?"
:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [END] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::
Here's how it's going to work; yeah, I will make a few cracks at God, at Twilight, at Miley Cyrus...Obama...whatever I type at the time. I don't script this shit, I just sit down and type, so I'm most likely not going to edit it out or censor it for your fragile little eyes unless it's really bad...and I mean really bad...
PLEASE NOTE if you have read one of the original, unrevised versions of Scream For Me, then know this—the new, corrected episodes will have new tidbits of conversation and also a few changes in the plot. They will be funnier, riskier, and just all around better than before. They will have a better flow, and appear better organized than the original episodes.
ANYONE NEW TO THE SERIES please know that I wrote the first good many of these episodes way back when I first started writing. They're not that good. They're full of repeating words and tragic errors and stuff that makes my stomach turn with embarrassment, but give it a chance. If anything, it'll give you a good laugh.
Thanks for reading.
:: : ::: :: : :: : ::: [REFERENCES] :: : :: : ::: :: : ::
 Yeah, I'll openly admit that I've always had a crush on Michael Myers.
This fact will become even more evident later. Sorry, but I do loves him.
And for the record, HE'S MINE. ^_^
 Pinhead's sort of henchmen. Offically called cenobites. Sorry, I tried to link images, but can't. Just Google it.
 No, any traditional non-talking slashers will never speak in Scream For Me.
They will either write notes or think their thoughts. It's just a tradition in horror that I honor.
 Pinhead loves leather...what can I say? Yummy...? Or not?
 One of my fav shows is Metalocalypse, so I might throw in some
references from there. Yes, I know what a dildo is, so don't ask. -_-
*[this episode has been revised]*