Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Twilight saga.
I feel a hole in the middle of my chest. I don't want to think of him. I really don't but I can't help myself at times and I know I'll have to pay later on. I hate my life now...without him I'm only a shadow of what I used to be. The only good thing about my life right now is Jake. He makes me feel like a person again, like myself. I enjoy the light and warmth he brings to my life, which is why I like spending time with him.
I was laying on my bed staring aimlessly up at the ceiling and feeling dangerously close to thinking too much about him. His cold skin...his bronze hair...his golden eyes-I shot up and jumped off the bed. This was close enough, I couldn't continue thinking or being alone. Jake was at school today down at the reserve but I had to get away. I put on my coat and ran downstairs. Charlie wasn't home to question where I was going. It wasn't like he would object anyway, he liked Jake and Billy.
I locked the door and got in my truck and drove. The window was open and the rain drops were splattering all over my left side but I didn't care, I was used to it. Eventually I slowed down and took my time to get to Jake's house. Once I was parked infront of it I was uncertain of what to do. Jake wasn't there but I'd already come all the way here. Oh I'm so stupid! What am I doing? *knock* *knock*
"Bella?," Billy's confused face peered through the car window at me,"Jake's not here.."
"Oh..I uh..I know," I rubbed my arms and smiled at him sheepishly. He smiled.
"Well it won't be long till he gets back...do you want to wait inside,"he asked.
I shook my head, "No, can I just wait for him in the garage?"
"Oh okay, sure. I'll tell him you're here when he gets home," Billy waved goodbye before going back inside on his wheelchair. I got out of the car and walked over to the garage Jake made for himself. I sat on the floor and sighed. Being alone completely defeated the purpose of coming here but being in this garage distracted me at least. It reminded me of Jake, awkward and unique yet wonderful at the same time...
Before I knew it I was being woken up (though I don't remember falling asleep) by a loud noise of something falling down. I looked up to see Jake jumping into the garage in an apparent frenzy, the trash can on the floor behind him. He took a few quick strides towards me, looking very worried.
"Jake what's wron-"
"Bella!," he sat on the floor beside me and embraced me. I realized he'd been worried about me...of course, if some friend randomly came to my house and looked half as bad as I probably did now I would be freaked out too.
"Jake, don't worry. I'm fine-," I pushed him off me a little but he kept his arms around me.
He looked down at me,"Bella, what's going on? Is something wrong? You could've gotten my dad to get me out of school to be here,you know."
"I'm fine! Like I was trying to say, I'm only visiting you. Nothing's wrong," I smiled but it felt strange and tight on my face. Jake looked at me suspiciously but dismissed the idea of questioning me. He knew...we both knew why I was here but we didn't talk about it and I was fine with that.
"You could've at least waited inside. It's getting cold out here with the rain," he grumbled. I looked down and played with my hands. I felt his eyes on my face. He sighed and gripped me tighter," Come on. What do you want to do?"
I shrugged, "Bikes?"
"Bella... I don't know about that...remember what happened last time?,"Jake hesitated.
"I'm fine now. Besides..I think the break's been long enough. It's been forever since I went to the ER, I think they're starting to worry."
"Jake! It's my bike! If you don't come with me then I'll go alone and you know it's better if you're there."
"*sigh* I guess you're right. Fine."
Jake took me to the same place as before and I practiced some more. I was pretty clumsy at it still but at least now it wasn't purposely. After awhile I stopped, it was the third time I fell off and I knew that soon enough the voice would come into my head. I couldn't risk it. Jake stopped beside me.
"Yeah...just tired of falling off."
Jake laughed,"Yea it's only been fifteen minutes and I've seen you on the ground more than on the bike."
I scowled at him playfully,"It's not fair. You can drive so well and we've had the same amount of practice."
Jake flashed his smile at me, so I inevitably smiled back."Come on."
"..O-on where?," I got worried.
Jake laughed again,"Here!," he patted the back of his seat.
"Oh I don't know Jake." With a swift movement he took a hold of me and placed me on the seat behind him, I yelped in surprise.
"Hold on," he said, leaning forward and taking off. I almost fell off but I quickly gripped his torso. It was difficult to hold on since his back was so wide. I didn't exactly understand why he was growing so fast. The wind and his hair were wipping in my face. This was different..it wasn't like flying...it didn't feel like I wasn't moving...this was different...it was bumpy and loud and exhilarating...this was Jake.
"Jake!!!,"I yelled when he sped up.
"WHOOO!," he exclaimed,"Come On Bella!!! Enjoy the ride! This'll probably be the only way for you to know how it feels to be on a bike more than fifteen consecutive minutes."
I laughed,"You're right." I gripped onto him tighter.
Jake eventually stopped infront of La Push. I got off and looked around, I didn't understand why but we always came back here to where he first told me the story about them. I shivered when a cold gust of wind passed by me. Suddenly I felt some heavy piece of clothing on me...it was Jake's coat.
"No it's fine. I'm fine. Come on, let's walk," Jake took my right hand in his and pulled me alongside him as he walked down the beach,"So..."
"How's school?," I asked.
Jake laughed loudly,"Terrible actually. I think I need some more of those study sessions to catch up on homework."
"Why? You haven't been building bikes or anything...."
He shrugged,"I guess my mind's been somewhere else lately...," he clenched his jaw.
"It's about Sam Uley isn't?."
"He's taken Embry and it's upsetting me and Quil. It isn't fair. I don't know what it is! What are they doing?," he rubbed his temples. I hated seeing Jake like this. I rubbed his shoulder soothingly.
"Don't beat yourself up about it. It is unfair...he had no right taking Embry into his gang," I scowled at the thought of Sam Uley and how he hurt Jacob like this.
We walked for a couple of minutes in silence, he was staring straight ahead with an angry expression on his face.
"Jake, I'm sorry if you're behind cause of me. I know that I've kept dropping by more and more often than before...I'm sorry."
Jake laughed,"Bella it's not your fault, trust me. I enjoy you being around..." He stopped abruptly and looked down at me into my eyes. He leaned in slightly and I took a step back. He sighed and said,"I enjoy it more than you know."
"Don't worry about it Bells." He hugged me and kept walking, I followed.
Before I knew it the sky was pink and the air was getting colder. "Let's go," he said.
Jake hopped on his bike and I hopped on behind him. He drove back to where my red bike was and loaded them both on the truck bed. He drove the car back to his house and we snuck the bikes back into his garage.
"Want me to drive you back?," he asked.
"No, it's fine I'll go by myself," I said.
"Alright. So next Saturday? Study session here?"
"Yea, yea," I smiled.
I got in my truck and drove away as Jake waved goodbye. It was very quiet but I knew not to look at the cavity where my radio had once been.
When I got home Charlie asked where I'd been as usual and I told him I'd been with Jacob.
"That's good. Jake's a good kid," Charlie muttered. I rolled my eyes as I cooked dinner.
"So you kids spending more time together soon?," he asked.
I nodded," We've got a study session Saturday."