Title: "We have angered Billy... this is not good!"
Written by: Shawn
Summary: Sick and tired of Tommy and Kim's endless day-long bickering, Billy banishes them to a deserted island to work out their dispute once and for all.
Rating: PG-13 Category: Humor/Romance Timeline/Spoilers: Two weeks post "White Light"
Ship: Tommy and Kim
Disclaimer: Uhm... a certain locale here, if the reader figures out where it is, doesn't belong to me anymore than these Power Rangers characters.
Authors Notes 1. A good friend of mine, Rapunzel, recently wrote a wonderful old-school PR fic that sorta inspired this. I advise you all to check it out.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."
-- Henry Kissinger
A "deserted" island
Thursday, November 2nd, 1994 6:00 PM
"WHY AM I STANDING ON A GIANT STONE FOOT!" Kimberly Ann Hart shouted, hands on her slender hips, and then with a pronounced stomp to said foot, she glared menacingly at her maybe-soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend on the beach. "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON BILLY I'M GOING TO TEAR HIS BALLS OFF!"
It never ceased to amaze Tommy the strange things that often happened in his life, and how whenever his girlfriend got really angry it usually led to a statement of how she would remove some part of the male sexual genitalia with brute force. He shivered from the mental image, and then gazed out over the gorgeous sandy beach before turning his attention back to the huge stone foot that seemed to have been part of a much bigger statue at one time. Now all that remained was a huge stone foot. One Billy saw fit to deposit Kim on five minutes ago. And if he wasn't so furious with her he'd probably smile and then kiss her. Maybe. Possibly. If he wasn't so freaking mad at her. "Will you please get down from there."
Ignoring the 'Jerk' as her mind now renamed him, Kim leapt off the big stone toe, hitting the soft sand with a perfect landing. While taking in her new surroundings, she had to admit the beautiful blue waters and endless coastline would have been very romantic under any other circumstance than being here with the 'Jerk'. A dense, towering forest sat behind them stretching for miles. Putting the area out of her mind, the Pink Ranger stalked toward her boyfriend and solidly poked him in the chest with a finger. "This is all your fault."
Hadn't he heard that enough today? The words were starting to give him a head ache. Tommy looked past her, which wasn't hard given her diminutive height. Better not mention that. She's in a balls tearing off kinda mood. And he tried to ignore how incredibly cute she was when she was angry. He mentally smacked himself upside the head for being so far gone that he thought her anger was cute. Sometimes being in love with a woman that drove you crazy could really suck. "I did nothing wrong, unlike you."
"You drove Billy to this," Kim asserted with another pink nail polish coated finger to the White Ranger's chest. "This is your fault. He was so annoyed with you."
"You're the one that hit him in the head with your shoe," Tommy countered her appalled expression.
"I was throwing it at you!"
Shaking his head at the lunacy of it all, Tommy blew out a quick breath of air and then shut his eyes. All afternoon long it had been like this. Them sniping at each other since the huge fiasco in the high school cafeteria. Their constant bickering all day long, followed by the shoe attack that struck Billy in the head led to the single greatest display of rebellious activity they had ever seen in the young man. He actually roared, "I AM INTENSLY EXHAUSTED DUE TO YOUR CONTINUED BICKERING OVER THE MISINTERPETED EVENTS OFTODAY. I AM SENDING THE BOTH OF YOU SOMEWHERE TO HASH THIS OUT FOR THE GOOD OF THE TEAM AND MY CONTINUED SANITY. GOODYBYE AND WATCH OUT FOR THE FRENCH LADY!"
The Blue Ranger then logged onto the Command Center computer, set the coordinates, and poof. They were promptly relocated to a nameless deserted island.
Tapping a foot in the sand, Kim stood with her arms crossed, counting backward to reign in her anger. It wasn't working. Even Tommy's sexiness wasn't lessening her frustration. No matter how tight his white shirt was, or the delicious-looking muscles tempting her teenage virginity, she was still pissed. She could not get the sight of the 'Jerk' kissing that other girl out of her head. She needed some mental acid to burn the image off of her subconscious. She would never say this out loud because it wasn't appropriate for a girl to say, but did he have a clue that if she were on her period she might have committed murder in front of a couple hundred of their classmates? Tina was so close to meeting the Grim Reaper she had no idea. "Look, since we were sent here against our will, we might as well at least settle this. I know we can act like mature adults and talk things out."
Exhaling deeply, Tommy nodded. She was his girlfriend after all. He did love her. Okay, secretly, he kinda worshiped the ground her little feet walked on. But she wasn't gonna know that today. "Okay, alright."
Once upon a time Kim's mom told her that the key to dealing with any species possessing the penal gland was to pretend to treat them equally while never forgetting you are superior. She stood her ground, set her shoulders, and titled her chin high. "Apologize."
Surely Tommy heard her wrong. His eyes narrowed. "What?"
"I said apologize."
"I date you, not take orders from you."
Kim poked his chest again. "If you want to continue doing one, you might want to start with the other."
Tommy's father once told him a pretty woman could take a man from calm and rational to straight-jacket mental patient in zero point five seconds. Wise words indeed. He didn't drink, doubted he ever would, but considered that women like his Beautiful could send a man there. Again, he tried to stay calm. "Kim, I did nothing wrong."
Taking a little leisure stroll around her 'jerk' of a boyfriend, Kimberly began detailing his unforgivable transgression. "Tina took a stupid bet from Kacey to come up and kiss you out of the blue. When she did you just stood there like a mannequin and let her eat your face for nearly six long seconds. Now go ahead. Insult me with your defense."
As twisted as her recollection of today's events were, Tommy recognized the real hurt in her warm brown eyes. It toned down his growing annoyance enough for him to not snap back at her. "I was standing there with Jason waiting for you and the others to come back to our table. When I turned around she just kissed me. It wasn't six seconds. It was barely two."
"It was six. I counted!"
"It was two. And her breath wasn't minty fresh either."
"Oh, so not only did you enjoy the six second kiss, but now you're insulting her breath?"
"No, I didn't enjoy it. I never said that. She kissed me. Not the other way around."
Her mom once said men were the reason ice cream, the Lifetime Channel, and foot massages came into creation. It was God's way of saying to women, 'Sorry'. That Ole Y-chromosome idea... yeah, that didn't work out to well. "You could have pushed her away."
"I did!" he argued to no avail.
"Sooner!" Kim stopped her pacing because she was growing dizzy from the circles she made. As it was, there was a sandy ring resembling a reservoir around Tommy. Her back was to him now as she tried to collect her thoughts. The sting of catching another girl kissing Tommy still ate away at her. She'd waited so long for them to be together. Truly, really together. And in one brief moment her heart almost stopped. "You let her kiss you and everyone watched." He moved before her, his hands falling to her slumped shoulders. Her eyes slowly lifted to meet his. She willed them not to cry.
The sheer depth of emotion he discovered in her haunted gaze made him all the more protective of her. Alas, his dad told him patience was required in all relationships. "Tina kissed me, not the other way around. I was momentarily stunned, and I then pushed her away. I did not kiss her back."
Kim noted softly, "You laughed."
"It was stupid and everyone knew it. It was a bet and she apologized after she did it," he explained in hopes that they were finally making progress. She seemed to be listening. "Newsflash Kim, we aren't the world to Angel Grove High and everyone doesn't know how official we are these days." Her expression softened even as his own began to scowl. "But what you did next, you did on purpose."
Kim sighed guiltily and then spun on her heel when a booming rumble sounded in the nearby forest, thundering the very ground beneath her feet. Looking into the forest, she swore she saw something moving... something big and... like a swirling cloud of thick black smoke. When her gaze reached her boyfriend, she found his eyes trained in the tree tops as well. "Tommy, did you just see..."
"Yeah," he noted quietly, backing away slowly and taking her hand in his. "What did Billy say about this place?"
"Well, as he put it, this is a mildly deserted island in the South Pacific Ocean. He said he found it a couple of months ago and has been doing a number of experiments here. He talked about how strange the island was, and how he was worried about airline flights flying to close to it. And something about a electromagnetic field nearby."
"Great, just great. I'm the leader of the Power Rangers and yet I'm kicked out of my own Command Center and sentenced to Gilligan's Island." Tommy kicked at some sand, then shoved his hands in his pockets. "Forget whatever that thing was."
"Sure. Forget the big scary thing that might kill us. That's a brilliant plan, oh fearless leader."
Yep, she was tap dancing on his last nerve. "Kim, you over-reacted to the Tina thing and out of anger walked over to Larry, sat on his lap and kissed him. How do you think that made me feel?"
It hurt him like she intended to do at the time, but now she felt guilty over his feelings. She never meant to cause Tommy pain. She loved him dearly and with all her heart. But at the time she just wanted to strike back at him. Now she felt bad about the whole thing. What she did really meant something to him and she could tell. "Okay... so maybe kissing Larry wasn't the best idea I've ever had."
"You think," he noted with a hint of sarcasm, still clinging to his ire. That was when she poked him again in the chest. A light little poke while favoring him with a beaming smile. It was their special way of beginning a apology without actually saying the word. He fought the curl of his lips as best he could. She just kept right on poking and he hated how much he loved it when she touched him. "You've been yelling at me all day."
He just about pouted. She almost laughed. "I'm not perfect on Thursday's," she shrugged.
It was easier fighting Lord Zedd than not laughing at her wit. His head turned and he cleverly hid a smirk behind a cough. "Now I have to kill Larry. At my trial I'm blaming you." That broke the damn of tension between them when her laughter lit up his world.
"I promise to not kill Tina if you promise to not kill Larry. Deal?" Kimberly extended her hand to shake.
Tommy kissed her.
And in a possessive way he'd never had the guts to do before. How she ended up in his arms, her small hands clinging to his shirt while their mouths made love, he wasn't sure. This spark of boldness was new, but he promised himself upon his return that Kim wouldn't wonder anymore about her place in his life. He loved her and she would know that from now on. And oh God could she kiss. Her tongue was curling around his so passionately he thought he'd lose his mind. Moist lips roamed in smooth circles, drawing them ever closer until things got so hot they had to break apart to breath.
Uhm... as far as 'baseball' went, they'd rounded second base three days ago. And that was enough for now. Home plate was still a ways off. But not so far that it wasn't in sight.
Blushing, her teeth nipping at her bottom lip, Kim wondered if she loved Tommy too much. He was just... he was hers. The first boy that was ever truly hers. Today's mishap showed they both had a ways to go maturity wise, but she knew that in this instance it was her a bit more than him that needed to be forgiven. "I'm sorry, Tommy. I apologize for going off and kissing Larry."
"You should know I love you enough to not want to kiss another woman. I actually sat through the Princess Bride with you four times. That's true love," he smiled, holding her in his arms, and then with a terrible Spanish accent quotes, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
One of the most popular lines from the movie. It made her chuckle against his chest, and then tickle his sides. "Your accent is atrocious," she teased, gazing into his eyes. "So am I forgiven?"
"Only if you forgive me for not taking what happened a bit more seriously considering your feelings. We're both at fault here."
"Okay, we're forgiven."
"You... you just decided for both of us? Just like that?"
"I girl-friended the moment."
"Girl-friended the moment?"
"Yes. It's when the girlfriend, possessing a firmer grasp on the reins of the relationship and its proper management decided to rule on a particular subject for the couple as a whole, disregarding the man's opinion at the time he feels he has one. I totally girl-friended the moment."
"And if I want to enjoy second base again some day I had better keep my mouth shut, right?"
"Okay then." Tommy smiled before pressing his lips to hers again, only to feel her draw away and stare at the sky. He followed her line of vision and watched a square wooden crate attached to a parachute softly landing twenty meters away. "What the heck!"
Bushes rustled in the forest as Kim caught sight of a haggardly dressed woman with long dark hair approaching the crated. She used some kind of metal prong to pry it open, and began going through its contents. "Dharma," she said, noting the name on the side of the crate. The woman ignored them as they slowly approached. "She may be in need of a bath, seriously. Do you think she needs help?"
"We'll soon find out." Tommy took the point until they were a few feet away from the crate. He didn't want to come any closer and frighten her. "Ma'am, are you alright? Do you live on this island."
The older woman looked up, clearly startled, and took a fast step backward. She eyed them suspiciously. "Qui tes-vous? O avez-vous venir?" (Who are you? Where did you come from?)
Kim and Tommy looked at each other, both a bit puzzled.
The woman glared, noting their strange clothing. Like the boy in blue. "Avez-vous sur cette le? tes-vous avec eux? Les autres?" (How did you get on this island? Are you with them? The Others?)
Feeling they had nothing to lose, Tommy knew he got a B in French last semester. "Kim, I'm pretty sure she's speaking in French. She must be the woman Billy was talking about. And she might need our help. I'm going to try and communicate with her." Kim nodded. He summoned all of what he remembered from his French class. "Mai, nous vous aider manger votre cheval?" (May we help you eat your horse?)
Titling her head to the side, the woman made a disgusted face.
"Okay, I asked her if she needed help. Let me try this." Tommy cleared his throat. "Avez-vous besoin d'existence? Orgie Nous voulons vous aider?" (Are you in need of existence? We orgy want to help you.)
"Orgy. Not in my lifetime," Kim joked. "Tommy, that didn't sound like the right word." The Pink Ranger was a bit worried. Especially when the French woman suddenly ran off into the forest. "Oh great, you scared the crazy French lady away."
"No I didn't." Tommy shrugged and then peered inside the crate. He saw black and white packed goods like crackers, short bread cookies, noodles, and cereal. He grabbed a bag of the cookies. "Dharma cookies. I've never heard of them before."
"Me either," Kim said while looking into the sky, wondering who would parachute food to this island and why. Maybe it wasn't so deserted after all. Then she heard munching. Turning around she caught Tommy with a mouthful of cookies. "Hey! We don't know what Dharma is! That wasn't made my Nabisco or Hostess. There are no Keebler elves on those packages. Dharma might make rat poison for all we know."
"But..." Tommy finished chewing, wiping away crumbs from his mouth. "They were air-tight sealed. They smell fresh. Want one?" He extended his hand with a cookie in it.
Kim just stared at her guy and realized fully and completely that he was just that. A guy. A simple guy. A typical do first, ask questions later sort of guy. But he was her guy and she wouldn't have it any other way. Shaking her head while wearing a smile, she noted the tiny pink light on her wrist communicator was blinking. Tommy's was too. It meant their teleportation controls were back and they could go home. "I guess Billy figures we're done making up. Its time to go, Cookie Monster."
"Oh I don't know. We could hang out here a little while longer. Maybe explore the forest."
"No. We're going home."
"Are you girl-friending the moment again?"
"Yes and you are leaving those cookies behind.... and the ones in your hand.... now swallow... wipe your mouth again... good boy." My mom told her it took her six years to train her properly train her dad from his pre-set Neanderthal ways to something resembling a grown adult male. The Pink Ranger hoped to whip Tommy in shape in half that time. He adored her and she knew it. Often, she never abused it. But sometimes...
"Let's go home, Beautiful." Sharing a final kiss, they clinked their wrist communicators as brilliant bursts of white and pink energy rocketed off into the sky.
PS: In case you were wondering and not a fan of the show "Lost," this was the island from that TV show.