This one's about Zero (fangirl LOVE…Zeki forever!!!) and his feelings for Yuuki. Oneshot songfic, angsty and fluffy all at once.
I don't own the characters of Vampire Knight. Matsuri Hino DOES.
"For You" Lyrics © Smile Empty Soul (You should listen to this song. Really.)
He pulled the trigger again and again, each bullet finding its mark directly in the center of the paper target hanging at the far end of the range. The silver haired vampire wasn't really one to pay attention to what "they" said, but "they" said he was good. Too good, even, and he supposed he had to agree with them when it came to his shooting prowess.
His thoughts were heavy this night, though lately, they'd been that way every night. The only thing that could bring him any peace when he got like this was to come down to the underground shooting range of the academy. He needed to be alone, though he didn't exactly want to be. But it was better this way. If she weren't near him, there would be no way he could bring her any harm.
He cursed under his breath for allowing a single thought of her permeate his mind, firing on the target once again until his Bloody Rose was unloaded. He didn't deserve to think of her, of how her laughter tapped into the wall he'd built around his heart. He didn't deserve to feel her gentle hands upon him, and he definitely didn't deserve to drink the sweet essence which flowed through her veins.
waited for you
I died inside my own head
and I'd die again for you
Disgusted with himself, Zero threw himself into a nearby chair, pain shooting through his chest at the mere thought of her blood. It was like some drug to him, and he was totally addicted, a fact that only repulsed him further. His longing for her had grown almost painful as of late. He realized that he'd always loved her, since Chairman Cross had brought him to live with them four years ago. Her gentle hands had tended to him that night, and for many nights after.
faded and tired
and I'd die again for you
Still, he knew how Yuuki felt about Kuran Kaname…or perhaps Yuuki herself didn't even truly know. Still, it tore him in two to see her with Kuran, the way he she looked at him, the way he looked at her. He could only seethe with jealously and rage before pulling her away…away from the man that he knew she loved more than she loved him.
kill me with the love that you won't give to me, give to me
and pack the wound with salt, I want to feel it bleed, feel it bleed
He knew that she harbored a not-so-secret crush on the Pureblood, but sometimes, with the way she touched him, it made him wonder if she were in fact torn between her opposing emotions.
'Wishful thinking', he thought to himself bitterly, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt, which seemed intent on restricting his breathing. How could she possibly feel anything for him, when all he did was hurt her? Each time he was near her, he could feel his innermost feral nature emerging, leaving him nothing more than a beast with a lust for her blood…her blood and so much more.
searching for reasons
to keep away the demons
and I'd die again for you
Even so, his favorite moments were those when she was near, where he could watch over her, keep her from harm. Ironic, he thought, how he was so intent on keeping her from the hands of Kuran, when he himself hurt her more than anyone.
wish you were near me
could feel it when you hear me say
I'd die again for you
But Zero knew what he wanted, truly wanted: to feel those gentle hands of hers, to be by her side always. He loved her so, but was entirely incapable of telling her, or even showing her how he felt. Could she ever feel the same, he wondered? Or would he always be just a friend to her? He knew his blood stained hands didn't deserve to touch her, and that he'd drawn her into something she never should've been involved in. She seemed so dense sometimes, oblivious to how he truly felt. But he didn't make himself very transparent, now did he? Always feigning annoyance and apathy when she was near. It was all an act, a ruse he acted out to keep her at a distance, though all he wanted was to reach out and pull her closer. But he couldn't. She could never love him, the monster he'd become.
kill me with the love that you won't give to me, give to me
and pack the wound with salt I want to feel it bleed, feel it bleed
You wanted me to crawl, so now I'm on my knees, on my knees
She really had no clue, how he would bring himself to beg for her to abandon her feelings for Kuran, and he was not the begging type. But he kept silent, her happiness more important to him than his own. He knew better than to long for her. It wasn't his place to do such a thing, and yet he couldn't help himself. He was a glutton for punishment, or so it seemed.
it always have to be me
that's always left out to burn and
I'll never learn
His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened with a moan, his head turning to deal a verbal beating to whomever had dared to disrupt his brooding. His darkened lavender eyes softened as he took in the sight of Yuuki standing there, picking absently at the hem of her uniform skirt. She took a cautious step forward as he rose from his chair, holstering his Bloody Rose.
"I thought you might be here," she said softly, taking another step towards him.
He couldn't move, couldn't speak. She was looking him through with those beautiful cinnamon colored eyes of hers, and they held more power over him than she could ever know.
"Zero? Are you alright? Do you need…"
"I'm fine," he snapped, immediately feeling like a heel for being so curt with her. This was what he was best at, he thought…pushing people away.
She seemed a bit hurt by his seemingly angry reply. Why couldn't he ever act happy to see her? Just once, she wished he would even offer her a smile. His smiles were quite rare these days, but she'd always loved seeing them. They were so much more suited to him than the scowls he usually wore.
She ventured forth further, coming to a stop not a foot from him, his lanky form towering over her. She craned her neck, her eyes seeming to stare into his very soul. He felt his will breaking down, his obstinate nature fading away to nothing as she looked at him, those gods be damned eyes tearing him down.
"You think I feel obligated to do it, don't you?" she asked, her question catching him a bit off guard.
"Yuuki, I don't want to discuss this. Just leave me," he said, turning back to the range and preparing to unload every emotion that was swirling within him through the barrel of his gun.
He went stone still as he felt her arms go about his waist, her body pressing into his back. He let out the breath he'd been holding, his eyes moving down to take in the sight of her small hands resting upon his stomach.
God, why? Why did she have to be so…
"You can't push me away so easily, you know. You should know by now that I'm not leaving you alone," she told him, her arms tightening around him.
She couldn't make it any easier, could she? It was times like these that he both cherished and dreaded. She was so close. Too close.
"Why do you do it?" he asked, his hand straying to cover one of hers despite his attempts to control himself.
She didn't seem to require any time to think about it, her answer swift.
"Because I want to…because you mean a lot to me, Zero," she told him, loosing her grip as he turned to face her once again.
His eyes startled her with their intensity, something in them she'd not seen before. She attempted to take a step back, though before she could, his arms were around her, halting her progress. She gasped as he pulled her flush against him, his head bowing over her as she stood wide eyed, unable to believe what was happening.
Zero was always so stoic and controlled, but this display of affection had left Yuuki breathless, though soon she found her arms going about him in return, clutching him as if he would fade away.
That's exactly what he would do, she thought, should she not provide him with her blood. If only he understood what lie in her heart. She was ashamed of herself, for feeling the way she did for both Zero and Kaname. She felt a certain allegiance to both, for both had saved her more than once. For that, she was grateful to each of them.
Yuuki could admit to the fact that she'd had a crush on Kaname since she was a child. She knew how he and Zero despised one another, and that it was mostly on her account. Though she had feelings for Kaname, she cared so much for Zero that it hurt her at times. For once, she wanted to see him free of his hatred, of the vengeance that ran so hotly in his blood. Despite his hard, cold exterior, she'd had glimpses of what lie within him. She knew how badly he hurt, how much he detested himself for what he was.
There was a softness to him as well, which he kept well hidden from the rest of the world, though she'd been privy to it at times since they'd known one another. It was that softness, along with the rest of the facets of him that she wished to preserve, and if it took her blood to do so, then she was fine with it. No matter what, Yuuki was determined to never give up on him.
"You can't care so much for me, Yuuki," he said, his voice thick with his own emotions.
"Why not?" she asked, clutching him hard against her.
He couldn't deny how wonderful it felt to hold her, to know she was protected from the evils of the world while she was within the cage of his arms. But who was he kidding? He was part of the evil of the world, and he would only end up taking her down the road to ruin with him if this didn't stop.
"I don't deserve it," he told her, feeling her pull back slightly, their eyes meeting once again. He was horrified to see the tears pooling in her eyes, his fingers brushing them away after they'd spilled down her pale cheeks.
"Don't be stupid," she said, amazed as he smoothed her russet hair from her face. She froze as she felt his fingers tangle in her hair, felt herself being pulled towards him. His finger gently tugged at her hair, tilting her head back. She knew what was coming, but she made no move to resist.
His lips touched hers, sending electricity running through her entire body, her knees suddenly feeling weak. She was sure had it not been for his strong arm around her that she'd have melted into a puddle onto the floor. His lips were soft and warm as he kissed her with a gentleness that never would've imagined him to possess.
Zero knew that what he'd done had crossed the line, though the taste of her sweet lips did nothing to make him want to cease his actions. He was surprised that she hadn't pushed him away, hadn't run as far from him as she could. Instead, she was still there, her small hands framing his face as she returned his kiss. He touched his lips to hers again and again, taking her bottom lip between his teeth lightly and causing her breath to catch.
Soon she felt his tongue running along her lips, her lips parting almost automatically, his tongue then slipping between them. He couldn't decide which was sweeter, the taste of her mouth or the taste of her blood, though he found himself to be quite fond of both.
At last they broke apart, both breathing heavily and with racing hearts. Yuuki leaned her head against his chest, wondering if she'd dreamt up the entire encounter. Her lips still tingled, evidence that it had in fact been real and that she was standing there in the arms of the man she'd grown up with, who had always been by her side.
After a moment of silence, she spoke, a small smile soon gracing her lips.
"What took you so long?" she asked, feeling his heart beating under her cheek.
"I'm sorry," he told her, attempting to put space between them, though she held him in place, not wanting him to return to his usual stoic self so soon.
He realized he'd just stolen her first kiss…at least he hoped so, unless Kuran had taken the pleasure of that from him, too. With a bit of embarrassment, he thought that it'd been his first kiss as well, though he was greatly humbled to have shared it with her.
"Don't be sorry," she said, "because I'm not."
Her words cut into his heart, filling him with a hope he hadn't dared allowed himself to have. Could it be possible that she…? No. He couldn't set himself up for disappointment like this. It had been a fluke. She'd be running from the room at any moment, he was sure of it.
"Zero, do you always have to be like this? Stop over thinking everything. Just…"
Her words died in her mouth as his lips claimed hers once again, every ounce of frustration and pent up desire within him pouring into his kiss. Yuuki found herself pressed against one of the ledges in front of a shooting lane, his hands then depositing her upon it. She sat there as he stood between her legs, leaning over to continue ravaging her lips.
He broke away, seeing that he was just as breathless as he himself was, her eyes hazy as she looked up at him. Zero wished that his heart held no place for her, that he could simply walk away, leaving her safe from his predatory urges. But he knew that she had been his reason for carrying on after his family was murdered. She had made him a stronger man, and now he realized that she was his only weakness. In some sick way, she was his, bound to him in blood.
He should've been her worst nightmare, but here she was, her eyes stealing away what remained of his soul. It became clear to him then that she wasn't going to leave him, that she had made her decision after all. His hand cupped her cheek, his lips still hovering just above hers.
"You won't give up on me, will you?" he asked, her fingers raking through his silvery hair.
"Not while I still draw breath," she returned, their kisses lingering until at last he stood back, seeing the flush staining her cheeks. She was so beautiful, like some doll that would break should he handle her too roughly.
"We'd better get back to the dorms. It's getting late," he told her, offering his hand. She gladly took it as she slid to the floor, following him to the door. He opened it, allowing her to start up the stairs first. He closed the door behind him, knowing that another had just been opened before them.
I just can't help but turn cutesy, people. Even when I want to do angst, I still end up being a fluff bunny! ;P Hope you liked.
*Cosmic Moon Baby*