What Connor Sees

By Shakespeare's Girl

Sometimes children do see something we don't see: ourselves. Our true selves, our true faces.

Giles, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, "Killed By Death"

Connor remembers bits and pieces of life before being stolen. Feelings. Flashes. Not much to go on. He remembers love, all around. Love from a beautiful, blonde woman he supposes was Darla, love from Cordy, love from Lorne and Gunn and Wes and Fred. And love from his father, love from Angel. He remembers feeling safe. He remembers that he always felt safest in Angel's arms. Mostly, the biggest, strangest thing he remembers is that Angel would show him his vampire face to calm him down. And it worked. To see his father's features contorted to show the nature of the demon inside, it was soothing. Now that he's older, Connor wonders about it, especially after the whole Jasmine thing, where he could see Jasmine as she was the whole time. Why was that twisted, demonic face soothing? The only thing he can come up with is that it's because when Angel showed him that demon face, it was done with love. A hundred percent pure love. And he thinks maybe that's why he hated Angel so much when he returned. Because the one thing he had been raised to hate was the one thing that had always meant safety and comfort, the one thing that had always reassured him that he was loved.