My heart was racing and my palms were sweating as I paced anxiously in front of the hospital room door.
"Edward, you need to relax, your going to run a pathway right through the floor! It's going to be ok," my sister said, but the trepidation in her voice contradicted her words and I was left feeling even more uneasy,
"How do you expect me to calm down, Alice?" I asked, turning my anxiousness into anger towards her. "Tanya's in there trying to have our baby and the doctor just fucking kicked me out because of complications!"
"They said they had it under control, Edward," Alice said calmly, "they just needed some space."
Suddenly the doors to the maternity ward burst open and my mother rushed in, followed by my father and brother, Emmett.
"Edward!" my mother said rushing over to me, "We got here as fast as we could!"
"Mom," I breathed as she pulled me into her arms.
"Is she in there? How is she doing? Why aren't you in there with her?" she asked, pulling away from me.
"They kicked me out, they said there were some 'complications' and that she'd be fine, but they needed me to leave," I explained.
"Complications? What sort of complications?"
"I don't know! They wouldn't tell me. They just-" I didn't have a chance to finish because just then the door to Tanya's room opened and Dr. Tate walked out.
"Mr. Mason? Congratulations, you've got a brand new baby girl," he said with a smile.
I grinned back and rushed past him into Tanya's room. The sight I was met with was breathtaking. Tanya lay there smiling, as beautiful as ever, albeit a bit sweaty, holding a precious pink bundle. I hurried over to her side, pulling the chair as close to the bed as I could, and peered into the bundle of blankets.
"She looks just like you," I breathed.
Tanya laughed, "Are you kidding? Look at her eyes, and her hair. She looks like you."
It was true, her hair was a similar bronze color as mine was, and her barely open eyes appeared to be green like mine, but her face was so Tanya. She had the same nose and lips, and the same almond shaped eyes. She was beautiful.
"You wanna hold her?" Tanya asked. She looked exhausted.
I agreed hurriedly and Tanya carefully placed her into my awaiting arms. She was so tiny; I was afraid I was going to break her. I smiled at her in awe and Tanya settled tiredly back into the bed.
"I love you," I told her, leaning over to kiss her damp forehead. "I love you both," I said to the little bundle in my arms.
"I love you too, Edward." Tanya said.
"What's her name?" I asked Tanya, gently stroking my baby girl's cheek. We had decided that if the baby were a girl, she would get to name it, and I would get to name it if it were a boy.
"McKenzie," I repeated, testing the name on my tongue. "How did you come up with that?" I asked. When Tanya didn't respond, I looked up to see her staring strangely into space. "Tanya?" I asked worriedly; something wasn't right. "Tanya?" I asked again, more urgently this time. With out warning, her eyes fluttered shut and the rhythmic beeping of her heart monitor flat lined.
It's hard to believe it's been over 3 years since I lost Tanya, but the proof is sitting right in front of me, watching "Elmo's World" and shoveling Fruit Loops into her mouth. I began singing along to the opening song, knowing it by heart, and McKenzie turned to face me and giggled, milk dribbling down her chin.
If you had told me 5 years ago that I'd be spending my Saturday mornings singing along to "Elmo's World" and raising my 3 and ½ year old daughter, I would have told you to take a trip down to the psych ward. If you told me I'd be raising her by myself, I would have taken you to the psych ward myself. But apparently, life doesn't always go as planned.
Despite the fact that Tanya had complications while giving birth to McKenzie, it was a blood clot that took her life. No one even knew it was there. It was sudden; completely unexpected.
To say the past 3 and ½ years have been easy would be a complete and total lie. But it would also be a complete lie if I told you they were unbearable. It was really hard at the beginning. It was hard to even look at McKenzie because she reminded me so much of Tanya. A day doesn't go by where I am not thankful for how helpful and supportive my family has been. They got me through those terrifying first three months and have continued to help me since then. My mother and father are always helpful when I need a babysitter, and even Emmett is a reliable last minute babysitter. Alice does all the shopping for McKenzie, for which I am grateful, because according to her I have absolutely no idea how to dress a little girl. Alice tries her best to provide McKenzie with the womanly influence she needs and craves, but I know she can only do so much; she has her own life after all. She makes it a certainty that her and McKenzie have "Girl's Day" at least once a month in which she takes McKenzie for the day and night, doing girly things.
So while the past 3 and ½ years haven't exactly been what I would call "ideal," I wouldn't trade them for the world. McKenzie is my life. She's the reason I get up in the morning, and she is the reason I'm not still drowning myself in misery from Tanya's death. She is my everything. And she certainly keeps things interesting. To say McKenzie is a free-spirited child is a bit of an understatement. I am thankful, however, that she inherited my distaste for early mornings, which is the only reason I am able to sit here finishing my paperwork in peace as she sleepily and quietly watches Elmo as she eats her breakfast.
I return my attention back to the paperwork in my lap that I was finishing when Kenzie woke up. Saturday's are our day to spend together since during the week I work while Kenzie is at preschool, so I try to get all my work done the night before. But last night I'd been extra tired and decided to turn in early before all my work was finished.
Ten minutes later I was finished and I looked up at Kenzie to ask what she wanted to do today to find her staring intently at the television, her Fruit Loops soggy and forgotten. I looked at the TV to see that today Elmo had taken a field trip to a ballet studio. She watched wide-eyed as girls and women pranced across the stage in flowing skirts and pink ballet slippers. She continued watching until Elmo and the ballerinas faded out, waving goodbye to the camera.
She then turned to me, a wide grin on her face and said, "Daddy, I wanna be a ballerina!"
A/N: So tell me what you think! Should I continue it? I'd really like to but I don't want to if no one is going to read it! So please let me know what you think and review!
(Hopefully) Next chapter: Edward and Bella meet