Title: Heaven on Earth
By: Azurite [sailor_andromida@yahoo.com]
Shameless Self Plug (Hey, it is my fic ^.~)
HTTP://WWW.GEOCITIES.COM/SAILOR_ANDROMIDA

Need to Know: An Usagi peek into how she used
to think before she was a senshi. Just a little
one shot thing about, as the title implies,
"Heaven on Earth." However, this takes
places when Usagi is in high school (after
Stars). So expect flashbacks. ^^

Who Owns What: Does anyone really *own*
anything? I mean, we screw around with
Sailormoon and its characters so much that
we own a teeny-weeny bit. ^^ Hey, maybe one
day Naoko will have SM stocks we can buy!
Yeah, well, I own nothing. -_- Unless there's
something you're keeping from me, you pro'lly
don't own SM either, and, to avoid getting sued,
you wanna go here:
http://www.geocities.com/sailor_andromida/disclaimer.html

Onwards and uh, downwards, with the fic! =)
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You know how one day, when you're cleaning up your room,
or flipping through a photo album, you remember "the good
ol' days?" Memories of days long ago, that you will always
keep in your heart, no matter how insignificant, embrassing,
or wonderful.

I look at my old pictures, pass by my old junior high, and
I don't think of the youmas, or of meeting Ami and Makoto
and Rei. I think of my older friends. Friends that moved
away, moved apart. I think of the things we used to say, when
we were merely young and frivolous girls.

High school was too far away to worry about. I was too young
and carefree to think about superheroines and fighting evil.
Too selfish to think about boys.

"Ne, ne, Usagi-chan!" Sachiko called for me as she ran down
the halls of our new school, Juuban Junior High. We were in
1st year junior high, or 7th grade. All we cared about was
homework, going to the arcade, and whether or not our hair
was in style. Innane, foolish things.

"What is it, Sachi-chan?" I asked, feigning interest at her
magazine. Of late, Sachi was more interested in those
pop magazines, with two page spread of the latest male
singer. One far too old for us-- even far too old for our
9th grade upperclassmen!

"Isn't he just the cutest?" Sachi was pointing to a young
man who, now that I look back on it, reminded me a lot of
Mamoru. But it wasn't him, in any case. Not that I would
have recognized Mamo-chan back then, but...

"Ah..." I sweatdropped. Sachiko had to be the most boy-crazy
girl in our school. But the boys she wanted were all celebrities
with magazine-love lives, and girlfriends who looked more like
dolls than humans.

"Man, to hang out with Kyuusuke-san would be... would be..." Sachiko
fumbled for a word, and, determination and a wide smile overcoming
her face, "Heaven on Earth!"

I don't know why I remember that one day, that one conversation so
well, but I think it has something to do with "Heaven on Earth."
It was familiar.

I talked to my mom about it when I got home, and it seemed that she,
too, believed that men were "Heaven on Earth". I suppose that now,
I must have been in a feminist sort of kink that year, because I
hated boys with a passion. They were immature, foolish, and hardly
reason enough to swoon and lose control of oneself.

I thought that Heaven was Paradise, Elysion, Eden. A place not able
to be reached by man or woman. So one single man could hardly be
a place, or even close to reminiscient of it. Therefore, neither could
the entire male species. Heaven on Earth, I surmised, had to be north.

North... where it snowed in Hokkaido. Or farther, in the gleaming
cities of Russia. Farther... in the North Pole. Back then, I'd thought
of that place as a magical winter wonderland. How perfect, to be able
to make snow angels every day, to have hot cocoa with marshmallows,
and to see the great Northern Lights during spring. What a magical
world, said to be the home of mysterious and mythological people,
like Yuki-onna, the Snow Woman, and Santa Claus. The home of playful
faeries that couldn't be seen with the human eye, and of magical
flying reindeer.

Then, less than a year and a half later, I went to that winter
wonderland. There was nothing wondrous about it. I look back on that
stage of my life now, and I wish I hadn't been so selfish, so
foolhardy. I wish I'd cared more about guys back in junior high
with Sachiko, so maybe I wouldn't have fallen so hard for Tuxedo
Kamen... and Mamoru. And lost my heart to a past I couldn't begin to
fathom.

The winter wonderland I'd imagined was in a perpetual state of Dark
Freeze, like the Ice Age. For centuries, the Dark Kingdom had been
building its nest over what had once been an abandoned castle,
on the top of the world. Enydmion's old castle.

Not Elysion's Golden Kingdom, but an old home, back from when the world
was united under one name, one banner, one idea of hope, peace, and
unity in the solar system.

You know, it's funny; the older I get, the younger I feel. It's ironic
because I'm really over 1016, including all the years from the Silver
Millenium, and those times all the Senshi and Mamoru and I were
reincarnated. Yet, even when memories of those days so far away return
to me, I feel barely a day over 16.

I remember back when Beryl was a good person, and so were the Four
Generals. When Kunzite and Minako went walking in the Silver Gardens,
and when Makoto, Nephrite and I made a mess of the Royal Kitchens.
When people didn't think that Lunarians were evil, selfish people,
and we all lived and worked in harmony.

That place, I couldn't believe, was my winter paradise. Point D, filled
with so much negative energy. Responsible for the churning feelings of
hate and envy, and the sole producer of those youma. People who
couldn't see an inch past their own noses, so filled with greed they
were.

Then, I lost my friends. I lost the people that I had grown to love,
cherish, and sadly, take for granted. All because of my own
selfishness, my fear. My own personal gain and desire. All because
my dream had been shattered.

Over the course of time which I fought against Beryl and the Dark
Kingdom, I suppose I'd matured a little bit. Having to hide from
your family, letting your grades drop in order to save the Earth,
and trusting those who no one else can find the courage to believe
in... it wasn't easy.

But I managed. But not with my trademark smile on my face. By the
time I reached the Old Castle, I was alone. Tired, afraid, and
praying to any magical spirit, any kamis, anyone at all... that I'd
make it through this somehow, and I'd be able to save my friends and
all of Earth from this worst kind of evil.

Then my selfishness returned to me.

I think the legend goes that a box of all the evils in the world was
given to a beeautiful demi-goddess named Pandora. But, because she
was made curious, she opened the box, and out flew all the world's
evils. All the sins, all the grief and pain that exists. It is
our own fault that causes it in the end, no one else's.

But I believe, even today, that we write our own future, and nothing
is ever set in stone. That even if we cause our own pain, that doesn't
mean the end of everything.

I tried to think along those lines when fighting Beryl and Metallia.
That, even though I'd lost my friends, lost the man I wasn't sure I
was really in love with, and lost my soul to this evil... there'd be
a way I'd make it through, and everything would be fine.

I think that everyone has their own opinions of what Heaven truly is.
Maybe I've been there. Maybe not. But if there really is a Heaven
on Earth-- a place and time when you are truly happy, then I think
it with those people you cherish the most. When you stop thinking
of yourself, and they mean the most to you.

For me, that was when I died. Scary, that I can remember when I died.
But there was this exhilarating feeling, this lightheaded-ness that
reminded me of flying. I'd never flown myself, but if I had, I figured
this would be what it felt like.

This blissful state when there was no pain, and I could see all their
faces, hear their voices. I was happy that they were happy. But I
wanted them to be alive, so I...

Well, you know the rest of that story.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
OWARI
-----
That had to be the fastest fic I ever wrote. Not bad in length, either,
if I do say so myself. What do you think? Email me!
-- sailor_andromida@yahoo.com
-- sailor_andromida@yahoo.com
-- sailor_andromida@yahoo.com


and visit my site:
-- www.geocities.com/sailor_andromida
-- www.geocities.com/sailor_andromida
-- www.geocities.com/sailor_andromida
Subtle enough hints for you?

Azurite, 08312001